Who's Online Now
19 registered members (Dave Rice, ejlawrence, couchgrouch, AntonyRobWells, CTthomas, Everett Adams, Gavin Sinclair, amremt6, ckiphen, 3 invisible), and 562 guests, and
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Shout Box
Member Spotlight
Marty Helly
Marty Helly
Florence, MA, USA
Posts: 2,022
Joined: June 2001
Show All Member Profiles 
What's Going On
Christmas In Your Eyes
by PaulCanuck. 12/14/19 10:44 PM
Co-writer
by John Lawrence Schick. 12/14/19 03:21 PM
Beauty Blinded my Eyes
by ckiphen. 12/14/19 02:32 PM
Mr. Tambourine Man
by John W. Selleck. 12/14/19 02:08 PM
On Thin Ice
by John W. Selleck. 12/14/19 02:02 PM
Can't Fight The Night
by Vicarn. 12/14/19 11:49 AM
I Am An American
by Irwin. 12/14/19 11:34 AM
Music In Two Movies...
by John Lawrence Schick. 12/14/19 11:20 AM
Tug of War
by ckiphen. 12/14/19 10:32 AM
Why so many one hit wonders?
by Fdemetrio. 12/14/19 10:31 AM
Louisiana Woman Co-write with Vicarn
by John W. Selleck. 12/14/19 12:31 AM
FREE Demo for Christmas - Finished
by Chris Erhardt. 12/13/19 11:41 PM
Human Kindness
by JaneK. 12/13/19 11:36 PM
songs for brian.
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/13/19 11:00 PM
New music platform Amadei
by theAmadei. 12/13/19 07:13 PM
I Love My Island Life
by John W Selleck. 12/13/19 06:09 PM
I lived but I lost Love
by ckiphen. 12/13/19 02:27 PM
Brian's FB post and surgery news
by Vicarn. 12/13/19 02:16 PM
Wow! I just noticed....
by Dave Rice. 12/13/19 09:31 AM
Out of this world Valentine
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/13/19 03:45 AM
Daily Distractions 12-16-2017 (Best Advice EVER)
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/13/19 03:44 AM
Royalties & Cue Sheets...
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/13/19 03:40 AM
NEW MEMBERS CHECK HERE
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/13/19 03:39 AM
I have a question about cd submissions.
by Brian Austin Whitney. 12/13/19 03:38 AM
Its this Whiskey
by lane1777. 12/13/19 12:01 AM
Gina and Pasqueli
by John W Selleck. 12/12/19 08:42 PM
Loss
by Ricki E. Bellos. 12/12/19 03:34 PM
"Snowflake" (The Christmas Kitten! )
by Dave Rice. 12/12/19 09:55 AM
GMATT Awards
by Everett Adams. 12/12/19 07:20 AM
Thought Music Doesn't Sell
by John W Selleck. 12/12/19 03:01 AM
Top Posters(All Time)
Calvin 19,789
Travis david 11,642
Kevin Emmrich 10,568
Jean Bullock 10,330
Kaley Willow 10,240
Two Singers 9,600
Joice Marie 9,186
Mackie H. 8,844
glynda 8,623
Mike Dunbar 8,574
Tricia Baker 8,318
Colin Ward 7,907
couchgrouch 7,623
Dave Rice 7,427
Corey 7,357
Wyman Lloyd 6,578
Mark Kaufman 6,561
Joe Wrabek 6,403
Vicarn 6,201
ben willis 6,106
Lynn Orloff 5,788
Louis 5,725
Linda Sings 5,608
niteshift 5,523
KimberlyinNC 5,210
Neil Cotton 4,909
Derek Hines 4,893
DonnaMarilyn 4,653
Blake Hill 4,528
Bob Cushing 4,364
Bill Osofsky 4,199
Tom Shea 4,179
Cindy Miller 4,178
Roy Cooper 4,167
nightengale 4,092
TamsNumber4 4,075
MFB III 3,867
Caroline 3,865
Kolstad 3,813
Dan Sullivan 3,710
beechnut79 3,529
Dottie 3,427
E Swartz 3,421
joewatt 3,411
Bill Cooper 3,279
John Hoffman 3,199
Skip Johnson 3,027
Pam Hurley 3,007
Terry G 3,005
PopTodd 2,890
Harriet Ames 2,870
Nigel Quin 2,812
MidniteBob 2,707
Nelson 2,583
Tom Tracy 2,558
Polly Hager 2,526
Jerry Jakala 2,524
Al Alvarez 2,499
Eric Thome 2,448
Hummingbird 2,401
Stan Loh 2,263
Sam Wilson 2,242
Judy Hollier 2,232
Wendy D 2,219
Erica Ellis 2,202
TrumanCoyote 2,096
Marty Helly 2,022
DukeWill 1,987
floyd jane 1,982
maccharles 1,966
Clint Anglin 1,904
cindyrella 1,888
David Wright 1,866
Clairejeanne 1,851
Cindy LaRosa 1,824
Ronald Boyt 1,675
Iggy 1,650
Noel Downs 1,620
Martin Lide 1,609
Rick Heenan 1,597
Cal 1,574
Jack Swain 1,554
Fdemetrio 1,546
Pete Larsen 1,537
Ann Tygart 1,529
Tom Breshers 1,487
RogerS 1,462
Tom Franz 1,455
GocartMoz 1,441
Chuck Crowe 1,441
Ralph Blight 1,440
Kenneth Cade 1,429
Rick Norton 1,428
bholt 1,411
Letha Allen 1,408
in2piano 1,404
Stan Simons 1,402
mattbanx 1,384
Jen Shaner 1,373
Charlie Wong 1,347
KevinP 1,324
Vondelle 1,316
Tom W. 1,313
Jan Petter 1,301
scottandrew 1,292
DakLander 1,265
PeteG 1,242
Ian Ferrin 1,230
Glen King 1,214
IdeaGuy 1,209
AaronAuthier 1,177
Diane Ewing 1,158
Gerry 1,144
lane1777 1,133
summeoyo 1,126
Deej56 1,109
joro 1,082
BobbyJoe 1,075
S.DEE 1,040
yann 1,037
Tony A 1,016
argo 986
peaden 984
Wolvman 960
IronKnee 947
Jak Kelly 912
krtinberg 890
9ne 888
Drifter 886
Petra 883
90 dB 870
RJC 845
Brenda152 840
Nadia 829
Juan 797
TKO 784
frahmes 781
teletwang 762
Andy K 744
tbryson 737
Andy Kemp 733
ant 732
Jackie444 731
Dayson 704
3daveyO3 704
Dixie 701
Joy Boy 695
Knute 686
Lee Arten 678
Katziis 652
R.T.MOORE 638
quality 637
Irwin 631
Pat Hardy 623
CG King 622
douglas 621
Mel 614
Moosesong 604
NaomiSue 601
Shandy 589
Ria 587
TAMERA64 583
qbaum 570
nitepiano 566
pRISCILLA 556
Tink2 553
musica 539
deanbell 528
RobertK 527
BonzaiWag 523
Roderic 522
BB Wilbur 511
goodfolks 499
R&M 493
Zeek 487
Stu 486
Steve P. 481
JAPOV 473
KathyW 462
allenb 459
MaxG 458
Philjo 454
fanito 448
trush48 448
dmk 442
arealrush 437
DGR 436
avweek 435
Stephen D 433
Emmy 431
Rob L 426
marquez 422
kit 419
Softkrome 417
kyrksongs 415
RRon 408
Laura G. 407
VNORTH 407
Debra 407
eb 406
cuebald 399
EdPerrone 399
Dannyk1 395
Hobart 395
Davyboy49 393
Smile 389
GJShades 387
Ezt 384
tone 380
Marla 380
Cecilee 379
iggyiggy 378
coalminer 377
java 374
spidey 371
Register Today!
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.

By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#594363 - 03/08/08 08:45 PM Maybe You've Been There  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Here is the direct link (I think)

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=6349414&q=hi&newref=1


Maybe You've Been There
© 2008 Bree Griffith, ASCAP


It’s one a.m. on Friday night
she cries herself to sleep
an hour ago they had a fight
now the proof shows on her cheek
She wonders how she ever let
Day-to-Day get out of hand
Says a silent, desperate prayer
Then prepares to make a stand

well maybe you’ve been there
you might’ve walked a mile in those shoes
Maybe you’ve seen a time
heartache wouldn’t let you loose
just don’t’ give up
don’t give in
when it feels like you may never win
you’ve still got hope
you’ve still got a prayer
maybe you’ve been there

A single mom who works two jobs
‘cause she’s got bills to pay
tryin’ to raise two boys alone
since their daddy went away
sometimes she cries herself to sleep
after prayin’ selfish prayers
she prays to see her boys grow up
maybe find someone who cares

well maybe you’ve been there
you might’ve walked a mile in those shoes
Maybe you’ve seen a time
heartache wouldn’t let you loose
just don’t’ give up
don’t give in
when it feels like you may never win
you’ve still got hope
you’ve still got a prayer
maybe you’ve been there

we all have different paths to walk
we’ve traveled our own roads
but some are worn and rugged
from carrying those loads

maybe you’ve been there
maybe you walked a mile in those shoes
Maybe you’ve been there
maybe you could say a prayer
Maybe you’ve been there

Last edited by Bree Griffith; 03/10/08 06:03 PM.

The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594381 - 03/08/08 09:36 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Joice Marie Offline
Top 10 Poster
Joice Marie  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Cornish Flat, NH, USA
This is REALLY good Bree. It sings smile jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
http://www.myspace.com/lemonmcfartney
#594412 - 03/08/08 11:55 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,255
Greg C. Brown Offline
Top 100 Poster
Greg C. Brown  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,255
Suffolk, Virginia, USA
Hi Bree. I really like this a lot! You've captured very nicely an experience that is more universal than we might like to think. And I think the line AFTER PRAYIN' SELFISH PRAYERS is beautiful. It's only natural, and human nature, to ask "Please God, make it better for me."

The only thing you might consider changing is switching the 1st two verses with the second two. While I know (or think I know :)) that you were presenting two different scenarios, they sort of seem out of order to me.

I would have the fight and the proof on her cheek (you can thank Martina McBride) and making her stand, all come before the section about being a single mom raising two kids, saying prayers. They just seemed to flow more logically that way, but that's just my 2 cents.

Whether you change or not, this is a terrific piece of writing. I really enjoyed it.

Greg

PS I'm in Virginia too, South Hampton Roads. Where do you hide?


If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
#594419 - 03/09/08 12:38 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Greg C. Brown]  
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 329
Wayne Brown Offline
Serious Contributor
Wayne Brown  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 329
Michigan
Bree,

This is a very well crafted song, I really like this one.

I would make two suggestions:

1:In the chorus change the "heartache woldn't let you lose" to
heartache couldn't MAKE you lose. Heartaches tend to be thought of as things that are designed to let you lose. "couldn't make" shows the listener you are overcoming the heartache.

2:I would like to see a verse that represents a positive example. Something built around a woman (girl) who sees something bad and intervenes to help the one who is suffering.

Other than that this is a great song. NICE JOB!

Wayne


"Don't let it end like this; tell them I said something."
The final words of Poncho Villa

ASCAP
http://soundclick.com/waynebrownandfriends
http://www.myspace.com/waynerbrownandfriends
#594443 - 03/09/08 02:34 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey Bree

I really want to comment on this song, but I am running out of time. For now I want to say I loved the message. I'll post more comments later!
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#594454 - 03/09/08 03:34 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Kathy Bampfield Offline
Top 200 Poster
Kathy Bampfield  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,172
Norristown, PA, USA
I really like this song....the only thing I would do different just has to do with word choices....like instead of cause she has bills to pay ....I'd say theres rent and car payments...and then it just becomes which one do ya like better....I really like this song...very Martina McBride.....nice job

#594489 - 03/09/08 10:39 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
HIDee Mz Bree!

A Fine Concept! Good Chorus!

Verses don't scan too-close to each other in 2nd-Halves, so I'll make a Sug or Two, K-O-S.
V1 Goes: (Syllable-Wise:) 8/7/8/7
V2 Goes: 9/5/9/8

So for V2, 2nd Half, Try:
She wonders how she ever let
Day-to-Day get out of hand
Says a silent, desperate prayer
Then prepares to make a stand

(& Thataways, it'll be easy to fit Music-To.)

Bridge: COULD have MORE of an "Action Step" to it...

Here's what I tried to come up with/it's Still on the Weak Side, IMO:
We all have separate/different paths to take
Each has travelled "Our Own Road"
'Maybe HELP our fellow-travellers
Carryin' those HEAVY Loads?

Keep at it...'cuz it's a Fine Message Song you're developing.

Good Luck with it, M'LadyChum!
Big Hugs
Stan

#594491 - 03/09/08 10:52 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,710
John W. Selleck Online content
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Online Content
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,710
NJ
Hi Bree,

I Like the message behind this one. I too, would think about switching the verses. It feels like it would give the story better continuity. The second, and seventh line of the chorus, and a couple of others feel like they'd be tough to fit in/sing. If you'd like a couple of suggestions for them, send me a PM. Not looking for credit, just wanta make sure it's wanted.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#594521 - 03/09/08 12:48 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Joice Marie]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Joice, I really appreciate your opinion & you stoppin' in on this one.

smile


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594523 - 03/09/08 12:52 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Greg C. Brown]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Greg,

Thanks soo much. I totally agree with the verse switch up. Consider it done. I'm so glad you suggested that.

& I find myself hiding in the Blue Ridge Mtns. these days...right off the parkway in Floyd County. I lived in Chesapeake for about 2 years when my ex was in the Coast Guard. He was stationed on the Harriet Lane there. That was about 12 years ago though....man it seems like a lifetime away.

Anyway, thanks for checkin' this out & for your thoughts.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594524 - 03/09/08 12:53 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,219
Wendy D Offline
Top 200 Poster
Wendy D  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,219
Atlanta, GA USA
Bree,

I just wanted to stop by to say I read this last night and thought it was really good too. I had a couple of thoughts, but I'm out the door on my way to church, so I will try to come back later and add a bit more. Mainly, I wanted to let you know I like the details and the honesty of this.


http://www.reverbnation.com/wendydumond

https://soundcloud.com/#mamby-p

http://www.reverbnation.com/donsechelski

Link for Blackfoot Daisy band


You think I'm just another jive folk singer but I'm a master in the art of criminology..Tom Russell
#594528 - 03/09/08 01:02 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Ok got back just in time lol.

Hi Bree

What an excellent job of writing on this one. It's highly singable and I am sure there are lots of single mothers out there who can identify. I loved the lines of encouragment "You've still got hope; "You've still got prayer". Very uplifting song. This one needs to be heard, though I'm not sure Nashville will listen. I think it's a very potent lyric with a positive message. Best of luck with this one!
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#594533 - 03/09/08 01:15 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Wayne Brown]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Wayne,

Thanks for taking a look at this one. I think you may have made an honest mistake about the chorus since lose & shoes do make a more perfect rhyme than loose & shoes...but it wasn't a typo. smile I actually did mean loose. I was referring to the fact that the pain wouldn't let go.

You hit the money with the second sugg though. I was trying to bring in the "helping others" out idea with the last few lines

maybe you could say a prayer

because often times, we don't really have the power to DO ANYTHING in these people's lives short of praying for them. I should know. In my line of work, it happens everyday...and all I can do is pray. I DO want to incorporate that idea in there a little more strongly...any suggs on that without adding a 3rd verse?

Thanks so much for lookin' this one over. I really appreciate it & for the record...it's nice to "meet" you. smile

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594539 - 03/09/08 01:20 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Hi Derek,

hmmm...I keep hearing these Martina McBride references...maybe I should just give her a call & see if she's interested. That'd be a sure fire way to get Nashville to listen to it...lol.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm in the process of trying to get a rough recording down so ya'll can (sorta) hear what I have runnin' in my mind. For some reason the guitars & such don't just jump out onto my computer from my head along with my voice when I try to record it.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594541 - 03/09/08 01:22 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Kathy Bampfield]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Kathy,

I think you're right...maybe something more specific like "cause she's got rent to pay"

I'll give that some thought & see which one sings easier when I get the rough recording down.

Thanks for stoppin' by smile always nice to see ya!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594543 - 03/09/08 01:27 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: ]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
STanDaMan,

Verse 2 changes already made my friend....thanks for keepin' me straight. I know it's a tough job. wink

I have to agree with ya on the bridge too...it IS weak IMO. I actually didn't have one until 5 minutes before I orignially posted this... grin I'd really like to give it more of that feel as to connect the helping hands type of thing. Don't know if that made sense or not...lol. I'm a little under the weather. Not that I make much sense when I'm NOT under the weather. crazy

I'm gonna give that bridge a lil' more thought.

Thankya my friend!

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594545 - 03/09/08 01:29 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
John,

I agree...verses are switched.

As for suggestions...I'm ALWAYS open to hear them. I truly do want to make my writing better. I'm not here just for the smoke blowing (though sometimes I don't mind a lil' smoke...lol)

Feel free to sugg away.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594547 - 03/09/08 01:34 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Wendy D]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Wendy,

I'm actually at home from church today because (as I menitioned to Stan) I'm feelin' a lil' less than well today. Can't wait to hear your thoughts.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594555 - 03/09/08 01:55 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Howdy there, Bree!

Sorry to hear you're a bit under the weather....seems a lot of that's going around....it's that rascally Spring Forward business to blame, in my estimation.

As for your song, oh so true and relavent. You've had some really good suggestions made so far, so I'm not sure there's much to add, other than mentioning a few stellar lines:

"now the proof shows on her cheek"

"heartache wouldn't let you loose"

I will add I'm glad you offered some hope in this one. As much as I'm all about "sometimes it just IS sad/unfixable/etc", by providing more than one woman's experience, you allow yourself that possibility. And in today's world, I think that's an important message.

So nice job. Would love to hear what music you'd put it with....

Ciao for now,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#594628 - 03/09/08 05:50 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
Kaley Willow  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
PA
Very Solid Bree.... I like the Cheek line too!!..and the fact you used loose......rather than lose.

best to you...
Kaley smile

#594706 - 03/10/08 12:07 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Hi Bree,

Just thought I'd stop by and say this is the first time I'm reading it and I like this too. The only thing I can see to offer as far as something constructive is in this line:

we all have different paths to walk
we’ve traveled our own roads

maybe think about keeping it present tense....we travel our own roads...because it almost sounds like "we're" done traveling. It's little and subtle, but it popped out at me. So, for whatever it's worth...! smile

Nice job! Edit: Ya know what? I just read the passage after that one and making that change may mess that up....so...now not so sure! haha

Kristi

Last edited by Kristi McKeever; 03/10/08 12:10 AM.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#594850 - 03/10/08 03:31 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Heya Beth!

I'm working on that "tune" in my head thing...just haven't had the chance to flesh it out. Of course I can't play any instruments so ya end up just havin' to listen to my accapela version...lol. Might be why too many don't listen. wink

I'm at home today so I'm hoping to finish it.

Thanks for stoppin' in...glad ya like it.

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594851 - 03/10/08 03:34 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Kaley Willow]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Kaley!

Always nice to have ya stop by. I read about your encounters with the armored attack palmettos. smile I'm with you...Ben can have them all at his house. wink

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594854 - 03/10/08 03:36 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Kristi,

Thanks so much for taking the time to look this one over. You sound like me...if I read things too many times, I talk myself out of things. Truth is, that's one area I'm not totally sold on, so something in me says it needs a change...just not sure how to change it. Maybe it'll change itself some when I'm trying to get the melody out of my head. smile

Thanks for stoppin' by.

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594867 - 03/10/08 03:58 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
Top 50 Poster
Janice Hopkins  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Bree,

This is just a well-crafted thoughtful and highly relatable peice of writing. You've been given some very good suggs. here which I see that you're following...so all I could add is that I envy your ability so much and wish you the very best on this one. I sure heard martina as well.....Jan

#594918 - 03/10/08 06:01 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Jan...I appreciate you taking the time to stop in & listen. I finally finished my head tune. It's up on soundclick now. Always open for suggs if someone has another idea for the melody. smile & I'm CERTAIN Martina could do it more justice than I.

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#594930 - 03/10/08 06:37 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 236
James B.Williamson Offline
Serious Contributor
James B.Williamson  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 236
Texas
Howdy Bree,
My first thought was Martina too.
I agree about switching the verses but I see you're already considering that.
There's one more thing you might look at.... the lines about her raising two BOYS alone etc...and wanting "to see her BOYS grow up and maybe find someone who cares".
To me, if you changed it to "her DAUGHTERS" it'd be more like she was reflecting on her own situation.
Thisun's a keeper young lady.
JBW

Last edited by James B.Williamson; 03/10/08 06:43 PM.
#594931 - 03/10/08 06:42 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,037
yann Offline
Top 200 Poster
yann  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,037
france
Hi Bree,

nice song, I'm sure it can go far.

You've got a beautiful voice too.

About my suggs:
when I first read lyrics, my "method" is to sing the words on the melody I hear at the moment; then I feel the need to make some corrections to fit what I'm hearing.
But if I make a second reading at another moment, I may feel the need to make different suggestions, because the words may then be supported by another type of melody.
So my suggs are REALLY KOS.

I think there's something inconsistent - IMHO - in the woman's company: sometimes she has a "boyfriend" (proof on her cheek); but most of the times, she's evidently or supposedly alone (raising her boys, saying her prayers, crying in bed, hoping for a caring someone to appear).
I would say: let her be downright alone, or develop the bad guy's character a wee bit.

Now some suggs:
It’s one a.m. on A Friday night
she'S crYING herself to sleep

If melody allows it (extra syllables):
SAY YOU Won’t give up, PLEASE don’t give in

A single mom, SHE works two jobs
‘cause THERE ARE bills to pay

we all have different paths to walk
WE TRAVEL our own roads

Maybe you should also pay attention to the fact you repeat the phrase "she cries herself to sleep" twice (verse 1; verse 2).

Don't know if my "method" gives birth to helpful insights. Dump what you will wink.

I certainly enjoyed the reading, anyway.

Take care,

Yann.


"Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin' / It's time we all reach out 4 something new" (Prince)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Yann-Causeret/113543418669413?ref=nf
#594983 - 03/10/08 09:45 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 329
Wayne Brown Offline
Serious Contributor
Wayne Brown  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 329
Michigan
Bree,

Yup my goof. A brain typo.

Without adding an extra verse I think a rewrite on the bridge might strengthen the positive slant. Something like:

We all have different paths to walk
And some seem always blessed
Others walk a darkened path
In search of light and rest.

Again, very nice song and good luck with this one.

Wayne


"Don't let it end like this; tell them I said something."
The final words of Poncho Villa

ASCAP
http://soundclick.com/waynebrownandfriends
http://www.myspace.com/waynerbrownandfriends
#595262 - 03/11/08 04:22 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: James B.Williamson]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks James!

It's a shame I can't just call Martin up myself...lol.

I already did switch the verses...originally I had the single mom verse first. Just wanted to make sure I cleared that up. smile

I see your point about the daughters...I'll have to give it some thought. Guess because I had to raise my 2 boys alone for a # of years that is what came to mind.

Glad ya stopped in!

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#595266 - 03/11/08 04:30 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: yann]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Yann,

I appreciate the time ya took to crit this one. Once I switched the verses I feel like it then became MORE consistent & cohesive. I think at this point it starts off with her facing up to the abuse she's getting from him (who doesn't necessarily have to be a boyfriend...a husband can be the offender as well)...then once he's gone (possibly to jail) she's left to raise the boys on her own. smile

As for the extra syllables...I like the idea...I'll see if I can work that in.

Don't think I can change "cause she's got bills to pay" though...it's country music...lol...it'll fly. It's a suthern twang thing. wink

I DID notice the cryin' herself to sleep repeat when I was singing it. I'm planning to try to remedy that. smile thanks for the reminder.

Thanks so much for the suggs!!! It's appreciated.

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#595268 - 03/11/08 04:31 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Wayne Brown]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Wayne....

You're right, I do need a stronger bridge.

I appreciate the second looksee.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#595372 - 03/11/08 09:32 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222
Lynman Bacolor Offline
Lynman Bacolor  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222
Caloocan, Philippines
Hi Bree.

Been long since i saw your new material.

This is good melody. Lets produce demo for this. I will create a very basic guitar track base on your vocal range and tempo then I will send it to you. Sing it dry on your final revision of lyric send the vocal tracks its ok if there some noise I can remove it using noise reduction and i will add instruments ala dixie chicks arrangements.

Lynman

#595437 - 03/12/08 12:15 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey again Bree,

If you can sing it, you're one step ahead of a lot of us (well, okay, maybe just ME eek) -- so I'm still thinkin' that'd be worth listening to.

In fact, that actually might be fun: to have an "a capella only" thread, for lucky stiffs such as yourself. And if we like it, we can tell ya YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD, DAWG!! (hee hee hee)

Keep at it and ciao for now,
Beth

P.S. "Taping" AI so can watch with the kids w/o commercials. So curious how everyone did!!!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#595896 - 03/13/08 08:55 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Lynman Bacolor]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Hey Lynman my friend & partner in rhyme.

Ala Dixie Chicks, huh? Bring it on... grin
Can't wait to hear what ya send me!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#595898 - 03/13/08 08:57 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
Serious Contributor
Bree Griffith  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Beth...though I think there are only 2 or three of us on the boards who do the "a capella only" thing. But hey...give us our own thread...no tellin' what we might come up with!!! wink

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#596595 - 03/15/08 03:41 AM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222
Lynman Bacolor Offline
Lynman Bacolor  Offline

Top 200 Poster

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222
Caloocan, Philippines
Bree

Give me few days and I will mail it to you.


Your voice is fit into this. I bet you can get a big break with this one. Welcome Nashville!!!

Lynman




#659836 - 10/14/08 06:08 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Lynman Bacolor]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,839
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,839
Indianapolis, IN USA
Hey Everyone.. where has Bree gone off to? She hasn't been on the site since April and I am a bit worried about her. Can someone who knows her contact her and find out what is up?

Thanks,

Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]
#661925 - 10/22/08 04:34 PM Re: Maybe You've Been There [Re: Brian Austin Whitney]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,839
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,839
Indianapolis, IN USA
Nobody else has heard from Bree either? That's not good.

Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]

Support Just Plain Folks

We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.


Membership
Join Just Plain Folks
to receive the free
JPNotes Newsletter!
*this is separate from
message board registration*

Newest Members
theAmadei, Muriel, LarryJ, JETurner, ClarkFord
21241 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums116
Topics119,608
Posts1,127,261
Members21,241
Average Posts Daily35
Most Online3,244
Nov 8th, 2019
Just Plain Quotes
"Sharing in your success is the payback to those who shared in your failure." -Brian Austin Whitney
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays
Popular Topics(Views)
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0