Stepping Stones
© 2008 Caroline Holder

I remember it like yesterday
Momma came home, smile on her face
Said, kids, go put some old clothes on

Mixed water and sand just like she'd shown
Feet and hand prints made each one our own
Let them dry overnight, in the morning we had, Stepping Stones

Chorus
She put them in the garden
So when every one came over
They could take a walk through our lives
And could see how much we'd grown
Now, when I go back home
I show my kids
Our Stepping Stones

At the time it was just fun
We kids just thought it was something to do
But the holidays gave us all a different view

Seemed like each year there was someone gone
And someone new was tagging along
Every year there was more meaning in those Stepping Stones

Chorus
She put them in the garden
So when everyone came over
They could take a walk through our lives
And see how much we'd grown
Now, everytime I go back home
I show my kids
Our Stepping Stones

Br.
I’m on my way home, to make memories of our own
When I walk though the door,
I'll say "kids, go put some old clothes on"
Chorus
I’ll put them in the garden
So when everyone comes over
They can take a walk through our lives
And see how much we've grown
And someday, when my kids come back home
They’ll show their kids
Their Stepping Stones

Like this, Caroline.

This section:

At the time it seemed fun
We kids just thought it was something to do
But the holidays told a different story

..has no rhymes; yet it is supposed to match this section:

I remember it like yesterday
Momma came home with a smile on her face
Said, kids, go put some old clothes on

...correct?

Hi Shayne,

I was hoping no one would catch that, lol.

Actually, it was only supposed to match in meter, the rhyming in the first part is a fluke. But, since it seemslike it has the match in the rest of it, I suppose I'd better made a change. Hang on, how does that look???


Thanks fro the read, I do appreciate it!!! Glad you like it.

G'Mornin' Mz Sweetie!

Hmm..Good Concept/Fine Hook.

Needs more Development in V1: WHERE didyas GET those Stones FROM?
That'd be Interesting/right now it's Un-Known. What COLORS were they? That, too, would help. FLAT or ROUNDED? Little DETAILS make the Picture Perfect. (& How MANY might also assist...)

"Put them in the garden" is also Lacking In Detail. In ROWS? Randomly-Placed? Neat..or Loosely? Where-TO? (See, YOU know the Answers to all this, but WE the Audience, got NO idea.)

"They could see how much we had all grown"...(HOW?)
"They made new ones every year (MULTIPLE)/ It was the Walkway of our lives (SINGULAR)" Thus, a bit of a clash..Visualization-Wise. "my own kids".."Own's kinda redundant, JMO.

"Each year BROUGHT MORE meaning TO those stepping stones" I'd sug.

Bridge needs SOME way of showing it's YOUR home..not Your MOM's.

This is gonna be one heck of a FINE Song when ya tighten it up!

Good Luck with it, Sweet LadyChum!
Big Hugs,
Stan

Thanks a bunch Stan! I penned this the night before last, and posted it without editing. I knew I needed something,. and I knew you would all help me out in getting to what that something would be!! I appreciate it!

Morning Caroline,

I was very much drawn to the title...since we have a similar tradition. Aside from different stepping stones for each member of the family, we have them for dearly departed pets. And two years ago, as part of my Nonni's 100th b'day celebration (she's still going strong at 102, thank GAWD!), we made a Rose Garden (her name is Rose) of stones. We used a lot of reflective stones, etc., b/c the intent was for her to be able to look down at them someday from Heaven. A bit morbid, perhaps, but it was a very moving experience for all of us -- her included....

ANYWAY, I'm sorry, got distracted there. So, I like the hook obviously, but I'm going to have to side with Stan here....we need a little more substance. Yes, specifically about the stones. Maybe describe the first one you made...and then instead of leaning towards how the group expanded seemingly at your parental home, maybe incorporate how you introduced this tradition in your own family. Maybe using the same words, "Kids, go put some old clothes on"....

Just some food for thought. But I'll be sure to follow this one along. It has sentimental value for me too!

Good luck,
Beth

Beth, you're reading my mind!

I have my revisions in the works and that's one of them. I've learned a lot from you, Stan and so many others on this board. Now, when I write something, I know it needs something. What it usually needs is you all telling me what I already know, but was too lazy to do. LOL

Thanks lady. Stan made somem great suggs, so I've been prepping the rewrite and I'll post it in a bit.

Caroline,
Nice hook in this, I can "feel" the "sentimental story" coming out.
Sounds like you are still tweaking it, I look forward to reading the final cut!!

Jeff

Hey Caroline, I've read this once through, then came back a little later and figured out what the stepping stones were. So I didn't get it first time. Second time was better for me. I don't have much to add or advise - everyone else is doing it for me, so I'll just play the supporting role.
Well done!

Hi Tom,

Was the second read after the revisions? Or was the second read with them, and reread?

I want this to make sense to at least the majority. You being one of the majority, your input means a lot!

Hey there Caroline -
The first time was the original post, the second time was after the revisions.

Now I wonder how I made it into the majority? I always hoped that being a minority would be more exciting and eccentric.

Hi CC

Back tomorrow, I'm off to bed now, it is nearly 12.30am in the morning here, way past my bed time.

What I read seemed just fine to me. See you tomorrow.

Michele
Aussie friend

Tom, you are in the majority, like it or not. These days being in the majority IS eccentric. LOL

Michele, thanks for stopping by to read. I hope you have a good nights sleep and we will talk again one of these days!

O.K., I think I'm done. Any thoughts???

Caroline,

I'm at work, it's a quick read for now, but I really like the way this story flows. Off hand, there's nothing I can pick on.

Maybe later? :-)

Cheers,

Barry

Hi Caroline,

What a great tradition, and a really cool story! Looks like you've gotten this to a point where you and others are happy with it. I just have a few thought/comments in case they might trigger something for you:


Felt like we worked our fingers to the bone -> This line seems like the work was arduous and horrible which temporarily distracts from the happy, sentimental feel. Maybe something like: "The work was hard but fun, a stone for everyone"
Our feet and hand prints made each one our own
That night we talked about where to put those stepping stones

Chorus
Momma put them in the garden -> lots of folks mentioned so I thought it'd be nice to state who she is in the chorus.:)
So when every one came over
They could take a walk through our lives
And could see how much we'd grown
Now, when I go back home
I show my kids
Our Stepping Stones


Nice write, Caroline. Good luck with this one.

G'Mornin' Mz Sweetie!

Waal..I SORTA get it..."Feet & Hand Prints"...(Imbedded in WHAT? Concrete..Plaster?) It still kinda needs This Detail for Ignorant Folks like ME to totally understand WHAT "Stepping Stones" actually ARE..in this Modern Version.

I AM in-the-process OF Getting It...(But it's again a case of YOU know what you're referring to..but NOT sharing all the Necessary Details to smoothly pull it off.)

Sorry if I'm a Minority of Perhaps One... Still like what you're coming up with/gonna be a great song.

Big Hugs,
Ol' Stan

G'day Caroline, I read and re-read your song and I wondered about your stepping stones and about the real meaning of them and my story telling muse was of two minds - are they to record the present for the future or are they like hollywood stars handprints in cement and recognition of each family member? I confess that its meaning to me as an Aussie is somewhat clouded but nonetheless I am sure its meaning is commendable and I wish you success with your song, best wishes, Ray down under.

Hi Ray,
Thanks for the read! I made some adjustments to the lyric, I hope it makes more sense now. I still have to adjust the phrasing, but I'm thinking it's almost there.

Hi Caroline,

I haven't read the other posts ~ you say you've revised it already, so I'm just going off of your revision. I really like the sentiment expressed here. And how it comes full circle at the end. Very sweet. The chorus reads real smooth. Very nice! As far as the verses, I think the music would help tighten those up. All in all, enjoyed it...

Kristi

Hi Caroline,

Warm and touching, liked the feel of it.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hey Caroline,

There you go! Exactly what we were all getting at earlier on.

I'm glad you took the time to shine this one up, it's very dear...

Later, girlie,
Beth

Hey Caroline

What an awesome little lyric... It really conjurs up feelings about those who've come and gone.... And what a neat way to go about doing... never would have tied the two together, but you did so and quite eloquently, And the transitioniong of the story as it goes forward is excellent, You are certainly becoming quite the writer.... no nits here, just get a demo with Heather on vocals and pitch pitch pitch!
Derek

I have to let you all know how much I despise rewriting! BUT! In this case, it was worth the effort. I think that I will be getting some music now, Leaning towards the full demo on this one.

Thanks Kristi, Calvin, Beth, Derek,

I really do appreciate all the input you've given and all the nice things you've all had to say. Everyone has been so helpful and made so many great points. I think I'll have to hurry this one along!

I'm going to have to work on rewriting more often. It's just getting myself to slow down and fix what I need to. Without moving onto the next one. I can't even remember half of what I've written, I pull them up, so many cheesy things! I'm slowing down, I need to finish a few more. LOL

Thanks to all of you who've taken time to read through this and help nudge me in the right direction.

Caroline--

This is a really cute song! I enjoyed the lyrics. It seems like you've pretty much perfected the song, so all I can say is good luck Have a great weekend

~~Kassie~~