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#544469 - 09/26/07 10:08 AM Chaos or did I mean confusion  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Chaos or did I mean confusion

Chaos or did I mean confusion?
How much of this world is real?
How much is all illusion?

Chaos or did I mean confusion?
What can I count on to be true?
What is my delusion?

Chaos or did I mean confusion?
The world is self destructing
Is there a global solution?

Chaos or did I mean confusion?
Where is my safe haven?
My castle walls free from intrusion

Chaos or did I mean confusion?
We sanctify the punishment for killing
As lethal injection, gas chamber and electrocution

Chaos or did I mean confusion
My hearts blood letting on the floor
Now Iím need of a transfusion

Chaos or did I mean confusion
What will the outcome be?
Canít wait for the conclusion


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#544542 - 09/26/07 03:10 PM Re: Chaos or did I mean confusion [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
Top 50 Poster
Janice Hopkins  Offline
Top 50 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Dear Derek,

This is a good piece. You've brought up all of the questions that we all ask and find no easy answers to.

I think I may have said simply CHAOS OR CONFUSION in your title and in all of your first lines. May mess with your meter, but you're smart, you can fix that.

Also, maybe (drop AS)and write

Lethal injection, gas chamber, or electrocution

How about....There is no sure transfusion

And ....There may never be conclusion(not in this life)

Just a few suggs. KOS!! I like it alot though. It's profound.

Have a blessed day,

Jan

#544602 - 09/26/07 07:48 PM Re: Chaos or did I mean confusion [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 114
intuitionartist Offline
Serious Contributor
intuitionartist  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 114
U.S.
Derek,
wow- it has inspired the hippie in me... as a teacher I am often amazed at the cruelty people use toward one another without giving it a second thought. This piece is a reminder that it seems to be embedded in our existence. One alone can not change the world, but I do believe we can all do our small part- the posative treatment of others and our environment can only be infectious. Thanks for reminding me to do my part. Anne


"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun"
Kathrine Hepburn
#544733 - 09/27/07 06:40 AM Re: Chaos or did I mean confusion [Re: intuitionartist]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hello again Anne
Thanks again for your comments and appreciation. I am glad it brought out the inner hippie in you lol. I think the worlds problems as it stands today are growing greater all the time with a large magnitude. This is a commentary on that state of things however I am not excatly sure what to do about it. Though I guess acknowledgment is a good first step. Thanks again for your time in reading and leaving feedback!
Blessings
Derek

Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/27/07 06:40 AM.

All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#1125133 - 03/09/17 01:04 PM Re: Chaos or did I mean confusion [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
Top 30 Poster
Jim Colyer  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
Chaos and confusion, two words that I often use.


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