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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 295
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 295 |
Ive recently been getting into slam poetry. Which is what this is. Id put it in the creative writing forum, but no one reads those. ............. The Towel (Re-write)
i remember waking up each morning and showering together how you would put a towel on me and tell me it could calm my fears i still dont know what that means after all these years
i remember waking up each morning and making the bed together until one time when i told you i had to put my house in order and you misunderstood me and stormed out of the room we never made the bed together again
our breakfast conversations weren't the same since then our talks over milk were such of a human kindness but then turned to money who needed what, why, and when
i remember seeing the little post-it notes around the house and thinking that you just didnt want to talk to me anymore and not knowing if you ever would again so i refused to read any one of them
i remember sitting down at the dining room table trying to talk to you and seeing that look in your eyes like you didn't care what i had to say even when it was to apoligize
i mean i didnt know what i was apologizing for i just wanted things back the way they were before but i came home and found my cigarettes in the trash and the bathroom floor covered in broken glass when i heard of your suicide i didnt know what to do i wanted to rip my heart out and put it right there on the bed beside you
so i tucked the corners, fluffed your pillow and made the bed
im sorry I didnt hear it the first time it was said
when i told you i had to put my house in order you understood me completely, didnt you? THAT was the house you wanted to move into
im sorry you had to milk me for all that you worth im sorry for not seeing the writing on the wall im sorry for everything i ever said or did with smoke and mirrors thats what did you in the cigarettes the shattered glass i remember opening the bathroom door i saw the blood on the floor
i cleaned it with the towel the towel that you would always give me telling me to calm my fears i thought that thats exactly what i was doing
it took me all these years
when you first asked me how I felt about you and how i felt about love in general
I told you I was wet behind the ears
Last edited by abraham is burning; 06/01/07 09:27 PM.
"Writing gives me a shoulder to cry on, so that when Im around those who would give me their shoulder to cry on, I can use it to laugh instead"
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186 |
Hi Abraham Well, very interesting read. I've been to a few slam poetry readings and liked it a lot. think there are a couple of places that can read smoother like im sorry you had to milk me for all ( remove that) youR worth and... i thought that WAS exactly what i was doing also, I did have a hard time staying with this after the suicide. Seems like it should be ....THE END. Just my spin. jm
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 295
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 295 |
thanks for posting the typos. as for the poem, its after the suicide that gives everything meaning. if i just ended it there, nothing wouldve been accomplished.
the point was to show that he finally gets it. do you know the idioms?
"Writing gives me a shoulder to cry on, so that when Im around those who would give me their shoulder to cry on, I can use it to laugh instead"
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