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Join the Fight (a feminist anthem)
by Travis david. 11/27/20 05:34 AM
Martha
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Once
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Acerbic criticism.
by Sunset Poet. 11/26/20 11:30 PM
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by niteshift. 11/25/20 05:09 PM
The quilt
by ckiphen. 11/25/20 01:10 PM
This is why Voter Fraud should concern BOTH R & D
by John Voorpostel. 11/25/20 12:48 PM
Tell Me What You Were Thinking Of by Daniel Simons
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#542047 - 09/18/07 07:05 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: bailey bridges]  
Joined: Aug 2007
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey Vanessa

This one is awfull cute and it made me think of a nother version you could do. "Won't the real remote please stand up?" lol. Anywho was a fun read thanks for the chuckle!

BICABH
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542048 - 09/18/07 07:09 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Gary E. Andrews]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey Gary

Liked it all in all. The chorus seemed a bit long for my tastes but then it might be sung quickly. Great job on the appliance theme although I was a little disconcerted about the miracle of modern science part?
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542049 - 09/18/07 07:14 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Heya beth

Maybe the hour of the day but this was a confusing read. Not sure about her springing a leak.

Was rather weird to be truthfull. I do like the occasional weird song but this one is not flowing well in my head.

Maybe it's my head though anyways nice imagery ice pick to the head was a favorite line of mine

Edit ok I figured it out lol. (call me slow) The first verses were about a real girl or girls (or woman or women) and the last a blow up doll. Ok now I see that I get it lol yes tis a good one if a little kinky lol.
Sincerely
Derek Hines

Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/18/07 11:09 AM.

All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542050 - 09/18/07 07:17 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Heya Lynn

Cute an sweet really like this one a lot. Perfect thing to just a chance to get away and enjoy eachother. Wish we all had more of a chance to do things like that. Awesome song Good luck with it
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542052 - 09/18/07 07:33 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Nathan Baker]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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Hey Nathan

The premise is strong and overall a good lyric the verses are a little long and feel somewhat disjointed. Sailboats and Crumpets for istance also what do either have to do with beer? I don't think the good ole boys are gonna wanna here songs about crumpets JMO. Otherwise a fine job


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542053 - 09/18/07 07:36 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Calvin]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey Calvin

Nice lyric here. I like the idea of coffee as a life force lol. Indeed (even though I don't drink it all the time) there are times I can't go without it. The terrible part is I am no where near any right now and there is no way to get any. Guess I'll have to get some instant stuff (yuck) and use the hot water I have access to. Great write here loved it
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542055 - 09/18/07 07:44 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Joice Marie]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey Joice

Like your take on the packrat theme. I love the emotional attachement piece gives it so much heart. Andd you know how it goes the moment you throw away that thing you were keeping you'll have a need for it lol. Great job on this one an enjoyable read
Sincerely
Derek Hines


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542057 - 09/18/07 07:54 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Calvin]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey Calvin

Liked this one rather cute in a NC17 sort of way lol. I wonder though if adding some more color wouldn't pull out some more laughs. such as "Our undies commence to tangling up it twisted ways" or something to that effect just a thought lol. Otherwise I thorughly enjoyed it
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542058 - 09/18/07 07:56 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Ray E. Strode]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hi Ray

I like the general feel of this one. The all caps blew it for me though. Somehow all caps just made it a hard read other than that a fine job
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542060 - 09/18/07 08:05 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: ]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey Stanamigo

Liked this one a lot lots of good cutting metaphores here. One teensy weensy little nit I had about it is. Swath It think is pronounced (sw-aawith with emphasis on the aww) and would have a heck of a time rhyming with wrath maybe you could substitute swath with path? Just ideas trust em or dust em.
Big guys hugs
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542061 - 09/18/07 08:08 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hey John

Very sweet sentimates here although... Being a young boy listening to your parents sigh and breath heavy after getting it on doesn't make my stomach feel good. Now again that's not to say I don't like the sentimate but I wouldn't want to hear any of it. JMO
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542099 - 09/18/07 11:19 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
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Janice Hopkins Offline
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Janice Hopkins  Offline
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Michigan
Derek,

Too funny and too true. Love it. Polish it up and actually give this one a go. Who can't relate to it? When it rains it pours. Been there, done that (again and again). I've got a couple things that aren't working so well right now (oh wait, I'm one of them) Maybe, it's just the dishwasher....

Got my daughter, Melody laughing hard on the phone yesterday. She said, Mom, why don't you get that fixed? (she was talking about my warped sense of humor). Well, I said, I don't wannu....

Have a great day, I'll probably talk to you again later on other threads.

concert went great the other night/(two encores). Just found out yesterday that they'll be in concert on Oct. 11 with Josh Gracin(a real nice kid). Branded cd should wrap up with one more lead vocal session.(getting the wrap and insert finished up too) Then it gets mastered and printed. Yeh!!!!!!!!!

Catch ya' later,

Jan

#542103 - 09/18/07 11:27 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Janice Hopkins]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
Hi Janice

Glad things went well with the concert and the cd release is coming along nice. Polish up a song challenge song? Maybe I'll give it a go lol. I like your sense of humor I don't think it needs fixing at all. Although those guys at that meeting you went to are broken some one needs to fix them Anyone got a sledge? lol

Blessing and Hugs to you Sis
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542131 - 09/18/07 12:26 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Ray E. Strode]  
Joined: Apr 2007
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Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Massachusetts
Good morning again, everyone!

I am somewhat back in the land of the living, having recovered from the initial shock of another broken foot (I think I've actually broken a YARD'S worth by now, one left, right one twice, that's three feet, right?)

Anyway so I want to get back to the work at hand here and see what's been cooking in my absence...I'll just start where I left off...apparently with that knucklehead Ray :D, so.....

Hmmmm....maybe it's the painkillers kicking in, but it appears to me that I don't have a heck of a lot to pick at on this one. Very nice! I love the staggered lines, a bit poetic but not a problem for me.

There is the little typo on "We'ed" (an extra "e"), and I'm not sure what's verse, what's chorus, what's bridge, but also not sure if those are mandatory? I haven't read any of those theory books...

Lastly, I love the word wringer. "Being put thru the wringer" is such a vivid image of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop in a relationship.

So thanks for sharing, and again, glad you were able to air out an oldie.

Cheers,
Hobbling along,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542144 - 09/18/07 12:42 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 10,834
John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Hobbl'n Williams broke her foot
her arm, her wrists, she's hurt'n good
still her spirit won't be bent
there shining on without a dent
I'm sure she'd even find a way
if some sneaky ** stole her cane
that's just the way it goes with some
and definitely with our Beth Willyums


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#542145 - 09/18/07 12:43 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Heya John

It must be tribute day! Who's next on the agenda?


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542149 - 09/18/07 12:48 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: ]  
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Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hi Stan,

I hope you didn't get the impression I didn't like your cappuccino song...it was pretty funny though how similar it was to Calvin's first entry. Interestingly enough, HE submitted two songs for this challenge also...are you two in cahoots??

Anyhow, let's see what you've delivered to me today....

WOW! You simply must get La Femme to come on the board one of these days....does she have any IDEA what you continue to pen about her?

This one is a kick and as you say, a Rocker for sure! I had to read it a bit more slowly, for fear that I might fall down and break something else!

Alas, I have questions about two lines:

Yeah, This Little Woman musta Come From DEE-WALT {Che?}

and then:

She's My KERF-CUTTIN', DADO-ROUTIN', Make-Ya-Into-KINDLING {again, what are these?}

I suspect these are just colloquialisms about which I am not familiar...

I also enjoyed your loosey-goosey translation of "a bat out of hell" to "Like a bat from Hades". While I might normally consider Dallying With an Official Expression For the Sake of the Rhyme a Crime, in this instance it works very nicely.

Now wait, there was one other line, let's see, oh yes:

She's Light-Weight, (With a Rugged Frame)

I'm assuming a buzz saw would be described this way, but I'm not sure if La Femme would take a "Rugged Frame" as a compliment. Maybe even using "sturdy" or some other adjective that is more, shall we say, La Femme-ish.

Otherwise, sir, glad you came back and helped up the ante on the number of posts on this bad boy. This has surely been a fun challenge (broken foot aside....)

Later,
Beth smile


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542151 - 09/18/07 12:55 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Massachusetts
Hey there John,

Either you guys are getting better, or I'm getting softer.

I can't think of a darn thing to pick at on this one. It's a very sweet original love story. Your meter and rhymes all pass muster, and I got a warm fuzzy feeling when I got to the end. smile

I won't even dock you any points for not using something original, because I think this particular challenge has allowed a lot of people to go digging into the vaults...and perhaps you might find some other oldies but goodies while you're there!

So glad you decided to play...I'm just relieved JJ will be on laundry duty now for a few weeks...I might blush the next time I see the laundry basket!! blush

Thanks again!
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542175 - 09/18/07 01:54 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Richard G Blum (D)]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Massachusetts
Hey Ritt!

First off, thanks for your concern and admonition to stay stateside and not saunter off to Iraq with Steve. Duly (sp?) noted!

As for your song, interestingly enough, it appears just below John's washing machine song! But they are completely different, which is what makes this challenge so goshdarn entertaining!

First off though, I don't see your title anywhere in the piece.....again, don't know the Official Rules...does that matter?

As to the song, love how you start out to set up the piece. Would you mind if I played with your chorus to make it rhyme more nicely for this broken little gal?

something about heavy
something about light
something about wool,
colored, and white
all fine and good if you
know wrong from right
But what do I do
about MY laundry plight?


Love the verse about the loose change...Lazy Husbands of the Universe, please pay heed. Though of course, a case could be made for the Lazy Housewife doing the laundry and not checking the pockets either. Though in truth, the worst is when someone leaves a tissue in a pocket...everything comes out looking like they've been through a snowstorm, covered in flakes of white...

Your second verse I think could be a bit stronger...I know there's a lot of info to be packed into this song... Might I give it a go?

the heck with it all, I'll just toss it all in
give new life to the solids, with stripes
polka dot briefs til some bleach falls in
next cycle is my wife's GRIPES


As always, this is keep or sweep. I just thought this was a fun one to play around with.

Last but surely not least, LOVE your ending....perfect perfect perfect!

Ciao for now,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542178 - 09/18/07 01:57 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Apr 2007
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Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Thanks Cal for the critique...short and sweet works for me.

Also, thanks again for the lovely song on behalf of me and Steve...may we both stay put for a long long tome!

BTW, any thoughts on a title for my appliance song? confused

Ciao,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542185 - 09/18/07 02:07 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Joice Marie]  
Joined: Apr 2007
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Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Massachusetts
Hey JM,

Thanks for your concern and your assistance with my song....I pretty much used your sugs verbatim, though I couldn't help but leave the word RISE to rhyme with THIGHS !

Any thoughts on a title?? frown

Hopalong Beth eek


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542193 - 09/18/07 02:45 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
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Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
HI Derek,

This is actually pretty funny...as pathetic as it is! I think "Nothing Works In This House" would work perfectly (no pun intended) for a title, because it pretty much says it all.

Again, another strong opening verse...have a good idea where you're going to go...

In your second verse, you might add the word "Inside" before "It's" in the very first line. Otherwise, I'm not making the connection quickly enough, and I think you're talking about OUTSIDE....

In your first chorus, could it maybe be tightened up a bit?

Nothing works in this house
Everything I own IS SUCH
A broken down MESS
GONNA cost too much
To fix, SO I GOTTA
Get OUTTA town
Before it all COMES
CRUMBLING to the ground

3rd and 4th verses are clever, though I'm wondering if you could come up with some pricey item other than the Mona Lisa. It's certainly priceless, but I think it doesn't have enough connection to the story to make it a valid enough "opposite".

With all the money I been
Putting out for repairs
HAD TO UNFREEZE SOME ASSETS
SURE COULD USE
A Frigidaire

Bridge and tag both hysterical...Reminds me of that movie "The Money Pit" or something like that, with I want to say Tom Hanks and Shelley Long?

Anyway, as always, keep or sweep! grin

Thanks too for playing and putting up with my lyrical shenanigans... crazy

Beth, cold-busted



http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542196 - 09/18/07 02:53 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey there again, Derek,

So happy to see someone else jump on the Commentary Bandwagon! It's fun, isn't it?

Anyhoo, glad you got the gist of my song...but I think I might still have been too vague in my first verse....because "Zoey" is actually a "Joey"! "She" basically is telling the singer, hey buddy, before you jump to any conclusions, wanna make sure you know what you're in for...at which time "she" allows him to "take a gander" and he finds a corresponding "pecker" (hmmm...THAT might be a way to make that clearer...). D

Alas, I don't know how those sorts of scenarios are played out in the real world :o blush, but creative license and all that....!!

Thanks for the read, but still need help on a title...

Ciao for now,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542206 - 09/18/07 03:20 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: John Voorpostel]  
Joined: Apr 2007
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Beth G. Williams Offline
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Massachusetts
Hi John,

Just caught this in the midst of catching up! Thanks so much for taking the time to come up with this little ditty!

I'll share a pathetic aside about my existence...when I went in for a bone scan last week, this 175-year old woman came in with this snazzy walker...wheels with brakes, baskets on the sides, a nice little counter thingy, which flips over to become a seat....Naturally, given my circumstances, I was mesmerized. I asked her where she got it...but sadly, she was also in the throes of dementia, and had no idea what I was talking to her about. So yes, while most of my friends will be out asking a stranger, "OOOHHHH, where did you get those FABULOUS shoes?" or "MY, I MUST know where you got that DRESS!", I'm asking little old biddies about where I can score a walker. frown

Additionally, while in the waiting room of my doctor's office yesterday, I was again struck by the silliness of my circumstances; "back in the day" I'd have been quick to pick up the latest Cosmopolitan or New Yorker magazine... now I gravitate towards the likes of "Arthritis Today" or "WebMd". To add insult to injury, one of my doctors was quoted in the article I was leafing through before I was called in. I guess that's a good thing, but still... cry

OH well, onward and upward, right???

Thanks again, you're a pal!!

Hopalong Bethidy cool


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542217 - 09/18/07 04:34 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
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PeterJ Offline
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PeterJ  Offline
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South OrangeCounty, California...
Hello Beth and friends
Sorry I'm so late to the party, but I brought margaritas!!!
Hamilton Beach

V.
Couldn't ask for a more perfect day
Sun shining down on the boats in the bay
two litre Cuervo, fresh limes and ice
Man I gotta tell you this is the life.
V.
Folks showing up getting ready to tan
Everybody's happy, down to the last man
The lot's already full but you can park on the street
Just another weekend here on Hamilton Beach
C.
Then you hear that hum
And a little bit of grind
Pale green ice cold
Bringer of good times
When it comes to margaritas, I can't be beat
Cause I know how to use my Hamilton Beach
V.
Ten Speeds Pulse control
2 quart pitcher lets the good times roll
On a day like today, beer can't compete
With the nectar that pours from my Hamilton Beach
C.
When you hear that hum
And a little bit of grind
Pale green ice cold
Bringer of good times
When it comes to margaritas, I can't be beat
Cause I know how to use my Hamilton Beach
B.
Well the Sun's going down there's a chill on the breeze
So we'll stoke up the fire then we'll give those limes a squeeze
C.
When you hear that hum
And a little bit of grind
Pale green ice cold
Bringer of good times
When it comes to margaritas, I can't be beat
Cause I know how to use my Hamilton Beach



If music be the food of love, why is it so hard to keep my family fed?

Pete
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=734566
http://cwmusicpf.zoomshare.com/
#542224 - 09/18/07 05:13 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Jul 2010
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
HiDee Mz Beth, How ya Healin' Today, Poor Gal!!!

(Now place your hands on your Monitor, & we'll ALL get-together & get up One Big Prayer Together...and VOILA...You're HEALED!!!)

(If this didn't work, take One Part Orange Juice & One Part Vodka in a Glass...Add Ice..Stir Well. Take 2 & don't get outta your easy chair for 24 Hours..OK? Repeat, as-Needed!)

We're all Pullin' For Ya...Whichever Method Works!~

I had Great 15-Minutes-of-Fun puttin' the Buzz Saw Lyric together... DeWalt is a Major Manufacturer of Circular Saws..I just had fun Mis-Pronouncing their Name, so I wouldn't get sued.

"Kerf-Cut" is where, like on Round-Top Grandfather Clocks, a SLEW of Parallel Cuts are made in a Solid Board so ya can BEND it into that Curved Top. (It's then Veneered-Over the Underside, & looks like it's one big Happy Curved-Top.) Dado Cuts: Every time ya look at Victorian "Dentil Moulding" (Teeth-Like Decorations..date allaways back to The Romans, & yep, it Translates to "Teeth!") you're lookin' at wood that had a Dado Saw whack away at the "Spaces" between the "Teeth."

Ya set up a little "Step" Gadget so after ya make One Pass (& a space is ripped out) ya step the wood down to the Next Interval & Whack out The NEXT Gap. Repeat as-often as Necessary.

Should ya slip up on Either Type of Cut, or be in a BIG Hurry to Saw, ya end up with "Kindling"...of course! (My Neighbor, Dr. Rick, then re-stiches what's left of your Pinkies..& makes a Good Living at it! Did 4 Surgeries just the other day!)

Must have a Lotta Klutzes here in Tampa...what can I say? ;-)>

(It's $14K per-Pinkie to reattach one...[You & I are in da Wrong Biz, eh?])

"Light Weight/With a Rugged Frame" is Saw-Sellin' Buzz-Speak for a Very Desirable Model. Plastic Saw Housings are becomin' the Next Big Thing...since IF ya saw away for Hours, they get Pretty Durn Heavy, the ol' Zinc-Casing Ones..(Which might also Electrocute Ya).

What can I say on the CoffeeMaker Angle...Babes-and-Coffee are among the Planet's BEST "Pick-Me-Ups." Cal's no fool! Me..I allus Aim For "The Obvious"..THEN shoot for "The Diffo"..when All Else Fails..heh!

Since La Femme Embarrasses Easily-Enough, I rarely tip her off I've penned Yet Another Song for her. She's mastered the Feminine Art of letting me make an Ass Of Myself..& Ignoring The Results. No Man could Ask For More, IMO.

Best Wishes for that Speedy..somehow..Recovery! Perhaps in-Sympathy, I took a plunge from da Roof over the weekend & put a decent-sized Hole in my T-Shirt and Right Arm! Only hurts when I laugh..or move it..now. So..I got off Luckily~!

Thanks Again for the Great Challenges...& DO put your hands on this Monitor..first..eh?

Big Healin' Hugs,
Ol' Stan

#542227 - 09/18/07 05:42 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2006
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David Gill Offline
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David Gill  Offline
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Buffalo, NY
Sorry.. Had to chime in here... I LOVE THIS THREAD! LOL! You all are so talented...

"Ole Mrs. Sunshine"

The sun begins to peak
over the horizon
as I look around
and revel in the silence
I love the way
this room
fills with love
Just like
Ole Mrs. Sunshine does

In she slowly stumbles
her hair's a mess
I hear her mumble
under her breath
and I watch in awe
as somehow she
can still perform
while half asleep

She looks up through her
crusted eyes
and reaches for me
it's no surprise
I'm the only one
in this house
that can
give her what she needs...

It ain't easy
bein' a coffee maker
the pressure's on
for me to take her
from half asleep
to barely woken up
Sometimes I dream I'm
the coffee cup

I'll always be
the one she comes to
the one she'll always need

to give her her coffee




"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
#542328 - 09/18/07 11:37 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
MAN, I hate when I do that...press one wrong button, and poof, gone... Anway, I"ll try to recreate my clever post as best I can...

Hey There, Pete!

Had I known you were serving margaritas, I would have brought the nachos grin !! I'm just glad you came to the party! So hey, no worries about being "late" around here (we ladies are the only ones who have that particular issue to contend with wink )....all posts welcome, 24/7, blah blah blah...

So let's see what you've served up...

Ah, this is my type of song...though it's sorta hard to imagine with the current temp in the 40's! Actually, that makes it more enjoyable, very escapist. Has the total mellow-lazy-afternoon-down-at-the-harbor sort of feel to it. For some reason, I expect Santana to be playing in the background. cool

As for the rest of the song, good, good, good. While I know I should probably broaden my horizons creatively, I enjoy a straightforward rhyme/meter scheme with a great story (FYI, not a criticism there, Peter), and you follow suit nicely. Cool.

My only nit would be the last couplet of your chorus. I think you've "pronouned" yourself into a corner....since basically you're referencing yourself AS the margarita (I would love to guess "reflexive noun", but that would be asking to much of this old cobweb of a brain... :o )

Would you be at all interested in changing it up a bit, to something like this:

For the best margaritas, I'm the guy to reach
The smoothest operator of the Hamilton Beach


I know this gives the chorus a little different feel, but in this context, I simply could not turn away from somehow including "smooth operator"! Forgive me, Sade!!

So all in all, a lovely job Pete. Thanks for playing, and hope the power problems in the area are all squared away....

Ciao for now,
Hopalong Me


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542330 - 09/18/07 11:50 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey Stan,

I've been meaning to respond to you, but with my hands on the monitor and the liquid screwdriver set-up in IV fashion, I've just managed to relocate the keyboard...AH, here we are... cool

I undertstand that there's another Ode to you floating around on the board...but alas, between trying to heal and catching up on the WAVE of great songs on this challenge, I haven't had a chance to see it yet... I'm sure it does you justice....Personally, I think you would make a great professor at Harvard...telling tales of love and death, crime and punishment, time and time again, to those impressionable young minds. You have so many great stories...while I thought I was coming here to find and fine-tune my muse, oh, the things I've learned over and above that...wow!

Sorry you took a tumble today...I've heard some of those roofs even have a pitch to them :o grin , so please be careful! I have apparently been able, as a public service, to take on all the potential injuries for the board members...so that's why it wasn't too serious. You are very welcome!!

So again, thanks for your pearly words -- about the song, my healing process, and life in general!!

Try to take it easy tomorrow....and we won't tell LaFemme about your shenanigans if you dont' WANT us to.... grin

Ciao &Man,
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542334 - 09/19/07 12:00 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: David Gill]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey Dave,

Glad to see you wanted to play too, and that you're enjoying this thread...it's interesting how some resonate better than others with the gang...

But let's take a peek at your contribution...

Okay, first off, I want to know how you got pictures of me coming down in the morning...the "slowly stumbles" is what gave you away, Mister!! (HA HA)

But seriously, this one was a lot of fun. It's another coffee making one (how many is that now, not counting my "Caffeine" song?), but you've managed to put a very endearing twist on it. It's such nice contrast you've set up, in the serenity of the kitchen, and then in lumbers "Ole Mrs. Sunshine" (clever choice, clever I say!)

Poor thing, she just needs a little cuppa something! How nice to be the delivery boy!!

So nice job, Dave, I'm glad you got a chance to share this one....very simplistic format, yet just oozing with imagery. Nothing worth nit-ting about at all.... smile

So have a good one,
Beth




http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542374 - 09/19/07 04:06 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
PeterJ Offline
Serious Contributor
PeterJ  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
South OrangeCounty, California...
Good evening, Beth (wait...by the time you'll see this)
Good moring, Beth smile

So sorry to hear about your foot. Dang, girl. You're supposed to be taking it easy now that the young'uns are in school! What were you doing, celebrating having the house to yourself by doing gymnastics in the living room? wink Honestly, I know this won't hold you back, but I (make that we, cause I know I speak for all your friends here)worry about you and hope you are back on your feet soon.

Before I go any further, I have to tell you how much I enjoyed your little ditty back near the top of this thread. What a woman. She may not cook but she never nags, she's always there when I need a shoulder to cry on, and she hasn't put on a pound in years grin

Now...Thanks for the read and the comments
As for your suggestion
For the best margaritas, I'm the guy to reach
The smoothest operator of the Hamilton Beach

I agree completely. Undoubtedly, I have a penchant for pronouning myself into a corner
(as you so eloquently put it).
You'd think that after all these years of playing the pronoun game I'd be better at it blush

No offense taken at your comment about the simplicity of my rhyme scheme. Even my poetry tends to be succinct (okay...short). When writing prose, I have no problem with complex sentences and conveying compound ideas, but when it comes to lyric, I can't break away from short and sweet.

By the way...I like to think Sade would be proud.

Now to go back and look at the genius already posted on this thread that I didn't have a chance to read over the weekend. What with the dog eating my extension cord, and all.



If music be the food of love, why is it so hard to keep my family fed?

Pete
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=734566
http://cwmusicpf.zoomshare.com/
#542377 - 09/19/07 05:19 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
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Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hi MZ BETH!

While I do like some of the verse changes. I am thinking the chorus changes make too much change for my melody to work.

I will see if there is some way to make it sound well but it's seeming a little wordy for the melody I have in mind.

Again thanks for your honest heart felt critiques of my broken down lyric lol
(((BETH)))hugs
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542378 - 09/19/07 05:24 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
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Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Heya Peter!

Long time no see brother. Really liked this one had a lot of flavor lol.

The one nit I had not really a nit even. I would like it to be the "king" of hamilton beach. I think it makes it sound more interesting than just claiming you know how to use it.

As it gives the impression that hamilton beach is a place and a blender maker. Sort of a double entendre there. Any rate it's a good one and a keeper awesome job brother
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542379 - 09/19/07 05:28 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: David Gill]  
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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United States Oregon
wow Dave

Had me really going there nice fantasy. Although I think the reality came to light much to soon.

I was enjoying this silly, sultry and steamy little tale untill the coffee maker was revealed.

I would definitely try to keep the mystery going a little longer really pull people into this steamy fantasy. Then some where at the end let em off the hook lol.

Good fun write all in all liked it a lot
Sincerely
Derek


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542383 - 09/19/07 06:04 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2007
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Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hi Mz Beth

Great job on your explanation lol. Made things a whole bunch clearer. This sure has been a fun challenge can't wait to see the next one!


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542424 - 09/19/07 10:57 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey Derek,

Thanks again for picking up this slacker's efforts! I enjoy reading other perspectives on the same pieces. I know it's all subjective, but I often wonder if/when I'm mis-reading something or Heaven Forbid Over-Analyzing a Song.

Glad you've enjoyed this thread....will leave it up for a while to let everyone have a chance to read thru it/post if they want, and then, just when you can't stand waiting one minute more...I'll post another one! Of course, as has been done in the past and I'm totally in favor of, if someone else wants to post one, please feel free....

Slowly but surely,
Beth-UNK, Beth-UNK, Beth-UNK frown


P.S. No sweat about your comments about MY comments! All keep or sweep, remember?? I just appreciate you giving them consideration... smile


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542426 - 09/19/07 11:08 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Yes, it surely is morning, Pete...and GOOD now that the rugrats are off to school...I love them dearly, but it's just a bit hard to keep up with their demands with all these orthopedic accoutrements! To be honest, my right foot is KILLING ME today...before it was just the metatarsal region (you know, sort of the span across the top of your foot), but now it involves my heel too, and wow, there's just no way to put any weight on it at all. I guess that's what those crutches are for....

Anyway, glad you I didn't rankle you with my review. I'm also grateful to Derek for jumping into the fray, to add some credibility (or contraversy :o :D) to my commentaries.

Funny how sometimes someone uses a phrase you never thought you'd hear in reference to yourself...for instance, "I think you might have pronouned yourself into a corner." One of mine came yesterday, when I was told "Don't Go Back To Iraq". Who woulda thunk it?

So back to some stuff around here, then hope to come and play and look at some of the OTHER threads I've been missing!

xoxo,
Beth

P.S. Glad you liked my "ditty" -- a bit more suggestive blush :o than I'M used to writing, but it was cathartic -- ha ha!


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542432 - 09/19/07 11:17 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
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Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Good morning Beth!

Welcome back to the living! (Or at least the wide awake) You're no slacker it's just you do need sleep occasionaly lol. I need some to but then I am up all night cause I work one good thing about I guess. I will always consider someone else critiques. won't always do something with em but always consider. For one thing it was not the type of material I will generally hang on to was just a fun write if any one wants it I'll take bids! lol jk
Blessings Beth May you never break again!
Sincerely(gentle hugs)
Derek

Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/19/07 11:19 AM.

All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542550 - 09/19/07 06:31 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
PeterJ Offline
Serious Contributor
PeterJ  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
South OrangeCounty, California...
Derek,
Thanks for the note and for the praise.
It's kinda nice to think y'all missed me while I was away.

I like the idea of being a king. King of Hamilton Beach...Hmmm

Beth...Beth...Beth. Keep it elevated, darlin' (your heart, your chin and especially your foot:-) Should help to relieve the pressure and ease the pain.

I'd never rankle with your comments. They're the reason I'm here. My work is greatly improved because of your light dusting of humor and wisdom. You make me a better writer.

Big ole cyber hugs!



If music be the food of love, why is it so hard to keep my family fed?

Pete
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=734566
http://cwmusicpf.zoomshare.com/
#542554 - 09/19/07 06:42 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Posts: 6,578
Missouri
Aww, quit the soft soapin' Peter. Just cause you mean it ain't no excuse <G>. She'll become intolerable with all that praise
Wy

#542609 - 09/19/07 11:04 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,412
Ray E. Strode Offline
Top 30 Poster
Ray E. Strode  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,412
Brunswick, Ga. USA
Thanks Derek,
The song is one of the songs on my primary pitch list that I send out songs from. Usually the folks want a lyric sheet in all capitals so that's how I posted it. I usually don't post my songs very often.

The folks that demoed the song gave it a thumbs up as one they liked. Keep writing.


Ray E. Strode
#542612 - 09/19/07 11:28 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Heya Peter

Yes we have been missing you big guy! Glad to see your back here again with all us wacky wild folks. Look forward to more appliance inspired mayhem.

Thanks for rejoining the ranks. Although in your absence we have elected a new king sorry your majesty. There is an apprentice jester position open!


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542626 - 09/20/07 12:26 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
OH my sweet champion Wyman!

You're just jealous you didn't think of it first -- hee hee!

Alas, personally I'm not intolerable tonight, but the pain in my foot is....they ordered me some drugs :D, but when I read the fine print (as I always do), it appeared it could perhaps cause a fatal interaction with one of my meds....So I wonder, can you sue for what might have been? Hmmmm, maybe there's a song in there....

Anyway, haven't been able to sit up at computer for the bulk of the day, as everything is pulsating (and not in a good way).

Hope to be on the right track by tomorrow....

xoxox,
Down, out, over, kaput for the night...
Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542631 - 09/20/07 12:44 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: PeterJ]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
Hey Smooth Operator!

See, there you go again...dropping lovely phrases right smack-dab in the middle of casual conversation ("My work is greatly improved because of your light dusting of humor and wisdom.") How clever of you to make it a possibly appliance related reference (either from the baking department or the vacuuming)!

That reminds me, I haven't been thru the whole thread in a while...did we ever get anyone talking about vacuum cleaners, and how much life SUCKS and all that? Maybe I'll add my second entry, using that analogy, in light of my recent debacle. eek

Which reminds me, I must hobble off to bed.

Night all, sweet dreams!!!

clip-CLOP, clip-CLOP, clip-CLOP,
Beth sleep


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
#542689 - 09/20/07 06:54 AM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Beth G. Williams]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
Derek Hines  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Poor Beth

It seems it might be time to pass the plate for collection. Anyone got a spare leg back or otherwise? I could just see it now FrankenBeth lol.

Seriously though. I hope you are feeling ok by the time you read this. Me I am feeling old 32 years to be exact! so where is my present?(waits). Oh well I guess I'll just live on love and good intentions. I'll be having a steak dinner tonight though so that may help

. At any rate where was I? Oh right! Poor Beth might be it's time to pass the collection plate..lol seriously love ya gal and hope you get to feeling better have a good rest and we'll see ya in the morning!
Sincerely
Wacky guy holding a cute little peanut hugs (((Beth))
Derek Hines/An Bella


All the worlds a song and all the people Singers

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=740346
#542952 - 09/20/07 09:55 PM Re: NEW SONG CHALLENGE -FOR SEPTEMBER.... [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Beth G. Williams Offline
Beth G. Williams  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
Massachusetts
You're a funny one, Derek! I was just lurking very briefly, my right leg is still waiting for its percocet (not ready til tomorrow frown eek ), and I can't stay seated vertically for any length of time (cue violins, I know...), but I was on long enough to catch sight of YOUR song challenge...only to see it was the old one!! Hee hee, with some new takers, to boot.

See, soon enough it's just like moths to a flame!!

Gotta go lay down...this stinks....

Beth


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=949237

http://www.myspace.com/goldencatfish

"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
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