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#575236 - 01/13/08 12:02 PM The Fool Song  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Kenny Chaffin Offline
Casual Observer
Kenny Chaffin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Aurora, CO
This is a very first draft so let's see what people say. I know the title sorta breaks the rules in that it's not (fully) in the song, so feel free to tell me that sucks or suggest a title. I see this as possibly a vocal only or maybe even a dreaded rap song (that last thing I would have thought I'd write grin ) I sorta hear the intro/chorus starting the song and then being in the background coming to the front in the chorus sections, with the verses sung in the foreground, but hey I'm new to all this so any suggestions welcomed.



The Fool Song



(intro/background/repetition/chorus)
Whatcha' believe
Whatcha' believe
Whatcha' believe baby


Science is nature
and nature is God
and God is great
and you are too

(chorus/background)

Stay in school
don't be a fool
don't be
a marketing tool

(chorus/background)

Media's the master
a global disaster
come on join in
we'll dance

(chorus/background)

The cause is the cause
and it's because - Hey
it's not my problem
man

(outtro - background chorus morphs/changes to this)
So whatcha' gonna do
Whatcha' gonna do
Whatcha' gonna do baby?


Kenny A. Chaffin - 1/11/08




Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Poetry: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/index.html
Art: http://www.kacweb.com/artgallery.html
Photo Gallery: http://www.kacweb.com/cgibin/emAlbum.cgi
"Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
#575357 - 01/13/08 09:45 PM Re: The Fool Song [Re: Kenny Chaffin]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
Kristi McKeever Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,828
USA
Hi Kenny,

Well, I have no idea how a rap song should go. But I can give you my thoughts as to the lyric itself. I'm thinking the title would be more global if it was positive, or inquisitive, like -whatcha gonna do- because it seems the lyric is basically saying there are choices to be made in an imperfect world and hey, which path are you going to take? (and no one likes to think they are a fool, young, maybe, uninformed, but a fool, no!) smile

You offer some details about that sort of theme, and if you tell us the good/bad of each one, (which you do a little bit) then if the chorus asks whatcha gonna do or believe or whatever, then there's something to think about. I don't understand "come on join in we'll dance" part but everything else I think I get.

I hope you get some comments on the style, cuz I can't comment on that. I hope what I've said makes some sense! I wish you luck with it!

Kristi


Last edited by Kristi McKeever; 01/13/08 09:46 PM.

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#575406 - 01/14/08 12:56 AM Re: The Fool Song [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Kenny Chaffin Offline
Casual Observer
Kenny Chaffin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Aurora, CO
Originally Posted by Kristi McKeever
Hi Kenny,

Well, I have no idea how a rap song should go. But I can give you my thoughts as to the lyric itself. I'm thinking the title would be more global if it was positive, or inquisitive, like -whatcha gonna do- because it seems the lyric is basically saying there are choices to be made in an imperfect world and hey, which path are you going to take? (and no one likes to think they are a fool, young, maybe, uninformed, but a fool, no!) smile

You offer some details about that sort of theme, and if you tell us the good/bad of each one, (which you do a little bit) then if the chorus asks whatcha gonna do or believe or whatever, then there's something to think about. I don't understand "come on join in we'll dance" part but everything else I think I get.

I hope you get some comments on the style, cuz I can't comment on that. I hope what I've said makes some sense! I wish you luck with it!

Kristi



Thanks Kristi, much appreciated. I understand what you are saying about the title and I'll definitely consider changing it, I'm not tied to it at all though I do think it gets your attention and is memorable....


KAC


Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Poetry: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/index.html
Art: http://www.kacweb.com/artgallery.html
Photo Gallery: http://www.kacweb.com/cgibin/emAlbum.cgi
"Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
#575721 - 01/15/08 06:06 AM Re: The Fool Song [Re: Kenny Chaffin]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 407
Laura G. Offline
Serious Contributor
Laura G.  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 407
Charlotte, NC
This song style is not my area of expertise, but here's my two cents. Change the title. No one wants to be called a fool (even if they are). I'd go with "Whatcha' Believe".

The cause is the cause
and it's because - Hey
it's not my problem
man

I have no idea what you're going for here. There's not a lot of "meat" in this song that I can comment on. I have to fill in too many blanks to try to figure out what you're writing about. And what you're writing about seams to bounce around from one topic to the next. I would stay with one idea and develop it further. But again, this is not my usual style of song.

Laura G.

#575745 - 01/15/08 10:14 AM Re: The Fool Song [Re: Laura G.]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Kenny Chaffin Offline
Casual Observer
Kenny Chaffin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Aurora, CO
Originally Posted by Laura Gassaway
This song style is not my area of expertise, but here's my two cents. Change the title. No one wants to be called a fool (even if they are). I'd go with "Whatcha' Believe".

The cause is the cause
and it's because - Hey
it's not my problem
man

I have no idea what you're going for here. There's not a lot of "meat" in this song that I can comment on. I have to fill in too many blanks to try to figure out what you're writing about. And what you're writing about seams to bounce around from one topic to the next. I would stay with one idea and develop it further. But again, this is not my usual style of song.

Laura G.


Thanks for reading and your crit Laura!

KAC


Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Poetry: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/index.html
Art: http://www.kacweb.com/artgallery.html
Photo Gallery: http://www.kacweb.com/cgibin/emAlbum.cgi
"Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
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