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#544225 - 09/25/07 12:28 PM We're Friends  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Melissa Evans Offline
Serious Contributor
Melissa Evans  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Mississippi
This is a rewrite of one I did a few months ago, but for some reason, I could not let it go. I have had some help on it already, but I am looking for some more input if anyone has any...thanks in advance smile

We’re Friends
©2007 Melissa Michelle Evans

Verse I
WE BOTH grew up in a small town
She was the prettiest girl around
I’d always steal a kiss or two
The way that some young boys do
Not sure HOW MUCH she liked it, but she'd grin
And say the same thing time and time again

Chorus
She said, "We're friends"
I hope you understand
We're friends
Don't let that make you sad
If there's one thing you can believe
When it come's to you and me
We're friends.

Verse II
Graduation night, school was through
She went to the party with someone new
I will never forget that night
all the feelings I had to fight
I just had to tell her how I felt
couldn’t stand to see her with someone else

Chorus
She said "We're friends"
I hope you understand
We're friends
Don't let that make you sad
If there's one thing you can believe
When it come's to you and me
We're friends.

Bridge
Five years later we’re at the back of the church
I could see it in her eyes, she was hurt
She said that she can’t believe she never did see
It should be her be walking down the aisle with me

Chorus
I said "We're friends.
I hope you understand
We're friends
Don't let that make you sad
If there's one thing you can believe
When it come's to you and me
We're friends.

Last edited by Melissa Evans; 09/25/07 05:26 PM.
#544251 - 09/25/07 01:39 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Melissa Evans]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hi Meliissa

While I like the turnaround in this one I am not exactly sure(at least from personal experience) that it's realistic. If there was some girl saying we were "just friends" and I wanted more and she kept telling me know I would think eventually I'd get the hint. Also if he was desperate for her what changed that in him? I think we need more peices of the puzzle to help this one be believable IMO. But then that's just my opinion lol take it with a grain of salt.
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#544263 - 09/25/07 02:09 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,697
Michigan
Melissa,

I think it is self explanatory. I like it alot and have only small nits. Here goes:

V1.

Line 1: WE BOTH GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN

Line 5: Not sure how much she liked it, but she'd grin

Line 6: I heard the same thing, time and time again

Chorus: GOOD! WELL SAID!!

Verse 2:

Line 4: Drop the AND

Line 6: Drop the I at the beginning so that you don't start both line 5 and 6 with I. It isn't needed there anyway.

Bridge: Five years later at the back of the church
Trying her best to make up for old hurt
She said, She was sorry she didn't see that
It could have been her walking there with me

There you have my take on it. I like it alot. Conveys your feelings pretty well I'm sure. These are only suggs. Keep or sweep as you think best.

Have a good day,

Your friend,

Jan

#544267 - 09/25/07 02:23 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Melissa Evans Offline
Serious Contributor
Melissa Evans  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Mississippi
Derek,
Well, I can see what you are saying. I did not want to go with the "expected" ending of guy gets girl after all these years...blah, blah, blah. Also, I wanted to the girl to be the one that realized that she should have given him a chance. I will surely take that into consideration. Thanks for your time and honesty. Much appreciated!

Jan,
Awesome sugs, my friend. I think you have actually picked out most of the things that I was unhappy with. Thanks so much for the time you put into your critique on this. You have been a big help!

Thanks again,
Melissa smile

#544293 - 09/25/07 04:34 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Melissa Evans]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Wyman Lloyd Offline
Wyman Lloyd  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Missouri
Hi Melissa,
Looks 'purty good.
If that Janice has already fixed everything you wondered about, I s'pose I'm a bit late. (Ain't she good? <G>)
'Bout the only thing I'd differ with her about is this line---
"It could have been her walking there with me"-----------------------------
I think "could" would be better as "should" like you had it----
From the rest of the song, she pretty well knew, or should have,
That it "coulda'" been her but just realized now that it "shoulda' been.
A good write
Wy

#544296 - 09/25/07 04:50 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Melissa Evans Offline
Serious Contributor
Melissa Evans  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Mississippi
Wy,
Now that you put it that way, that does make sense...coulda woulda shoulda...lol!
I think that Janice did make some great sugs, and I appreciate you looking and taking a read!

Thanks!
Melissa smile

#544300 - 09/25/07 05:20 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Melissa Evans]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
PeterJ Offline
Serious Contributor
PeterJ  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
South OrangeCounty, California...
Hey, Melissa,
When I read through this, I was wondering why you felt it needed tweaking. It is a concise writing and carried a story from beginning to end. Now that I've read through the thoughts of our fellow writers, I see what I overlooked in the first round.
No additional advice from me. Just my compliments for a well-written song.


If music be the food of love, why is it so hard to keep my family fed?

Pete
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=734566
http://cwmusicpf.zoomshare.com/
#544306 - 09/25/07 05:28 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Melissa Evans Offline
Serious Contributor
Melissa Evans  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Mississippi
Peter,
Nice to meet you. Like I said, I had already had some help, but I wanted some fine tuning before I thought about putting it to melody.
I appreciate your kind words. They are very encouraging.

Melissa smile

#544592 - 09/26/07 07:16 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Melissa Evans]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Joice Marie Offline
Top 10 Poster
Joice Marie  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Cornish Flat, NH, USA
Hi Melissa

I liked this when you first posted, because it reflects how love can last a lifetime even if you do not engage as sexual partners. Sometimes it's the right person, but not the right time or lifetime. That's a Real truth that is not written about a lot. The tweaking you've done has made it better. Now I'll look forward to hearing how the music turns out.

All the best

jm smile


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
http://www.myspace.com/lemonmcfartney
#544626 - 09/26/07 09:42 PM Re: We're Friends [Re: Melissa Evans]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
Top 10 Poster
"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
WOW, "Instant Classic", Mz Mel~!

Lemmie Mess with that Nice Bridge, & "KUDOS" for the Whole Great Thing!

"Five years later she was at the Back of Our Church/
I could see in her eyes, she was feelin' hurt/
She said she can't believe how she never could see/
It should've been HER walkin' down..the Aisle with me/"

K-O-S Sweet Lady, & Good Luck with this Very REAL Angle. (Actually took 25-30 Years to hear this..in a Beautiful Letter..from Someone Special, years back.) It Happens!

Big Hugs,
Ol' Stan


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