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Joined: May 2007
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i am posting this for Glynda : )

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=451624

freedom train by Glynda Duncan

Sitting here in front of him, looking INTO his eyes
Even though he's denying it, I know he's telling me a lie.
Is there any way to stop this pain inside my heart
This gut feeling inside of me is tearing my world apart.

How could he not see the pain and tears in my eyes
And when I looked up at him, I was shocked and suprised
Was He really smiling??Was that a smile on his face.
The scars he put in my heart today, no time will erase.

Can't get my feet to move fast enough
Best not get in my way
When this night becomes the dawn
I'll be leaving on that Freedom Train.


It made him feel good to see how bad he could hurt me
Lookin back, he was getting off on an ego trip
How could he just stand there smiling that way
I'll never believe another word from his lying lips.




Can't get my feet to move fast enough
Best not get in my way
When this night becomes the dawn
I'll be leaving on that Freedom Train.

Yeah, when this night becoms the dawn
I'll be leaving on that Freedom Train.........

Last edited by heatherdcowles; 09/24/08 07:39 PM.
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Hi Heather grin

You girls sure no how to pump them out, smile Golly gees, I'm only working on my second song, crazy you girls are incredible.

I think this song, wow, you sing it so well. You have one of the most beautiful voices Heather that this Aussie girl has ever heard. grin

Keep pumping them out, cause I just love it. whistle

Michele
Big Aussie fan

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 09/25/08 02:25 AM.
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Hi,Michele, I wrote this one all by myself and I was a little worried about it, but Hey, Heather can make any thing I write turn out good...and yes, I do like it too. I'm very proud of this one...Heather did a great job on it as always and i'm also very proud of Heather, I for sure could not have done this one without that wonderful,powerful, romantic voice, like I've said before, she has a fan in me...thanks for listening and for stopping by. and I look forword to working with you too..love glyn

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Nice track.

Just a couple of suggestions.

I'm not sure the 2 questions in the line "Was He really smiling??Was that a smile on his face" work - IMHO, one would be enough to express the thought that she can't believe he's smiling.

The melody of the chorus is a bit too plaintive/sad for the lyrics. It's a shame as it distracts from the lyrics, creating a conflict between the mood created by the music and the assertiveness expressed in the lyrics.

Other than that, it sounds good. The mood of the music in the verse suits the lyrics very well, and the lyrics are very good.

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Hi Nat, yes I do agree, but it's like it was a shock feeling, like you see the smile and then it gets you and your mind registers it..that's why I put it that way..and thank you so much for your feedback, I do appreciate any and all, that's the only way i'm gonna learn..and please feel free to look at all my stuff and leave comments..I love it...glyn

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Wow, what a beautiful voice! Excellent composition glynda - perfect song material for this exceptional performer - congrats on quite a stunning Country piece ; ))
~ Bob

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Hi Bob, I'm so happy you liked it so well, and yes Heather is great, I even told her it's like I could have a song that looked like a potato sack and Heather can make it come out shining and being great, i'm so proud of her, and I love her doing my songs...thanks again, to tell the truth, I was worried about the lyrics at first, but as always Heather brings it out shining and she makes it the song it is..glyn

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You are welcome glyn - Heather is a remarkable vocalist. I sing some Country (used to perform it professionally years ago), but am a better Pop vocalist - not as gifted as Heather though ; )) I have collabed with an Aussie vocalist named Leanne Bugat who has this kind of a voice too (lucky me).
Cheers to your talent!
~ Bob

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OK, Glyn,
The melody is awesome!

The third verse has a different rhyme scheme from the others. That needs to be addressed. Switch the second and third lines and you'll be good.

Now, when that's done, pitch it. It's good enough to be cut, and you could get away with a guitar/vocal on this one for a pitch.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
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This is very good IMHO. Good lyrics, nice chord progression and melody and an excellent performance by Heather.

Did you compose the melody and chord progression Glynda? The lyrics have a nice rhythm to them and some solid rhymes. I agree that you should switch the 2nd and 3rd lines in verse three.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


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Thank you so much Caroline, and I'm sending you a PM , thank you for your suggestions, this one I tried to do on my own just to see how it came out and yes,I'm rather happy..thanks again Caroline, I respect your comments and always look forward to them..glyn

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Hi Colin, no Heather did all that work, all I did was the lyrics, Heather always does the melody and chords for me, this lady is soooo special to me..she really is great, probably more so than she even knows...is'nt it good though , what she did for my song.....thanks so much Colin, for your response and comments, you don't know how much I appreciate it and you..glyn

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Hey Glyn, something did sound a bit off in listening.

The line Was he really smiling, was that a smile on his face

maybe replace the smiling with grinning, just to keep it form being repetitive. KOS


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
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Ok, thats'sounds good, just wrote it that way, cause it's like she's shocked and confused to see him smiling and it took a few seconds for her brain to click in ...and thanks again, now I or we just need to get those few things changed..thanks again Caroline...love glyn

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And I hope Heather looks at this and see's all the comments she is getting on her singing, cause she needs to see what a talented lady she is and see's how great she really is..and I thank her for the magic she continues to put into my work. I love you for this Heather...thanks from the bottom of my heart..glyn

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well...thank you all for such nice compliments ! I love doing these demos and it's very rewarding to hear such wonderful things from people !!

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I really do appreciate you Heather, you put such wonderful magic into my songs and when I get each one, as I listening to it, I cry cause it sounds so good.. thanks so much Heather, I can never thank you enough...love glyn

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Originally Posted by glynda
I really do appreciate you Heather, you put such wonderful magic into my songs and when I get each one, as I listening to it, I cry cause it sounds so good.. thanks so much Heather, I can never thank you enough...love glyn


Heather's voice cuts right through to the heart. What heart ripper of a song

Paul

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Hi Glynda (and Heather),

I think Paul said it best... "heart ripper of a song". Although I did not find it distracting as a listener, I think having the different rhyming pattern in v3 might be an issue with a publisher. Just a thought.

As everyone else syays, Heather is an exceptional talent. She is a gifted young lady. And your lyric speaks quite nicely for itself. Good job by both of you!

Alan

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Wow Ladies!
I love it...haunting chilling feel like Midnight In Montgomery
T

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well, everyone I do want to thank you all for listening,but actually this is the 1st version, and the second version is up here too,i'll try and bump it up, on the 2nd one Caroline has taken it and turned it around and removed some of it and changed some things on it, and now we're waiting for Paul to add some heart bending/bleeding to it..thanks for all the kind words, I really appreciate it..love glyn

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Hi Glynda

Love the hook ! I think you have another very powerful demo. Best wishes. smile jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

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thanks, but the 2nd version is better with Caroline as my co-writer, she made some very good changes and made it a better song..glyn

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Hi Glynda & heather,

Nicely done, the lyrics are powerful and the music suits it very well. Because Iyamwhatiyam, just a few nits. I'm not trying to re-write your song but it might sing a little better and be tighter lyrically if you get rid of some excess words. The chorus is great, but the verses could be tighter:

Sitting here in front of him, I look into his eyes
Even though he denies it, he's telling me lies
Is there any way to stop this ache in my heart
This feeling inside tears my world apart

Does he see my pain, the shock and surprise
when I look at him and realize
He's really smiling. That's a smile on his face
The scars he lays on my heart, time won't erase

It makes him feel good to see me hurt
Standing there grinning just makes it worse
I know he's getting off on an ego trip
I'll never believe another word from his lying lips.

I was on a roll. I'm done now. Just some thoughts.

Ricki

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Hi Glynda,

It took me so long to post this, I see you already have Caroline working on it, so, nevermind!

Ricki

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Hey, Ricki, please anytime still tell me what you think, I really do appreciate all your sugg. and is that a cat in a swim suit?? how cute thanks glyn


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