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Joined: Sep 2007
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Rewrite...
I Wrote This Song for Cash
Lately I've been thinking about the Man in Black He hopped that train to Heaven and he won't be back But every time I listen to some new country tune I find myself just wishin' it was Johnny and June
His voice was like a mighty oak, all shaky and low It made the man a fortune but you'd hardly know He sang his songs all dressed in black and wore it for the sake Of the unsung folk like you and me who never catch a break
So I wrote this song for Cash And sent it off to Nashville Don't care if they trash it Or tell me it's a smash hit I'd just think it's funny I didn't write this one for money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash
My daddy used to play him on the radio I always loved the music on his TV show Neil Young and Dylan, Derek and the Dominoes A brave man takes you places where a coward never goes
When he sang in Folsom Prison every word rang true Ring of Fire, I Walk the Line and A Boy Named Sue It seems there wasn't any song that he couldn't do And when he'd Cry, Cry, Cry he could split your heart in two
So I wrote this song for Cash And sent it off to Nashville Don't care if they trash it Or tell me it's a smash hit I'd just think it's funny I didn't write this one for money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash
(Instrumental)
I wrote this song for Cash And sent it off to Nashville Don't care if they trash it Or tell me it's a smash hit I'd just think it's funny I didn't write this one for money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash
(Copyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman)
First pass... I Wrote This Song for Cash
Lately I've been thinking about the Man in Black He hopped a train to Heaven and he won't be back But every time I listen to some new country tune I find myself just wishin' it was Johnny and June
His voice was like a mighty oak, all shaky and low It made the man a fortune but you'd hardly know He sang his songs all dressed in black and wore it for the sake Of all the unsung folk like you and me who never catch a break
So I wrote this song for Cash And all them folks in Nashville Can burn it like its trash And kick me in the ashes But I'd just think it's funny 'Cause I don't want no money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash
My daddy used to play him on the radio I always loved the music on his TV show Neil Young and Dylan, Derek and the Dominoes A brave man takes you places where a coward never goes
When he sang in Folsom Prison every word rang true Ring of Fire, I Walk the Line and A Boy Named Sue It seems there wasn't any song that he couldn't do And when he'd Cry, Cry, Cry it could split your heart in two
So I wrote this song for Cash And all them folks in Nashville Can burn it like its trash And kick me in the ashes But I'd just think it's funny 'Cause I don't want no money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash
(Instrumental)
I wrote this song for Cash And all them folks in Nashville Can burn it like its trash And kick me in the ashes But I'd just think it's funny 'Cause I don't want no money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash
(Copyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman)
Last edited by Lyle; 01/10/08 06:57 PM.
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Hey Lyle, I'll jump on in and say "damn" why didn't I think of that. I cant find anything wrong with this tune at all, I hear it flowing on the airway's. No pun intended, but I think you can go ahead and get a "Cash Advance" on this baby, love it, great job.
pete
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Well Done! Nice humor. KAC
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Thanks Pete and Kenny! Here's a rewrite...the first one came off a little harshly on Nashville... (EDIT: I put this on top of the page, too...reduces confusion...) I Wrote This Song for CashLately I've been thinking about the Man in Black He hopped that train to Heaven and he won't be back But every time I listen to some new country tune I find myself just wishin' it was Johnny and June His voice was like a mighty oak, all shaky and low It made the man a fortune but you'd hardly know He sang his songs all dressed in black and wore it for the sake Of unsung folk like you and me who never catch a break So I wrote this song for Cash And sent it off to Nashville Don't care if they trash it Or tell me it's a smash hit I'd only think it's funny 'Cause this one ain't for money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash My daddy used to play him on the radio I always loved the music on his TV show Neil Young and Dylan, Derek and the Dominoes A brave man takes you places where a coward never goes When he sang in Folsom Prison every word rang true Ring of Fire, I Walk the Line and A Boy Named Sue It seems there wasn't any song that he couldn't do And when he'd Cry, Cry, Cry it could split your heart in two So I wrote this song for Cash And sent it off to Nashville Don't care if they trash it Or tell me it's a smash hit I'd only think it's funny 'Cause this one ain't for money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash (Instrumental)I wrote this song for Cash And sent it off to Nashville Don't care if they trash it Or tell me it's a smash hit I'd only think it's funny 'Cause this one ain't for money I wrote this song for Cash I wrote this song for Cash (Copyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman)
Last edited by Lyle; 01/07/08 04:15 PM.
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I thought the first one way way better, It was "punny" Seemed more honest to me than the rewrite
Poor Cash though, that new walk hard movie is mocking walk the line which I'm pretty sure was about Johnny Cash's life and does it in a distasteful manner in my opinion
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Thanks Airun...but I thought the first one got too distracting at the chorus. Comes off as slamming Nashville, but that wasn't the point of the song. Bombastic is fun and often more exciting, but if the reason for it is unclear, then the song is derailed. This one says what I mean.
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This was obviously written by someone who knows alot about Cash the man and loved what he had to say. This is so well written and gets to the heart of who he was AND who you are....probably not so different than HIM.
I loved so many lines in this, especially A BRAVE MAN TAKES YOU PLACES WHERE A COWARD NEVER GOES(that fit in there no nicely) and WHEN HE'D CRY, CRY, CRY, IT COULD SPLIT YOUR HEART IN TWO
I think you nailed it on the rewrite of the chorus. Just what it needed...IMHO.
Also, I like the idea of the instrumental bridge....good way to go....nothing to be resolved here...he WAS who he WAS..
Great job Mark....Jan
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Thank you so much, Janice! Might have to go offline now, 'cause feedback doesn't get any nicer than this.
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The first version was sort of negative on Nashville...that wasn't really the message I intended to convey, so I changed it on the rewrite. But someone posted on another forum that it still is sort of negative. I don't really see it...
Does anyone else feel that way?
Thanks,
-Lyle
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No, absolutely not....Jan
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I just love this song Lyle, that said, hard for me to pick between first write and re-write, at the risk of me being a fool, I played around with the chorus a bit and this is what I got, trying to say the same thing that is and keep the flow..
I wrote this song for Cash... And sent it off to Nashville.. To remind them of the past.. And if they trash it.. Or it's a smash hit.. I'd only think it's funny.. Cause this one ain't for money.. I wrote this song for Cash.. I wrote this song for Cash..
Again, great job, cant wait to hear it,
pete
Last edited by Pete Escalante; 01/07/08 08:37 PM.
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Thanks Jan and Pete! Sorry Pete, but I already have music...no room for an extra line!
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But someone posted on another forum that it still is sort of negative. I don't really see it... Such a clever concept and lyric! You could always substitute "blast" for "trash" if that word is bothersome. But I think it's just fine and dandy! Great work here!! You're on a roll... Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Thanks Lynn and Kristi! The more I look at it and think about Johnny Cash, the less it concerns me--it seems to have the right attitude. He was a real prickly one himself, but his charisma always made you feel like he was on the same side as you. He made a pretty big stink when country stations considered the "Unchained" album non-country, due to tracks like "Rowboat" being written by Beck, and using Rick Rubin and Tom Petty, etc. He was a rebellious bunch of trouble right up until the end. Jesus has his hands full now...but I'll bet the choir sounds better. Well, I'll work on recording it now, but I wish I could sing like him...I hear HIS voice on this one. Maybe if I drink a bunch of hard liquor and try to sing the next morning? Nahh.
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Hi There,
I think most song writers have written a song about CASH,
This is okay, and a lot better than most, but to make a verse up of all his hits is lazy writing.
You say I wrote this song for Cash, but that dont ring true, you wrote it for you and that comes through.
Walk The Line the movie was poorly made, I found it very boring labouring too much on points of minor interest.
The best thing Cash did was his album produced by Rick Ruben,
I liked his image when I was young, but as I grew up, and watched him in concert,I hated what he was doing to his body, and it reflected in some poor concerts.
The song HURT, was brilliant, a song about a dying man who had abused his body, no pretence at all because it was factual.
I would have respected your work much better if you had not used his name, in the song and steered clear of the cliche 'Man In Black'.
But then that was the point the play on the word Cash .
Black Velvet was a brilliant professional song, all about Elvis but they never once mentioned his name to Tell is to destroy , To evoke emotion through clever lines is the way to get respect and hit songs, form real Song Writers.
Matt Stoneham.
Without the right music your clever lyrics will never be heard, if you want success be prepared to re write many times and even change the meter you chose originally
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Well, it's a good thing I didn't call it "I Wrote This Song for Matt"... Sorry it didn't work for you, but I appreciate your honesty. Thanks, -Lyle
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"You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself" was a line from an ol' Ricky Nelson Song.
"KUDOS" & "BRAVO" Amigo. I appreciated Your Effort/think it'll play Well to The Man on The Street. & that's who JC always sang to, too.
Good Luck with it, Amigo.
Big Guy-Hug, Stan
Last edited by "TampaStan" Good; 01/09/08 04:32 PM.
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Hi Lyle,
Well done. A lot of songs have been written about Johnny, but few as good as this. Keep writing.
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"You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself" was a line from an ol' Ricky Nelson Song.
"KUDOS" & "BRAVO" Amigo. I appreciated Your Effort/think it'll play Well to The Man on The Street. & that's who JC always sang to, too.
Good Luck with it, Amigo.
Big Guy-Hug, Stan Thanks, Stanamigo! Not pleasing everyone is better than not pleasing anyone, eh?
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Hi Lyle,
Well done. A lot of songs have been written about Johnny, but few as good as this. Keep writing. Hi John! Nice compliment to get, but even better coming from you. This one won't have any synthesizers or rap, either! Thanks John, much appreciated. -Lyle
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Well, I love puns and I think this would have tickled him.
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Hey Lyle
I once dressed from head to toe in black boots hat shirt jacket and jeans. That said I am a huge johny cash fan. Very cool of you to write this fitting tribute. Some don't see what made him so big if I could put my finger on it it's the he appealed to your average jo man on the street. His lyrics weren't complex thet were just real! I think this a a fitting tribute and kudos to you for writing it! Derek
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Mark, I was sure that I already told you how awesome this lyric is. What a country guy you are!
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Well, I love puns and I think this would have tickled him. Thanks Jean...I'll bet he'd heard 'em all with a name like that! And all his people probably told him they were working for Cash, too.
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Thanks Derek! Johnny Cash was just plain cool...a combo bad boy/father figure with massive presence and a voice of authority that also let all his aches and pains show through...and yes, he spoke directly to you, whoever you might be, no frills or fancy words. 90 million albums don't lie!
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Mark, I was sure that I already told you how awesome this lyric is. What a country guy you are! Yew shore do talk pretty now! Thanks Brenda. I'm almost done with a recording, I'll post it on the MP3 forum in the next few days or so. It's in the style of the old rockabilly Cash.
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Hi Lyle (Mark),
I'm looking forward to hearing this one. I'm thinking you are going to do a kind of "Tennessee Two (or Three)" production on it.
BTW, I'm always rooting for Minnesota artists!
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Hi Lyle (Mark),
I'm looking forward to hearing this one. I'm thinking you are going to do a kind of "Tennessee Two (or Three)" production on it.
BTW, I'm always rooting for Minnesota artists! Well hello there, Shelly! I live in New Hope--small world. Thanks for the kind words...the first version is almost recorded...too long, too sloppy, too low for me to sing, needs a different arrangement...but Really Fun! -Lyle
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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