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#563677 - 11/30/07 03:32 PM My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went
(Neil Cotton Nov. 07)

Since you took off for LA with that movie mogul
I got as much spirit as a shore dead rotten seagull
Just can’t get myself to face the void in my day
My heart’s stuck in neutral pain won't pump away

~C~
My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
A Collie our four kids could follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went


Adding more black and blue hurt to my aching heart
I hear that George Clooney cast you a sexy part
You’re playing the role of his devoted squeeze Nell
You should do great since we rehearsed it so well

My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
A Collie our four kids could follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went


~B~
You’d lift me up get me ready to go
That’s why I called you my “get up and go”

My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
A Collie our four kids could follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went

#563823 - 12/01/07 12:21 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Lynn Orloff Offline
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Lynn Orloff  Offline
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Posts: 5,788
PA of the great USA
Hi Neil,

I like the hook here. I think it might help if you don't rhyme "go with "go" in your bridge. Perhaps some other idea there. Also in your Chorus you have:

My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
A Collie our four kids could follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went

Thought maybe you could change the 4th line so it would read:

My get up and go has got up and went
Seems all I had in my life’s been spent
We planned a house in Sleepy hollow
White picket fence and kids (children) to follow
I feel very little of me is left since
My get up and go has got up and went

Just some ideas.

Best,
Lynn


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#563827 - 12/01/07 12:38 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
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Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Lynn
thanks for stopping by
you have made 2 good observations

Neil

#563889 - 12/01/07 06:21 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,413
Aaron Authier Offline
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Aaron Authier  Offline
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Posts: 1,413
The hook is great Neil
The chorus is the strong point, Not sure if I enjoy the part where you name drop clooney, But that's just me I don't like name dropping in songs, Hope he chases after his get up and go!
Come on man, get up and go!
Take care man, thanks again for the read

#563891 - 12/01/07 06:49 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Aaron Authier]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
PeterJ Offline
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PeterJ  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
South OrangeCounty, California...
Howdy, Neil.
Clearly a great hook and a solid idea.
I really like the direction you went with this.

One thought (and that took all the effort I could muster :0)
I like the explanation in the bridge as to why you called her your "get up and go", but by the time I got to that explanation, I was already "assuming" you were talking about your physical condition. If I had understood earlier in the song, I would "get it" the first time you hit the hook.

As folks around here will attest, I'm no pro, so I could be totally off the mark on this, but the way I see it, If you have too much food for thought, you can always put the leftovers in a ziplock and keep it for another day, or just throw it away.

Good Song! Good Luck!


If music be the food of love, why is it so hard to keep my family fed?

Pete
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=734566
http://cwmusicpf.zoomshare.com/
#563912 - 12/01/07 08:26 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
airun...once she's been in the movies, she's "WENT" LOL

Peter...the late arrival is meant to be the twist/punch line...maybe it's not working

Thanks guys for you kind remarks !!
Neil

#563930 - 12/01/07 09:44 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Aug 2007
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey Neil

I think I see where the problem lies here. I agree with Peter this one needs to have the piece about her being the get up and go established early. for the twist in the bridge I think you need to either establish why she left or establish that he's moving on now. I think what we need here is some resolve but this is all my opinion. All in all loved the hook and truly the song is well written as is it would just be more well written with some changes Keep or sweep lol
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#563959 - 12/01/07 12:03 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Derek Hines]  
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Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Derek & Peter...you guys have me thinking on this...oh oh look out LOL
Neil

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 12/01/07 12:04 PM.
#563966 - 12/01/07 12:37 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went
(Neil Cotton Nov. 07)

Since she dumped me for that slimy LA movie mogul
I’ve got as much spirit as a shore dead rotten seagull
Just can’t get myself to face the void in my day
My heart’s stuck in neutral pain won't pump away

~C~
My get up and go has got up and went
I feel the best part of my life is gone
We planned for a house on Paulson Ridge
A Collie our darling kids could play with
I feel the best part of my life is gone
My get up and go has got up and went

Adding more black and blue hurt to my aching heart
I hear that George Clooney cast her in a sexy part
She’s playing the role of his devoted squeeze Nell
She should do great since we rehearsed it so well

My get up and go has got up and went
I feel the best part of my life is gone
We planned for a house on Paulson Ridge
A Collie our darling kids could play with
I feel the best part of my life is gone
My get up and go has got up and went

~B~
She’d lift me up get me ready to go
That’s why I called her my “get up and go”

My get up and go has got up and went
I feel the best part of my life is gone
We planned for a house on Paulson Ridge
A Collie our darling kids could play with
I feel the best part of my life is gone
My get up and go has got up and went

Last edited by Neil Cotton; 12/01/07 01:09 PM.
#564010 - 12/01/07 02:37 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
HiDee Bro Neil!

2 Sugs, Amigo:

I'd recommend a scosh More-Humor in 2nd last Chorus Line:
"Now I'm the Only One payin' Our Rent"

and da Bridge:

"I got too-busy to shower-each-day/
She fell for That Limo (& His After-Shave!)"

(K-O-S)

& "KUDOS" on a Good'n', Amigo!

Good Luck with it,
& a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

#564011 - 12/01/07 02:40 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: ]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Stan, fuuny bridge...but I'll do with what I have...double entendre and all

Thanks for stopping by
Neil

#564027 - 12/01/07 03:28 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
Mike Dunbar Offline
Mike Dunbar  Offline


JPF Mentor

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
Nashville Tennessee
Hey Neil,

I saw the title in the "What's Going ON" box and thought this might have been an old Pete Seeger song from the sixties. Here's a link to Seeger singing it on the Smothers Brothers Show from back then:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J0Q5SMTEM0&feature=related

He wrote the music to a poem whose author was unknown.

I doubt if more than a few folks would remember it, so it shouldn't be a problem concerning your song (good writing, by the way), but I thought you might like to see this.

It's like John Lennon wrote: "There's nothing you can sing that hasn't been sung."

All the Best,
Mike


You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash

It's only music.
-niteshift

Mike Dunbar Music

#564029 - 12/01/07 03:32 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Mike Dunbar]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Mike
I am aware of the Seeger version
thanks

Neil

#564173 - 12/02/07 12:44 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Neil Cotton]  
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,027
Skip Johnson Offline
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Skip Johnson  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,027
Stoneham (Boston), U.S.A
Neil,

My father often used this phrase. Never thought of it as a song hook until I saw your post, however. Now I'll go back through my Dad's sayings and see what else I might have missed.

Good work. Here are some of my favorite lines...

I hear that George Clooney cast you a sexy part
You’re playing the role of his devoted squeeze Nell
You should do great since we rehearsed it so well

Ouch!

Keep writing.

Skip

#564202 - 12/02/07 05:08 AM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: Skip Johnson]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
PeterJ Offline
Serious Contributor
PeterJ  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
South OrangeCounty, California...
Hey, Neil.
I like the rewrite. Everything seems to fit together better now. I'm just a little worried that we scared you away from your original intent. The vibe was more "tounge-in-cheek" now there is a lot more pain. I hope Derek and I didn't force you to the dark side ;-)


If music be the food of love, why is it so hard to keep my family fed?

Pete
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=734566
http://cwmusicpf.zoomshare.com/
#564230 - 12/02/07 12:51 PM Re: My Get Up and Go Has Got Up And Went [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,909
Neil Cotton Offline
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Neil Cotton  Offline
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Georgetown, ON,CANADA
Peter

I ran with it...no problem...it has no future either LOL

Neil


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