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#656981 10/03/08 12:15 PM
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This is my Halloween song...sorta

Spoken, soft music (when I get some music)


I NEED A BETTER TITLE!!!

The Story of Me and Fred© 2008 Caroline Holder


Well, it was mid October, back in '88
I found my self in need of a date
That party was coming up fast, that kinda sucked
I couldn’t be picky, friends were jumpin' my stuff

So I..

Found a guy, I call Fred, he was tall and slender
Long dark hair, tattoos and he played a Fender
Wasn’t real sure 'bout 'em but thought he would do
It wasn’t for the long haul, just an hour or two

He said he’d go as my friend, I thought that was fair
I dressed up as Sonny and he dressed up as Cher
He wouldn’t shave that stache he'd been growing a while
I was smooth as could be, soft as a baby’s back side

I’d picked out his dress from some formal rejects
Slit up to there, sequins and kinda low in the neck
It’s a good thing Fred wasn’t a hairy guy
Cause that zipper sure could’ve made him cry

Wasn’t long after we got there, Fred was at the bar
This big guy came behind him, said I’ve admired you from afar
Reached over and took his hand, said lets’ we two, have a dip
And then looked up in total disbelief at that hairy lip

Fred turned around quick as you please
Dropped that biker to his knees
Looked down at that big guy without a bit of fear
Said there won’t be any apple bobbin' goin on round here

I ain’t that way, I’ll have you know
I’d never cheat on my new beau
Sonny, why don’t you throw this jerk outta here
That big guy looked down at me, grinnin’ ear to ear

Stood there for a second, thought this ain't right
After all, I ain’t never been in a fight
And the thought of being hit, felt surreal
But Fred was the one in a dress and heels

So, I stood up to that biker, chin to chest
And I'm sure you can guess all the rest
yeah, he backed down, when he realized I wasn't a guy
That’s when I let out one heck of a sigh

That night there were a lot of lessons learned
From when not to pick up women, to standin firm
Lookin back it doesn't seem like much times gone by
Since that scary Halloween night

And that’s the story of how it all came about
We’ve been together since that first night we went out
And we still reverse roles every Halloween
I’m the knight in shining armor and he’s my queen!

Last edited by Caroline; 10/04/08 11:12 AM.

Caroline


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HiDee Mz Sweetie!

Fun, Imaginative, Down-Homey, & WHAT a Great Halloween Song-in-the-Makin'!

Now..go back & prune this little Evergreen like there's no tomorrow. "1988" should be "88" for-instance...& the TWO "That's" in Line 3 oughta be One..(or preferably None), JMO.

Etc.

Solid FUN, M'LadyChum!

Good Luck with This Goodie!

Big Hugs,
Stan

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Hi Caroline

Real fine story line here - I enjoyed it a lot ! wink jm


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Cool lyric! Only nit is spelling!

And we still reverse rolls roles every Halloween

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K, now I'm sure I can go blond without guilt!

Rolls! LOL


Caroline


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Caroline--

This is such a cute story smile

~~Kassie~~


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Hi Caroline,

Good to see ya & with a cool story too, good for you.
But I sure would like to get in there do some pruning like Stan said.
Have a good weekend.

Calvin


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Howdy Ms Caroline,

This is definitely a cute story...but seems way too long for a song. grin Not sure you could tell it in a lot fewer words...but if you tried to put this to music...it would take so long to sing it would probably end up being quite boring...especially without a chorus or any variation in the meter and rhyme scheme.

One glaring grammatical issue is the title...which, being a former English prof...always grates on me. LOL Just a personal issue I guess...but that really should be FRED AND I....not "me and Fred".

In this line...I am not sure but I "think" you may mean sequinned or sequins...rather than sequenced. If I am wrong...I have no clue what sequenced means in reference to a dress. grin
"Slit up to there, sequenced and kinda low in the neck"

In the verse below...is there a reason for only having 3 lines? That last line just seems to drop out of nowhere and go nowhere.
Fred turned around quick as you please
Dropped that biker to his knees
Said there won’t be any apple bobbin goin on round here

Hope these ideas are of some help.

Hugs,
Bobbie


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Bobby, you are so right, and I really was wanting to title it Fred and I, however, considering the story, the sound it will have when read, it just doesn't fit. It's too proper. I could always retitle it though, any thoughts????

Oh, I shouldn't write at all when I'm upset it seems. First I roll played now it's all in sequence. Nope, I definaetly should only write when I have nothing on my mind. LOL

The three lines is supposed to be a bridge. Yes it reads long, and will be edited to shorten it, but it won't be sung, it will be spoken with accompaniment. Also, it's for Halloween, so it probably could be a little longer and it be o.k., right?
Maybe not.

I'll have to record it and see how long the narrative will take.

Thanks for reading, I always appreciate the input from you Bobbie, it's not often you make it here, so I feel honored that you stopped to read something of mine!!!


Thanks lady!


Caroline


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Hi Caroline,

I do try to get here more often...but life just throws us curves sometimes...and right now...I have to actually earn a living. Go figure! grin

Did have one idea for a possible title alternative...how about MY HALLOWEEN QUEEN??

It might help us know what the parts of your lyrics are intended to be (ie the bridge) if you label them for us. Also...a bridge needs to fulfill a specific function and not simply be one less line. grin A bridge ought to take us to some new place..step outside the flow of the rest of the lyric. In most cases, the music and the lyric both need to differentiate themselves from the rest of the segments. Sometimes a writer can use the bridge to summarize the rest of the song...or create a counterpoint to what else has been going on. For those reasons it is generally recommended that the bridge be different in structure...ie meter, rhyme scheme, line length..etc than the verses and/or the chorus. Verses are s'posed to tell the story...and the bridge needs to take us somewhere else rather than just advancing the story. Don't wanna sound preachy here...just offering a bit of advice based on what folks who know a lot more than I do have told me in the past.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Last edited by Bobbie Gallup; 10/04/08 07:32 PM.

They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

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Hey Caroline,

This is a fun one (and a long one) as has been mentioned. Just wanted you to know I made some comments on it over on the Halloween Challenge thread.

BTW, LOVE Bobbelina's idea for a title!!

Ciao for now,
Beth


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A nice, bouncy lyric, Caroline. Lots of fun, with a clever twist and plenty of imagery.

If you don't mind, I've made a few pruning suggestions that might provide for a smoother flow.
KOS, of course. wink

An alternative title suggestion: A Hallowe'en Knight's Tale.
(Bit of a parody of the movie ''A Knight's Tale, plus a play on the word 'night'. wink )

DM

Well, it was mid October, back in '88
I found my self in need of a date
That party was coming up fast, approaching that kinda sucked
I couldn't be picky, friends were jumpin' my stuff

So I..

Found a guy, I call named Fred, he was tall and slender
Long dark hair, tattoos and he played a Fender
Wasn't real sure 'bout 'im but thought he would do
It wasn't for the long haul, just an hour or two

He said he'd go as my friend, I thought that was fair
I dressed up as Sonny and he dressed up went as Cher
He wouldn't shave that stache he'd been growing a while
I was smooth as could be, soft as a baby's backside

I'd picked out his dress from some formal rejects
Slit up to there, sequins sequined and kinda low in the neck
It's a good thing Fred wasn't a hairy guy
Cause that zipper sure could’vemight've made him cry

Wasn't long after we got there, Fred was at the bar
This big guy came up behind him, said I've admired you from afar
Reached over and took his hand, said let's we two, have a dip
And then looked up in total disbelief at that hairy lip

Fred turned around quick as you please
Dropped that biker to his knees
Looked down at that big guy without a bit of fear
Said there won't be any apple bobbin' goin on round here

I ain't that way, I'll have you know
I'd never cheat on my new beau
Sonny, why don't you throw this jerk outta here
That big guy looked down at me, grinnin' ear to ear

In the previous verse, the biker's on his knees. When did he get up?

I stood there for a second, thought this ain't right
After all, I ain't never been in a fight
And the thought of being hit, felt surreal
But Fred was the one in wearing a dress and heels

So, I stood up to that biker, chin to chest
And I'm sure you can guess all the rest
yeah, he backed down, when he realized saw I wasn't a guy
That's when I let out one heck of a sigh

That night there were a lot of lessons learned
From when not to pick up women, to standin' firm
Lookin back doesn't seem like it seems not much times gone by
Since that scary and surreal Halloween night

And that s the story of how it all came about
We've been together since that first night we went out
And we still reverse roles every Halloween
I'm the knight in shining armor and he's my queen!


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

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Hi Caroline,

Here's my thoughts on trimmming.
Hope you don't mind me playing with it a little
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HALLOWEEN REVERSAL ?
The Story of Me and Fred© 2008 Caroline Holder


It was mid October, in '88
I found my self needin' a date
A costume party that kinda sucked
No time to be picky, just needed luck

So I.found a guy, tall and slender
Long hair, tattoo'd, played a Fender
Wasn't real sure but I thought he'd do
No long haul, just an hour or two

We'd go as friends, that seemed fair
I was Sonny and he was Cher
Couldn't get him to shave his stach
I was smooth as a baby's A$$

I picked his dress from formal rejects
Slit up to there, low in the neck
If Fred was a little, hairier guy
That zipper might've made him cry

While Fred was standing at the bar
This big guy took things way too far
Reached for his hand, said, let's have a dip
That's when he saw that hairy lip

Fred turned around quick as you please
Dropped that biker to his knees
Looked down without any fear
Said, "no apple bobbin' goin on round here"

I ain't that way, I'll have you know
I'd never cheat on my new beau
Sonny, throw this jerk right outta here
That big guy was grinnin' ear to ear

Just for a second, thought this ain't right
After all, I ain't never been in a fight
And the thought of being hit, felt surreal
But Fred was the one a dress and heels

I stood up to that biker, chin to chest
And I'm sure you can guess the rest
He backed right down, saw I wasn't a guy
That's when I let out a heck of a sigh

That night there were some lessons learned
About pickin' up women, and standin' firm
Now lookin back, at the time gone by
Since that Sonny and Cher Halloween night

And that s the story, how it came about
We've been together since that first night out
And we still reverse roles every Halloween
I'm the knight in armor and he's my queen
_________________________

Calvin


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Calvin!!

This is perfect!! LOL Thanks, I'd taken it with me last night to work on trimming, and came up close to what you have here, but I missed a lot too!

I appreciate this so much!!


Caroline


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Bobbie (got it right this time!) Beth, Donna,
Thanks for all the helpful input. You are some great ladies to know, that's for sure.
I really appreciate how you have all taken the time to read and post such detailed responses. That means a lot. I learn something new with each new song I write. It's so cool!!

This will be spoken, I've timed it with my original and it came up a little over 3 minutes. With these edits, I can now add a bit more music, maybe!!

I'm going to try to get this up by Wed. to be heard. I can actually record this one myself, since I won't be singing.






Caroline


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Cute one Caroline it's a goood one I like it


Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?
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Caroline: This has a lot of funny lines in it. Enjoyed reading the lyrics...Paul

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Hi CC

It absolutely amazes me, as to the input that others help you out with here. JPF is brilliant. grin

I read yours, then I read Donna's, then I read Calvins, and Wow, congrats to you all. smile

Looking forward to listening to it. whistle

Aussie friend

Michele

Last edited by Michele Bolton; 10/06/08 12:47 PM.

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