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Corey Offline OP
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I wrote the lyrics, Al did everything else. (Talented, ain't he?)

Listen to it here; first song on the page: http://www.myspace.com/coreyparkmansongwriter

These Were the Days
©2008 Corey Parkman/Al Carmichael

We just fixed the oven, now the microwave is broke
I think our old car might be the next to go
And the pile of bills is rising toward the sky
Daycare's going up, but my paycheck ain't
And if that's not enough, you're a couple weeks late
In time, we'll look back and smile

Cause these were the days
Though sometimes it's hard to see
We got it good, girl
And we're makin' some sweet memories
Tellin' our story with every turn of the page
When our hair turns gray
We'll look back and say
These were the days

These stressed, un-rested days we complain about
Baby, I can see us forty years from now
In the attic, with our souvenirs
Trophies and scrapbooks in a cedar chest
A DVD of the baby's first steps
We're gonna laugh right through the tears

(Repeat Chorus)

So many counting on tomorrow
They miss the happiness in front of them
But it's a good bet
That I'll have no regrets
When right now becomes back then

Cause these are the days
Though sometimes it's hard to see
We got it so good girl
And we're makin' such sweet memories
Tellin' love's story with every turn of the page
And I know someday--we'll look back and say
These were the days
These were the days

Last edited by Corey; 01/18/08 12:02 AM.
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Oh, Corey this is gorgeous. I love it. I give it a standing ovation!!! Where's THAT icon?

Vanessa

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Corey Offline OP
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Thanks so much, Vanessa! I really appreciate it.

Corey

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Corey,

This is just so darned beautiful from start to finish. Perfect marriage of lyric and melody as far as I can hear....love it.

Jan

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great Lyric, appropriate music for the content, although Al does a good job with the vocal-I hear someone with a younger sounding voice picking this up. This has that honest quality that is the foundation of traditional country...work it...good luck...MJ

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HIT City, Amigo!

Think we Both tapped into Carly Simon's Original Message..heh..

& I, of course, Like YOUR Version LOTS-Better!

"KUDOS" for a real Sweet One that oughta sell Like Hotcakes!

Good Luck with it,
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

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Corey,

I think this is sweet and simply delivered. Just enough mix of the two.

Enjoyed the listen! smile

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Corey Offline OP
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Thanks Janice. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Corey

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Corey Offline OP
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Thanks Moker. Glad you liked it.

CP

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Corey Offline OP
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Thanks Tampaman! I do really appreciate the kind words buddy. Hope you have a great weekend.

Corey

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Howdy Corey,

I truly liked this a lot...although..as a REAL oldtimer here...I have to admit I had to first get past the other song by this title that immediately started looping through my head. I admit it was loopy enough there already. Don't recall who the singer was on this...but it was a HUGE hit but so long ago I am not sure it would matter one bit. Was a female singer back in prolly the 60's or early 70's. Am sure someone here will know who it was.

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance...forever and a day

Al did a nice job with the music on this and the lyric is one all of us can relate to.

Hugs,
Bobbie

EDIT: Oh my goodness...I found the lyrics. I had forgotten a lot of this...including how incredibly simple the chorus was!!! Check it out!! AMAZING. You think this chorus would pass muster here on JPF?? ROFL Nother case where the music really did the work.

The singer was Mary Hopkins. WOW...

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la

Last edited by Bobbie Gallup; 01/20/08 05:55 AM.

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Corey,
you've made me forget the theme song to "All in the Family".

You're an inspiration. This is marvelous. You done good.

John


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Hi Corey and Al,

Wonderful and sweet. Perfect prosody!

A few tiny tiny things. You have "every turn of the page" in your Chorus and you sing "each turn of the page" so I would change the print in the lyric. In you 2nd verse 3rd line it seems like you're shy just a couple syllables to be in meter with 1st verse. You have:

"in the attic with our souvenirs"

you could sing:

"up here in our attic with our souvenirs"

or

"going through our attic with our (treasured)souvenirs"

I think you could almost sing the last line of final chorus a third time (you are presently singing two). By the way the hook is a nice twist on the normal words of "those were the days", very clever! Great job!!

Best to you both,
Lynn
P.S.In the 1st verse would it be good to change "our old car" to "our old Ford" to just give it more personalization???
P.S.S. Pitch it!!

gotta run off to church............

Last edited by Lynn Orloff; 01/20/08 12:50 PM.

My Music at Soundclick
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~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

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Corey Offline OP
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Thanks Kristi! I think Al did a great job getting the message across in a straightforward but emotional way. We're happy you enjoyed the listen!

Corey

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Hey Corey,

I like this b/c it captures the daily grind of all of us middle class folks stuggling along with children, jobs, hobbies. We should try to savor these times in our lives. They will not come again. It's a good reminder not to wait.

I think it could be a great country hit. Al did a wonderful job with it. You both should be proud. I wish you the best of luck with getting it some airplay.


http://www.reverbnation.com/wendydumond

https://soundcloud.com/#mamby-p

http://www.reverbnation.com/donsechelski

Link for Blackfoot Daisy band


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Corey content is okay meter is all over the ef--ing auction

Mark up the syllables and you will see.

Nothing new in the lyric all been done before

You cant look back and say "these were the days ", it's gotta be "Those Were The Days"

Matt


Without the right music your clever lyrics will never be heard, if you want success be prepared to re write many times and even change the meter you chose originally
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Corey Offline OP
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Thanks Bobbie. I've never heard that song, actually. It will probably be a stumbling block to some, but hopefully not most. smile

Corey

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Hi Corey,

I remember the song Ms. Bobbie mentioned and I'm glad she posted the lyrics. I LOVED that song as a kid and remember exactly where I was when I first heard it---in my Mom's car (a blue something or other---maybe a Rambler--not sure). She was picking up my siblings from school and then going to the post office that day. I remember the stamp with the bald-headed president on the letter. Later, I learned he was Isenhower (sp?). Those were the days. I never read the lyrics and Wow! They say so much.

Yours say something a great deal different. And I thought you had heard "Those Were The Days" when you wrote yours. I liked the 'twist'! Now I see it wasn't a twist. That works too. For me anyway. smile

Vanessa

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Corey Offline OP
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John, you're too kind. Thanks for listening!

Thanks Lynn. Nice suggestions. We'll consider these before finalizing and pitching!

Thanks Wendy. Most of my lyrics are not from my real life, but most of this one is... I'm glad you could relate.

Matt, did you even listen? Syllable counting is not a part of my songwriting anymore for the most part... meter is about flow and how words sing, not literally counting syllables. I'll agree this is well-covered ground (and honestly one of my more cliche lyrics), but it's all been done so you just have to put your own spin on things to keep them new and fresh. Since you've been the only negative reply (which I respect and appreciate)out of 20+ comments here and at another more stringent reviewing site, I'll assume that this was at least fresh enough to catch most people's attention. The music makes the song here anyway, which is often the case in sentimental songs like this one. And as far as "these" not working, you're over-thinking it. It works. Of course we won't literally look back and say "these" were the days, but we'll be talking about "these" days in the future.

Hi again, Vanessa. I'll have to check that song out. Glad this one still works for you.

Corey


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