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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/05/24 01:49 PM
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Too Much (Freedom Kills) It's all too much the backlash is coming too much, too much, they say Voluptuous teen divas simulate sex too much, too much, too much It's all too much too much, too much, much much, too much, they say Rappers shouting of bitches and guns too much, too much, too much Freedom's the enemy Terrorists say too much, too much, too much It's all too much too much, too much, much much, too much, they say Israel kills Palestine kills too much, too much, too much The backlash is coming it'll be too much much much too much, they'll say Kenny A. Chaffin - 12/8/02 This is actually one I started a few years back and may be more poem than lyric, but I'll let you guys tell me that or not. I don't really have a genre in mind or music but it seems to be very rhythmic. Please rip it apart so I can learn but try not to be vicious. and yeah, I know it's probably "Too Much," but let me know that as well if so. KAC
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Joined: May 2004
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Hey man, I do understand the reasoning behind all that repitition, but why don't you consider trimming it down some?
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Kenny,
What if you incorporated the "freedom kills" into the lyric in place of some of the repition? Lots of words rhyme with "kills", maybe you could get the sense of the repition without actually repeating the same words.
Kennan
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Kenny,
The amount I've noted below is usable toward a good lyric, IMO. In fact, you've got three rather nice verses there in that format. I'd go with Kennan's suggestion for employing an alternate bridge or chorus section for the the parts I've cut out. More repetition of the "Too Much" would become exactly that. A short attention span can be a good guide for a lyricist. You want to get bored before your audience does, and make that shift to something new before you lose them. That way, they'll stay on for the ride.
You've got something good going here that with a little more shaping could make a fine lyric.
Keep writing.
Skip
Too Much
It's all too much the backlash is coming too much, too much, they say Voluptuous teen divas simulate sex too much, too much, too much
Rappers shouting of bitches and guns too much, too much, too much Freedom's the enemy Terrorists say too much, too much, too much
Israel kills Palestine kills too much, too much, too much The backlash is coming it'll be too much much much too much, they'll say
Kenny A. Chaffin - 12/8/02
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 33
Casual Observer
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Hey thanks guys, great feedback!
KAC
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