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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2005
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I'm doing the "50 songs in 90 days" songwriting challenge. You can do it too --- http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/50songs90days/ #2 folkish new age ... this is inspired by the story of the elf maid Arwen, who gave up her immortality to wed Aragorn, King of Gondor, knowing he would die one day... but, as a mortal, she would no longer be able to travel across the sea to Elvenhome after her love passed away. The West Wind Calls to Meon the plains by the great river on the delta, near the sea long grasses ripple in the breeze; on the beach lies the white havens and the gulls soar up high their voices singing in the sky and the west wind calls inviting me to sail upon the sea, oh the west wind calls inviting me to sail away from thee; yes, the west wind calls- whispering my name, pulling at my heart, tugging at my hair, as I linger here lost between the mountains and the sea, the west wind calls to meon the hill lies your cold gravestone but the heather still grows on the shore where the river flows; REPEAT CHORUS ah... bliss is fleeting and memories are bittersweet... and the west wind calls inviting me to sail upon the sea, oh the west wind calls inviting me to sail away from thee; yes, the west wind calls- whispering my name, pulling at my heart, tugging at my hair, as I linger here lost between the mountains and the sea, the west wind calls to me(c) July 4, 2007 VL Flawith. All Rights Reserved.
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Joined: Nov 2006
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Hey Vicki!
This is beautiful. You've gone into her heart and mind and brought all her feelings out. Wonderful imagery!
Charlann
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Looks as far out as some of my stuff. Heck, maybe farther.Just at a quick read, it looks good. I'll look for nits in the morning Wy
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Joined: Jun 2007
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Vikki, Songdog here.
Great style in this!
My only nit would be to replace some of the, the words in the first verse. Maybe replacing them with ,this or a.
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Joined: Jul 2003
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My only nit is pulling at her hair. I'd prefer it to be toying with or playing with-rather teasing like. Pulling is a little strong to me.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
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My only nit is pulling at her hair. I'd prefer it to be toying with or playing with-rather teasing like. Pulling is a little strong to me. ah - good thought - thanks!!
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Nothing like some inspiration from LOTR...very nice writing too.
Coupla things to look at IMO...lies the white havens....either lie the white havens as havens is plural, or havens is a proper noun....
and away from thee is almost too formal, maybe away from here???
Still a nice picture.
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Hi Vicki,
Very nice. Love LOTR. I can see her singing this in my mind. I want to hear this one soon.
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Joined: Dec 2005
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Hi Vicki Really like how the chorus sings to me. I also would like to get rid of the thee to make it modern. jm
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Joined: Apr 2002
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Hi Vikki, Good luck with your challenge, that's a tough one. I like what you got going on here. Like Joice, I prefer changing thee. And I also prefer headstone over gravestone, but gravestone certainly works. I also like this bit of humor... The artist formerly known as "Hummingbird" Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi again Vicki. I like this better every time I read it. I don't know if you want to or even need to, get rid of "thee". It would seem to me to fit the general theme of the song. If you did, I guess you could end it with "free". ---out here you can be free-- set your soul free, etc. but I'm not sure it's necessary to change it. Your song regardless. A good write. Wy
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Hi everyone - thanks so much for reading and for the suggestions. I definitely will consider them!
warmly Hummin'bird
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