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This song goes back a number of years ... original title was "Change of Scenery" but I think "No More You" fits better. Chorus is pretty much the same but this has seen a lot of rewrites over the years! Sent it last Fall to NSAI for evaluation and have rewritten with their suggestions. (I'm putting the original version below)

Country / female singer / No music yet

NO MORE YOU(c)(2007)
By Mary Lou Sudkamp, BMI

V1
I’m shakin’ you from my mem’ry
With the slammin’ of the door
Don’t tell me it was only once
I got tired of keeping score …

LIFT
And it’s too late now to beg and plead
‘Cause I know exactly what I need ….

CHORUS
A change of scenery
My faithful dog and me
Some clean fresh air
The sky so blue
And best of all
No more you!

V2
I’ve packed up my old Chevy
Changed the number on my phone
Left a note for the mailman
Destination still unknown

LIFT
There’re lots of places I’d like to see
Mostly anywhere that you won’t be …

CHORUS
Yeah, a change of scenery
My faithful dog and me
Some clean fresh air
The sky so blue
And best of all
No more you!

LIFT
And I left behind …

BRIDGE
The mirror with the image of you in her arms
Our picture in my favorite frame now shattered on the floor

CHORUS
Yeah, a change of scenery
My faithful dog and me
Some clean fresh air
The sky so blue
And best of all
No more you!

TAG Yeah, best of all, no more you!


Here's the original version:
NO MORE YOU(2006)
By Mary Lou Sudkamp, BMI

V1
I’m shak’n you from my mem’ry
Like dust from these old boots
No chance I’ll look back this time
I’m pullin’ up my roots
There won’t be any encore
‘Cause there’s one thing for certain
I’m startin’ fresh with no regrets
Your lies brought down the curtain!

CHORUS
A change of scenery
Might be just what I need
The open road …
A sky so blue
But best of all
No more you!

V2
I’ve packed up my old Chevy
My ol’ dog next to me
Destinations still unknown
Just places you won’t be
I’ll drive ‘til all those mem’ries fade
Of your cheatin’ and your flirtin’
I’ll shed no tears while shiftin’ gears
I’m finished with the hurtin’!

CHORUS
A change of scenery
My good ol’ dog and me
Some clean fresh air
A sky so blue
But best of all
No more you!

LIFT
And I left behind …

BRIDGE
The mirror with the image of you in his arms
Our picture in your favorite frame now shattered on the floor
The radio that somehow broke when it last played our song
The disbelief on your face when I walked out the door

CHORUS
Yeah! A change of scenery
My faithful dog and me
Some clean fresh air
The sky so blue
And best of all
No more you!
TAG Yeah, best of all, no more you!

Hey Mary Lou!

I like it! It's fresh and light. Easy to follow. I think the new title works well.

No nits!

Charlann

Good one, Mary lou.
I can almost hear it. I like that she states her case, calls it like it is, and moves ahead with no obvious regrets.

The opening 2 lines meter out with a famous one and line 2 is practically the same. Might consider a slight change...

"She's leaving now for I just heard
The slammin' of the door"

Of course, in this case SHE's leavin' 'cause he took his love to town!
Ben

I like it Mary Lou. The lyrics have somg good possibilities for music.
Dave

Thanks, Charlann. Hoping I've got this one tightened up now. I'll have to send it back in for another evaluation but it would be nice to send it back in with music!

I appreciate your feedback!

Hey, Ben! I don't think the meter being the same as "Ruby" will be a problem ... if the music were the same, then I'd be changing it! Actually, in Pamela Phillips Oland's book, "The Art of Writing Great Lyrics", she has an exercise for songwriters where you pick a song that's already recorded, then write different lyrics and obviously put different music to it. It's to help beginner-songwriters learn lyric structure and meter. I did not do that with this lyric but it goes to show that it is okay to write lyrics with the same meter as another song as long as you have totally different music.

Anyway, no music yet to this but I will definitely make sure it doesn't come out sounding the same as "Ruby"! Thanks for your input!!

It's a pretty well written "leaving" song. It is worth puting music to if you haven't all ready. Of course the thing about "leaving" songs is that there have been some really good ones. The one that comes to mind right now is the one that goes:

Bye bye love, Ill catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I aint never lookin back. and thats a fact.
Ive tried all I can imagine
Ive begged and pleaded in true lovers fashion
Ive got pride, Im takin it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

My favorite is probably "Already Gone" by the Eagles.
And one of the verses from that song go:

Well I know it wasn’t you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn’t you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key

So you are jumpping into some steep competition. Anything you can do to make your lyrics stand out will help. I think you need to break off a rearview mirror or something to make this one stand out. Good luck.

Hi Mary Lou,

I didn't mean to imply this would sound anything like "Ruby." In fact, when I said i could almost hear it, I sure as heck didn't mean that's what I heard! I just meant those words (the slamming of the door) being exactly the same as Ruby, brought it to mind immediately. If you had something like "as I slam the old screen door"...I wouldn't have thought of it, but you're right, I reckon. Probably won't be noticeable with the music. (And "Ruby" just happens to be one of my favorites, so that's another reason I'd detect it. )
Ben

Hi, Mary Lou. I love the imagine of shaking him with the slamming of the door. Flows smooth for me.

Mary Lou,

Yeah...what Tricia said! This is a lyrical structure that would be very easy to put several different melodies to in various genre's, depending on your target audience. It is foremost a Country sounding lyric, but could also be southern rock, pop rock or a little bit of jazz. Nice write!

Al

I'm glad you like it, David! Will be shopping for music as soon as I'm satisfied that all is working with the lyrics! Thanks for stopping in!

Hey, Joe, you're right that there are some great "leaving" songs already out there. Will look again to see if there might be something I can add to this to get some extra "zing" in it. I appreciate the insight! I don't do music so there isn't any "noise" added yet! Hoping someone will be inspired when reading through this and help me out there!

Mary Lou,

Did you change your post name? i think i saw this song before.. The heat must be getting to me. i hate to crit such a well written song and eave with nits... but i suppose my crit would be worthless without it. i personally think your verses are too short. i sang this,(and it sings quite wonderfully )at approximately 1 minute and about 46 seconds, the music may give you a minute but if you doubled the size of the verses you could fit the song in to the realm of "more marketable" songs. just my opinion, you crafted this well. i look forward to hearing it.

-steve

Hey, no problem, Ben! I like "Ruby" also and I did think about that line after I wrote it. Music will make all the difference!

Thanks for the kind words, Tricia! Still watching for suggestions to improve this, but I took the NSAI's critique to heart and hoping this is pretty close to needing music!

Hi, Alan! Hope you are doing well these days!

Yeah, I was thinking Country all the way on this one, but you have given me food for thought on the other genres ... interesting. But since I don't do music, I guess that would depend on what a co-writer hears for this one!

I appreciate the feedback!

Hey, Steve! Yes, my post name was carrgirl1115 but this one was posted a long time ago.

The pro critiquer said to make 4 line verses with a lift to the chorus because it was too long according to him. There were other things he suggested which I've tried to incorporate into the rewrite. I put the version I originally sent to him under the rewrite version at the top.

Mary Lou,
I like the original MUCH better!!!!!!!

MaryLou,

perhaps you could use the original verses with your outstanding buildup. I have never marketed a song. so i look forward to hearing how this comes out..

i do like the original more than the rewrite. (more meat to the story)

just my uneducated opinion though.

good luck
-steve

Hi Mary Lou,

I like this a lot...but agree that I think your first version is more solid than the rewrite. It gets me more involved in the story.

IMO..the weakest line in this is still:
A sky so blue
When I hit that I just felt a bit of a letdown because that line is so overused. Perhaps consider something along the lines of:
THESE WALKIN' SHOES...although I'm not sure that is any more original. Maybe: SOME BRAND NEW VIEWS. That is in keeping with the change of scenery theme here.

Anyway..I'd work on that line a bit.

Hugs,
Bobbie

Hello Mary Lou!

Enjoyed The Read, "KUDOS" for The ADIOS Song!

Suggested ADD to the 2nd last Chorus Line: (K-O-S)
"And best of all (I WON'T Be Seein')
No More You!"

The Lift/Bridge is OK...but maybe a Rhyme in that couplet'd improve it a bit...(& maybe Lose-the-Lift?):

"Won't see You & Your OTHER in that Mirror Any More/
Your Picture in My Favorite Frame's now Shattered on the Floor"

"& ALL are Anywhere that you won't be" would make that Lift a stronger line, JMO.

Might add "The SUMMER Sky so blue" too fow a wee Boost..

& I'm All Outta Sugs for this Sunday!

K-O-S the lot of 'em, & Good Luck, M'Ladychum, with this Fun Song!

Big Sunday Hugs,
Stan

Hi Mary Lou,

I like both versions, but the first the best!! My suggestion will shock you. I'd like to see the title, and the hook change to, (Drum Roll), "No You". To me it sings easier, and is so clean. As usual, keep it or pitch it. Good luck with this, whichever way it turns.

No nits great write.

Hi ML... Like it...it's very solid..clear through..

Wondered..if it would be stronger with a Big 1,2 punch in the bridge... either like Stan says...drop that lead in...or give it an ...OH yeah...and about that...(lead in) followed by..
the first bridge line...needs something...but I'm just not too good at these attitude songs.... but I'd zero in on that line...
and replace it with something....punchier...since this has some attitude in it..

Hope that helps a bit gal....
big hugs to you....

Kaley

Hey, Shayne ... I thought the first version was a lot more descriptive also. Not being a musician, I took the pro's word that this would be too long once music was added so I cut it back. I appreciate the feedback!

Yeah, Steve, there's more meat ... although the pro said the first few lines in the first verse were basically saying the same thing ... personally I thought I had some pretty good images going on! The responses here have made me have some second thoughts on the rewrite, though ... we'll see!

Hi Mary Lou,

There's something very elegant and crafty about this. There's country cliches in here but they don't seem to hinder the read, I didn't wince once.

Here's another classic, timeless looking/feeling/sounding lyric that will age well. It's void of much todays "look-how-clever-I-am" wordplay and relies mostly on honesty of emotion and speaking transparently to make its statement.

My head tune was an amalgamation of early Rosanne Cash...her attitude and delivery seemed appropriate on this one.

Nice work!
MIke

Really great work here Mary Lou!!! I like this one. Flows really well.

Hey, BG! Thanks for chiming in on this one! To tell you the truth, when I got the critique back, I was a little deflated because I thought the lyric was pretty solid.

Will think about the "sky so blue" line, but I like it personally. I think it fits in with the "open road", freedom-feel of this. Always good to hear other opinions though!

Hugs,
ML

I'll keep your suggestions in mind, Stan ... will probably go back to the drawing board on this and decide which way to go on it. Thanks for taking the time to look and for the ideas!

Hey! Did you send this 95 degree weather up our way? If so, take it back! Too dang hot for mid-June!

Thanks for the suggestion, John. I like hearing other's take on my lyrics ... keeps me thinking! Will be looking at this again to decide on any edits.

Thanks, Nightingale ... I'm assuming you mean the newer version.

Mary Lou,

I guess a few people didn't like the rewrite as much as the first version. I though you were on the right track with the first verse but I think you should just leave "memory" out and you can still say the same thing. How about:

I’m shak’n you off like the dust from these old boots
I'm not looking back this time-I’m pullin’ up my roots
Don't worry 'bout me cause I won't be the one whose hurtin
I've got no regrets, I'm starting fresh
I'm gone and that's for certin

I think you need to unteather youself from words like memories which has become as standard as the broken heart. They stick around because there doesn't seem to be a better way of saying some of those things that are so common with folks who get hurt when they love somebody- but we have to keep on trying to find the new angle.

Hey, Kaley-gal! Hope you are finished with your computer woes!!

So ... are you talking about the rewrite version or the original version? I'm starting to get confused now about which version people are commenting on if they don't mention one or the other! I probably will look at the bridge to see about putting a little more "zing" in it. Really appreciate your input! Muchos gracias!!

Heading out to a meeting so will have to get back here tomorrow!! Have a great evening!

Nice. It's simple, but well done simple and the emotion makes it feel fresh (that's often hard to do). The onliest part I don't care for is the bridge. Seems like you're trying too hard there. Simplify... get to the base of your message or give us another facet of the emotion. It's a good lyric but I think the bridge brings it down a notch currently. Good luck with it.

Corey

Hi mary lou

First time to critique your lyrics i think. Anyway I love the title. The hook is there no doubt.

I am so tempted to give a melody for this in my own point of view with so many possible genre in mind.

But the simplest of them all is a pop ballad with a lot of high pitch notes that only whitney houston or clay aiken can sing it.

If you will going to rewrite this verse 2 need some attention. You can delete old chevy and find a story line that you think this song will last a life time. Like this one

Packed up my past
And start a new one
Left a note on the mail man
Ill be forever gone


Goodluck

Lynman

Good morning, Mike! I'm assuming you are talking about my rewrite and not the original version I also posted in here. I appreciate the kind words ... sure hope it will stand the test of time ... but I guess it would have to be recorded first!

I definitely wanted attitude ... was thinking Terri Clark and I'm sure there's a lot of the new gals out there that could do a great job on this. Need some kickin' music to get it rolling!

Thanks, Dave!

Yeah, Joe, some like the original version better but without music to this, it's hard for me to know if it is too long as the NSAI pro says. I actually had to wait a few months from when I got the critique back before I could do a rewrite on this ... I thought it was such a great lyric that the only way I could be open to his suggestions was to let it sit awhile and see it with fresh eyes. He had a lot of valid points, even though I still like the more descriptive version. I will have to compile all of the comments here and gather my thoughts on it to see what I want to do.

Thanks for checking back!

Good evenin' to ya, Corey! I've gotten lots of suggestions on this so will be looking to improve where I think it needs it. Still haven't decided on the long or short version. In the end, it's really just one person's opinion or preference against another's so I will see what pleases me!

thanks for the feedback ... always appreciated!


Hey, folks who have commented on my lyric here ... I'm trying to get to your posts to reciprocate but been in and out these past few days. I will get there ... not that I think anyone is anxiously awaiting my comments on their lyric.

Hi, Lynman, and I appreciate you looking in on this one!

I like the visual of the "old Chevy" and I think it is more descriptive than just saying "packed up my past".

I'm hearing this as country, but could possibly be cross-over "country-pop". Having a high pitch that only a few people could sing would definitely limit this ... don't know that I'd take it there. Hard enough trying to get a first cut without severely limiting prospective artists, IMHO.

I really appreciate the feedback, Lynman! Thanks!