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Any and all comments appreciated.  Edit 7/20/08: Still a work in progress....I'm gonna let it sit more. Now is Forever ©2008 Kristi McKeever I know this feeling well It’s loyal like a friend I’ve gone and done it now Found love by accident Pure luck is in my corner Cuz the world is a big place How do kindred spirits meet And share life with an embrace (lift) The sun will set and the moon will shine but (ch) Now is forever When I’m with you Moments don’t matter Just these feelings do Your tender gaze Falls soft on my face Now is forever When love celebrates Perhaps we needed to wait See all of life’s true colors Learn what best friends look like so We would recognize each other (prech) The sun will set and the moon will shine but (ch) Now is forever When I’m with you Moments don’t matter Just these feelings do Your tender gaze Falls soft on my face Now is forever When love celebrates (br) And if we fall behind and Let the magic lose its place Tempt me with your deep desires And the glowing fire will wake (prech) The sun will set and the moon will shine but (ch) Now is forever When I’m with you Moments don’t matter Just these feelings do Your tender gaze Falls soft on my face Now is forever When love celebrates ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Now Is Forever ©2008 Kristi McKeever- Version 2 I know this feeling well It’s loyal like a friend I’ve gone and done it now Found love by accident Pure luck is in my corner Cuz the world is a big place How do kindred spirits meet And share life in an embrace (OR with so few hours in a day) (lift) The sun shines on a ruby vine because (ch) Now is forever When I’m with you Moments don’t matter Just these feelings do Your tender gaze Lays soft on my face Now is forever When love celebrates Perhaps we needed to wait See all of life’s true colors Learn what best friends look like so We would recognize each other (lift) The sun shines on a ruby vine because (ch) Now is forever When I’m with you Moments don’t matter Just these feelings do Your tender gaze Lays soft on my face Now is forever When love celebrates (br) And if we fall behind and Let the magic lose its place Tempt me with your deep desires And my sleepy eyes will wake (lift) The sun shines on a ruby vine because (ch) Now is forever When I’m with you Moments don’t matter Just these feelings do Your tender gaze Lays soft on my face Now is forever When love celebrates
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Breck Girl, A beautiful lyric. Lots of pretty lines. Pure luck is in my corner Cuz the world is a big place How do kindred spirits meet And share life in an WITH embrace ? Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi Kristi This is very tender and pretty. I feel a little in the dark 'cause I'm not sure of the significance of the ruby color.... does it mean true love or something? Lays soft on my face - just an option maybe falls? on my face Nice writing all in all jm
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Hi Calvin, Thanks so much for your very nice feedback…! Yeah, that part, “in an embrace” might be hard to sing. I wondered about that. I like “with” also…never underestimate the power of the little words, right?! I always appreciate your comments and your time. Thanks again, Calvin! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Joice, Funny you ask the significance of ruby….I have no idea! It just came out!  What I did when I was writing it was google ruby vine to see if such a thing existed and up came a very pretty necklace. I don’t mean to add any meaning there other than something real strong and powerful. Maybe it’s too obscure or distracting… Hey, “falls” instead of “lays” is a nice idea. It’s gentler I suppose. Thanks so much for your input….I appreciate it so much! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Kristi Baby! Aw, I can't stand how you do this so easily. Is this something you wrote on the fly between trips? AAARGH! Okay, now that THAT'S out of the way, let me say how much I enjoyed this. Very personal, very tender, and very hopeful. While some of the other sections are more typically lyrical (and I mean that in the very best way!), I was drawn to the message in the bridge: Perhaps we needed to wait See all of life’s true colors Learn what best friends look like so We would recognize each other I like that the subject -- even knowing the risks -- remains optimistic about love. As I've quoted more often than once, "you must go out on a limb, for that is where the fruit is". Finally, this song needs music! On your behalf, might I plead with some of you musicians to whip up a lovely melody and vocal for this one? Thank you! And thanks for sharing, Kristi. Hope you don't mind my being so forward (though let me add -- too little too late!!) Ciao for now, Beth
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Hi Kristi,
Good writing and very good hook.
Ahha---I didn't recognize the ruby vine thing so 'course I had to Google it and the necklace thing is all I found. Doesn't seem meaningful enough as related to the song. Maybe should rethink that being as it's pretty prominent. ,
I don't really find that much to nit. The kast bridge line I thought might be better. a possibility-
"""""""And my sleeping fire will flame""""""" or something along that line.
Good job
Wy
(Mud)
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Hi Kristi,
Nice song I like it all, but like the Ch' best, these lines
---Your tender gaze
---lays soft on my face,-- good lines.
You might use ( Passion vine ) in place of ruby, it might fit better.
Just a thought.
Emmy
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Aw, I can't stand how you do this so easily. Is this something you wrote on the fly between trips? AAARGH! Okay, now that THAT'S out of the way, let me say how much I enjoyed this. Very personal, very tender, and very hopeful. I like that the subject -- even knowing the risks -- remains optimistic about love. As I've quoted more often than once, "you must go out on a limb, for that is where the fruit is". Finally, this song needs music! On your behalf, might I plead with some of you musicians to whip up a lovely melody and vocal for this one? Thank you! And thanks for sharing, Kristi. Hope you don't mind my being so forward (though let me add -- too little too late!!) Hi Beth! Looks like I’ve got an agent! More power to ya! LOL Nice idea Beth. I do so appreciate your comments and support, my friend! Btw, it didn’t really come easy…bit and pieces over a few days….I surrounded a certain feeling with circumstances which took time to develop….I usually don’t get a whole lyric in one sitting! You’ve never heard me say (yet), “I wrote this after breakfast today!” (especially since I don’t usually eat breakfast! Ha Ha) Anyway, thanks for your positive voice….very much appreciated! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Well, Kristi, I hate to sound like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon, but heck, this really is a lovely, heartfelt piece of writing. It will make a beautiful ballad, to be sure.
I'm with some of the others about the RUBY VINE line. It's an interesting image, and sounds pretty, but comes off a bit meaningless. I would suggest you simplify it there and say something like
THE SUN SHINES ALL THE TIME BECAUSE...
For me, that would be in keeping with the simple honesty of the over all idea that you're trying to get across.
Very nicely done!
Greg
If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
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Hi Kristi,
Good writing and very good hook.
Ahha---I didn't recognize the ruby vine thing so 'course I had to Google it and the necklace thing is all I found. Doesn't seem meaningful enough as related to the song. Maybe should rethink that being as it's pretty prominent. ,
I don't really find that much to nit. The kast bridge line I thought might be better. a possibility-
"""""""And my sleeping fire will flame""""""" or something along that line. Hi Wy, Well thank you for those nice words. Yes, I wondered how that ruby vine phrase would fly....I guess since a ruby is red, I thought it might "go" somehow with the idea of love....hmmmmm....something to think about...thank you. And that's a good suggestion..."and my sleeping fire will flame"...huh....okay, yeah, something like that...I feel my brain working on these ideas already! I appreciate you coming by and offering your input! Thanks again, Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Nice song I like it all, but like the Ch' best, these lines
---Your tender gaze
---lays soft on my face,-- good lines.
You might use ( Passion vine ) in place of ruby, it might fit better.
Just a thought.
Emmy Hi Emmy, Very nice to meet you! Thanks for letting me know what you think works...one is never sure...case in point with that ruby vine line! Passion vine is an option...and my brain is starting to stir.... Thank you for taking time to read and offer your thoughts! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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I'm with some of the others about the RUBY VINE line. It's an interesting image, and sounds pretty, but comes off a bit meaningless. I would suggest you simplify it there and say something like
THE SUN SHINES ALL THE TIME BECAUSE...
For me, that would be in keeping with the simple honesty of the over all idea that you're trying to get across.
Very nicely done! Greg Hi Greg, Hey, thanks for your kind words! Yeah, that ruby vine is glaring back at everyone it seems, so looks like it needs to change. Hey, you try different things and not all of them work, right? That's a good point you make about keeping with the simple honesty of the piece. Your idea certainly speaks to that. Like I told the others, my brain is a-churning right now about that very line...along with the good suggestions offered. (And it WILL bug me til I decide what to do...!) Thanks again! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hi Kristi:
Geez, I just love this part:
Perhaps we needed to wait
See all of life’s true colors
Learn what best friends look like so
We would recognize each other
I think this is very strong and will make a beautiful song. The only place I'd be tempted to give the lyric a little more thought is in the bolded lines below:
I know this feeling well
It’s loyal like a friend
I’ve gone and done it now
Found love by accident
Pure luck is in my corner
Cuz the world is a big place
How do kindred spirits meet
And share life in an embrace
(lift)
The sun shines but we lose time because
(ch)
Now is forever
I like the way you question how anybody finds a soul mate on a planet of 6 billion people. And I dig the chorus. What I think this could use is a smoother transition from that idea to the chorus. And I think it could be done in those three lines.
(Edit: I don't mean smooth in flow - I mean smooth in content. How to end the verse so that it points to the chorus).
Not to say I don't like what you have - more a question of how to go from good to better. And just one opinion, of course.....
Best of luck with this - will be a nice one!
Scott
Last edited by Scott Campbell; 07/10/08 03:41 PM.
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Scott, Hey, thanks so much for your very nice words! And your suggestions to making it work better. My mind is thinking about all this. Point to the chorus. Point to the chorus. That would add the time element to those lines. Hmmmm……and that lift is gonna go thru many transitions I believe! My brain usually has to hash it out while I’m washing dishes or something, like sleeping! (but then, am I really sleeping then?) lol Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts. Hopefully some new (and improved) ideas will surface... Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hey Kristi. A very sweet lyric, all in all. I have a few nits though. Mind, they're only nits.
Firstly, the lift states they lose time. Yet the chorus states now is forever. Might just be me, but it seems a bit contradictory. Unless I'm misunderstanding somehow.
Also, the bridge is labelled as a bridge, but it maintains the same structure and meter. Strikes me as a bit unusual.
Only small nits though, I enjoyed the read.
Cheers
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Hi Stag, Thanks for your kind words. Yes, you are absolutely right. See, I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote that lift...I meant they lose TRACK of time...but I've gone and changed it anyway now! LOL Interesting observation about the bridge. Hadn't realized that. Oh dear. For once I actually have an idea for a bridge too! Hmmmmm....not sure what to do about that. But I appreciate your feedback! It's a work in progress...(everything of mine is! ) Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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HiDee Mz Sunshine!
A very Sweet & Soft One, M'LadyChum!
As One who's aware of Time & Its Measurement..I'd sug "Now LASTS Forever"...since "Now" is kinda the fleeting-est Building Block OF "Forever". "Now" can be a mere Mili-Second..while "Forever" is just that.
Mere Semantics, of course...& I feel kinda Grinchy for even mentioning it... ;-)> But..of course, I kinda wanted "WITH" in place of "ON" in "We Built This City On Rock & Roll"...too!
Overall "KUDOS"..now back to Lurk Mode after wishin' ya Good Luck With It!
Big Hugs from Da Grinch,
Stan
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Stan, Grinch! :o No grinch! That's what's so great about the creative process. You just throw things out there and see what happens! That's how you get to the best stuff sometimes, ya know? I hadn't thought of it the way you explain it, so I will have to!! Thank you for your kind comments and suggestion...always appreciated! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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