10 members (couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, VNORTH2, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, Bill Draper, David Gill),
4,251
guests, and
265
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13 |
Hi Folks,
I am just getting caught up with things since being out of town. My father passed away suddenly Wednesday night after going into critical condition on Tuesday. My brother and I made it down there before he passed but it was a bad situation. I don't want to get into it all at this time, but it's kind of sapped my energy a bit and I am just now getting back up to speed. Thanks to all those who offered their thoughts, I appreciate it. I strongly request that any of you reading this take a minute and, if your parent(s) are alive and well, give them a call right now and say hi. If they aren't and you have kids or a spouse/significant other, give them a call (or find them in the house). If you have neither, then be nice to a stranger next time you're out. Maybe you'll make a new friend.
I've had a lot of thoughts go through my head during all of this... most of them not happy, but a few had a glimmer of hope or a positive spin I could put on them. The ultimate cliche, "Life is short" is certainly one of them. I am finding a very low threshold of tolerance for the typical day to day nonsense that we come across and that spills over into accepting the typical daily nonsense of others. If I seem edgy, I apologize in advance. If you've been there, then you'll understand. If not, be glad you haven't and hope you avoid it as long as possible. My situation is certainly not even close to the hardship that I know many of you have faced so I've tried to keep all fo this downplayed as much as I can. I've met so many of you who have had the worst things imaginable happen, sometimes more than once and it seems almost obscene to even think in the face of what others suffer than I should even harbor a fraction of the emotions that they do.
Some day I will reflect on all of this and what it means on a wider basis. Perhaps I'll have some perspective to share for those who haven't been there. I do know that part of me wants to race a million miles an hour to do all the things I've yet to do in life and another part of me wants to just shut down and do absolutely nothing at all. Hopefully I can find a healthy medium somewhere in between.
So. for now I am back home and slipping back into my responsibilities which have piled up. I've reached out to a few folks about some creative projects I want to move forward a little and I'm contemplating what it all means. That's pretty much all you can do right?
Brian
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827 |
Hey brian,
Sorry to hear about your Dad.
I know what you mean, in becoming short tempered with nonsense. When the real stuff is there, the ridiculous does present itself more plainly. A smile and a shrug of the shoulders usually works pretty well.
Work harder or work less ? It's a common problem with artistic types. We all don't know what it means, so I guess we just strive harder for a sense of achievement.
Everyone gets the wobbles once and awhile, hope you get your balance back soon.
cheers, Geoff
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,541 |
Hi Brian
I am really sorry to hear about your Dad, I lost mine quiet a few years ago now, but my Mum has just turned eighty. I will be very sad when my Mum passes.
May God bless you, and big hugs to you and your family, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Your Aussie friend
Michele
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 336
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 336 |
Hi Brian, My thoughts are with you too. If you need anything I can do, I am close, Tony
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,114
Top 40 Poster
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,114 |
Hey Brian, I'm no psychologist, but I've heard them speak of the stages that you go through after a loved one passes. It's true. I went through it when my mother passed 16 years ago and finally accepted it and moved on. I recently went through the anger stage after my father passed last may. As you know we were at odds with each other, so I was angry with myself and with him. I felt that I never lived up to his expectations and that he wasn't patient enough to accept my small victories. I felt like I didn't work hard enough to achieve anything significant and let him down. After going through my internal tantrum and debate, I can move on now and speak of the good times we had, and leave the negative worldly thoughts behind buried in the ground. We had our final argument in my head. It's a refreshing feeling to have it out of your system so that you can keep moving on to make him proud. If it never happens, he can be proud that you tried. Ben
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3,065
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3,065 |
Hi Brian.Its a tough thing to face.Time cures somethings but not all.Hang in there and our prayers are with you and family.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 433
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 433 |
Brian, So sorry about your loss. Lost my father this year after suffering with alzeimers for a couple years. Such a strong man. He lived to be a ripe old age of 85 and it seemed such a shame for him to go out the way he did. His passing was a wake up call for me to put thing in perspective. I never go a day without telling my daughter and wife how much I love them and enjoy having them in my life. Seems I have a new appreciation for things that kind of irritated me before. I always tell friends who have minor complaint or gripes about friends or family to love them while you can because you never know how long you'll have them. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this tough time. Take Care!! Steve
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 387
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 387 |
Oh, Brian. May God give peace to you and your family. This isn't something to "compare" to others' grieving and hardships...it is what it is, and that is incredibly painful.
I am blessed to have my parents nearby and healthy, yet I know that can change in a moment. So I can't speak from personal experience, but I can encourage you to take care of yourself, and hope that you do find that "medium ground."
Wishing you peace,
Brenda
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,102
Top 25 Poster
|
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,102 |
Sorry to know you are in that weird time of having just lost a parent. It's so final, when as before, when growing up, we think our parents will always be there. Iggy once told me he's an orphan, for both his parents have passed. I went Wow! I guess there is the boy in us that makes it very tough to not have dad or mom around.
When my dad died, (and he was the best dad for me in so many ways), I just got mad as hell. I would do yard work and curse at the tough ground when trying to dig something up, or to make a hole for a plant. I found myself talking to myself,,(outside!), with no care if anyone could hear me or not,,,,I was pissed. Pissed at the way we all must die, as does everything.
I had just moved back on the street where I grew up, with mom and dad right across the street form this house I'm still in, (move back in 1996). My dad was SO happy that his only son was back, and could have a beer with more often when watching the Phillies. He helped me move a pile of stones, helped with everything he could. He was my new best friend "again". Then only 6 days later, he went into congestive heart failure. And 4 more days. he was gone. I made sure I thanked him for all the things he did. He have he all for me and my sister, but especially me, through sports and music, always teaching and supporting me, and always encouraging me, never with pushing.
It was shorty after that I started to write and play more again. Many songs came out in late 96 through 99.
So, I know about the boy who still needs his dad. I wonder how he thought about losing his dad,,,,and when my dad was only 10 or so. Then he lost his mom soon after, but not to death, but to an overdose of shock treatment from her depression about her husband's sudden death. When I think of how he never mentioned anything until we asked, I wonder how he turned out so good a person,,,a completely good person. His viewing was packed, and all his old buddies said about the same thing,,,,,that they don;t know why my dad like them all, for he was different. Didn't drink too much, Didn't cheat around. Watched his language, even when his friends would talk stuff at card games and such.
I would love to someday hear about your growing up days, or whatever will be on your mind later. I know this time is very tough for you. Make one really take stock in all things. Makes us more aware of the circle of life. We now take over for what has been taken from us. I just never feel worthy of filling my dad's shoes.....No way. I wonder how he was who he was. And still, life takes even him out of the picture here on earth. He is still with me in a way of course. But even after 12 years, I can relive the pain of the first days and weeks after. I was stunned. Shaken to the core. When he died, I never felt more alive. But it was a painful life for a while. Still is when I let my thoughts drift back. But then, I make myself think how lucky I am to have had a dad like him. The dichotomy of it all is really something....something tough to deal with at a times.
My thoughts are with you. Like I did, just keep doing "something", even if it's cursing at some tough dirt in the yard, for it's really cursing at the ways of life, which we can't do anything about.
You are a blessing to us all here, so do keep at it as best as you can, health willing.
Remember the deep breathing methods I talked about before? This would be a good time to do them, for sure! Even meditation, which can balance the mind when really under stress.
Take GOOD care of yourself,,,for at least you and Linda.
John
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,222 |
Hi Brian
Sorry to hear about your dad.
Ive been there too.
I include your father to my prayers.
Lynman
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 119
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 119 |
Post deleted by SteveHVasil
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,478
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,478 |
Brian,
I never know what to say at a time like this, so I will simply say I'm sorry.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13
Top 10 Poster
|
OP
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13 |
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 6
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 6 |
Very sorry to hear about your father. My heart goes out to you.
I lost my father to cancer when I was 5. I guess that's easier because I was too young to really know him. 35 years have past and I have very few memories. Most of what I know of him I got from my Mother's stories. Sounds like I'm just like him!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240 |
I'm so sorry for your loss, Brian....Hoping more smiles..and good memories will come as the days go by.
I take your advice about reaching out to those who are still here very seriously....and it's good advice!.. My mom (88) & I talk on the phone each day.....She's a delight..and quite a bird...and I realize...the time is special.
so yes....reach out....while they're still here... and if there's issues..try to resolve them.
best.................to you and family, Kaley
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,037 Likes: 1 |
Hi Brian - sorry so late! I am very sorry to hear about your Dad. be well. Joanne
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|