I felt the hook was not strong enough so I decided to change it. Hopefully this makes it stronger.

Shouting Silently
© 2008 Lee Lumley

Verse 1
Lying here tonight
Between anger and broken trust
Though were side by side
I feel gravity pulling us
We're farther away from where we've come
As silence takes the place of words we won’t discuss

Chorus 1,2
With everything we have going for us
How can we lie here in silence?
And let unspoken words bring it to an end
Some times the hardest thing about love
Is saying words from a heart that is numb
So we lie here shouting silently

Verse 2
As Im lying here
With the weight of what weve been through
My heart starts to fear
Reality without you
I can not bring back every moment lost
But I can fight to bring back life into this thing called me and you

Bridge
It doesnt really matter who is right and who is wrong
If the world around us closes in and the life we built is gone
So Ill reach across the miles my pride has put between us
Wrap my arms around you, kiss your cheek and stop holding in the words you need

Chorus 3
With everything we have going for us
I won't lie in silence
While unspoken words bring us to an end
Sometimes the hardest thing about love
I saying words from a heart that is numb
But I won't lie here shouting silently

Lee--
This is a good start! I especially liked your bridge. some of the lines in the verses and chorus seemed to be a little long IMO, but they might not be once set to music. I tried to make some suggestions to help you out.



"Verse 1
I'M lying here tonight, between anger and broken trust
Though we're side by side, I feel gravity pulling us
WE'RE FARTHER away from where we’ve come
As silence takes the place of words we won’t discuss

Chorus
With everything we have going for us
How can we lie here in silence?
Waiting for the other to bring it to an end
Sometimes the hardest thing about love
Is saying the words from a heart that is numb
So, we'll lie here in the silence once again

Verse 2
I'm here with the weight of what we've been through
My heart starts to fear a reality without you
I can not bring back every moment WE'VE lost
But I can fight to bring back life into 'me and you'

Bridge
It doesnt really matter who is right and who is wrong
If the world around us closes in and the life we built is gone
I'll reach across the miles my mind has put between us
Wrap my arms around you, kiss your cheek and stop holding back my love"

Might I suggest that you change it to "In Silence Once Again" I like how that sounds better. "the" just seems kind of redundant.

This is a wonderful start! I look forward to seeing the finsihed piece. Best of luck

~~Kassie~~

Kassie thank you so much for the input. I made some changes to the first post. I forgot to seperate the lines by phrasing hopefully that will make it 'mo beta' I love the idea of losing "the" in the title. I haven't been happy with that title but losing it does make a big difference.

Quote

I especially liked your bridge

You don't know how happy those words made me. My songs traditionally have very weak bridges. I guess you could say I'm an expert on "bridge(s) to nowhere" :o So it's nice to finally have a keeper!

See first post for changes

Hi Lee,

Really strong concept. You've got some great lines and the hook is great (I didn't see the 1st version).

I'm not sure, reading the bridge, exactly where the relationship is? Some little detail(s) might help, like her words or some small action or detail. I'd maybe use the bridge to 'paint' the picture more expressively.

Just a suggestion. Nice job on this. Hope it makes as good of a song as it is a lyric.

Peace,

Ian

Thanks for the input Ian!



Thanks It's nice to finally hear that. Great hooks are not my forte

I made some small changes to the bridge. See if this resolves the issue.

Yes, it's clearer. You might need a slightly altered chorus to follow this bridge?

Peace,

Ian

Ian thanks again. I'm glad that cleared it up. I do plan on changing the last chorus to say:

With everything we have going for us
I won't lie in silence
While unspoken words bring us to an end
Sometimes the hardest thing about love
I saying words from a heart that is numb
But I won't lie here shouting silently

Sorry I didn't post that earlier...guess I got lazy

I am new to site... so be patient with me. I think this has a great hook, very unique.. to shout silently.. I can see it in my mind, two people too afraid to speak... or tell the truth. Very nice bridge also as the others said. I do agree that perhaps some of the lines could be shortened a small bit, other that that, I think it is a great start and will make a lovely song. good luck- kimberlyinnc