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#515721 - 06/25/07 04:17 PM You're My Everything  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 168
Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 168
Pottsville, PA
I finished up the music to this song and got it into a worktape version. This was my first attempt at fingerpicking the guitar and singing a new experience.

Many thanks to those of you who helped me with comments and suggestions.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=521835&songID=5487730

You're My Everything

Chorus
You are my love
You are my dream
You are my hope
You're my everything

Vs. 1
Every mornin', I awake
my mind goes straight to you.
Sometimes I wonder, through my day
am I on your mind too?

Well we don't share much time together
for now, it's just that way.
I know my love will be forever (can substitute last for be)
because I feel this way.

Chorus
You are my love
You are my dream
You are my hope
You're my everything

Vocal ad lib interlude

Vs. 2
(now) Every evening, when I lie down,
I can't believe it's you
lying warm beside me
you made my dream come true.

We made it work, we love forever
I wake and I see you.
Just like my dream but only better
your green eyes in my blue

Chorus
You are my love
You are my dream
You are my hope
You're my everything

You are my love
You are my dream
You are my hope
You're my everything


copyright 2007 David Derbes


#515821 - 06/25/07 09:50 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 5,725
Louis Offline
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Louis  Offline
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Home of the Crimson Tide
Love your style David. Just crank it up louder smile


http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
#515880 - 06/26/07 12:38 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Louis]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Many thanks Louis. I did the best I could to get the volume up on this but am challenged with the equipment I don't have wink
Dave

#515881 - 06/26/07 12:47 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Jul 2005
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Scott Campbell Offline
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Lakeland, FL, USA
Nice tune, Dave. Felt like a Paul McCartney acoustic song to me.

I hear it just a little bit peppier - might just be me....

Scott

#516195 - 06/26/07 10:34 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Scott Campbell]  
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Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Thanks Scott. I think my first thoughts of this were faster and strummed rather than picked.
Dave

#516209 - 06/26/07 11:22 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 549
Marlene Palmer Offline
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Marlene Palmer  Offline
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Southern AZ
Oh Dave. This is so soft and sweet. I love the pickin'. I can just see the singer on the edge of the bed in the am, tellin' her how he feels.
Good structure and, of course, it's plain what's goin on here. No mystery story.
I have a little nit with some of your lines. "well, we don't share much time together...." Just sounds a little lame to me.
I wish we had more time together, but for now it's just this way. or something.

Down in the second part of V1...How about " We've worked it out, we'll love forever. All my dreams only get better"?
aww I don't know. Like I said, just nits.
I like the way you sing so softly and don't try to camp it up and get melodramatic.

#516239 - 06/27/07 12:40 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Marlene Palmer]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
Lynn Orloff Offline
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Lynn Orloff  Offline
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PA of the great USA
Hi Dave,

I don't think a song can ever be "too simple" if it's simply beautiful. This is sweet and works well. I like how you even changed up the melody a bit in the 2nd half of each of your verses. You started with the chorus and that's bold but it works. I would replace "be" with "last" in verse 1 line 7. I loved the little "do do do" think you sang, very casual but adds a nice touch. It does remind me of a Paul McCartney type style. Wondering if harmony singing w/this would also be a nice addition?

Best,
Lynn


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#516333 - 06/27/07 11:43 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Thank you Marlene and Lynn. Good suggestions on the lyric changes.

Lynn, the vocal interlude was just one of those last minute decisions to add in. There's one non-chordal note that I just loved how it sounded so I did it. I am hearing harmony in this. Actually I hear a male/female duo/trio singing the last few choruses with the singer doing some responses to their words. I can't record multi-track so I just left it simple.
Thanks again
Dave

#516375 - 06/27/07 02:30 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Dec 2006
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Melissa Evans Offline
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Mississippi
Dave,
Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this one! I think that you did a great job with what you had to work with!

Melissa smile

#517743 - 07/01/07 01:15 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Melissa Evans]  
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3,065
Michael James Moore Offline
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Michael James Moore  Offline
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oceanside,CA,USA
Simple is best.Liked the fingerpicking

#517782 - 07/01/07 02:31 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Feb 2001
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Two Singers Offline
Two Singers  Offline

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Northern Alabama
Dave,

Like it! I always like mellow rock. Like Scott, I think this would really show it best face about 8 - 10 bps faster.

And sometimes (this is one of those times) when simple really means "simply good". I enjoyed it!

Al

#518016 - 07/01/07 11:16 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Two Singers]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Thanks Al. When I listen to it as it is recorded, I agree. I noticed that when i pick it, it is slower than when I strum it. i think it is just a mood i get into because the picking isn't that hard. Great suggestion.

Many thanks to all who listened and/or commented on this song. It has made #1 on the unplugged charts on Soundclick. That's a first for me. (and hopefully not the last)

Dave

#518063 - 07/02/07 02:02 AM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,620
Noel Downs Offline
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Noel Downs  Offline
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Gungal NSW Australia
Nice and mellow for a first go at finger pick I'm impressed Nice work..

Cheers




http://www.soundclick.com/noeldownsandfriends

Tolerance means if you don't like something you ignore it
#518532 - 07/03/07 04:05 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Noel Downs]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Thanks very much Noel. i took a listen to many of your songs and lyrics. you do ballads well.
Thanks again
Dave

#518534 - 07/03/07 04:11 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Aug 2006
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BobDobbins Offline
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BobDobbins  Offline
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Posts: 704
Idaho
Very nice song! Need to work on those vocals, the singer doesn't sound very confident (sorry, I know I said this on one of your other songs). I like the melody. Finger picking is nice. Enjoyed the listen!

Last edited by BobDobbins; 07/03/07 04:12 PM.
#518691 - 07/03/07 11:27 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: BobDobbins]  
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 4,297
Michael Borges (D) Offline
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Michael Borges (D)  Offline
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Lake Elsinore, California
Dave,
Solid song concept. I can hear this with strings, piano & guitar.
Very romantic, "wine & candlelight" kind of mood.
Did you play this one for HER yet? wink

Cheers,
Michael


There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. -- Johann Sebastian Bach

MichaelBorges.com
LicenseQuote.com
#518854 - 07/04/07 12:12 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Michael Borges (D)]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Lynman Bacolor Offline
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Posts: 1,222
Caloocan, Philippines
Dave

I call it a cheesy song. SImple melody, simple lyric, simple accompaniment and very easy to sing. Honeslty melody is easy to remember but I prefer the title as You Are. Becasue I recall the YOu are. That is the hook of your song.

You are da da
You are da da
You are da da
You are da da da

The changes in the verses and prechoruses by shifting your beat of guitar plucking to strumming is a form of a build up going to your chorus is a very clever move.

The simplicity of this lyrics and the increase of the same story of this lovesong worldwide decreases the chance to shine. Just a point of view of mid 30 music listener.

Lynman


#519323 - 07/05/07 04:51 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Lynman Bacolor]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 168
Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Thanks Bob.... yes, you did say that in your other post and I am going to agree with you. I do not project or sing confidently with some of my songs. I do so when I am in my choir director or cantor role. I think I am too self-concious when I am doing this at home (afraid to let the kids and wife hear me)

Yes Michael, She did hear the song...she likes it too! Thanks. I can hear this song arranged a few ways.

Lynman - This song is so simple that i almost didn't finish it. I admit I thought the chorus was way to simple, I cringed at writing another I-vi-IV-V progreesion based song but I followed my mandate to finish everything I start with songwriting.

It may be cheesy to some listeners...and not to others. I actually fell in love with this and couldn't wait to make a worktape of it.

Interesting about your idea on the title. My defense, not that we are arguing, to keep the title is because of two reasons, one.... You're My Everything sums it all up and two, It's rhythmically and lyrically different than the "you are".

You're mid-30's? wow, you look much younger. My estimate would have been mid-20's.
Many thanks for the listen and comments!!!!

Dave


#519345 - 07/05/07 05:49 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 704
BobDobbins Offline
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BobDobbins  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2006
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Idaho
Originally Posted by Dave Derbes
Thanks Bob.... yes, you did say that in your other post and I am going to agree with you. I do not project or sing confidently with some of my songs. I do so when I am in my choir director or cantor role. I think I am too self-concious when I am doing this at home (afraid to let the kids and wife hear me)


Make them sing with you! smile

#519722 - 07/06/07 09:30 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: BobDobbins]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Lynman Bacolor Offline
Lynman Bacolor  Offline

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Posts: 1,222
Caloocan, Philippines
Dave

What I mean cheesy is simple and beautiful. I love simple songs just like yours.

Mabuhay!!!

Lynman

#519949 - 07/07/07 05:20 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Lynman Bacolor]  
Joined: Mar 2007
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Dave Derbes Offline
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Dave Derbes  Offline
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Pottsville, PA
Lynman, thanks, I apologize for misunderstanding. I admit I was confused because of the word "cheesy" which to me meant less than desirable.

Dave

#520169 - 07/08/07 03:17 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Mar 2005
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peaden Offline
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peaden  Offline
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panama city beach, fl
Hi David,

I like simple songs. Nice guitar picking and not bad on the vocals either. I too agree it could be picked up a notch or so. Overall, a really good start.

#520242 - 07/08/07 07:24 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: peaden]  
Joined: Feb 2007
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Gerry Manning Offline
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Gerry Manning  Offline
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Dublin, Ireland
Sweet and simple...hard to beat that combination in a song! I enjoyed it and agree with those comments that suggest a bit more projection!

Gerry

#521145 - 07/10/07 11:43 PM Re: You're My Everything [Re: Dave Derbes]  
Joined: Aug 2005
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Clint Anglin Offline
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Clint Anglin  Offline
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Troy, NY
Dave,

You are doing some very lovely, gentle picking here. It's hard to believe you have only being playing the guitar a couple of years. Of course, previous extensive musical training helps! The lyrics are very heartfelt and sung with sincerity. Very nice piece.

Clint


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