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This is my Halloween song...sorta
Spoken, soft music (when I get some music)
I NEED A BETTER TITLE!!!
The Story of Me and Fred© 2008 Caroline Holder
Well, it was mid October, back in '88 I found my self in need of a date That party was coming up fast, that kinda sucked I couldn’t be picky, friends were jumpin' my stuff
So I..
Found a guy, I call Fred, he was tall and slender Long dark hair, tattoos and he played a Fender Wasn’t real sure 'bout 'em but thought he would do It wasn’t for the long haul, just an hour or two
He said he’d go as my friend, I thought that was fair I dressed up as Sonny and he dressed up as Cher He wouldn’t shave that stache he'd been growing a while I was smooth as could be, soft as a baby’s back side
I’d picked out his dress from some formal rejects Slit up to there, sequins and kinda low in the neck It’s a good thing Fred wasn’t a hairy guy Cause that zipper sure could’ve made him cry
Wasn’t long after we got there, Fred was at the bar This big guy came behind him, said I’ve admired you from afar Reached over and took his hand, said lets’ we two, have a dip And then looked up in total disbelief at that hairy lip
Fred turned around quick as you please Dropped that biker to his knees Looked down at that big guy without a bit of fear Said there won’t be any apple bobbin' goin on round here
I ain’t that way, I’ll have you know I’d never cheat on my new beau Sonny, why don’t you throw this jerk outta here That big guy looked down at me, grinnin’ ear to ear
Stood there for a second, thought this ain't right After all, I ain’t never been in a fight And the thought of being hit, felt surreal But Fred was the one in a dress and heels
So, I stood up to that biker, chin to chest And I'm sure you can guess all the rest yeah, he backed down, when he realized I wasn't a guy That’s when I let out one heck of a sigh
That night there were a lot of lessons learned From when not to pick up women, to standin firm Lookin back it doesn't seem like much times gone by Since that scary Halloween night
And that’s the story of how it all came about We’ve been together since that first night we went out And we still reverse roles every Halloween I’m the knight in shining armor and he’s my queen!
Last edited by Caroline; 10/04/08 11:12 AM.
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HiDee Mz Sweetie!
Fun, Imaginative, Down-Homey, & WHAT a Great Halloween Song-in-the-Makin'!
Now..go back & prune this little Evergreen like there's no tomorrow. "1988" should be "88" for-instance...& the TWO "That's" in Line 3 oughta be One..(or preferably None), JMO.
Etc.
Solid FUN, M'LadyChum!
Good Luck with This Goodie!
Big Hugs, Stan
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Hi Caroline Real fine story line here - I enjoyed it a lot ! jm
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Cool lyric! Only nit is spelling!
And we still reverse rolls roles every Halloween
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K, now I'm sure I can go blond without guilt!
Rolls! LOL
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Caroline-- This is such a cute story ~~Kassie~~
Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
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Hi Caroline, Good to see ya & with a cool story too, good for you. But I sure would like to get in there do some pruning like Stan said. Have a good weekend. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Howdy Ms Caroline, This is definitely a cute story...but seems way too long for a song. Not sure you could tell it in a lot fewer words...but if you tried to put this to music...it would take so long to sing it would probably end up being quite boring...especially without a chorus or any variation in the meter and rhyme scheme. One glaring grammatical issue is the title...which, being a former English prof...always grates on me. LOL Just a personal issue I guess...but that really should be FRED AND I....not "me and Fred". In this line...I am not sure but I "think" you may mean sequinned or sequins...rather than sequenced. If I am wrong...I have no clue what sequenced means in reference to a dress. "Slit up to there, sequenced and kinda low in the neck" In the verse below...is there a reason for only having 3 lines? That last line just seems to drop out of nowhere and go nowhere. Fred turned around quick as you please Dropped that biker to his knees Said there won’t be any apple bobbin goin on round here Hope these ideas are of some help. Hugs, Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Bobby, you are so right, and I really was wanting to title it Fred and I, however, considering the story, the sound it will have when read, it just doesn't fit. It's too proper. I could always retitle it though, any thoughts????
Oh, I shouldn't write at all when I'm upset it seems. First I roll played now it's all in sequence. Nope, I definaetly should only write when I have nothing on my mind. LOL
The three lines is supposed to be a bridge. Yes it reads long, and will be edited to shorten it, but it won't be sung, it will be spoken with accompaniment. Also, it's for Halloween, so it probably could be a little longer and it be o.k., right? Maybe not.
I'll have to record it and see how long the narrative will take.
Thanks for reading, I always appreciate the input from you Bobbie, it's not often you make it here, so I feel honored that you stopped to read something of mine!!!
Thanks lady!
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Hi Caroline, I do try to get here more often...but life just throws us curves sometimes...and right now...I have to actually earn a living. Go figure! Did have one idea for a possible title alternative...how about MY HALLOWEEN QUEEN?? It might help us know what the parts of your lyrics are intended to be (ie the bridge) if you label them for us. Also...a bridge needs to fulfill a specific function and not simply be one less line. A bridge ought to take us to some new place..step outside the flow of the rest of the lyric. In most cases, the music and the lyric both need to differentiate themselves from the rest of the segments. Sometimes a writer can use the bridge to summarize the rest of the song...or create a counterpoint to what else has been going on. For those reasons it is generally recommended that the bridge be different in structure...ie meter, rhyme scheme, line length..etc than the verses and/or the chorus. Verses are s'posed to tell the story...and the bridge needs to take us somewhere else rather than just advancing the story. Don't wanna sound preachy here...just offering a bit of advice based on what folks who know a lot more than I do have told me in the past. Hugs, Bobbie
Last edited by Bobbie Gallup; 10/04/08 07:32 PM.
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Hey Caroline,
This is a fun one (and a long one) as has been mentioned. Just wanted you to know I made some comments on it over on the Halloween Challenge thread.
BTW, LOVE Bobbelina's idea for a title!!
Ciao for now, Beth
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A nice, bouncy lyric, Caroline. Lots of fun, with a clever twist and plenty of imagery. If you don't mind, I've made a few pruning suggestions that might provide for a smoother flow. KOS, of course. An alternative title suggestion: A Hallowe'en Knight's Tale. (Bit of a parody of the movie ''A Knight's Tale, plus a play on the word 'night'. ) DM Well, it was mid October, back in '88 I found my self in need of a date That party was coming up fast, approaching that kinda sucked I couldn't be picky, friends were jumpin' my stuff So I.. Found a guy , I call named Fred, he was tall and slender Long dark hair, tattoos and he played a Fender Wasn't real sure 'bout ' im but thought he would do It wasn't for the long haul, just an hour or two He said he'd go as my friend, I thought that was fair I dressed up as Sonny and he dressed up went as Cher He wouldn't shave that stache he'd been growing a while I was smooth as could be, soft as a baby's backside I'd picked out his dress from some formal rejects Slit up to there, sequins sequined and kinda low in the neck It's a good thing Fred wasn't a hairy guy Cause that zipper sure could’vemight've made him cry Wasn't long after we got there, Fred was at the bar This big guy came up behind him, said I've admired you from afar Reached over and took his hand, said let's we two, have a dip And then looked up in total disbelief at that hairy lip Fred turned around quick as you please Dropped that biker to his knees Looked down at that big guy without a bit of fear Said there won't be any apple bobbin' goin on round here I ain't that way, I'll have you know I'd never cheat on my new beau Sonny, why don't you throw this jerk outta here That big guy looked down at me, grinnin' ear to ear In the previous verse, the biker's on his knees. When did he get up? I stood there for a second, thought this ain't right After all, I ain't never been in a fight And the thought of being hit, felt surreal But Fred was the one in wearing a dress and heels So, I stood up to that biker, chin to chest And I'm sure you can guess all the rest yeah, he backed down, when he realized saw I wasn't a guy That's when I let out one heck of a sigh That night there were a lot of lessons learned From when not to pick up women, to standin' firm Lookin back doesn't seem like it seems not much times gone by Since that scary and surreal Halloween night And that s the story of how it all came about We've been together since that first night we went out And we still reverse roles every Halloween I'm the knight in shining armor and he's my queen!
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Hi Caroline, Here's my thoughts on trimmming. Hope you don't mind me playing with it a little ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HALLOWEEN REVERSAL ? The Story of Me and Fred© 2008 Caroline Holder It was mid October, in '88 I found my self needin' a date A costume party that kinda sucked No time to be picky, just needed luck So I.found a guy, tall and slender Long hair, tattoo'd, played a Fender Wasn't real sure but I thought he'd do No long haul, just an hour or two We'd go as friends, that seemed fair I was Sonny and he was Cher Couldn't get him to shave his stach I was smooth as a baby's A$$ I picked his dress from formal rejects Slit up to there, low in the neck If Fred was a little, hairier guy That zipper might've made him cry While Fred was standing at the bar This big guy took things way too far Reached for his hand, said, let's have a dip That's when he saw that hairy lip Fred turned around quick as you please Dropped that biker to his knees Looked down without any fear Said, "no apple bobbin' goin on round here" I ain't that way, I'll have you know I'd never cheat on my new beau Sonny, throw this jerk right outta here That big guy was grinnin' ear to ear Just for a second, thought this ain't right After all, I ain't never been in a fight And the thought of being hit, felt surreal But Fred was the one a dress and heels I stood up to that biker, chin to chest And I'm sure you can guess the rest He backed right down, saw I wasn't a guy That's when I let out a heck of a sigh That night there were some lessons learned About pickin' up women, and standin' firm Now lookin back, at the time gone by Since that Sonny and Cher Halloween night And that s the story, how it came about We've been together since that first night out And we still reverse roles every Halloween I'm the knight in armor and he's my queen _________________________ Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Calvin!!
This is perfect!! LOL Thanks, I'd taken it with me last night to work on trimming, and came up close to what you have here, but I missed a lot too!
I appreciate this so much!!
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Bobbie (got it right this time!) Beth, Donna, Thanks for all the helpful input. You are some great ladies to know, that's for sure. I really appreciate how you have all taken the time to read and post such detailed responses. That means a lot. I learn something new with each new song I write. It's so cool!!
This will be spoken, I've timed it with my original and it came up a little over 3 minutes. With these edits, I can now add a bit more music, maybe!!
I'm going to try to get this up by Wed. to be heard. I can actually record this one myself, since I won't be singing.
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Cute one Caroline it's a goood one I like it
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Caroline: This has a lot of funny lines in it. Enjoyed reading the lyrics...Paul
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Hi CC It absolutely amazes me, as to the input that others help you out with here. JPF is brilliant. I read yours, then I read Donna's, then I read Calvins, and Wow, congrats to you all. Looking forward to listening to it. Aussie friend Michele
Last edited by Michele Bolton; 10/06/08 12:47 PM.
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