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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67
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OP
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67 |
A well written, well concieved Haiku will knock me out every time. Telling an entire story, voicing a complete thought in only 17 syllables and in such a strict arrangement...5/7/5...Amazing. And tough.
I try them out a LOT, with limited success, mostly 'cause I think it's a great discipline for concise lyrics...
I thought I ought to post one of my own creation (since I'm hoping y'all will do the same) to get things going, and then I'll follow it up with my ALL-time favorite traditional Japanese Haiku...
Mine:
The truest of tears Seem to me to be the ones Shed in Gratitude
ALL-time Fave:
I asked the plum tree Sister, speak to me of God And the plum tree bloomed
so, anybody else have one to add?
Ted
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,401
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Ha, I had to go dig out some of my old journals to find these. Dusty. And now I'm glad you prompted me to do that, because 20 or 30 years ago I typed up all my poetry into one huge manuscript - and now I notice the type is fading (I used a manual typewriter... anyone remember those). I better get this stuff copied before it fades away entirely.
big blue eyes streams of laughter soft silky innocent love baby
so far away you are being i am here alone empty
(c) Vikki Flawith. All Rights Reserved.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 42
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Posts: 42 |
Hi Ted, Happy to see you here! I find Haiku poetry kind of quirky, but interesting if done really well... and I can't find my files just now, but I did find some Haiku that were sent to me long ago that brought a different kind of tears to my eyes! Japanese Microsoft error messages in Haiku: Your file was so big It might be very useful But now it is gone Three things are certain Death, taxes, and lost data Guess which has occurred The website you seek Cannot be located but Countless more exist Now... if I can only find my heartfelt serious ones... I'll share those too! Cheers! Raags
Last edited by Raags; 12/11/07 12:39 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 6,403
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I always had trouble thinking of seventeen syllables as "poetry." That said, here's one from a while ago:
The cowboys rented Some new X-rated movies The sheep are frightened
Joe
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,589 Likes: 1
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,589 Likes: 1 |
Paul's bass, monster tone on Helter Skelter, the best! Huh? That was John? ...oh.
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67
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Posts: 67 |
Hey, y'all. So, Vikki, is that considered "proper" haiku form? I thought it was strictly 3 lines, 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. Or is it purely based on a total of 17 total syllables? Regardless, I loved that first one. And sounds like you BETTER get to work on scanning that stuff... Raags, those are TOO funny. (Good to see by THIS avatar how you turned out as an adult...wow!) Add the heartfelt ones when you can find them. Joe, that one almost made me shoot my cranberry juice out my nose. Thank you for sharing. Hey, Lyle. Nicely done. (and I thought that was Paul, too.) I'll dig up a few more and come back with them later. Ted
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 42
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Raags, those are TOO funny. (Good to see by THIS avatar how you turned out as an adult...wow!) Thank you for such a sweet comment. Yeah, I was thinking... would the TAXI folks appreciate the adult avatar more? The little me in that little pool isn't sure... Found a few more funny ones from that file... but still no heartfelt ones yet. Sigh, I'm moving my office this month and everything is asunder! Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that Having been erased This document you’re seeking Must now be redone ROTFL!! Me too, Lyle! I burst out laughing, eating an oatmeal cookie as I your note, Ted. THAT is too funny! Now it feels like I've got a piece of raisin in my nose! Raags
Last edited by Raags; 12/12/07 01:03 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 170
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Posts: 170 |
When time first began It was He and only He Who heard the Big Bang
Last edited by James M; 12/14/07 01:39 AM.
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67
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That's VERY cool, James. Thanks for sharing that at this time of year.
Ted
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 170
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Glad you liked it Ted, and I hope you also like the edited version I just posted. I'm new at writing Haiku so all my efforts in this style are works in progress and subject to sudden and drastic changes.
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67
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Still works for me. Fell free to post more.
Ted
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
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Posts: 7,386 |
Here we go again American Idol time Songwriters ready?
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67
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Beth, that is GREAT. (And I roll my eyes in your honor... ) Ted
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Hi, Ted (or should I say, Hi-KOO, Ted!)
Thanks for the sweet comment. I haven't been around much, so it's nice to know that a relative newbie could find me!! Come on over to the Lyric Forum Feedback 3 thread, lots' of fun stuff over there....
Ciao for now, Beth (aka, Mz Beth, Boo)
P.S. Taos, huh? I'm just outside of Boston, and we've got about 10 inches of snow on the ground, and today's windchill was 4. As in DEGREES....as in FAHRENHEIT!! Don't get too hot out there!!
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
HiDee Mz Beth et al!
Here are a few fresh-minted for Da Season:
Ah, It's Christmas Time! Sales spill from my newspaper Find the wastebasket...
Christmas comes again I love the warmth of rum punch Damn, I hate the cold
Christmas is tougher: Drive by the Corner Wino & the Guilt builds up.
Season's Best, Big Hugs, Stan
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 67
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Posts: 67 |
Hi, Ted
P.S. Taos, huh? I'm just outside of Boston, and we've got about 10 inches of snow on the ground, and today's windchill was 4. As in DEGREES....as in FAHRENHEIT!! Don't get too hot out there!! Hey, Mz Beth. I lived directly at the foot of that red and white checkered water tower at the VA hospital in Chelsea, looking out across the Tobin Bridge toward Fanuel Hall for nearly 4 years. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Boston and all my dear friends there. (Also worked at the Morton's Steak House --in the Darth Vader Building on Boylston-- for my last two years in the city.) You should head out this way. The ski valley has a 73" base, and there's another storm heading in tomorrow that's expected to drop another 10". Plus, they're predicting snowfall Xmas Eve night. (Cue Bing Crosby....) Ted
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
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Posts: 7,386 |
Hey Ted,
Sure is a small world....worked at 535, 745 and 855 Boylston street respectively during the late 80's into the mid-90's. Love Boston too, but never seem to get in often enough. These days, a big trip is heading into the mall in Natick!
Regarding your ski report,thankso -- but you probably haven't been around long enough to know just how funny that proposition would be. Aside from my displeasure with skiing in general (it's cold, it's expensive, you have to wake up early, I'm afraid of heights, etc.) I'm an orthopedically challenged specimen. I'm currently nursing a broken arm, a broken ankle, and a rebroken foot, SOOOO, the latest foul weather here has not been a welcome situation for me personally. We'll have the White Christmas for the youngins, then they can clear it all out as far as I'm concerned.
So here's another haiku for the occasion:
I'll do APRES ski Cocoa and schnappes by the fire No hope for hat head
Ciao for now, Beth
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