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#656300 - 09/30/08 02:50 PM "Forever and a Day"  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
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les_paul_gurl  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
This is an old song that I unburried and made a few little changes to.....please any thoughts, comments, suggestions are welcome smile

"Forever and a Day"

VERSE 1
I saw the stars shine in your eyes,
Their light reflected at me.
The whole world was passing by,
But somehow we didn't see.
We looked into the night;
Everything was just right.

VERSE 2
Being here so close to you,
I could see that you care.
This feeling was entirely new;
With you I could go anywhere.
Reality seemed far away,
Didn't want to come back that day.

CHORUS
If we could stay like this,
Forever and a day,
No one would take this feeling away.
And nothing could come between us
Here in this place we'll stay
Forever and a day.

VERSE 3
Sitting on the hood of my car
Not knowing where this will go.
Now we count the stars,
Thinking of places only we know.
Could this be a dream?
Or is it as good as it seems?

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Now that we've found love
We'll grow and age together
And even if our hearts change
Our place will stay forever.

REPEAT CHORUS

OUTRO
We could be together
Forever and a day
Forever and a day.


(c)Kassie Rogers 2005
All Rights Reserved

Last edited by les_paul_gurl; 10/03/08 10:03 AM.

Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#656641 - 10/01/08 11:30 PM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hi Kassie,

I like your hook! Sounds like it'd sing real nice and it contradicts itself which makes it interesting. smile I think you can probably go through this and "beef it up" some. Like the lines with "world" in them almost say the same thing and you could maybe add more meat there. And by using the word "place", do you mean time (forever and a day) or an actual place? I like the innocence and hopeful tone of it all.

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#656669 - 10/02/08 01:59 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
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les_paul_gurl  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
Kristi--

Thank you kindly for your suggestions....I changed the second world to 'reality'. I think that might add some beef to the line....By place, well I pretty much meant in love...but maybe I could come up with a better word for place...I dunno should I leave it or change it??? Thank you again, and have a great day smile

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#656692 - 10/02/08 04:15 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,177
Shayne Vaughan Offline
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Shayne Vaughan  Offline
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Edmonton, KY USA
Good lyric. One place I feel needs strengthening:

I could feel something there.
This feeling was entirely new;


You are using 10 words to describe a new feeling. I would replace "I could feel something there" with "My heart believes you really care" or something like that.

#656693 - 10/02/08 04:19 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: Shayne Vaughan]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
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les_paul_gurl  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
Shayne--

Thank you! I felt that was a weak spot but I wasn't sure what to put...care is a good work to use intead...do yo mind if I use it? smile Have a great day smile

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#656853 - 10/02/08 07:45 PM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,177
Shayne Vaughan Offline
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Shayne Vaughan  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,177
Edmonton, KY USA
Please use it smile

#656940 - 10/03/08 02:14 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: Shayne Vaughan]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
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les_paul_gurl  Offline
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Posts: 450
California, USA
Thank you Shayne smile


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#656955 - 10/03/08 08:17 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,839
Calvin Offline
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Calvin  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,839
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi gurl,

Sounds like a nice tune in the making.

VERSE 3
Sitting ON in the hood of my car ?
Not knowing where this will go.
Now we count the stars,
Thinking of places only we know.
Could this be a dream?
Or is it as good as it seems?

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Last edited by Calvin; 10/03/08 08:18 AM.
#656967 - 10/03/08 10:03 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
Serious Contributor
les_paul_gurl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
Calvin--

Thank you for pointing out the typo smile Have a wonderful day

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...
#656972 - 10/03/08 11:03 AM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: les_paul_gurl]  
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,666
DonnaMarilyn Offline
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DonnaMarilyn  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,666
Netherlands
Solid little lyric, Kassie. wink Simple, consistent, and plausible imagery. I've only one suggestion (KOS wink ). In v1:

The stars shone in your eyes,
Their light reflected at me.

It makes things more immediate. The listener will still know that it's the singer who saw that reflection, as it's indicated in the second line.

DM



Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#657121 - 10/03/08 10:35 PM Re: "Forever and a Day" [Re: DonnaMarilyn]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
les_paul_gurl Offline
Serious Contributor
les_paul_gurl  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 450
California, USA
DM--

Thank you for your comments.... I'll definitely have to consider your suggestion.....Have a wonderful day smile

~~Kassie~~


Love is the best, yet worst thing that can happen to a person...

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