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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40 |
Dear Friends I've just finished another song for the album, Consequences. Recording is going really well, just started a new song today that I believe will be very special The lyrics are below and you can listen to the recorded version at www.myspace.com/donartistAll feedback welcome take care and happy thanksgiving!! Don CONSEQUENCES by Don Nobody tells you that we’re free With no rules Just consequences Real and imagined As a child I could go by feel And then came rules And consequences Isn’t it tragic If I take my love and make it free Would I be a fool Would I face the consequences or find a Secret that’s magic Sometimes it’s hard for me to hear They talk so loud Those consequences but love Whispers its magic And if I live And if I live my life without fear Would I die from the Consequences And if I die And if I die with my life unfulfilled Could I live with the Consequences
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893 |
Hey Don Music
Not sure why this one was left uncommented so I'll make one lol. I like the idea of it and I may even like the music(can't listen while at work) However some of it seemed rather poetic to me. But then the music might help that. Truthfully I like poetic writing in music. I am a huge fan of Dan Fogelberg his writing often times is quite poetic. I will reserve my full judgement till I have a chance to listen. So far I like the concept I just think after reading that it more story to help explain.
Blessings
Derek
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40 |
thanks Derek for your thoughtful words as always
peace
Don
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 11,806 |
Hi Don, Like Derek, I am not able to listen to this yet...but I very much like your message here. However, I am very curious about your song structure. Can you clarify what the various segments of this are...verses, chorus, etc?? I see the word 'consequences' used in every segment. Of course you don't HAVE to use any traditional structure...although it helps folks remember your song better if you do. It's not often that you see your "hook" buried in the third line of what appear to be your verses...then used in a power position of the 4th line of whatever your 5th/6th segments are. Actually, it's not often that the hook appears in all segments of a song so I am going to have to listen to this when I get to another computer so I can.  One suggestion I have is to not use the word magic to rhyme with itself...imagine/tragic/magic/magic. Hugs, Bobbie
They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you. Gallup 'n Dawg Music
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2 |
Hi,
I listened and really like the feel of the music. It's easy-going and I think it works with the lyric. Changing the word "free" in this line:
If I take my love and make it free
would make it stronger, imo. It's used in the first line already and I'm unclear what the line means actually. I could think about it for awhile however....who knows, maybe you're going for repeated rhymes deliberately!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40 |
Bobbie and Kristi, thanks veyr much for your feedback and for listening
take care
Don
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 40 |
Tom, thanks for your feedback, the lyrics are posted here
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