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#576034 - 01/16/08 12:26 PM Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song)  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Kenny Chaffin Offline
Casual Observer
Kenny Chaffin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Aurora, CO

Still Alive at Fifty-Five


When I was young
I shone like the sun
and I知 still not 64
my mind痴 twenty-five
and I知 still pretty sure
I値l die before I get old.

Creaks in my bones
Blanks in my brain
The kids think I知 well past my prime
what they don稚 know
is the Phoenix will rise
I値l shine like the sun again.

[Chorus:]
Still alive at fifty-five
double-digit decline
seen it all, done it all
and still the world痴 not mine.

Many have re-
invented themselves
poets and painters of life
changing their tune in midlife
I know I can, I値l do it too
I値l write my very own song

(chorus)

I値l start like this
I値l write this song
to show you what I致e got
so you can feel
the things I feel
when I知 fifty-five.

(chorus/fade)



Kenny A. Chaffin 1/13/2008


This still needs some tweaks, but I think it's close so wanted to get some input before the next edit.

Thanks in advance,
KAC


Last edited by Kenny Chaffin; 01/16/08 02:43 PM.

Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Poetry: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/index.html
Art: http://www.kacweb.com/artgallery.html
Photo Gallery: http://www.kacweb.com/cgibin/emAlbum.cgi
"Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
#576284 - 01/17/08 03:12 AM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Kenny Chaffin]  
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,657
Emily Sanders Offline
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Emily Sanders  Offline
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Posts: 4,657
Santa Monica, CA
Nice one, Kenny! Happy Birthday! smile

Emily

#576302 - 01/17/08 03:50 AM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Emily Sanders]  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,102
Johnny Daubert Offline
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Johnny Daubert  Offline
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Posts: 8,102
New Jersey, USA
I share with you the turning of 55, (1-11-53)!

Like your lyric!

Happy 55th! Isn't the year, and "number" '53 cool!

John



Actually a Member Since 1996 or 97 (Number One Hundred Something).
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=1409522





#576513 - 01/17/08 10:36 PM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Johnny Daubert]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Hi Kenny,

I like the simplicity of the lyric and free-flowing form. These two lines I feel could be stronger:

poets and painters of life
changing their tune in midlife

Since they both have life in them, it sort of weakens the meaning of them singularly, for me, anyway. It's also redundant in a way to say poets and painters of life, because I assume that that's what they are already.

You've reminded me of my grandfather. He used to always say he was a 40 year old man in a 60 year old body! Mind over matter! smile

Kristi

Last edited by Kristi McKeever; 01/17/08 10:43 PM.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#576653 - 01/18/08 10:25 AM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,247
Gary E. Andrews Offline
Gary E. Andrews  Offline

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Posts: 2,247
Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
The lack of rhyme seems problematic. Rhythmically, it works.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
#576686 - 01/18/08 12:37 PM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,463
BIG JIM MERRILEES Offline
BIG JIM MERRILEES  Offline

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Posts: 8,463
Edinburgh, Scotland. UK
I am with Gary on th rhyming. Happy birthday mine is in August I too will be 55 then but I still feel like a twenty year old. Trouble is I cant seem to find one willing.
Yep your only as old as you feel
and when you stop feeling you are old.

#576712 - 01/18/08 02:24 PM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: BIG JIM MERRILEES]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,554
Jack Swain Offline
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Jack Swain  Offline
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Berwyn, IL, US
Well to paraphrase the Red Rocker, "I can't thrive at fifty-five!!!"

#576715 - 01/18/08 02:35 PM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Jack Swain]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
Mike Dunbar Offline
JPF Mentor
Mike Dunbar  Offline
JPF Mentor

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
Nashville Tennessee
Happy Birthday, young fellow.


You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash

It's only music.
-niteshift

Mike Dunbar Music

#576806 - 01/18/08 09:30 PM Re: Still Alive at Fifty-Five (my birthday song) [Re: Mike Dunbar]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Kenny Chaffin Offline
Casual Observer
Kenny Chaffin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Aurora, CO
Hey thanks guys! Rhyming, yes, as I'd said this was a draft and will work on that part.

John, dude! we're just two days apart! I'm 1/13/53!

Thanks to everyone, I'll post the final version when I get to that point.

Best Wishes for all your birthdays,
KAC


Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Poetry: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/index.html
Art: http://www.kacweb.com/artgallery.html
Photo Gallery: http://www.kacweb.com/cgibin/emAlbum.cgi
"Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
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