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Does this make sense? I mean, I know parts of it do - but do the parts add up to a whole? In my mind they do - but sometimes I lose the ability to look at these things objectively Thanks!

I Won’t Walk Alone

I have seen the very bottom
Tasted defeat on bitter tears
I have watched doors close all over town
Let people feast upon my fears

Learned to stand tall through the darkness
Let the struggles make me strong
Knew that fallen stars would light the path
To the place where I belong

Now when I look at the horizon
I can see that I am on the edge
Of turning all my dreams into gold
And though the road may be uncertain
I know you’ll be right there with me
No matter what my future may hold
You’re on my side
And I won’t walk alone
I won’t walk alone

I laid my cards out on the table
And bared my soul for all to see
Then I reached down deep inside my heart
And I set the music free

The day I stepped out of the darkness
I felt the sun shine down on me
And I knew that with you by my side
I would some day find the key

Now when I look at the horizon
I can see that I am on the edge
Of turning all my dreams into gold
And though the road may be uncertain
I know you’ll be right there with me
No matter what my future may hold
You’re on my side
And I won’t walk alone
I won’t walk alone

Copyright 2008 Emma’s Gate Music/ASCAP
Amy Bogue

Hi Amy,

I believe it works for me, but I'd sure like to trim a few words.

I Won’t Walk Alone

I have seen the very bottom
Tasted defeat on MANY bitter tears
I have watched doors close all over town
Let people feastED upon my fears

Learned to stand tall through the darkness
Let the struggles make me strong
Knew that fallen stars would light the path-THIS IIS GREAT !
To the place where I belong

Now when I look at the horizon
I can see that I'm am on the edge
Of turning all my dreams into gold
And though the road may be uncertain
I know you’ll be right there with me
No matter what my future may holdS
You’re on my side
And I won’t walk alone
I won’t walk alone

I laid my cards out on the table
And bared my soul for all to see
Then I reached down deep inside my heart
And I set the music free

The day I stepped out of the darkness
I felt the sun shine down on me
And I knew that with you by my side
I would some day find the key

Now when I look at the horizon
I can see that I'M am on the edge
Of turning all my dreams into gold
And though the road may be uncertain
I know you’ll be right there with me
No matter what my future may holdS
You’re on my side
And I won’t walk alone
I won’t walk alone

Copyright 2008 Emma’s Gate Music/ASCAP
Amy Bogue

Hope you don't mind me trying to trim, & it's only my opinion too, I could easily be wrong :-)

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Calvin,

Thanks - and yes I do see what you are saying here. I think I filled those words in to fit the melody, but that's still in progress so maybe I could tighten it up a little bit. You're right - some of those do seem to be excessive.

Thank you for your input

Hi Amy,

I like your title and the sentiment expressed here. I think you've done a nice job telling your story. I will say, though, I wonder if some mention of the "you" should be in the beginning before the chorus as well. I kind of got the feeling the narrator was finding inner strength there with the first two verses, and to have the "you" come in later, as helping the narrator, was not surprising, exactly, but they weren't there before! So in a nutshell, the narrator was walking alone when I initially read it! Do you know what I mean?

I could be off...so don't mind me, just piping in here with my thoughts!

Kristi

Kristi - no I don't think you are off. Something about this song is bugging me - that's why I posted it up. I almost feel like it is two different songs - it's not quite right is it?

I have to think on this one. My gut feeling is that the last 6 lines of the chorus need to be removed and rewritten - including changing the title.

Hmmm......

Hi Amy

I think you have a nice one here. I really like these lines. I see you are reworking the chorus, but I hope you keep this part. jm

Now when I look at the horizon
I can see that I am on the edge

Hi Amy

I really like the lyrics in your song, and Calvin has offered some great suggestions. I am currently only learning myself, and golly songwriting is so much fun, but frustrating also, that I don't think I can offer any advice.

But I really understand when you say, you feel like there's two songs in the one, cause that happens to me a lot. I have just finished my second song, and it has taken months to get it where it is. A lot of the reason my lyrics kept changing was cause my hubby and I was going to sing it together, but now I am doing it by myself, and my hubby and others are harmonizing in the chorus with me, and also singing bits in the final chorus.

The song, well very painful for me, I was hurt so bad, from so many, that it hurt me deeply, to write the song. Now, I am so happy with the outcome, it has immensely helped me, that to know this song will help others, and was worth everything I went through with writing it.

So keep working on it Amy, cause I love a lot of the lines you have, so well done.

Michele
Aussie girl from down under

Amy,

I think you have a very good start. The first two verses are very effective and I particularly liked the images of "Let people feast upon my fears" and "fallen stars would light the path." Both lines are fresh and concrete and fit the context.

One point that bothers me is that it seems like you have two themes, (1) achieving success after disappointments, and (2) not being alone. The two themes are not tied together until Verse 4 - "I knew that with you by my side, I would some day find the key."

Verse 3, I think, has 4 cliches that are not presented in a fresh way. Maybe you can replace that verse with one with more specific information about this person.

Finally, when I read the chorus, it sounds like there is a line missing. Like it should read:

Now when I look at the horizon
I can see that I am on the edge
Of turning all my dreams into gold
AND DA DA DA DA DA
And though the road may be uncertain
I know you'll be right there with me
No matter what my future may hold
You're on my side
And I won't walk alone
I won't walk alone

Walt

Hi Joice,

Thanks for taking the time to comment - glad you like it
I probably will keep those two lines because it is the part of the song where it's sort of getting to the point of the whole thing. What I'm thinking is that it's in the end of the chorus where the theme starts to get wishy washy.

Hi Michele,

Thank you for your comments - I'm glad that you are enjoying the songwriting process - yeah, it can be frustrating sometimes, that's for sure. But I swear that it's what keeps me breathing.

Hi Walt,

You raise some very interesting points here, and some of what you are saying is kind of what has been going through my head. The cliches - well, here's a little background on this song. This one has been sitting around for a while unfinished. It actually started out as the song that I was going to write for this year's American Idol contest, but then I got frustrated with it and ended up going in a totally different direction and the song that was actually entered was one that I had cowritten and it was already complete. So I put this one on the shelf for a little while. Anyway, that may better explain the lines that are so cliche.

I'm going to think about your idea of adding a line to the chorus - that might work!

Thank you for taking the time to offer your comments