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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33 |
This is a very first draft so let's see what people say. I know the title sorta breaks the rules in that it's not (fully) in the song, so feel free to tell me that sucks or suggest a title. I see this as possibly a vocal only or maybe even a dreaded rap song (that last thing I would have thought I'd write ) I sorta hear the intro/chorus starting the song and then being in the background coming to the front in the chorus sections, with the verses sung in the foreground, but hey I'm new to all this so any suggestions welcomed. The Fool Song(intro/background/repetition/chorus) Whatcha' believe Whatcha' believe Whatcha' believe baby Science is nature and nature is God and God is great and you are too (chorus/background) Stay in school don't be a fool don't be a marketing tool (chorus/background) Media's the master a global disaster come on join in we'll dance (chorus/background) The cause is the cause and it's because - Hey it's not my problem man (outtro - background chorus morphs/changes to this) So whatcha' gonna do Whatcha' gonna do Whatcha' gonna do baby? Kenny A. Chaffin - 1/11/08
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2 |
Hi Kenny, Well, I have no idea how a rap song should go. But I can give you my thoughts as to the lyric itself. I'm thinking the title would be more global if it was positive, or inquisitive, like -whatcha gonna do- because it seems the lyric is basically saying there are choices to be made in an imperfect world and hey, which path are you going to take? (and no one likes to think they are a fool, young, maybe, uninformed, but a fool, no!) You offer some details about that sort of theme, and if you tell us the good/bad of each one, (which you do a little bit) then if the chorus asks whatcha gonna do or believe or whatever, then there's something to think about. I don't understand "come on join in we'll dance" part but everything else I think I get. I hope you get some comments on the style, cuz I can't comment on that. I hope what I've said makes some sense! I wish you luck with it! Kristi
Last edited by Kristi McKeever; 01/13/08 09:46 PM.
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33 |
Hi Kenny, Well, I have no idea how a rap song should go. But I can give you my thoughts as to the lyric itself. I'm thinking the title would be more global if it was positive, or inquisitive, like -whatcha gonna do- because it seems the lyric is basically saying there are choices to be made in an imperfect world and hey, which path are you going to take? (and no one likes to think they are a fool, young, maybe, uninformed, but a fool, no!) You offer some details about that sort of theme, and if you tell us the good/bad of each one, (which you do a little bit) then if the chorus asks whatcha gonna do or believe or whatever, then there's something to think about. I don't understand "come on join in we'll dance" part but everything else I think I get. I hope you get some comments on the style, cuz I can't comment on that. I hope what I've said makes some sense! I wish you luck with it! Kristi Thanks Kristi, much appreciated. I understand what you are saying about the title and I'll definitely consider changing it, I'm not tied to it at all though I do think it gets your attention and is memorable.... KAC
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 407
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 407 |
This song style is not my area of expertise, but here's my two cents. Change the title. No one wants to be called a fool (even if they are). I'd go with "Whatcha' Believe".
The cause is the cause and it's because - Hey it's not my problem man
I have no idea what you're going for here. There's not a lot of "meat" in this song that I can comment on. I have to fill in too many blanks to try to figure out what you're writing about. And what you're writing about seams to bounce around from one topic to the next. I would stay with one idea and develop it further. But again, this is not my usual style of song.
Laura G.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33 |
This song style is not my area of expertise, but here's my two cents. Change the title. No one wants to be called a fool (even if they are). I'd go with "Whatcha' Believe".
The cause is the cause and it's because - Hey it's not my problem man
I have no idea what you're going for here. There's not a lot of "meat" in this song that I can comment on. I have to fill in too many blanks to try to figure out what you're writing about. And what you're writing about seams to bounce around from one topic to the next. I would stay with one idea and develop it further. But again, this is not my usual style of song.
Laura G. Thanks for reading and your crit Laura! KAC
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