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#541844 - 09/17/07 12:31 PM If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey  
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Nathan Baker Offline
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Nathan Baker  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Tennessee
Title: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey
Lyrics by Nathan A. Baker
(c)2007 All Rights Reserved


Verse 1
I gave up hard living,
Cards and cigarettes;
and until you started cheating
Honey, I had no regrets.

Verse 2
If one-sided love is all we've got
Well, girl it just won't do
and if tears were Tennessee whiskey
Honey, I'd be drunk on you.

Chorus
If tears were Tennessee whiskey
Honey, I'd be drunk on you.
There would be enough left over
to invite a friend or two.

We could sip a round, and put you down
for all the pain you put me through
If tears were Tennessee whiskey
Honey, I'd be drunk on you.

Verse 3
I gave you my best years
The most succulent from the vine
And you gave me your cheating heart
A tainted red valentine

Verse 4
You might not miss me darling
When love's bill comes due
But if my tears turn to Tennessee Whiskey
I'll still be drunk on you

Chorus
If tears were Tennessee whiskey
Honey, I'd be drunk on you.
There would be enough left over
to invite a friend or two.

We could sip a round, and put you down
for all the pain you put me through
If tears were Tennessee whiskey
Honey, I'd be drunk on you.

Yea, if my tears turn to Tennessee whiskey
Honey... I'll stay drunk on you!

(c)2007

#541845 - 09/17/07 12:41 PM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Nathan Baker]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Joice Marie Offline
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Joice Marie  Offline
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Cornish Flat, NH, USA
Hi Nathan

Welcome to jpf.

Hmmm, I don't know, there's something about your hook that doesn't work for me, but maybe others here who know about country will love it.....

all I can say is that tears fall off your face and onto your clothes....so you'd smell like you'd been drinking, but to gather them into a glass to drink, well, it's a mighty stretch for my mind.... I get what you're trying to do and there are some good lines, but it's just my spin on it for what that's worth. jm


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#541857 - 09/17/07 01:21 PM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Joice Marie]  
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Nathan Baker Offline
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Nathan Baker  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Tennessee
JM,

Good morning.

Thanks for taking time to read and make comment.

I don't even drink myself, but I have been intoxicated by the emotion of love gone wrong a time or two. I was using the term whiskey figuratively.

Obviously if tears were literal whiskey crying would help sober a person up. smile

I'm new at this lyric business and its a stretch of my imagination to even be posting, but an old dog won't have a chance of catching a rabbit if he stays under the porch.

Thanks again.

Peace,

Nathan




#541864 - 09/17/07 01:38 PM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Nathan Baker]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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Posts: 29,275
Tampa, Florida since 1973
HiDee Bro Nathan & Welcome to Da Board!

I well-remember the Kind Soul at Al Jolsen B&W Publishing..less than a Block-Away from the BMI Mausoleum in NashCity..tellin' me years-ago that "Country Music is The White Man's Blues"...

This reads like Classic Ol' Country. EXCEPT Line 2, V3. "Succulent"'s a $25 word. "Those were the SWEETEST on the vine" would be More-In-Keeping with the Simplicity Here...IMO.

This isn't what I'd call a "Today" Lyric...but it's been an Enjoyable Read, nonetheless. Good Luck with it, Amigo.

Big "Welcome Aboard" Guy-Hug,
Stan


#541884 - 09/17/07 03:00 PM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: ]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Wyman Lloyd Offline
Wyman Lloyd  Offline

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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Missouri
Hi Nathan,
Yeah, would be traditional country.
Stan already got you for succulent--doesn't fit in this song.
JM took you a little too literally I think. You're just imagining
if the tears were whiskey as I read it.
IMO, the hook is used outside the C too much---supposedly "steals impact" from the C
Outside of that, I don't see much to nit. I'd see the first line thusly--I gave up hard LIQUOR-----
Then, that'd kinda' tie to the hook a bit
NOt bad.
Good luck with it
Wy

#541897 - 09/17/07 03:26 PM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,639
Samuel Harris Offline
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Samuel Harris  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,639
Pleasant Hill, Oregon
Nathan,

I think the hook isn't working because tears come "out" and whisky goes "in". So obviously you can't get drunk on someting if you are not taking it in. Still, I think you have something interesting going with the idea of using whiskey and tears as a metaphor but you will have to start over and figure out how to construct a more plausable metaphor. Something like, "If my tears were Tennesse whiskey, I could buy the house a round"


"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
#542012 - 09/18/07 02:49 AM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Samuel Harris]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
PeterJ Offline
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PeterJ  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 204
South OrangeCounty, California...
Nathan,
I'm a huge fan of classic country, and I absolutely enjoyed the read. I'd have to agree with the comments about the word succulent, and I see there has been a lot of concern about the physics of tears. perhaps if "hurtin' " were Tennessee Whiskey, you could ease those concerns without too badly bending your hook.
Just a thought...keep or sweep.

Keep up the great work.

Last edited by PeterJ; 09/18/07 02:50 AM.

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#542042 - 09/18/07 07:10 AM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Nathan Baker]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
Derek Hines Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,893
United States Oregon
Hey Nathan

I think there is strong potential here. I like the idea of the hook maybe the bait isn't quite right? I think tears as tennesee whiskey could be tied more into being hurt in general not as being brought on by just one person or circumstance. Maybe mix it up through different circumstances. Just some ideas good luck with it!

Last edited by Derek Hines; 09/18/07 07:11 AM.

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#542075 - 09/18/07 10:53 AM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: Derek Hines]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
John Hoffman Offline
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John Hoffman  Offline
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St. Peters, Mo.
Nat,
I like that. Maybe not popular today but I enjoyed it.

John


Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
#542089 - 09/18/07 11:37 AM Re: If Tears Were Tennessee Whiskey [Re: John Hoffman]  
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Nathan Baker Offline
Serious Contributor
Nathan Baker  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 356
Tennessee
Good morning folks,

Stan,
Thank you sir for your kind words, suggestions and warm welcome to the JPF forum.
I guess this lyric reflects my age. I am an old dog trying to to learn a new trick. I appreciate your comments. I will watch using those $25 dollars words in the future. smile

***

Wy,
Thank you for your time to sir. Country is all I know how to be so it will come out in my writing. I am slowly learning about this "hook" business and the effective use of the chorus to grab the listener's attention. Lots to assimilate.
Thanks again for commenting.

***

Samuel,
Thanks for your response. Posting this lyric has taught me much about communication. What seems clear to the writer is often still very foggy in the reader's mind. This posting has been a good learning experience for me. Thank you sir for your comments.
I will try to fine tune this lyric.

***

Pete,

Thank you for your suggestions and it is good to meet you too.
I will consider the things you have mentioned. Thanks for reading and commenting.

***

Derek,

Thanks for the kind comments. I will consider the changes you mentioned. I appreciate you taking your time to comment


***

John,

Thank you too sir for your nice comments.

***

All of you fellows have a wonderful day.

Write a good one!

Thanks again for all of the positive feedback and instruction.


Peace,

Nathan


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