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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
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This is a rewrite of one I did a few months ago, but for some reason, I could not let it go. I have had some help on it already, but I am looking for some more input if anyone has any...thanks in advance We’re Friends ©2007 Melissa Michelle Evans Verse I WE BOTH grew up in a small town She was the prettiest girl around I’d always steal a kiss or two The way that some young boys do Not sure HOW MUCH she liked it, but she'd grin And say the same thing time and time again Chorus She said, "We're friends" I hope you understand We're friends Don't let that make you sad If there's one thing you can believe When it come's to you and me We're friends. Verse II Graduation night, school was through She went to the party with someone new I will never forget that night all the feelings I had to fight I just had to tell her how I felt couldn’t stand to see her with someone else Chorus She said "We're friends" I hope you understand We're friends Don't let that make you sad If there's one thing you can believe When it come's to you and me We're friends. Bridge Five years later we’re at the back of the church I could see it in her eyes, she was hurt She said that she can’t believe she never did see It should be her be walking down the aisle with me Chorus I said "We're friends. I hope you understand We're friends Don't let that make you sad If there's one thing you can believe When it come's to you and me We're friends.
Last edited by Melissa Evans; 09/25/07 05:26 PM.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Hi Meliissa
While I like the turnaround in this one I am not exactly sure(at least from personal experience) that it's realistic. If there was some girl saying we were "just friends" and I wanted more and she kept telling me know I would think eventually I'd get the hint. Also if he was desperate for her what changed that in him? I think we need more peices of the puzzle to help this one be believable IMO. But then that's just my opinion lol take it with a grain of salt. Sincerely Derek
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Melissa,
I think it is self explanatory. I like it alot and have only small nits. Here goes:
V1.
Line 1: WE BOTH GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN
Line 5: Not sure how much she liked it, but she'd grin
Line 6: I heard the same thing, time and time again
Chorus: GOOD! WELL SAID!!
Verse 2:
Line 4: Drop the AND
Line 6: Drop the I at the beginning so that you don't start both line 5 and 6 with I. It isn't needed there anyway.
Bridge: Five years later at the back of the church Trying her best to make up for old hurt She said, She was sorry she didn't see that It could have been her walking there with me
There you have my take on it. I like it alot. Conveys your feelings pretty well I'm sure. These are only suggs. Keep or sweep as you think best.
Have a good day,
Your friend,
Jan
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Derek, Well, I can see what you are saying. I did not want to go with the "expected" ending of guy gets girl after all these years...blah, blah, blah. Also, I wanted to the girl to be the one that realized that she should have given him a chance. I will surely take that into consideration. Thanks for your time and honesty. Much appreciated! Jan, Awesome sugs, my friend. I think you have actually picked out most of the things that I was unhappy with. Thanks so much for the time you put into your critique on this. You have been a big help! Thanks again, Melissa
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Hi Melissa, Looks 'purty good. If that Janice has already fixed everything you wondered about, I s'pose I'm a bit late. (Ain't she good? <G>) 'Bout the only thing I'd differ with her about is this line--- "It could have been her walking there with me"----------------------------- I think "could" would be better as "should" like you had it---- From the rest of the song, she pretty well knew, or should have, That it "coulda'" been her but just realized now that it "shoulda' been. A good write Wy
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Wy, Now that you put it that way, that does make sense...coulda woulda shoulda...lol! I think that Janice did make some great sugs, and I appreciate you looking and taking a read! Thanks! Melissa
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Hey, Melissa, When I read through this, I was wondering why you felt it needed tweaking. It is a concise writing and carried a story from beginning to end. Now that I've read through the thoughts of our fellow writers, I see what I overlooked in the first round. No additional advice from me. Just my compliments for a well-written song.
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Peter, Nice to meet you. Like I said, I had already had some help, but I wanted some fine tuning before I thought about putting it to melody. I appreciate your kind words. They are very encouraging. Melissa
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Hi Melissa I liked this when you first posted, because it reflects how love can last a lifetime even if you do not engage as sexual partners. Sometimes it's the right person, but not the right time or lifetime. That's a Real truth that is not written about a lot. The tweaking you've done has made it better. Now I'll look forward to hearing how the music turns out. All the best jm
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Joined: Jul 2010
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WOW, "Instant Classic", Mz Mel~!
Lemmie Mess with that Nice Bridge, & "KUDOS" for the Whole Great Thing!
"Five years later she was at the Back of Our Church/ I could see in her eyes, she was feelin' hurt/ She said she can't believe how she never could see/ It should've been HER walkin' down..the Aisle with me/"
K-O-S Sweet Lady, & Good Luck with this Very REAL Angle. (Actually took 25-30 Years to hear this..in a Beautiful Letter..from Someone Special, years back.) It Happens!
Big Hugs, Ol' Stan
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