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What Xmas is All About
©2007 Corey Parkman

Neighbor was in his yard one December morn
Arranging some little toy dolls and a barn
Said it was something called a nativity scene
I just shook my head, decided to be nice
And offered him some neighborly advice
"Friend, don't you know what Christmas really means?"

Chorus
Man, it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Hickory Farms and half price sales
And Shriners riding go-carts at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Santa and pudding figs
Just helpin' out, now you know what Christmas is all about

He just stared at me like my nose was on fire
Looked at my big sleigh suspended by wires
Asked me "Ain't you ever heard of the virgin birth?"
Said "If I want a sermon, I'll go to church"
He said "That's the reason we celebrate"
I had to laugh, but then I set him straight

Chorus 2
Cause It's a Wonderful Life and that mean ol' Grinch
It's my pants size going up an inch
It's window flocking, Christmas tree rocking and huge Walmart crowds
It's fruit cake, cookies and big shiny balls
It's getting drunk to put up with inlaws
Man get a clue, now you know what Christmas is all about

Bridge
He said "Merry Christmas" and walked away
Stuck some little baby down in the hay
(Spoken: He'll never learn...)

That it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Overstock dot com and half price sales
It's Santa on the firetruck at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Frosty and pudding figs
He just doesn't understand what Christmas is all about

!!!

Where's the CD? Sign me up!

I take it you liked it then?

Thanks for checking it out... no tune just yet.

Hey Corey,

This one reminds me of that book Christmas Extravaganza by David Shannon. If you haven't bought it for your kids yet (is that one or two you've got now?) buy it or check it out from the library to read them. It's a real gem just like your song.

Last night I saw a Christmas special about different parades and lights displays across the country with tractors and boats and even Brooklynn NY neighborhoods. Was a guy there who decorated his yard and house with commercial Christmas and put up his Mother-in-law's nativity scenes and religious decorations right next door at her place. Was so funny seeing her leaning out the window of that multistory apartment making sure he did it all just right.

I'm not sure exactly but I think I get the undercurrent of your song. Either way it's filled with great imagery. Thanks for posting.

Merry Christmas!
Vanessa

I think it is harder to write these kinds of songs than it is to write the songs that everyone expects.
It also takes guts to post them because some folks might get really offended.

Not too in your face and gets the message across.
Good write, Flows along nicely.

Real Fun Write, Bro Corey!

Dunno IF it "Makes The Singer Look Good", but It WILL Get Folks A-Thinkin'..heh-heh!

I, for one, assume you're bein' Sarcastic here. You've well-pointed out the dichotomy between Celebrants..heh-heh.

&, I Like the Song Here, tho I for one am aware the Early Christian Church CHANGED the Date of Christ's Birth to coincide with the Much-Celebrated Pagan Winter Festivities so it'd become a Christian Holiday.

No Biggie. But maybe SOMEHOW Both Sides could just Learn To Get Along...& not be So-Righteous about the whole affair?

"KUDOS" for the Song, & Season's Best, Amigo!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hey Vanessa. Glad you liked this. It's just a satire of how Christmas has become so commercial, the commerciality has pretty much replaced the true meaning.

Corey

Corey,

I for one, totally got this, a short way into the read. You did an awesome job pointing out what some of us have forgotten. Thanks for this gem...love it...I'd buy it....and play it each day of the season, in the hope that someone who needs it, would hear it....Jan

Thanks Bill. I actually have a harder time writing something that's simple and making it interesting... this one wrote itself when the idea came to me. I'm weird like that. Hope no one gets offended, since the likeliest ones who might get offended are the ones this lyric is taking up for.

Snoopy would be proud.

A lot of nice details..

Thanks Stan. Yep, it's all sarcastic. Guys like Toby Keith and other have "played the role" of less-than-positive characters in songs before, so I don't think it's a huge deal.

Thanks Janice. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I'm a little concerned that the message might be lost on a lot of folks, unfortunately, because of the way it's presented.... but I still had a great time writing it.

Thanks Kristi. Good to hear from you.

Corey

Corey, this is one of the most interesting perspectives I have seen in a Christmas songs and I study and write a lot of them. And before anyone jumps on the evolving chorus, I just want to say, this is a perfect example of when a evolving chorus is appropriate. And clearly, at least to me, there is no danger of a major artist rejecting it (because it would make him LOOK bad), because it is clear that the underlying message is exactly the opposite of the "posture" the character is taking. I think it not only is a good lyric but that it belongs in the lexicon of Christmas songs. If you want to hear any of my Christmas songs, you can go to soundclick.com/austinstageline. The songs are home recording demos but Lone Star Christmas has now been done with Nashville session musicians and turned out very well. I don't post the finished song on soundclick.

Good luck with this one. Buy the way, I didn't miss the irony in the title because it clearly tells us which "Christmas" you are talking about, which is "Xmas" as if Christ was X'ed out.

Keep in mind this is still just words on a page at this point. Two more elements can easily quash all doubts about your intent: the music, and the performance. Both of those can make your underlying meaning entirely obvious.

Of course, I fully intend to watch "It's a Wonderful Life"... :O

Hi Corey,

Honestly, I thought that's what you were doing (satire). But, then I know you a little bit anyway from reading your other works. Your song really did immediately remind me of that XMas Xtravaganga by David Shannon. Read it to the kids last night and was reminded the title was XMas not Christmas Extravaganza. I got it. But, I'm not one to assume too much without clarifying first. That's just my personality after years of prior experiences in making an a$$...out of u and me. Something my first boss taught me. She literally said that to me while we were folding the hospital laundry. Don't remember what it was that I had 'assumed' but she told me real quick what she thought of 'assuming'. She was a hoot. And we did like her a lot.

Vanessa

Howdy Corey!

Very funny! And too dang true...

Uncle Chuck

Corey,
I enjoyed this one. Very funny and sadly it is true. Nice job!

Melissa

Thanks a lot, Samuel. That's high praise. It's always amazing to me how the ideas that work the best and hit the hardest sometimes come to me as easy as walking. It's the ones I sweat over that end up getting "this is pretty good, but..." replies. Glad you caught the title's irony. You're the first to do so (or at least the first to say so). Wish I knew Brad Paisley, this sounds like something he could pull off. Thanks again.

Hi Corey,

Ok..I will admit that I nearly didn't read this because I don't care for using the Xmas term...but I don't think I have ever read anything of yours that I didn't like...so decided to check it out despite my reservations. I was pleasantly surprised because you do redeem yourself here...at least IMO.

I agree with you on the Brad Paisley thing. He could definitely do this with the right sentiment. He is the one who puts a hymn on every cd...so this would be right up his alley.

All the best with this.

Holiday Hugs,
Bobbie

Thanks Chuck, Melissa and Bobbie. Bobbie, I can see how the title might have kept ya away (and may be keeping others away), but I'm glad you checked it out anyway.

Corey

Cool Beans Corey

Though round here there's some folks who overdo the nativity scene, to the point of being pretentiously gaudy, so the contrast you present loses something in my eyes...but that's just me, we're all a product of our experiences...also not crazy 'bout the Xmas...

rittman

Hey Ritt. You speak truth, there are a lot who overdo the nativity scenes. The Xmas in the title is completely intentional, as to say "what Christmas without Christ is all about," but I see how it gives off negative vibes.

Hi Corey,

I think this is interesting because you play the devil's advocate here with more lyrical lines coming from the side of being pro commercial Christmas as opposed to pro Christ Christmas. I think you need something at the end that redeems this man who doesn't think Christmas is about Christ or atleast portrays the man as someone who is changing his mind/heart or atleast on his way to. An easy way to do that would be to in your last Chorus you have:

That it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Overstock dot com and half price sales
It's Santa on the firetruck at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Frosty and pudding figs
He just doesn't understand what Christmas is all about

Change it ever so slightly in the last line last part to:

That it's icicle lights and inflatable elves
Overstock dot com and half price sales
It's Santa on the firetruck at the big parade downtown
It's an eggnog buzz at the office shindig
It's Rudolph, Frosty and pudding figs
He just doesn't understand what Christmas is....or does he?

This way in the sing "figs" rhymes with "is" and the "or does he" phrase (sung or spoken) after a pause would now present the man as beginning to consider what the neighbor has said. He is at the point where he is considering what the neighbor had to say about the "christ child". This could be a very powerful music video if it all came together.

Best,
Lynn

Hi Corey

I think you wrote this like a pro and represent your character quite well. I enjoyed the read. jm

Just a sidenote...I remember when I was a kid asking a priest in my church about "Xmas", about why it was sometimes written that way. He told me the X represented the cross, and that it was a way of reminding people that the name of the holiday has to do with Jesus.

If that was true, then I guess that plan sorta backfired..

Corey,

I like this one. The viewpoint is what I recall being called "Dramatic Irony" back when I was studying poetry in college. I think it makes your point more powerful by telling it through the eyes you do. Your audience may not identify with the singer, but you'll be "playing to the back of the room" as they say--making what you write accessible to a far broader range of listeners than if you took another approach that was more conventional.

They say in photography the angle at which you shoot often makes the picture. I think that is true here also.

Very good work. Keep writing.

Skip

Corey,
makes me think of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".

have fun,
John

It was explained to me years ago that the "X" in Christmas represented "Christ" so that literally, Christmas means the Christ Mass; and that there was no original disrespect in the term "Xmas" but like everything in language, usage dictate what is respectful or not; and clearly over the years "Xmas" has come to represent ad copy guys who were so cheap that they were willing shave another nickel off expenses by abbreviating. And what a nice job they have done! They have turned Christmas into what it truly is today- a merchant money machine! I remember a buzz 5 years ago about how awful it was to see Christmas decorations go up before Thanksgiving- well this year, Walmart had a Christmas tree up at Halloween!

Yeah, I got interested and looked into this...turns out "Xmas" actually started centuries ago. Christ was represented in Greek with the letter Chi (Cho? already forgot) which looks like an X. And later the first printers like Gutenberg preferred that way because typesetting cost a lot, and sure enough, that saved time and money. But definitely no disrespect was intended--the Church itself used the spelling.

But Sam's point drives it home...these days "Xmas" = "Christmas Lite".

I got such a Kick out of this one,still giggling.

All the best Anne.

Hi Corey,

Well done. Your point was easy to read into the lyric. Pretty soon we'll be seeing Christmas lights right after the Fourth of July, and I don't just mean in Gretchen Wilson's yard either. Good luck with this one.

Thanks John, Anne, John H., Skip, Joyce and Lynn. This was one that I had no idea what the reaction would be, so I'm happy it has been well received. Thanks for the positive words and suggestions alike.

Corey