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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10
J
Casual Observer
OP Offline
Casual Observer
J
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10
Title: Another Place

Sometimes life just isn't easy
We have responsibilities and stress
Sometimes just going to the same old job
Can really put us to the test
There's always bills in my mailbox
And problems that arise
But they always seem to disappear
When I look into your eyes

Chorus
My worries seem to fade away
When I see your smiling face
Your eyes say that they love me
And take me to another place
A place where there is peace and calm
Far away from the rat race
I'm so lucky God blessed me with you
To take me to that other place


I love to spend my time with you
To hear your laughter and sweet voice
We all have things that we can dwell on
But thinking of you is my favorite choice
So if I get a little side tracked
And start to get off base
Honey just reach out and take my hand
And take me to that to that other place.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Hi Jimmy and welcome to JPF.
This board's been pretty slow but it does move a little
now and then. Pretty good hook. I can't say that I've seen it before.
Not bad. Like most of our songs, mine included, it probably needs a bit more to "set it apart"
Seems like "responsibilities", besides being a $2 word".might be a bit difficult to sing.
Some of the rhymes are what they call "easy" rhymes. In other words, you can almost see them coming
In the last line of the song, personally I'd prefer "and lets go to that other place" to keep from repeating "take"
"Rat race", they told me the last time I used it, has been used an awful lot.
Nevertheless, you have a good hook IMO to build on
Good luck with it
Wy


Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 81
Serious Contributor
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 81
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwzers jimmy i like this one it is awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Hi Jimmy,

I printed this off to work on a few days ago, so sorry it took me 'til now to get back to you. I went over it and this is what I may have done with it to give it a little less simplicity.
Its your song so KOS....Jan

Sometimes life's not easy
Filled with demands and stress
Going to the same old job
Always trying to do your best
Bills fill up the mailbox
New challenges arise
They all seem to disappear
With one look in your eyes

My worries fade away
You take me to Another Place
Its the best part of my day
Peace waits in your smiling face
I'm a lucky man...so, Honey take my hand
Let's go to Another Place

Love spending time with you
Hear the laughter in your voice
There's things that we could dwell on
Looking at you is my first choice
Reminds me of all I have
If I get too far off base
Say that I'm you're man for life
Take me to that other place

Repeat Chorus:

Bridge:

If we always have each other
Things will turn from wrong to right
When life gets a little rough
I'll look deeply in your eyes
Cause....

Repeat Chorus:

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 113
K
Serious Contributor
Offline
Serious Contributor
K
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 113
Jimmy,

You should really make sure to put a copyright on your stuff.

I really like this! Mostly, I think that it just has the regular extra words. The measure can usually take out the extra ones, and making sure that there are no over used ones (i.e “always”).
What do you think about this?

Another Place

Sometimes life just isn't easy
Responsibilities and stress
going to the same old job
put us to the test
Bills fill my mailbox
Problems that arise
Always seem to disappear
When I look into your eyes

Chorus
My worries seem to fade away
When I see your smiling face
Your eyes say that they love me
take me to another place
A place where there is peace and calm
Far away from the rat race
God blessed me with you
Take me to that other place


I love to spend my time with you
Your laughter and sweet voice
We all have things we dwell on
But you're my favorite choice
So if I get a little side tracked
Start to get off base
Just reach out and take my hand
Take me to that to that other place.


Kendo

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 5
L
Casual Observer
Offline
Casual Observer
L
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 5
i Think the chorus could use some work. Maybe more creativity




-Liz
UMGD

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
B
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
B
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Hope ya'll know this guy hasn't responded yet, and it's been, oh.....TEN months!!!!

Jan, yours cracked me up...apologizing for a "few days." grin


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