JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 "The Well's Run Dry" - Last Re-Write?? 9/24

Good 9/24 Morning Gang!

Maybe I should rephrase that, being Monday and all...

Morning Gang!

Just wanted to bring The Hopefully Last Re-Write up to the tippity-top of the thread for your viewing pleasure. The most recent changes are in bold blue type.

As you can see, I've scratched out my intial comments, but left the original version of the song below, if anyone is interested in tracing the journey from point A to point Z.

Personally, I'd like to say I'm happy where it is right now; with the thoughtful assistance of many of you, I think I've finally found the right balance between "What a bummer!" and "That's okay, man, I can deal".

So thanks for reading and sharing,
Beth the Boo-Booed

Howdy Everybody...
Just have a coupla minutes to throw this baby up here before MY babies get delivered home from the bus-stop. Whipped this one off pretty quick...ink still dripping all over the keyboard....so be gentle with me (especially in light of my recent orthopedic "missteps")....Don't think I even did a spell-check, so all of you who get called on the carpet by me for typos and such, this is the song to go to town on!

Won't even have a chance to come back to see any comments until after the kids go to bed (part of my Trying To Compensate For What I Can't Do These Days campaign), but please, all comments welcome.

Later kiddos,
Happier Now With My Percocet,
Beth



The Well’s Run Dry -- Revised 9/24
© 2007 Beth Williams

Verse One:
My glass ain’t half empty
My glass ain’t half full
My glass is holding nothing
I’m dying of thirst and
Down to my last straw
Saving it, hoping for something

Verse Two:
Seems I was just saying
My cup runneth over
But back then I did not understand
There’s only so much
One person can take, it’s
The law of supply and demand

Chorus:
So what do I do
Now that the well’s run dry
No sign of rain
It’s a sunny blue sky
A divining rod
Sure, I’ll give it a try
Worst case I’ve got
A few tears left to cry

Verse Three:
Some of it I wasted
Some just slipped away
Bottom line I used to have it all
Should’ve saved some for
That rainy day, and had
A splash to help break my fall

Bridge:
Don’t let regret haunt you, you just gotta move on
Because at the end of the day, what’s gone is gone
Like puddles you played in when you were a kid
Now it's all water under the bridge

Chorus:
There’s not much to do
Since the well’s run dry
Won’t see Jack or Jill
They were already by
So I need to dig deep
To see if I can find
A way to fill my cup again
and leave this drought behind

-------------------------------------------------------

The Well’s Run Dry -- Original
© 2007 Beth Williams

Verse One:
My glass ain’t half empty
My glass ain’t half full
My glass is holding nothing
I’m dying of thirst and
Down to my last straw
Saving it, hoping for something

Verse Two:
Seems I was just saying
My cup runneth over
But back then I did not understand
There’s only so much
One person can take, it’s
The law of supply and demand

Chorus:
So what do I do
Now that the well’s run dry
No sign of rain
It’s a sunny blue sky
A divining rod
Sure, I’ll give it a try
Worst case I’ve got
A few tears left to cry

Verse Three:
Some of it I wasted
Some just slipped away
Bottom line I used to have it all
Should’ve saved some for
That rainy day, and had
A cushion to help break my fall

Bridge:
So you’ve crossed all your “t’s” and dotted your “i’s”
Still all can be lost in the blink of an eye
Too little too late’s not the greatest surprise

Chorus:
There’s not much to do
Since the well’s run dry
Won’t see Jack or Jill
They were already by
So I need to dig deep
To see what I can find
A rescue map with directions
To that oasis in my mind

Hi Beth

Well first read through, I like it....especially that you brought in Jack and Jill ! Nice touch....I'll return to read again with the idea of Not know all your history and try to read it from an outside neutral perspective. jm

Hi Broker !


Well, this is a nice flowing tune.

I like this.....

There’s only so much
One person can take, it’s
The law of supply and demand

and, I like this chorus....

Chorus:
So what do I do
Now that the well’s run dry
No sign of rain
It’s a sunny blue sky
A divining rod
Sure, I’ll give it a try
Worst case I’ve got
A few tears left to cry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

For wet ink it's a pretty good job oh messed up one... really can't find a nitinit...

In fact it's a good lesson of tying a lyric together with lots of well\water images....

So I'm giving you a bd for this one...

Hey JM!

Having posted this so quickly today (ala STAN!), I didn't have time to even consider what the response might be. It was such a visceral reaction to all that's been going on with me, and it speaks volumes (which now that I think about it, is a liquid measure!)

Anyway, thank you so much for the kind words....you know they mean a lot to me, coming from you. I wondered if I had wandered into poesy territory, but I figure you'll be the one to let me know if I have....

Also, I'm hoping people are noting that right from the get-go I am offering a possible "light at the end of the tunnel" scenario. Not that I'm necessarily buying that in real life right now, I thought it might be worth offering that up on this version. The darker version, the as yet to be penned "Welcome To My Pity Party" might have less to offer in terms of a resolution, but more in the way of making the most of the moment...

So thanks again, and hope to see you back soon!!

Ciao,
Beth

Hi there Calvin,

Thanks so much for stopping by to visit. In fact I'm quite delighted, as I think this is one of only a few times you've actually pulled out some favorite lines for me.

Having said that, if your praise is partly based on pity for me and my situation -- that is TOTALLY fine with me!! I'll take it wherever I can get it, baby!!

I do wish I knew you better, because I think it would be fun to pen a song (just for us kids) titled "Nothing Comes Between Me and My Calvin"...if we really stretched things, we might even be able to tie in Tom Cruise....

So thanks again. I'm glad to be back as a contributing (albeit brittle) member of society!!

Cheers,
Beth

Why thank you John!

Again, I was compelled to get this out of my brain and onto the board today, so I'm glad it's getting at least a modicum of attention! I wasn't sure how knowledge of my circumstances would play into reviewing it... I certainly hoped it could stand on its own merit.

While the statement itself is hardly unique, I am happy with the preliminary results of how I tried to convey it. There is such a wealth of imagery with WATER, and I wanted to focus on the LACK of it...and the caveat that taking for granted some of the very basic needs of life can be quite costly.

Finally, I'd love to thank you for the "bd" on this one, but a) I don't know what it means, though it's probably really obvious and b) I can certainly GUESS, but several of those interpretations suggest I had better slap you instead of thank you ("Baby Diaper", "Bipolar Disorder", etc.). Rather than speculating my night away, then, I'll just ask straight out what you mean....

Regardless, thanks for your visit!

Cheers,
Broken down but drugged up,
Beth

Oh my gosh, Beth! You have such a neat way of writing. It is not typical. I loved the Jack and Jill (and how they would've had the pail but you missed them, clever!!!) Water is such a metaphor for so much. It sustains our virtual existence. Reading this makes the listener feel your thirst. I am unclear what you are thirsting for but since you talk about tears in the chorus I was wondering are they tears for a lost love or other?? It seems the song is about you and your need for quenching but in the bridge you talk to someone else so that is where I get confused. I almost wonder if you should keep the bridge about you or be perfectly clear who the "you" is. Is it a lost love or is it a universal "you"????? Inquiring minds want to know??

Best,
Lynn

Ok Beth...carefully now, without breaking anything, make two fists.

Now make your fists meet in front of you with the knuckles of your two ring and middle fingers touching. Are you with me so far??? Still uninjured??

Now point those two thumbs straight up into the air.

(Embarassed sniffle)

John, I followed your directions carefully and explicitly, and I still haven't the vaguest idea what gesture you're talking about or describing...."Bird Dog"? "Big Daddy?" "Beth's Digits"?

(whining ensues....)

Oh I GET IT NOW, this is some tricky Canadian attempt to torment the heart and mind of a torn and tattered little American girl. Well, um, ....uh TGIF to YOU mister!!

xoxo,
Beth

Well hey Lynella,

Thanks so much for the generous comments...and for taking them a step further to help me better explain myself.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was curious about how well the song would stand on its own, without the listener knowing the details of why "my well is dry"....specifically, I'm TIRED OF BREAKING MY BONES ALL THE TIME (in case you hadn't seen the omnipresent mentions, I re-broke my right foot last weekend and am back in a cast, unable to drive....). I have plumb run out of energy trying to deal with the aggravation and pain of it all, I am sick of putting on a happy face for everyone, and last but not least, prior to the onslaught of the slippery slope back in March, I had taken my orthopedic good health for granted.

So, I think your point about whom I'm addressing in the bridge is well taken. While I was trying to convey a GENERAL caveat based on my PARTICULAR experience -- and that's why I felt comfortable expanding the pronoun from "me" to "you" -- if I don't specifically lay-out the context, I fear the warning might fall on deaf ears...HMMMMM.....

Guess I'll let this sit overnight and mull things over a bit more in the morning....

Thanks for helping me take another look at it....

Ciao,
Beth

Poor Poor Beth

Sigh I hope this finds you well. Or at least as well as one can expect.

Nothing to nit here totally feel this one. I pray that your health improves. Just remember that with all things in life at least it gives us the experience to look back on.

I know that can be a troublesome point when your living in it. Though hopefully this is momentary and you'll find yourself back to yourself before this, before you know it. Will be praying for a speedy recovery for you
Best Wishes Gentle Hugs and prayers for healing
Derek

Hi Beth,

Wow, I could sing this as my anthem today. Literally. That's exactly where I am. Digging deeper than I ever have. And then falling splat on the concrete to boot. Oh well. Yep. I'm praying for lotsa rain. Thursday there was an oasis and I couldn't stop telling everyone about what happened (see note to Ben Willis on General thread). Then Friday was the fall that threw my back out. So, I'm empathizing with you with this one. Sometimes life seems more like a warzone. And this one's about to make me cry. Probably need to. But, usually don't when I'm trying to tough something out. Thanks for the opportunity for some salt water induced endorphins.

Wishing you many "get-well" wishes today.

Vanessa

Okay Boo boo

I'm back, you thought I'd forget or get too busy,, I'm sure.

Here are a couple of thoughts to consider.

There’s only so much
One person can take, it’s (maybe GIVE instead?)
The law of supply and demand

or the usual
WHEN IT'S GONE IT'S GONE
The law of supply and demand

also maybe on the bridge, if you are rethinking per Lynn's ? It would be nice to add a water reference

crossing a bridge or something like that there.

Anyway
I hope you are having a nice day ! jm

Good morning, Daddy Derek,

Thanks for your shoulder, once again.

I too am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason...but what's behind this seemingly never-ending season of broken bones and incapacitation still eludes me. I've pretty much maxed out my sympathy card...I carefully swivel around in my chair and look at a house in complete disarray...and I'm not sure that my kids or hubby particularly like me any more...

But hey, at least I can write about it...at least they HAVE me as mom/wife, and the house, well, it has become sort of a jungle for the kids to explore, so maybe they'll discover some new eco-system and we'll all be rich and famous.

Thank goodness I'm a Gemini, and can see both sides of the coin...

Seriously, thanks....I know this too shall pass...in the meantime, "what I can, when I can....what I can, when I can...."

Later,
Beth

Heya Beth

That's the spirit just remember this too shall pass. And you'll be stronger for the experience in the meantime your passion for writing his continued to grow and that has given you a great outlet. I think all things happen for a reason. I know I am here for a reason. The total purpose I am not exactly sure of yet but I know what I need to for now and the next will be revealed in the next chapter. Thanks for being you Beth you an encouragemnt to all of us!
Sincerely
Derek an Bella(aka Peanut)
Sincerely
Derek

Dear Vanessa,

While I'm certainly glad I could offer an outlet for your pain, I am so so sorry to hear about your fall. :o Concrete and humans are only supposed to make contact via snazzy little sandals -- not our BACKS! Are you alright? Have you been to a doctor?

My advice, if it doesn't hurt too much, is to let the crying commence. I held mine in from this last incident for two days, and ended up blubbering all over Hank the Cast Guy. Huge relief...though of course it was immediately negated by the NEED for Hank the Cast Guy, but that's another story.

We are all so fragile, and I worry how this affects me as a mother...not so much that the kids seeing me hurting myself time and time again, but more so that I have turned into super zealot over protective mommy. I KNOW sometimes you need to let them fall so they can learn to pick themselves up, but still, it's hard...

Anyway, I once again digress. I hope you have someone who can alternate ice and heat, pump you full of pain meds, and massage your feet. Do not overdo, or try to "walk it off"....pain was invented for a reason...your body is telling you to let it rest for a minute before you move on to your next adventure. Take the time to write write write...even if it means just talking into a tape recorder if it hurts to sit up and type....

Good luck, and try to get some rest...

Your Kindred Klutzmobile,
Beth

Hey JM,

I had no doubts you would return...I'm like that car accident you are both disturbed by and riveted to!

Anyhoo, thanks for taking the time to get past my boo-hooing and look at this as a genuine song (no offense to anyone who was simply being simpatico...)

Regarding specific comments....

While I understand the option of using the word "give", I like the word "take" because I want to convey a more active loss of what was at my fingertips...i.e., I squandered it, didn't realize what I had, went to the well one time too many, and realized too late I was left with no resources to sustain me.

I am definitely reviewing the bridge, per yours and Lynn's suggestions. I still haven't decided which pronoun to use...I'm sort of leaning towards the "YOU", so as to send out a message about what I've learned from the experience..rather than just crying a river about it.

Thanks for your help, and I hope to get back with some new thoughts in a bit....

Trying to stay seated,
Beth

Hi again,

Yes, I can identify with the house in disarray too. LOL. Tape recorder is a good idea. Was gonna get another housekeeper (the last one was doing a lousy job so I had to let her go. It's way past time to take care of that little detail especially now that I'm teaching.

I do the hydrotherapy around here. This morning my eldest did bring me the packs from the freezer wrapped in towels. Then I take Ultram for pain too. Warm bath. Have done all that already but it's time for another round of ice now. I used to would go to the doctor. They sent me to the chiropractor since after a back fusion---there's nothing more they can do. My chiropractor showed me the bulging discs on the MRI last year (above the fusion due to the added stress placed on the vertebrae above the graft site) For some reason, it must've also placed stress on my neck 'cos I've known about the bulging discs there for a few years now. For me, I do just as well, icing it and doing these "body awareness" movements that I read about in a book authored by a New York physician who specializes in pain management and rehabilitation. So, I'll do those after I do the next round of ice. Like now. It usually only takes three days to get back to 'normal' for me if I do all this with anti-inflammatories. Something I've learned to live with.

Years ago, I'd almost mourn over the fact that I couldn't remember a day without pain anymore. But, now I've found that I can have 'pain free' days again (with the help of tools like diversion, etc). Like you alluded to, the less we have the more we're thankful for what we have left. Like you say, our families are blessed to have us in whatever form they can get us, I suppose; but I have to remember that myself. It's easy to feel like I'm not enough. Actually, I'm not enough (hence the pre-school and school enrollments). My youngest is so thrilled to be in pre-school. He's also happy to see me in the afternoon, and that's neat.

Your skimpy sandal wearing sister,
Vanessa

Morning Bethsledge
Kinda' late to the party.Not much to nit. A good write.
I just skimmed the other comments. Didn't see anybody else comment on it so I'm probably out in left field again, but--
I saw this comment of yours---------------
"stand on its own, without the listener knowing the details of why "my well is dry"....specifically, I'm TIRED OF BREAKING MY BONES ALL THE TIME (in case "-------------------------------------------- The board audience is not quite "typical" , being as most all of us know the facts behind it. so for "standing on it's own", I think you'd have to make the "light at the end of the tunnel" a bit brighter, put more "hope"
or "acceptance" in it. "Others have it worse" etc.
Still good writing though
JMO
Wy

Awww..Buck UP, Mz B!!!

For Starters, Try "Splash" insteada "Cushion"... ;-)>

It's maybe Too Sad for Me to get up-close-to & Hug It!

But, Hope it was Great Therapy..get it ALL out & then Go for a Rib-Tickler!

Critically-Speaking,V1 IS a Dandy...REALLY Sets-The-Stage..(But..for a "Downer Song", alas...)

V3, More Philosophisin', All of which I'm in-agreement with..

V2 gets Nice-&-Philosophical

Chorus TRIES to get Balmy, Metinks, & Hey, it's ALMOST so...

Bridge...OK, It's all TRUE.. But What a DOWNER!~

Last Chorus.."Jack & Jill" DID inject some Much-Needed Levity there. DID tie the Package UP with that Last Couplet...but it's still got that Killer SAD Streak runnin' thru it. WISH it had More Laughs..but That's Just Me. But IMO that's what makes "Sad Ones" Delicious Fun, properly-mixed.

Ya DID also leave behind a KILLER HOOK, which BEGS for a More-Comedic Approach (& I promise to LOVE IT:)

"What I Can't Do These Days"...

I'd happily do a DUET witcha, if ya'd like the Male VP on it..or just do a Great Babe's-Eye-View of what goes on in the "Botox & After Years."

Hey, I Hope You're Healin'..all those Nasty Breaks should add up to One Heck of a FUN Song..& I know you can do it, Hot Mamma!

Wishin' Your Well Runneth Over & Soon,
Big Big Hugs,
Ol' Stan

Hey Vanessa,

Good golly missy, I had no idea you've been going thru all this! I'm so sorry! Apparently, I'm the only one who got the memo stating "feel free to use these posts as a personal blog!"

Anyway, the back is a killer for sure....so many people are in chronic pain, but I find that when some people can't PHYSICALLY SEE the injury, over time, they get desensitized to it...and leave you holding the bag. However, it does sound like you've got things in control, relatively speaking. As you say, it's become something you've learned to live with....and over time, your children will be more sensitive compassionate people because of having been exposed to your condition. I wish you much luck, then, on your journey "Back To Recovery" (maybe a hook for you there???)

So thanks for sharing....it's a good feeling to be able to touch other people besides myself (whoops, THAT didn't come out right :o....I think Derek is getting me in trouble.... )

Anyway, off to see what's what with our next poster....

Thanks,
Bethy Boo Boo

Hey Wy,

So, just where YOU been hiding lately, mister? At least make an effort to stop by an emergency room or other miscellenous Massachusetts Doctor's office...I'll likely be there, reading the latest issue of WebMd....

As to the song, glad you enjoyed it...but once again, I find myself mired in another "keep it sad or yuk it up a bit more" saga. While it started out as just a poetic "poor me" number, I ended up taking a bit more responsibility for my losses (metaphorically speaaking), so I'm leaning towards the yeah, it sucks to lose everything, but hey, that's why they invented the phrase "starting over"...or something hokey like that.

Having read thru it a couple of times, though, I don't think the listener/reader needs to know my specific circumstances in order to appreciate it...I assume he/she will just project his/her own "regrets". However, I have no objections to playing around with the ending some.

So thanks dude....Looking forward to hitting the coffee bar with you again one of these days...
Bethsledge

Hey Stan!

Thank goodness you're here...I knew I could count on you to tell me to "Buck Up"! Since I'm currently unable to drive or even enjoy being a passenger though, I suspect you can save the secondary caveat "Buckle Up" for another day!

Before I address your comments about the song, I MUST SHARE MY LATEST MINI-YET-IRRITATING DEBACLE. This afternoon I was doing more stuff around the house, trying to get a present/card ready for this b'day party we're supposed to be going to tomorrow, and I was hungry, so grabbed a bagel, and bit my tongue but good. Blood EVERYWHERE -- including all over the $%&@%&##& painstakingly wrapped gift and card!! -- and it was way in the back and so I was gagging as I was trying to stop the bleeding. I was getting woozy, kids were getting nervous, but "Dr. JJ" assessed the damage and determined that there was "nothing flapping" but it was a long and deep laceration -- that I'd have to just wait out. Right now it's quite sore and swollen....and I can barely open my mouth, so I sound like I'm trying to pass along State secrets or something...Pathetic, I tell you! I'm literally falling apart from stem to stern (another possible hook, yours for the taking folks!)

ANYWAY, regarding my dirge, sorry I didn't give you the mix of funny and fretfulness you prefer. Again, it's one of those "it is what it is" songs. I am going to try to lighten things up a bit, though...I already have a new ending couplet I'm' working on which I think you'll like better.

As for your offer of a duet on "What I Can't Do These Days" is both flattering and daunting. I don't think I could keep up with that muse of yours who still seems to be in overdrive. BUT, would love to keep my half as a challenge for a quieter moment....

So let me get back to tidying this up a bit...

Ciao for now, and thanks for the "well-wishes" -- LOL

xoxo,
BumbleBeth

Howdy gang!

Rather than trying to cut and paste the various changes (suggested and otherwise), I'm just going to re-post the whole song below. Tweaks will appear in red, primarily towards the end. As you'll see, I rewrote the bridge entirely...

Will be curious how this flies...I'll be hitting the hay soon (hopefully carefully) and I wouldn't be offended at all if someone wanted to end my weary day with some positive feedback!!I declare...while I do confess to a profusion of "mishaps", somehow my brazen gene has remained intact...
Anyhoo, enjoy!!


The Well’s Run Dry -- Revised 9/24
© 2007 Beth Williams

Verse One:
My glass ain’t half empty
My glass ain’t half full
My glass is holding nothing
I’m dying of thirst and
Down to my last straw
Saving it, hoping for something

Verse Two:
Seems I was just saying
My cup runneth over
But back then I did not understand
There’s only so much
One person can take, it’s
The law of supply and demand

Chorus:
So what do I do
Now that the well’s run dry
No sign of rain
It’s a sunny blue sky
A divining rod
Sure, I’ll give it a try
Worst case I’ve got
A few tears left to cry

Verse Three:
Some of it I wasted
Some just slipped away
Bottom line I used to have it all
Should’ve saved some for
That rainy day, and had
A splash to help break my fall

Bridge:
Don’t let regret haunt you, you just gotta move on
Because at the end of the day, what’s gone is gone
[color:#3366FF]Like puddles you played in when you were a kid
Now it's all water under the bridge[/color]

Chorus:
There’s not much to do
Since the well’s run dry
Won’t see Jack or Jill
They were already by
So I need to dig deep
To see if I can find
A way to fill my cup again
and leave this drought behind

Hey Peanut's Papa,

Thanks again for your words of encouragement...right now, I'm too pooped to pop!

I had a little laugh earlier, though...Samantha was marking something on the calendar, and she noted that that day (9/30 ) was also my wedding anniversary. She was like, "cool!' while Charlie the Interrogator pressed onward. "What is an anniversary?" "What is there to celebrate?" "Do you have to get married again?" All very legitimate questions, but given my current condition, I was grateful I wasn't within JJ's earshot to hear what he might have said! Poor guy, should've read the fine print on that certificate...

So onward and upward...to bed for me...What, it's olny 10:45? Must be the loss of blood from my tongue wound combined with my little percocet friend!

So ciao for now,
Beth

Oh Beth...you just gotta write "Kindred Klutzmobiles In Overdrive" for me puhleeeeze....


I promise to give it another thumbs up

I'll ponder that thought as I hobble up to bed...I think you're right though, as you have a built=in audience...you could play it at various hospitals, telethons, and the like. (LOL)

I guess the second line would have to be:

"I can't believe I'm still alive"!

So "thumbs up" is what all that "bd" business was last night? Gadzooks!!

Off to bed for real this time,
You know who

Just bumping this up for the inquiring minds who wanted to know where I decided to go with this....and REALLY. who has time to lurk past page 1 these days!!

All comments welcome...

Limpy LaRooski

Hi Boo boo

Well the changes are good....maybe some would say the bridge is a bit long now, but heck, rules are made to be Broken ! not limbs, however.....

Stay well
jm

Thanks JM,

Had similar thought about the bridge, but came to your same conclusion: I'm fine with it.

Plus, I figured since I used the word "BRIDGE" IN the bridge, that might allow me a coupla extra lines!! Didn't I read that rule somewhere???

Thanks for stopping by
Beth-a-boo-boo

I was thinking some more about the bridge, JM....which got me thinking about all this Russian business we've been playing around with on the boards thanks to Bobbieskiniov...

How about if I changed the last line to this:

Besides, it's all just VODKA under the bridge (LOL)...

Just jesting...my gal wouldn't let a drop of that water-looking liquid float by on a bet! Nyet, I say, Nyet!!!

Bethowski

HiDee Breakable-Mz-Beth!

Hmmm..'Tis a Wee Bit Warmer!

I'd shed the "just" in da Bridge, which is Fine Now.

"See Jack & Jill/They already SPED by" I'd Sug.

That Last Couplet's a bear to come up with...ain't it?

Maybe "Even Chinese Water Torture/ Might ease my mind!"

(K-O-S) Poor Brittle Mz Beth!

Hope Maybe I've Helped, & Best of Luck in recovering from All the Indignities ya've been goin' thru lately! (Hard to picture ANY Gal with an Injured Tongue...talk about Cruel-&-Unusual Punishment!) I've been chompin' tongue & sides of my mouth a LOT lately...lucky Both heal up pretty quickly, unless ya get 'em AGAIN real-soon, which I have!

Hope ya had a Delightful Nap...I'm SO Jealous~ Worked on da Pink Place all Aftynoon, after Flea Mkting resulted in a Black Mantel Clock I'll make a $Bill on and $1 for some Hazelnut Cream N.E. Coffee...Got caught in the Bucs Game Traffic on the Interstate, which ate up LOTSA Time on the Return Trip Home. (At least the Buccos WON Game #2 this season..Outta Two~ We're rather Used to 'em Losing..so it IS quite a Start this year!)

Waal...keep polishing this Eventual Winner, M'LadyChum!
Good Luck with it, & all them Bones, Bruises, & Bleeders!

Big "Hope To Healya" Hugs,
Stan

Yeah that audience ain't going anywhere Bethasawish Theydstaysitting

Not sure if this works now...first off, I think the bridge introduces something new

Yes, the ice caps are melting, but just a smidge

Wait shouts the listener, Is this about global warming????

Besides, it’s all just water under the bridge

If it is, the singer's not too serious about it...

And what does this have to do with the personal nature of the lyric???


Then to close with an Evian reference relating to Jack and Jill is also confusing...again, it jars us from what's a personal thing...your own journey....

So I'm not sure that the tinkling er tinkering made it better...

Ciaoski Tovarich

Evening, Stan!

Glad you think this one moving in the right direction....though it appears your neighbor to the south, Mr. John V. himself, is pondering the opposite. Oh, the humanity!!


As for your comments, I can certainly lose the "just", but I'm not so sure about J&J speeding by....I sort of like the idea of singer sitting there thinking, NOW WHAT? HO-HUM....

As for the last couplet, I have mixed emotions about it...I do like how it shows the singer is going to be able to dig herself out of this hole (while before I had been less reluctant to give her that option) and it's timely from a pop culture standpoint, but I worry that I'm mixing in too many unrelated references. LAstly, by closing with a literal reference to water, I wonder if I am minimizing the true despair and sense of loss she felt. In fact, as I think John might be suggesting, she might be coming off a bit glib.

Glad you had an adventurous and productive day today. I thought it wise to mind the fort while JJ took the kids up north for an apple picking/hayride birthday party deal. As much as I would have enjoyed the change of scenery, I don't know that the terrain would have been particularly forgiving. In fact, two apple-picking seasons ago, I was just recovering from one sprained ankle, and when I stepped off the hay ride, a sociopathic Cortland came barreling down the hill and threw me for a literal loop -- thereby spraining the other foot (sounds sorta familiar, huh?)

Hope you've recovered from your fall on the roof...my mouth is definitely still sore, but should be back in badgering shape by tomorrow I hope.

Thanks for your pearly words, and I'll catch ya later!

Betheroo

Hey John,

Thanks for your review, as VISCIOUS as it was...

Your words are not entirely unfounded, though...I started out very solemnly in this song, as someone who was just plumb used up. Then by introducing the Well's Dry imagery, I started to bring in more and more water imagery -- with mixed results. My mention of the polar ice caps was supposed to be a "timely" little joke -- and the last couplet was my way of saying the singer has gone thru a lot, but could still find SOME levity in her situation...

I do appreciate your input, though, and promise to take it under advisement...I'm about ready to call it a night...

Beth Beth, Scared me to Death

Hey..Beth...

Sorry to hear...you are back in a cast again...
You surely didn't need that a bit..... but it looks like you're
taking the lemons and adding a bit of sugar and water...
and handling it a lot better than I would.

I think this is fine writing... as is....

(hmmmmm.. ya know gal...just reading your thread...is enough fodder for a dozen songs).... coloring words...is a specialty of yours.

Not only do you write well...but you have a
Hook Fair...while doing so......

Babies at the Bus Stop
Percocet Beth
Kindred Klutzmobile
etc.

Hey V....you take good care too...... OUCH.....on that fall!!!hon...
Hoping by this writing you are doing better..too....

Hugs...
and best.....
Kaley

Hey, Beth.
What a great "hurtin' real bad" kinda song (pun not intended?).

The first thing I have to comment on is the positive stroke of holding on to that last straw in anticipation of something more to come.
I like that the cup runneth over but there was only so much you could take. (bet you wish you'd had a bigger cup at the time).

I see a delicate mix of sadness and hopefulness, and it is touching.

Now for the sug's.
The first half of the bridge is good, but I have to admit that the ice caps caught me off guard (for one thing it took my mind to more water, not less). Perhaps a less grandiose allusion like
Like white water rapids life was full and it was rich
Now that's all just water that's gone under the bridge


The last rhyming couplet doesn't work for me.
I need to dig deeper
to see what I can find
A new well to quench my thirst
and ease my mind

Okay...that sounds really country, but you get the idea.

You know that I'm not comfortable recommending lyrics, so this is more my thoughts on direction than my statement that these are the words you need.

By the way. I was able to bring this song to myself. Perhaps knowing you helped me to make it personal, but I think the song has a universal sensibility.

Great write.

Be well, and remember. You may be down to your last straw, but you can still use it over and over again.

Good morning Kaley,

Wow, thanks for all the kind words. I especially liked your "as is" phrase...a tough one to come by in this crowd (which is not necessarily a bad thing).

I did do a bit more tweaking this morning, to try to maintain the sense of hopefulness without being sarcastic. I've already made the changes, but after I jot a quick note to Peter, I'll put the whole newly revised version at the top, for ease of reviewing....

Thanks so much...praise from a talented writer such as yourself certainly helps to start my day (not quite as well as COFFEE, you understand, but still.... )

Curious how you like the changes...

Beth

There ya go Beth...ties it up nicely...oh, and of course in keeping with your liquid theme, and my reining in, you meant to say "viscous" right??

Good morning, Peter,

Glad you enjoyed the song...and thank you for your suggestions!

I must confess, though, I'm sorry the ice cap reference fell short for most of you; in hindsight, I believe you're right, it is a bit misplaced....I just thought the idea was funny, of the futility of people waiting to replenish their supply of water with the melted ice dribbling down from the Artic Circle! Nevertheless, in this instance, I was able to incorporate the essence of your suggestion -- referring to how full and rich life WAS -- and hopefully you'll find it more appropriate.

Took a bit of your idea for the last couplet too. Not verbatim, but you helped point me in the write direction.

Finally, thank you for finding a universal appeal in this song. I'm thinking there are a lot of dry wells out there...and some people don't even realize they're getting close to running out of water...

I did make the corrections above, but as I just said to Kaley, I'm going to post the whole official re-write at the top now, so people don't have to go scrolling all over town to find it.

Thanks again, hope all is "well" at your end...(Hey, there's another hook "All's Well that End's Well -- NOT!")

xoxo,
Beth The Bungler

Yep...the puddles....keep with the song's tone better..... and don't remember if drought was there or not....but another....keeper...and is fitting.

The rewrite is strong, Beth.....
fine insight...Johnny V...

best...hugs....
Kaley

r

Beautimous, Beth. Just Beautimous.

Now that's a great read!

I do like the line about the puddles. It gives a sense of the happiness once taken for granted now seemingly absent from life.

I am also really happy that you were able to end the song on a positive note. I'm a happy endings kind of guy.

Again. Great, Great job.

Thanks John,

The answer to your question is "yes"...if you were in fact trying to RAIN in!!

Glad this is working now....

Beth

P.S. BTW, is that Kokopelli in your avatar? Or you just planning another RAIN dance?

Howdy again, Kaley,

Wow....seems to me we've surpassed your earlier comment of liking the song "as is"! Where does that put us now?..... What???...."Better", you say??? Well then, yeehaw!

Honestly, I struggled with those few lines for quite a while, but you had all helped push me. As I said above, I think this was a classic team effort.

Thanks for the input of both your time and creativity energy!

Cheers,
Beth

Aw, Pete....Beautimous?...Ya think?...Really? Gee whiz, you sure know how to make a gal feel good. !

Seriously, I'm so glad you liked it....I think we're looking at three for three now, so it's either Miller Time (this whole thread has really wet my whistle!), or time to start singing Kumbayah (spelling?). There must be SOMEBODY around here with a guitar....

Someone's Drinking, Lord,
Come Beth, YAH!!!!

Someone's drinking Lord
Say Hoo Yah

Beth's a drinking Lord
She wrote a song.

We're all drinking Lord
Tequila

Oh Lord
Love Beth's song

If it's OK with Peter, it's OK with me.
Looks much better
Wy

Wow, Pete, I'm getting all misty...I had TOTALLY forgotten the words !!

Thanks for taking me on such a liquor-laden stroll down memory lane (is that redundant?)!

xoxo,
Beth the Boozer with Boo Boos

No need to go on and on about it Wy, you're embarassing me! I think I turned a whole year older just reading all the way thru that post!

Needless to say, I won't patronize you with that old "quality over quantity" malarkey....who ever wants just ONE gray hair? Ah, I could go on and on, but then you'd have to shoot me or something like that.

Later, thanks for sharing dude!
Beth