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#660618 - 10/18/08 12:22 AM Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker  
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AJ Baker Offline
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Out Of Sight,Out Of My Mind


You may have left,but you didn't take your memories
They show up everyday when I expect them the least
Little things around here,keep them coming back
My mind's constantly under a love lost attack

Chorus:
You're out of sight,but I can't get you out of my mind
It should be easy,considering how you left me behind
Just when I think I've cleaned up the mess
They come right back like an uninvited guest
Somedays I wish they could prove love was blind
You may be out of sight ,but I can't get you out of my mind

The walls show where the pictures should be
The outline of the clock where the goodtimes used to be
Now the only thing ticking out loud in this room
Is an oftbeaten heart,broken way too soon
Chorus
Bridge:
There's no trouble sleeping,in the darkness you let me keep
It's the daylight that really gets to me,gets to me
Chorus
Tag:You may be out of sight,but I can't get you out of my mind


(C)Caroline Holder&John Baker 2008

http://soundclick.com/AJBaker

Last edited by AJ Baker; 10/18/08 12:32 AM.

Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#660644 - 10/18/08 04:18 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: ]  
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Ive gotta say the title made me think ok Billy Joe ROyals "out of sight and on my mind" but it is from the 80's so its been some time ! in verse one , to me ,lost love sounds better than love lost in this line " My mind's constantly under a love lost attack"

i like these lines

You're out of sight,but I can't get you out of my mind
&

Just when I think I've cleaned up the mess
They come right back like an uninvited guest ( this ones good ! )


The outline of the clock where the goodtimes used to be ? Im not sure what this means " where the goodtimes use to be " ??



i like this too below but I think it could be said in a better way

Now the only thing ticking out loud in this room
Is an oftbeaten heart,broken way too soon

could be

Now all I hear ticking in this room
Is an oftbeaten heart,broken way too soon

pretty melody !!! maybe could use a change instead of going back to that C ( i assume ) in the chorus so much ...thats what I think : )













#660657 - 10/18/08 05:04 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: HeatherMorris]  
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I love the lyrics and the music is really great, I feel this is a good one and i'd be really suprised if it didn't do something big. this is one of those been there , done that type of songs and alot of us will relate to this one..great job to both of you, love you both, and I agree with Heather on her suggestions to the changes... glyn

#660663 - 10/18/08 05:25 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: HeatherMorris]  
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AJ Baker Offline
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Hi Heather,When i'm playing with a lead guitarist there is a 7 note walk down in to the c which is the base chord of the chorus but i will look it over and see if there is a different phrasing i can use.AJ


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#660664 - 10/18/08 05:28 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: glynda]  
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HI Glynda,Thanks for the look it was received well When i played it in Nashville.AJ


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#660744 - 10/18/08 01:44 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: ]  
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Caroline Offline
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Hey Heather,

Thanks for the listen!

the outline of the clock, where the good times used to be,

well, it's supposed to symbolize the time spent together, the clock on the wall is gone, and if you take a clock off the wall after many years (if you don't dust) it leaves an outline on the wall.

Guess I need to be more straight forward though, not great with metaphors, lol

That second sugg about the offbeaten heart, that's probably be easier for AJ to sing, lol! Let's change that one AJ! I'll be trying to figure out something for the outline of the clock. Honestly I thought the offbeaten heart would be more confusing, maybe I should dust more....

Musically, y'all both know I'm lost, so, that's yours AJ!


Again, Thanks a bunch Heather, I appreciate the feedback.



Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#660747 - 10/18/08 01:47 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Caroline]  
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Glynda,
I'm so glad you're feeling better. Also glad you're liking this. I'm sure that once it's tweaked, it'll be even better. Poor AJ, I wouldn't let him change anything, LOL, my stubborness hears it one way, other than his caffinated recording session, where I graciously (ha ha) let him redo it again!

Thanks for listening, lady!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#660851 - 10/18/08 09:26 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Caroline]  
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Hi AJ & Caroline.

This is a nice one but I hear a few things I think need to be tighten up a bit. You're trying to put in too many words. The first line: "You may have left, but you didn't take your memories" might sing better as: "You may be gone, but not your memories".
Second line: "They show up everyday when I expect them the least"
could be; "They show up when I expect them the least".
Third line: "Little things around here,keep them coming back"
could be: "Little things around keep them coming back".
Forth line: "My mind's constantly under a love lost attack" Here I agree with Heather: "My mind's under a lost love attack."

Same thing with the chorus:
"You're out of sight, but I can't get you out of my mind
It should be easy,considering how you left me behind
Just when I think I've cleaned up the mess
They come right back like an uninvited guest
Somedays I wish they could prove love was blind
You may be out of sight ,but I can't get you out of my mind"
How about this:
"You're out of sight but I can't get you out of my mind
It should be easy since you left me behind
Just when I think I've cleaned up the mess
Memories come back like an uninvited guest
Somedays I wish they could prove love was blind
You may be out of sight but not out of my mind".

See what I mean? And while I like the melody for the verses, I would go somewhere a little different for the chorus because it sounds pretty much the same. The overall idea for this song is fine, you just need to cut a lot of the fat, and it will sing better then as well. Just some thoughts.

Ricki


#660910 - 10/19/08 03:00 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Ricki E. Bellos]  
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Michigan
Hi Caroline and AJ,

Nice to meet you AJ. I do like this, it has a nice sound coming around. I agree with Riki, with some changes like she suggests it would smooth out the phrasing and make it flow.

This is going to be really good.

Letha

#660914 - 10/19/08 03:31 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Letha Allen]  
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ant Offline
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ant  Offline
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California
Overall a good tune but many of the lines are very compressed, too many syllables. Some good suggestions above.

Sometimes, when I've had a similar problem, I'll record a song I'm working on singing just la-la-la and try to find the best pacing of syllables for the melody. I'll listen to it several times till I'm sure it sounds good. Then I turn around and force myself to fit the lyrics to the la-las.

..ant


My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.
#660915 - 10/19/08 03:38 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Letha Allen]  
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Northern California
AJ,
Wow, very pretty guitar. Is that DI? very stong and rich. I'm glad for you that it was received well when you played it live. You have all the tools real good voice and you are a good musician.
Caroline, very haunting lyric, good work.
Tom

#660962 - 10/19/08 10:24 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Tom Franz]  
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Texas
Thanks guys, I got a question for you all....does this sound country????







Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#661190 - 10/20/08 12:59 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Letha Allen]  
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AJ Baker Offline
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Union,Ohio
Hi Letha,nice to meet you as well .I have sent Caroline some changes lyrically and music wise to the song will repost it we we are satisfied with the results.Thanks for the look and critique.AJ


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#661192 - 10/20/08 01:11 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Tom Franz]  
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AJ Baker Offline
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AJ Baker  Offline
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Hi Tom, If you mean Direct input,then the answer is yes .I used a Takamine Jumbo EG523SC Flamed maple sides and back spruce top to do this recording.That's where the sound comes from .Still learning in the studio only about 8HRS total time ever spent there.I will get better!!!.Thanks for the look AJ


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#661193 - 10/20/08 01:18 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Caroline]  
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Union,Ohio
Hi Caroline ,YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#661232 - 10/20/08 05:55 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: ]  
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Mark Schuessler Offline
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Lockport, NY, USA
AJ & Caroline:

I liked the lyrics, especially the lyric hook and the second verse. Cool image there: the outline of where pictures and the clock used to be.

I liked the guitar work (although the intro was a little long if you plan to pitch this.) I think the melody could be improved. There are quite a few places where the words seemed rushed. Also, is sounds like the melody of all lines in the chorus is the same (or pretty close) so it might be better to change that up some.

Good collab.

Mark


"In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not."
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=756982
#661536 - 10/21/08 04:06 AM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: ]  
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les_paul_gurl Offline
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Caroline/AJ:

Wow this is really nice! You don't even need drums or anything else on it! sometimes the beauty is in simplicity. Great work! smile

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#661627 - 10/21/08 01:56 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
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Saint Petersburg. FL
This is a very nice song that could be polished up a bit to be great. The guitar and voice are very easy on the ears. The hook is excellent and the lyrics are good with a few minor exceptions IMHO.

I do not get this line and it sounds awkward.
>There's no trouble sleeping,in the darkness you let me keep<

As others have said, there are a lot of words in a few spots. Most of them will fit with improved phrasing by the vocalist, but at present they sound crammed in. Line 2 of the chorus needs to be trimmed down though. There's no way to fit all that in with the available beats.

One of the problems with cramming them in, is that they cannot be understood, so the subtleties of the song can be lost. >uninvited guest< is good but it has to be enunciated so that is understandable when you are not reading along.

You got me on this one >oftbeaten heart< - what does that mean?

To answer your question, it does not sound either country or not country as presented. It could certainly go either way depending on how it is performed (accent, instrumentation, licks, etc.).

Lots of potential here - go for it!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#661634 - 10/21/08 02:10 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Mark Schuessler]  
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Caroline Offline
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Texas
Hey Mark,
Thanks for stopping by and listening. There are revisions made to the lyric, not posted yet. Waiting for the new recording...

We'll get it up here asap. Thanks again, the new lyric has soem good changes, and will be better on the ears.


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#661650 - 10/21/08 02:56 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
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Caroline Offline
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Kassie,
Thanks for the listen, glad you enjoyed it!!


Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)
#661654 - 10/21/08 03:03 PM Re: Out Of Sight ,Out Of My Mind/Caroline Holder&AJ Baker [Re: Colin Ward]  
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Caroline Offline
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Texas
Hey Colin,
Thanks for stopping to listen. I appreciate it!



I do not get this line and it sounds awkward.
>There's no trouble sleeping,in the darkness you let me keep<


This means...she didn't leave him any physical furnishings, she's left him in the dark, I know it's more of an abstract thought, but I thought it'd work...maybe???

You got me on this one >oftbeaten heart< - what does that mean?

OK, this is a heart that doesn't beat the way it should anymore, the clock used to tick, it's gone, left only shadows, now the heart beats are all thats' heard.

The melody actually is a bit faster than I had anticipated, but that's all getting worked out through changes, as well as tweaks.

That's the whole point of getting feedback, to help find what you may not see yourself, or hear....everyone hear has such great suggestions and feedback, it's a good way to fine tune.


Thanks again Colin!

Last edited by Caroline; 10/21/08 03:04 PM.

Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)

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