JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Take a Look Up High (w/mp3)

UNDER CONSTRUCTION... Be back soon !!!


Merci

I listened to your MP3. I'm not realy partial to songs that smoosh a lot of words together and rush through them. I think it would sound better if you slowed down and gave more emphasis to the words.

I like the way you've contrasted looking up to God to looking around and inside. However, in your second verse I would recommend that you not stereotype all left wing politicians (and half of this country)as not looking to God for answers. There are many deeply religious(and corrupt) people from the entire political spectrum.

I don't follow your rhyme scheme which makes me stumble over your words. Also when you twist a sentence to force a rhyme: So leave behind all the idols you adore,
In the heavens your treasures you shall store
it feels forced a akward (although I've done that before too.)

Randy, I think this could be a good social commentary song as long as you don't get too preachy to others. I would focus on the individual and be less vague and more specific with your lyric.

Best of luck,

Laura G.

Hey Randy Baby...

Happy New Year to you and all the folks up in the L/A area!

Hey, what a great segue for your HOOK....Take a Look Up High!

I listened to it twice, and my reaction both times was: this would have been perfect in the musical "Godspell". It reminded me quite a bit of the last 2/3rds of "It's All for the Best" which you can see here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFD4Q7fodK8

So, I didn't have a problem with the quickly spoken lyrics...though there might be a word here and there you can trim, so you're not running out of breath or anything...

I REALLY LIKED the opening of the chorus -- you got a cool falsetto man! Who knew?

While I'm not sure you come across as preachy, I think you might soften up the finger-pointing, and make it more of a "we're all in this together" situation...For instance,

Take a look all around us
Doesn't everyone understand
There are greater matters to consider
Like the joys of life and salvation

Hope some day we'll recognize
God is sovereign over all mankind
Judging according to the laws He's defined
With each spoken word He's proven right

Maybe these aren't the best examples of what I'm trying to say....I guess I would just try to tone it down a bit.

Keep in mind, Randy, I'm not super-religious, so my suggestions might be oversimplified and perhaps unreasonable. Nevertheless, you did say "all comments welcome!"

Finally, a minor/major nit, depending on who you talk too. And the only reason I know to bring it up is because I made the same boo-boo. Anyway, whenever mentioning the Big Guy, you should use initial caps-- i.e., His, Him, He, etc.

Having said all this, I want you to know I think you have the makings of a cool tune here. I especially love the music...it's fun!!

As always, KOS, and in the meantime...

Vous êtes entièrement bienvenu !!
Beth

Laura, thanks for the listen.

Muchos Gracias Mad'moiselle beth, as always your comments and suggestions are exactly what I wanted:

Hi Randy,

I for one enjoy this style. I can hear it with a great full professional production behind it, and I don't really mind the rushed words in a few spots, although they could be changed a bit and still get the same results.

Some of the comments are valid, just making sure everthing is politically correct and not offending anyone is a big undertaking these days lol.

I particularly like Jason's vocal. I can imagine what it would be like with a full production, and that falsetta is great.

I Like it alot,

Letha

Hi Randy,

This song has the feel of celebration and I enjoyed the singer’s vocals very much. I agree with Laura about focusing on the individual to avoid getting preachy. Beth has a nice approach with those verses that addresses that.

I’m wondering also if you made it more of a conversation between two people, you wouldn’t have to worry so much about the preaching aspect and you’d add an element of friendship, camaraderie, or what have you, to the story. It wouldn’t take much to establish that really, right in the first two lines. Now that I read them again, they sort of say the same thing (Take a look around Do the things you see ).

I enjoyed the upbeat melody, and didn’t mind the quickly sung lyrics, but some words did seem to get lost throughout. That’s an easy fix, really.

I don’t know your intention for the song, so I’m basing all this on just, as Letha mentioned, being “politically correct” and all….

Good luck with it…

Kristi

Hey Randy,

Even though you're currently "under construction" :o , I'm brazenly going to respond to your response to my response anyway (get that? ) !

First off, glad I could help in some way with the lyric.

Second, your nephew's vocal rocks.

And last but not least, that is VERY BIZARRE about the shared Godspell reference point! While I LOVE these kinds of coincidences, I choose to consider it simply an example of two great minds thinking alike!

Bonne chance,
Beth

... by two great minds you mean; You and Gawd?

...yeah well, if the halo fits ( )....

Quelle couleur est la maison? (thought I'd mix it up a little...)
Beth

Pourquoi, cherchez vous a Google Map ?