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I wrote this one for one of Beth's challenges. After a couple of rewrites, this is what I came up with. Any good?
Tell It to Tuesday © 2007 Mel
I know you’re sorry for the words you said the other night You know I’m sorry for not feeling strong enough to fight For you Don’t say you love me now we both know that its just not right Can’t share my darkness after seeing love in Tuesday’s light On you
Go to the light
Go tell it to Tuesday Now you’re finally free from Wednesday’s woe Go tell it to Tuesday She’s the one you love The one you can’t let go
I heard you talking on the phone it hurt me to the core I found the number lying carelessly upon the floor It’s true How could I stay here when I know you don’t want me no more Stare out the window at your guilt while I walk out of the door From you
Run to her light
Go tell it to Tuesday Now you’re finally free from Wednesday’s woe Go tell it to Tuesday She’s the one you love The one you can’t let go
She’s a sunny summer sky I’m a melancholy night Run in her light
Go tell it to Tuesday Now you’re finally free from Wednesday’s woe Go tell it to Tuesday She’s the one you love The one you can’t let go
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Very nice couple of rough bits in the chorus meter but when you rephrase it it works nicely.... I wish I could remember the singer and the song... /melody I can hear.. When it does get set to music you may find you need to shorten the second line in the chorus... drop the "finally" it really doesn't add to the message Cheers
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Hi Mel, So the challenge was to personify a weekday? Good job. Gotta tell you, though. I heard it's against the law to use the "more/door" rhyme. Ben
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Mel,
This works, though the aaaa rhyme makes me want to increase intensity as i sing along (i don't figure the little (for you's in as the rhyme scheme) . and the only problem with that is that when i have builtup for the chorus, "tell it to tuesday" doesn't seem like it is up to the challange of being at the end of that build up. (of course i am most likely singing it in a different style than you intended it to be. I think Ben may be right about the more/doorrhyme, but since you are using an aaaa rhyme scheme you are grandfathered in. he he he
"run to the light" was unsettling. of course in conjured up images of Poltergist. which was about the scareyest movie ever made.
good luck
-steve
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Hi Mel, Good to see you again. Interesting song, nicely done. I didn't seem to have a problem with the more/door line. And I thought that.. (Run to her light) was the best part of the whole song. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi Mel,
I love this one. Of course, I'm fond of sad songs. This one tells it's tale well. I think you're growing as a writer. The lyric makes me want to hear the song. Please post it when it's all done.
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mel i love this! i think it flows nicely and i agree with john, after reading it i am left wanting to hear it...the only thing, and i think Noel mentioned it, was the word finally in the chorus...but i guess it depends on how it is being sung. thanks for sharing and i hope this finds you well.
nick
If you give them the tools, you give them a chance. ngb
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Hello Noel, Thanks much for your thoughts on this. I imagined Amy Lee singing it, she has a great voice. I'm sure I'd have to cut a word here and there if it ever gets music. Finally just went with the melody I wrote it to (an original melody...I think). Thanks again
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Hi Ben, Thanks for the read. Yeah, more/door...not the most original thing I've come up with. I usually listen to my muse when it throws something fast at me. Otherwise, I over-think it and lose it. Actually, the challenge was only to write about Tuesday. This is just what came to me. Thanks again, appreciate it
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Hey Steve, Hope all's well with you, and congrats on your baby girl Times like this I wish I could sing so I wouldn't have to describe in words what I hear. I'm hearing an Evanescence kinda thing, but that's just in my own little fantasy world . I'm glad you think I can be grandfathered with with that worn out rhyme, thanks for that. Run to the light...by that, I just meant he should be with Tuesday. Never seen the movie, so I never would have thought of it in that way Thanks for giving this a read and leaving the comment, appreciate it
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Thanks Calvin, Appreciate you reading and giving your thoughts...glad you liked the run lines
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Thank You John, I'm pleased that you think I'm growing as a writer...that's encouraging No guarantees it'll ever be heard, but if it ever sees music, I'll be sure to get it on here. Thanks again
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Hey Ben,
FTI, before very belatedly responding to Mel's song, the challenge had been to create a song using the word Tuesday. I had given a much more general use word for the one before it (GLASSES), so I thought it would be fun to have an innocuous one. It was great, you'd have to go dig it up....but you'd be impressed with the different interpretations we got on it....
Feel free to whip something up in your spare time...no expiration dates on these....
Ciao for now, Beth
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Thanks Nicholaus, Words can be cut here and here...so it wouldn't surprise me if "finally" gets omitted. Glad you love it, and I hope to hear it someday also. Appreciate the read and your thoughts
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Hey Mel!
I like it! Interesting rhyme scheme!
Charlann
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Hey Mel, I am sooo sorry I missed this...you'd have thought with the big fat TUESDAY in the title it might have rung a bell, but I have no decent explanation for you. That aside, what a cool idea to personify Tuesday (I had corrected Ben, only to see you had done so already ) And am I remembering the old saying correctly, which talks about the demeanors of children born on certain days of the week, and where "Wednesday's child is full of woe."?Or am I imagining things or was it intentional? If so, very smart. I really like the way you've broken up the verses, instead of using the usual format. Makes the short lines much more dramatic. I don't have a problem with the door/more couplet...and I couldn't really think of a suitable alternative, b/c you just don't want to tamper with that awesome "stare out the window at your guilt" part. Overall, very well done, and of course sad too, but that's not a bad thing....I wonder sometimes which causes more of a visceral response -- pleasure or pain? We've all bandied it about song after song after song...hmmmm, maybe another challenge? Anyway, I apologize again for taking so long to get back to you. You should have given me a knock on the noggin or something. I'm glad I got to hear it finally, though....good work! Beth
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HiDee Mz Mel!
Definitely "Sings In My Head" well, as I scanned along! V1 kinda yearned for some Condensing, IMO...
(K-O-S) I know you're sorry for the words you said LAST night/ You know I'm sorry, not feeling strong enough to fight/ For you/ Don't say you love me, we know it's no longer right/ Can't share my darkness seeing love in Tuesday's light/ On you/ {All the lengthy lines condensed down well, into 12 Syllables. LOTS easier-to-sing..IMO..tho I'm frequently Wrong, of course!}
COULD shed the 3rd Line from Chorus, too...
Heard you talkin' on the phone; hurt me to the core/ I found her number carelessly..lyin' on the floor/ So true/ WHY SHOULD I stay here, when you don't want me any more/ Stare guilty out the window, (while) I'm walkin' out the door/ From you/
That's all I can muster up...K-O-S all the Sugs.
Good Luck with this Sad One!
Big Hugs, Stan
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Thanks Charlann, Appreciate the read, glad you liked it
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Hey Beth, Don't apologize...no one can comment on everything, but I'm happy you stopped by just the same. Yeah, I channeled in on the verse you speak of (or at least my muse did). Your challenge came at the right time, as I was feeling ready to write, just waiting for it to surface. Thanks to you for helping it along . "Stare out the window at your guilt"...that was one of the lines I added into the rewrite. Glad that one worked out ok. I don't think I could write a happy song if my life depended on it...so I guess I'll stick with the sad ones. Someone has to do it Thank you very much for the kind words, appreciate it.
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Hiya Stan, I have a melody in my head for this, so I think it would be hard for me to condense it too much. I could give it a try though and see what comes of it. Could still work with the melody. Thanks for stopping in and giving it a read, and for the suggestions. BTW...what is K-O-S?
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You're very welcome, Mel.
I'm glad that these song challenges have inspired at least a few people to get their muses in gear!
I am also envious that you're able to write the serious stuff....I try, and it always just comes out stilted.
Keep up the good work, and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Cheers, Beth
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