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#573139 - 01/06/08 08:34 PM I Wrote This Song for Cash  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Rewrite...

I Wrote This Song for Cash

Lately I've been thinking about the Man in Black
He hopped that train to Heaven and he won't be back
But every time I listen to some new country tune
I find myself just wishin' it was Johnny and June

His voice was like a mighty oak, all shaky and low
It made the man a fortune but you'd hardly know
He sang his songs all dressed in black and wore it for the sake
Of the unsung folk like you and me who never catch a break

So I wrote this song for Cash
And sent it off to Nashville
Don't care if they trash it
Or tell me it's a smash hit
I'd just think it's funny
I didn't write this one for money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash

My daddy used to play him on the radio
I always loved the music on his TV show
Neil Young and Dylan, Derek and the Dominoes
A brave man takes you places where a coward never goes

When he sang in Folsom Prison every word rang true
Ring of Fire, I Walk the Line and A Boy Named Sue
It seems there wasn't any song that he couldn't do
And when he'd Cry, Cry, Cry he could split your heart in two

So I wrote this song for Cash
And sent it off to Nashville
Don't care if they trash it
Or tell me it's a smash hit
I'd just think it's funny
I didn't write this one for money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash

(Instrumental)

I wrote this song for Cash
And sent it off to Nashville
Don't care if they trash it
Or tell me it's a smash hit
I'd just think it's funny
I didn't write this one for money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash


(Copyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman)


First pass...
I Wrote This Song for Cash

Lately I've been thinking about the Man in Black
He hopped a train to Heaven and he won't be back
But every time I listen to some new country tune
I find myself just wishin' it was Johnny and June

His voice was like a mighty oak, all shaky and low
It made the man a fortune but you'd hardly know
He sang his songs all dressed in black and wore it for the sake
Of all the unsung folk like you and me who never catch a break

So I wrote this song for Cash
And all them folks in Nashville
Can burn it like its trash
And kick me in the ashes
But I'd just think it's funny
'Cause I don't want no money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash

My daddy used to play him on the radio
I always loved the music on his TV show
Neil Young and Dylan, Derek and the Dominoes
A brave man takes you places where a coward never goes

When he sang in Folsom Prison every word rang true
Ring of Fire, I Walk the Line and A Boy Named Sue
It seems there wasn't any song that he couldn't do
And when he'd Cry, Cry, Cry it could split your heart in two

So I wrote this song for Cash
And all them folks in Nashville
Can burn it like its trash
And kick me in the ashes
But I'd just think it's funny
'Cause I don't want no money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash

(Instrumental)


I wrote this song for Cash
And all them folks in Nashville
Can burn it like its trash
And kick me in the ashes
But I'd just think it's funny
'Cause I don't want no money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash


(Copyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman)


Last edited by Lyle; 01/10/08 06:57 PM.
#573155 - 01/06/08 09:59 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 26
Pete Escalante Offline
Casual Observer
Pete Escalante  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 26
kentucky
Hey Lyle, I'll jump on in and say "damn" why didn't I think of that. I cant find anything wrong with this tune at all, I hear it flowing on the airway's. No pun intended, but I think you can go ahead and get a "Cash Advance" on this baby, love it, great job.

pete

#573206 - 01/07/08 01:20 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Pete Escalante]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Kenny Chaffin Offline
Casual Observer
Kenny Chaffin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Aurora, CO
Well Done! Nice humor.
KAC


Kenny A. Chaffin
KAC Website Design - http://www.kacweb.com
Poetry: http://www.kacweb.com/poems/index.html
Art: http://www.kacweb.com/artgallery.html
Photo Gallery: http://www.kacweb.com/cgibin/emAlbum.cgi
"Strive on with Awareness" - Siddhartha Gautama
#573263 - 01/07/08 06:15 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Thanks Pete and Kenny! smile

Here's a rewrite...the first one came off a little harshly on Nashville...

(EDIT: I put this on top of the page, too...reduces confusion...)

I Wrote This Song for Cash

Lately I've been thinking about the Man in Black
He hopped that train to Heaven and he won't be back
But every time I listen to some new country tune
I find myself just wishin' it was Johnny and June

His voice was like a mighty oak, all shaky and low
It made the man a fortune but you'd hardly know
He sang his songs all dressed in black and wore it for the sake
Of unsung folk like you and me who never catch a break

So I wrote this song for Cash
And sent it off to Nashville
Don't care if they trash it
Or tell me it's a smash hit
I'd only think it's funny
'Cause this one ain't for money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash

My daddy used to play him on the radio
I always loved the music on his TV show
Neil Young and Dylan, Derek and the Dominoes
A brave man takes you places where a coward never goes

When he sang in Folsom Prison every word rang true
Ring of Fire, I Walk the Line and A Boy Named Sue
It seems there wasn't any song that he couldn't do
And when he'd Cry, Cry, Cry it could split your heart in two

So I wrote this song for Cash
And sent it off to Nashville
Don't care if they trash it
Or tell me it's a smash hit
I'd only think it's funny
'Cause this one ain't for money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash

(Instrumental)

I wrote this song for Cash
And sent it off to Nashville
Don't care if they trash it
Or tell me it's a smash hit
I'd only think it's funny
'Cause this one ain't for money
I wrote this song for Cash
I wrote this song for Cash


(Copyright 2008 by Mark Kaufman)

Last edited by Lyle; 01/07/08 04:15 PM.
#573266 - 01/07/08 06:25 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,413
Aaron Authier Offline
Top 200 Poster
Aaron Authier  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,413
I thought the first one way way better, It was "punny"
Seemed more honest to me than the rewrite

Poor Cash though, that new walk hard movie is mocking walk the line which I'm pretty sure was about Johnny Cash's life and does it in a distasteful manner in my opinion

#573354 - 01/07/08 02:43 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Aaron Authier]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Thanks Airun...but I thought the first one got too distracting at the chorus. Comes off as slamming Nashville, but that wasn't the point of the song. Bombastic is fun and often more exciting, but if the reason for it is unclear, then the song is derailed. This one says what I mean. smile

#573358 - 01/07/08 03:03 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
Top 50 Poster
Janice Hopkins  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
This was obviously written by someone who knows alot about Cash the man and loved what he had to say. This is so well written and gets to the heart of who he was AND who you are....probably not so different than HIM.

I loved so many lines in this, especially A BRAVE MAN TAKES YOU PLACES WHERE A COWARD NEVER GOES(that fit in there no nicely) and WHEN HE'D CRY, CRY, CRY, IT COULD SPLIT YOUR HEART IN TWO

I think you nailed it on the rewrite of the chorus. Just what it needed...IMHO.

Also, I like the idea of the instrumental bridge....good way to go....nothing to be resolved here...he WAS who he WAS..

Great job Mark....Jan

#573379 - 01/07/08 04:07 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Thank you so much, Janice! Might have to go offline now, 'cause feedback doesn't get any nicer than this. grin

#573441 - 01/07/08 07:29 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
The first version was sort of negative on Nashville...that wasn't really the message I intended to convey, so I changed it on the rewrite. But someone posted on another forum that it still is sort of negative. I don't really see it...

Does anyone else feel that way?

Thanks,

-Lyle

#573444 - 01/07/08 07:36 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
Top 50 Poster
Janice Hopkins  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
No, absolutely not....Jan

#573459 - 01/07/08 08:28 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 26
Pete Escalante Offline
Casual Observer
Pete Escalante  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 26
kentucky
I just love this song Lyle, that said, hard for me to pick between first write and re-write, at the risk of me being a fool, I played around with the chorus a bit and this is what I got, trying to say the same thing that is and keep the flow..

I wrote this song for Cash...
And sent it off to Nashville..
To remind them of the past..
And if they trash it..
Or it's a smash hit..
I'd only think it's funny..
Cause this one ain't for money..
I wrote this song for Cash..
I wrote this song for Cash..

Again, great job, cant wait to hear it,

pete

Last edited by Pete Escalante; 01/07/08 08:37 PM.
#573514 - 01/08/08 12:34 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Pete Escalante]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Thanks Jan and Pete!

Sorry Pete, but I already have music...no room for an extra line! smile

#573520 - 01/08/08 12:54 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Lynn Orloff Offline
Top 40 Poster
Lynn Orloff  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
PA of the great USA
Excellent writing!


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#573542 - 01/08/08 02:01 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,809
Kristi McKeever Offline
Top 100 Poster
Kristi McKeever  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,809
USA
Originally Posted by Lyle
But someone posted on another forum that it still is sort of negative. I don't really see it...


Such a clever concept and lyric! You could always substitute "blast" for "trash" if that word is bothersome. But I think it's just fine and dandy! smile

Great work here!! You're on a roll...

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#573575 - 01/08/08 03:49 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Thanks Lynn and Kristi! smile

The more I look at it and think about Johnny Cash, the less it concerns me--it seems to have the right attitude. He was a real prickly one himself, but his charisma always made you feel like he was on the same side as you. He made a pretty big stink when country stations considered the "Unchained" album non-country, due to tracks like "Rowboat" being written by Beck, and using Rick Rubin and Tom Petty, etc. He was a rebellious bunch of trouble right up until the end. Jesus has his hands full now...but I'll bet the choir sounds better.

Well, I'll work on recording it now, but I wish I could sing like him...I hear HIS voice on this one. Maybe if I drink a bunch of hard liquor and try to sing the next morning? Nahh.

#573613 - 01/08/08 08:58 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 158
MATT STONEHAM Offline
Serious Contributor
MATT STONEHAM  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 158
Le Monde
Hi There,

I think most song writers have written a song about CASH,

This is okay, and a lot better than most, but to make a verse up of all his hits is lazy writing.

You say I wrote this song for Cash, but that dont ring true,
you wrote it for you and that comes through.

Walk The Line the movie was poorly made, I found it very boring labouring too much on points of minor interest.

The best thing Cash did was his album produced by Rick Ruben,

I liked his image when I was young, but as I grew up, and watched him in concert,I hated what he was doing to his body,
and it reflected in some poor concerts.

The song HURT, was brilliant, a song about a dying man who had abused his body, no pretence at all because it was factual.

I would have respected your work much better if you had not used his name, in the song and steered clear of the cliche 'Man In Black'.

But then that was the point the play on the word Cash .

Black Velvet was a brilliant professional song, all about Elvis but they never once mentioned his name to Tell is to destroy , To evoke emotion through clever lines is the way to get respect and hit songs, form real Song Writers.

Matt Stoneham.





Without the right music your clever lyrics will never be heard, if you want success be prepared to re write many times and even change the meter you chose originally
#573671 - 01/08/08 02:44 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: MATT STONEHAM]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Well, it's a good thing I didn't call it "I Wrote This Song for Matt"... grin

Sorry it didn't work for you, but I appreciate your honesty.

Thanks,

-Lyle

#573974 - 01/09/08 04:30 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
"You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself" was a line from an ol' Ricky Nelson Song.

"KUDOS" & "BRAVO" Amigo. I appreciated Your Effort/think it'll play Well to The Man on The Street. & that's who JC always sang to, too.

Good Luck with it, Amigo.

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Last edited by "TampaStan" Good; 01/09/08 04:32 PM.
#573981 - 01/09/08 04:50 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,680
John W. Selleck Offline
Top 100 Poster
John W. Selleck  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,680
NJ
Hi Lyle,

Well done. A lot of songs have been written about Johnny, but few as good as this. Keep writing.


Have a goodun,

John W. Selleck BMI Songwriter
A day without learning is a day lost

http://www.soundclick.com/johnsings
http://www.soundclick.com/johnwselleck
http://www.soundclick.com/johnselleck
#574044 - 01/09/08 08:35 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: ]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Originally Posted by "TampaStan" Good
"You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself" was a line from an ol' Ricky Nelson Song.

"KUDOS" & "BRAVO" Amigo. I appreciated Your Effort/think it'll play Well to The Man on The Street. & that's who JC always sang to, too.

Good Luck with it, Amigo.

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Thanks, Stanamigo! Not pleasing everyone is better than not pleasing anyone, eh? smile

#574047 - 01/09/08 08:38 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: John W. Selleck]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Originally Posted by John W. Selleck
Hi Lyle,

Well done. A lot of songs have been written about Johnny, but few as good as this. Keep writing.

Hi John! Nice compliment to get, but even better coming from you. This one won't have any synthesizers or rap, either! wink

Thanks John, much appreciated.

-Lyle

#574599 - 01/11/08 04:13 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330
Jean Bullock Offline
Jean Bullock  Offline

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Joined: Sep 2001
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Anaheim, CA, USA
Well, I love puns and I think this would have tickled him.


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#574700 - 01/11/08 02:00 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey Lyle

I once dressed from head to toe in black boots hat shirt jacket and jeans. That said I am a huge johny cash fan. Very cool of you to write this fitting tribute. Some don't see what made him so big if I could put my finger on it it's the he appealed to your average jo man on the street. His lyrics weren't complex thet were just real! I think this a a fitting tribute and kudos to you for writing it!
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#574707 - 01/11/08 02:08 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
Brenda152 Offline
Serious Contributor
Brenda152  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 840
San Antonio,TX USA
Mark, I was sure that I already told you how awesome this lyric is. What a country guy you are! wink

#574734 - 01/11/08 03:08 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Jean Bullock]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Originally Posted by Jean Bullock
Well, I love puns and I think this would have tickled him.
Thanks Jean...I'll bet he'd heard 'em all with a name like that! And all his people probably told him they were working for Cash, too. smile

#574736 - 01/11/08 03:14 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Thanks Derek! Johnny Cash was just plain cool...a combo bad boy/father figure with massive presence and a voice of authority that also let all his aches and pains show through...and yes, he spoke directly to you, whoever you might be, no frills or fancy words. 90 million albums don't lie! smile

#574738 - 01/11/08 03:16 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Brenda152]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Originally Posted by Brenda152
Mark, I was sure that I already told you how awesome this lyric is. What a country guy you are! wink

Yew shore do talk pretty now! Thanks Brenda. smile I'm almost done with a recording, I'll post it on the MP3 forum in the next few days or so. It's in the style of the old rockabilly Cash.

#574884 - 01/12/08 02:07 AM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Mark Kaufman]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 72
Michelle Anderson Offline
Serious Contributor
Michelle Anderson  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 72
Plymouth, MN
Hi Lyle (Mark),

I'm looking forward to hearing this one. I'm thinking you are going to do a kind of "Tennessee Two (or Three)" production on it.

BTW, I'm always rooting for Minnesota artists!

#575078 - 01/12/08 06:21 PM Re: I Wrote This Song for Cash [Re: Michelle Anderson]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Mark Kaufman Offline
Mark Kaufman  Offline

Top 40 Poster

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,550
Minneapolis
Originally Posted by Michelle Anderson
Hi Lyle (Mark),

I'm looking forward to hearing this one. I'm thinking you are going to do a kind of "Tennessee Two (or Three)" production on it.

BTW, I'm always rooting for Minnesota artists!

Well hello there, Shelly! I live in New Hope--small world. smile

Thanks for the kind words...the first version is almost recorded...too long, too sloppy, too low for me to sing, needs a different arrangement...but Really Fun!

-Lyle


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