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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Top 100 Poster
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893 |
Chaos or did I mean confusion
Chaos or did I mean confusion? How much of this world is real? How much is all illusion?
Chaos or did I mean confusion? What can I count on to be true? What is my delusion?
Chaos or did I mean confusion? The world is self destructing Is there a global solution?
Chaos or did I mean confusion? Where is my safe haven? My castle walls free from intrusion
Chaos or did I mean confusion? We sanctify the punishment for killing As lethal injection, gas chamber and electrocution
Chaos or did I mean confusion My hearts blood letting on the floor Now I’m need of a transfusion
Chaos or did I mean confusion What will the outcome be? Can’t wait for the conclusion
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
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Top 50 Poster
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Dear Derek,
This is a good piece. You've brought up all of the questions that we all ask and find no easy answers to.
I think I may have said simply CHAOS OR CONFUSION in your title and in all of your first lines. May mess with your meter, but you're smart, you can fix that.
Also, maybe (drop AS)and write
Lethal injection, gas chamber, or electrocution
How about....There is no sure transfusion And ....There may never be conclusion(not in this life)
Just a few suggs. KOS!! I like it alot though. It's profound.
Have a blessed day,
Jan
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 114
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
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Derek, wow- it has inspired the hippie in me... as a teacher I am often amazed at the cruelty people use toward one another without giving it a second thought. This piece is a reminder that it seems to be embedded in our existence. One alone can not change the world, but I do believe we can all do our small part- the posative treatment of others and our environment can only be infectious. Thanks for reminding me to do my part. Anne
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun" Kathrine Hepburn
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Hello again Anne Thanks again for your comments and appreciation. I am glad it brought out the inner hippie in you lol. I think the worlds problems as it stands today are growing greater all the time with a large magnitude. This is a commentary on that state of things however I am not excatly sure what to do about it. Though I guess acknowledgment is a good first step. Thanks again for your time in reading and leaving feedback! Blessings Derek
Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/27/07 06:40 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2006
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Top 30 Poster
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Chaos and confusion, two words that I often use.
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