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#105179 - 02/01/04 02:18 PM We Had a Deal AUDIO link  
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,513
Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,513
Nashville, TN
WE HAD A DEAL

V1
Janey couldnít wait for the day
When Jimmy said she could go away with him
On an long and and all day ride
She showed up in time to watch him go
With four of his friends she ran into the road
Grabbed his handlebars and said

CHORUS
You canít leave, not without me
We had a deal donít you remember
You swore, you promised I could come
You canít take it back, itís a done deal
Donít you dare go back on a promise
Itís not fair and I donít care, who you tell
We had a deal.

V2
Since the day they both turned one
Sheíd follow him and he would run away
She had to make a deal
She said I know youíre the one thatís strong
Iím tryin to keep up is that so wrong, of me
I want to come along

CHORUS

(bridge unwritten, something about after Billy grows up heís very successful and she
always been trying to be like him)

V3
Her cell phone rang and she caught her breath
When Billy said Iím scared to death can you come?
I think Iíve done it now
All those years of running away, finally caught up with me today
Iím afraidÖI donít wanna be alone
V4
She stepped through the door
over needles and pain
Kicked a dirty spoon
and swore at the shame
and she screamed, ďyou promised you would waitÖ.Ē

Alt CHORUS
Cus you canít leave, not without me, w
e had a deal, donít you remember
I swore, I promised I would come
I canít take it back, itís a done deal, donít you dare go back on a promise
Itís not fair, donít you care?
Iím gonna tellÖÖ
we had a deal.

copyright Kay-lynn Carew, BMI

Last edited by Kay-lynn Carew; 06/19/08 08:53 PM.

"It Mattered to THAT One"
#105180 - 02/03/04 03:40 AM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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slow week? Is everyone gone?

Ok.. i'll just let this lyric sink to the bottom.. I hate to be a whiner. haha


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#105181 - 02/03/04 04:29 AM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Annie Tennisco Offline
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Annie Tennisco  Offline
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Kelowna
sorry red! I tried to put it together--- saw your idea--need to rewrite?
annie

#105182 - 02/03/04 11:37 AM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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they're brother and sister.. I guess that's not clear?


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#105183 - 02/09/04 01:20 AM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Marty Helly  Offline

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Posts: 2,027
Florence, MA, USA
Kay-lynn -

I wasn't ready for the second half of this one - kind of a shock for him to turn into an addict ... I saw a few nits in the first half but then the whole concept hit me upside the head and they seemed insignificant.

I'll come back and read this again and see if it feels like it works or is just too much of a shock factor.




------------------
Marty listen here

Is there a setting on the digital delay that will allow me to think before I speak?


Marty my home

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!
#105184 - 02/09/04 04:16 AM Re: We Had a Deal  
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TheCiscoKid Offline
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TheCiscoKid  Offline
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Posts: 539
central Illinois
Kay-Lynn!
ummmm... I gotta say I couldn't follow it.
I do see the shocking ending, but the aspect of brother and sister was invisible until you pointed it out to me in a later post.
I'd re-do that sucka...make the bro & sis aspect straight-up at the gate, define the "promise" & what it's really about.
Whew... that's a tough song to write, girl!
Oh.. double-check that third line...k? [Linked Image]

You had me long ago with "Love Comes In"...and I don't want you hangin' in that dark blue funk for too long, ya hear!?

-Gary

#105185 - 02/09/04 12:50 PM Re: We Had a Deal  
Joined: Feb 2004
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Saeed Offline
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Saeed  Offline
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Pakistan
hey i think i found that one catchy and specielly when i don't remember the names but one time when the car ran over them four ones

read my lyrics too by name of saeed

bye for now
saeed


Close the door of your Room and pluck the strings of electric guitar so hard until you stain your white T-shirt with red blood
#105186 - 02/09/04 04:30 PM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Paul T Wentworth Offline
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Paul T Wentworth  Offline
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Phoenixville, PA
Kay-Lynn: Had to take a crack at this one. I think its so much different than anything I have read from your pen. Stay with it. Keep at it. I think its very good.

Her cell phone rang and she caught her breath
When Billy said Iím scared to death can you come?
I think Iíve done it now
Those things that Ive been running from, finally caught up with me today
Today I donít wanna be alone
V4
She stepped through the door
over needles and pain
Found him on the floor and cried his name
and she screamed, ďyou promised you would waitÖ.Ē

#105187 - 02/09/04 06:08 PM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Thank you for replying.. I wonder if I should be as concerned about if the listener understands immediately that it is brother and sister.. ??

Paul:.. Thanks for your comments once again. This is one of those songs that keeps haunting me because "I" personally want it to be stronger. It has a great melody (big surprise eh? LOL)... I'm thinking I made be yanking the listener through the story instead of leading.

(sigh)..


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#105188 - 02/10/04 12:17 PM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Paul T Wentworth Offline
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Paul T Wentworth  Offline
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TO me it reads okay . You seem to be giving the reader plenty of time to "get" the relationship. Maybe it could more clearer, Im not sure, Its a killer song. And your teasing me with the melody. Can I hear it?
Please.....??

Adios........Paul

#105189 - 02/10/04 01:08 PM Re: We Had a Deal  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Well Paul, as soon as I get my RECOVER disc from emachines and get my computer back up and running I will surely make you a file ok?

I'm responding from work.

Being without my computer is giving me the heebie geebies.. hahah


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#612158 - 05/03/08 02:45 AM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,142
Brian Austin Whitney Online content
Brian Austin Whitney  Online Content

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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,142
Indianapolis, IN USA
Anyone seen Kay-Lynn? She hasn't been around in over a year?


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
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Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
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"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]
#613490 - 05/07/08 01:15 PM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Brian Austin Whitney]  
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lane1777 Offline
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south of the mason,dixon line
I got the brother and sis" part right off, this could be a heart breaker. Lane


"Some have a need to chisel in stone, All have a need to be heard" Vincent
#621327 - 05/30/08 04:40 PM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: lane1777]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Yes I'm still here. Been dealing with life for a awhile, but still writing. www.myspace.com/carewmusic

I still like this song very much, thanks for the comment Lane!

Kay-lynn


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#621359 - 05/30/08 06:05 PM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Herbie Gaines Offline
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Herbie Gaines  Offline
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Chicago,IL, USA
Hey Red
Nice to see ya 'round...! ! ! Hope life is treating you well ! !


Herbie
JPF Chicago Chapter Coordinator
http://www.herbietunes.com

#621990 - 06/02/08 12:40 AM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Herbie Gaines]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Thanks Herbie..............I'll try to get here more often.

Kay-lynn


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#622031 - 06/02/08 05:36 AM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
Joined: May 2008
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Jim Offerman Offline
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Jim Offerman  Offline
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Utrecht, The Netherlands
Hey Kay-lynn,

You talked about yanking the listener through the story a few posts back... maybe you are just trying to explain too much in a short space? I don't think that the listener needs to know Janey and Jimmy are brother and sister to understand the story, but they do need to know more about this deal - because that is the meat of the matter, right?




Jim Offerman ~ inspirational pop music
blog - follow me twitter - buy 'Start Here' on bandcamp!
#626967 - 06/19/08 08:10 PM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Jim Offerman]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Jim,
We had a deal is a simple phrase that kids use with each other.

Brothers and sisters fight all the time, but they still love each other. As they get older, sometimes the weaker one ends up watching the strong one take a nose dive.

I'll get a work tape up on soundclick today.

Kay-lynn


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#626975 - 06/19/08 08:52 PM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Here is the work tape of the melody... I know it needs a bridge or something.. argg.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=39466&songID=6648128


"It Mattered to THAT One"
#627177 - 06/20/08 06:55 PM Re: We Had a Deal [Re: Kay-lynn Carew]  
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Kay-lynn Carew Offline
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Kay-lynn Carew  Offline
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Nashville, TN
Really would like some help on editing this song.... cus I really like the chorus.

I might even re-write the whole thing and just keep the chorus. What do you think?


"It Mattered to THAT One"

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