This is an old song that I unburried and made a few little changes to.....please any thoughts, comments, suggestions are welcome

"Forever and a Day"

VERSE 1
I saw the stars shine in your eyes,
Their light reflected at me.
The whole world was passing by,
But somehow we didn't see.
We looked into the night;
Everything was just right.

VERSE 2
Being here so close to you,
I could see that you care.
This feeling was entirely new;
With you I could go anywhere.
Reality seemed far away,
Didn't want to come back that day.

CHORUS
If we could stay like this,
Forever and a day,
No one would take this feeling away.
And nothing could come between us
Here in this place we'll stay
Forever and a day.

VERSE 3
Sitting on the hood of my car
Not knowing where this will go.
Now we count the stars,
Thinking of places only we know.
Could this be a dream?
Or is it as good as it seems?

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Now that we've found love
We'll grow and age together
And even if our hearts change
Our place will stay forever.

REPEAT CHORUS

OUTRO
We could be together
Forever and a day
Forever and a day.


(c)Kassie Rogers 2005
All Rights Reserved

Hi Kassie,

I like your hook! Sounds like it'd sing real nice and it contradicts itself which makes it interesting. I think you can probably go through this and "beef it up" some. Like the lines with "world" in them almost say the same thing and you could maybe add more meat there. And by using the word "place", do you mean time (forever and a day) or an actual place? I like the innocence and hopeful tone of it all.

Kristi

Kristi--

Thank you kindly for your suggestions....I changed the second world to 'reality'. I think that might add some beef to the line....By place, well I pretty much meant in love...but maybe I could come up with a better word for place...I dunno should I leave it or change it??? Thank you again, and have a great day

~~Kassie~~

Good lyric. One place I feel needs strengthening:

I could feel something there.
This feeling was entirely new;

You are using 10 words to describe a new feeling. I would replace "I could feel something there" with "My heart believes you really care" or something like that.

Shayne--

Thank you! I felt that was a weak spot but I wasn't sure what to put...care is a good work to use intead...do yo mind if I use it? Have a great day

~~Kassie~~

Please use it

Thank you Shayne

Hi gurl,

Sounds like a nice tune in the making.

VERSE 3
Sitting ON in the hood of my car ?
Not knowing where this will go.
Now we count the stars,
Thinking of places only we know.
Could this be a dream?
Or is it as good as it seems?

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Calvin--

Thank you for pointing out the typo Have a wonderful day

~~Kassie~~

Solid little lyric, Kassie. Simple, consistent, and plausible imagery. I've only one suggestion (KOS ). In v1:

The stars shone in your eyes,
Their light reflected at me.

It makes things more immediate. The listener will still know that it's the singer who saw that reflection, as it's indicated in the second line.

DM

DM--

Thank you for your comments.... I'll definitely have to consider your suggestion.....Have a wonderful day

~~Kassie~~