link to the song - http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=407149&songID=5369513
I screwed up the lyrics in a couple of places so I'll be rerecording it this weekend. Tom Ward wrote the lyrics and I did the music. And for the music I did everything except the slide using Fruity Loops. Is technology cool or what.
I Saw Satan Hitchhiking
(Tom Ward/Dan Monk)

The moon was already gone
The sun refused to rise
I was driving north on 41
With St. Christopher at my side

We picked up a hitchhiker
Outside Turnersville
People call me Graffiti she said
I replied, my name is Bill

I asked about her name
But she wouldn't say too much
People don't like me hanging around
I guess I'm just bad luck

She had a certain kind of beauty
In her own peculiar way
I looked over at St. Christopher
And saw that he'd begun to pray

Came around the turn
Just short of Lexington
When I saw Satan hitchhiking
Holding out his thumb

St. Christopher made the sign of the cross
I tried to look away
Graffiti laughed and flipped him off
She didn't seem afraid

We continued on awhile
The night began to creep
The Saint was praying faster
Graffiti was sound asleep

I had an uneasy feeling
As we slowed for Adam's Hill
Then I saw Satan hitchhiking
And stopped against my will

I looked to my right
And saw St. Christopher had gone
I checked my rearview mirror
To see Graffiti in Satan's arms

I tried the door, it was locked
It was the same on the other side
Satan laughed, then he spoke
Take me home if you don't mind
Take me home

Hey Dan:

I really enjoyed this - the story kept my interest.

I hope it was meant to be amusing because that't the way it came across to me. I thought it was great that Satan was hitchhiking when he really didn't need to - obviously he had something else in mind

Love the guitar on this too.

Couple of suggestions - feel free to ignore....

First, I'd sing it a bunch more times before you record it until you get to the point where the phrasing seems very natural. This one seems like it has to be delivered almost conversationally. Don't know about you but I have very little trouble with phrasing when it's my own lyric - but have to work at it more when it's someone else's.

Second, on this part:

I asked about her name
But she wouldn't say too much
People don't like me hanging around
I guess I'm just bad luck

Is that her saying "People don't like me hanging around"? If so, it feels to me like it needs something in there to indicate it's her speaking that line. Maybe the word "just" in front of "people" or something like that...

Cool song!

Scott

Hey Dan

An interesting song format on this one for sure . The vibe and story are holding me just fine , the delivery tempo seems like a perfect fit ..... so I guess my problem with the length of this continuous verse song has to do with my subconscious mind impatiently waiting for a melody/delivery change (IE a chorus or bridge lift) that years of music has trained it to expect ..... or possibly I'm suffering a flash-back from all those damn songwriting books I used to use as a bible


The theme, delivery , and story progression was very mood-setting as you have it ..... (as I said) the story is holding my interest to the end ..... so I guess what's missing is the video which I'd love to see .


Very interesting song .

Don
.

Hi Dan

Wonderful, evocative lyrics... almost Dylanesque...It's structured like one of Bob's rambling stoysongs on HWY 61 RVSD or (especialy) John Weseley Harding...which leads me to my critism...Pick up the tempo it's about doom and foreboding, but hey it's still a highway song-A little bounce and choogle might help to carry the listener along and since there's no traditional chorus to serve as a hook (which is fine: ala BD)a strong forward momentum might serve that purpose and keep those casual listeners tuned into your well told tale. (Springsteen's "Darlington County" also comes to mind) Good Luck! Jeremy

Thanks Don, Toms lyrics for this song were a challenge to put music to. It's a very linear story and hard to squezze in a chorus or bridge. Plus it's my very first song with Fruity Loops which has it's own problems and rewards.:)

Interesting sidenote about video. I was talking to my daugher the other day and she bought an album based on a song she had heard watching a movie. She said without the video the song wasn't nearly as interesting. Looks like I'm going to have her make us a video. Now that would be cool, thanks for the idea.

thanks a bunch Scott, appreciate it. It was the humor that first attracted me too.



I agree, and will be working on it over the weekend. I didn't spend enough time of the vocals. You can tell from the line where instead of "I looked to my right, St. Christopher was gone" I sing "I looked to my left, St. Christopher was gone" which means I'm either in England or had St. Chris hanging out the window.


Lyrics are Tom's department. I usually don't mess with his stuff cuz he is a lot better writer than I. I don't have a problem with those lines but it seems several folks do so I think Tom is working on them. It's too bad you can't hear quote marks when you're singing.

thanks again, appreciate your listening and commenting.

Thanks Jeremy, the Springsteen reference will give Tom a woody. I'll give the tempo change a try, with FL it's just a matter of sliding a fader. Is technology cool or what. Thanks for the listen and suggestions.

We all need to listen to your daughter

I was sent a video clip last year , which I've since lost do to computer issues , that featured a round-table discussion by several music producers about this very issue , and how important the music video has become ........ and why it was so much easier for them to work with younger in-house writers (or performing writers) who understood the need to invision the video as the song is being written/created . They joked about how todays younger songwriters were aware of the fact they needed to wear the hat of a scriptwriter , and actually time the progress within the story line development so as to allow the video to be shot with effect ...... and how the dance choreographer now plays such an important role in the development of the melody beat and timing of the changes in dance songs .


They also joked about how an established singer/songwriter who is seen as being adorable to his fans , can simply do a low-budget video of himself just playing/singing the song (think Brad Paisley "Alcohol"), and develop a video that will boost sales beyond it's cost 10 fold ....... whereas for a new singer the demand for video assistance to get any new song climbing the charts is tremendous , and the costs of some of these elaborate videos is eating up the royalty profits some of these younger recording artists are hoping to get their hands on ....... pointing out their desire to be singer/songwriters, as a means of securing some royalty revenue that the label can't take (video cost) deductions from .


They all laughed aloud when one of them said
"to tour , is to eat" !!


Don
.

Thanks everyone. This has been the most helpful of threads we've had for this one. People are "getting it" but also adding useful suggestions and criticisms.

And let me say, OK I GIVE! on this verse:

I asked about her name
But she wouldn't say too much
People don't like me hanging around
I guess I'm just bad luck

I've been stubborn as hell about it and Dan has tended to agree with me, but apparently we're the only two people on the internet who follow the conversation, so it MUST be us!

Would something like this work (adding it to line 4 because 3 is already long enough?

I asked about her name
But she wouldn't say too much
People don't like me hanging around
She added, I guess I'm just bad luck

Trying to avoid using "said" again.

Of course in the video (now there's an idea) it would be so much easier because you just point the camera at whoever's "talking".

And whoever made the Springsteen reference, forward your address, I'll be over to wash your car later.

Thanks everyone.

That electric guitar almost had a steel string sound to it.

I used to get into stuff like Neil Young, some Pure Prarie Leaugue and Poco when I first started my little recordings.
Straight up rythmns where they add to it and keep it interesting.
I liked the drummer on these especially, and the change ups.
I have been playing to my overdubs and it sounds stiff when I try drum change ups.
The musicians I was with prior to that played metal.
But I could'nt handle band politics and I had to work more than play due to a mortality in my family.
But the band setting here sure makes me miss it.

CSNY ought to be made aware of this.

Matt

Hi Dan and Tom..

Great sounding music and lyrics. I'd work on the vocals a bit, but they did their job keeping the song moving.

Lots of potential.

Rick

Hey guys

Love it from start to finish - the slide is excellent, and adds a cool 'color' to the music. A quirky story (or is it a parable?) in this sort of laid back setting - what could be better?

Dan

Hi Dan and Tom! Long time no see I really like this lyric and tried to listen to the mp3 and it keeps giving me that "loading" sign. I'll check back later and see if I can get it to work.

Thanks Matt - "CSNY should be made aware of this" wow, Springsteen, Dylan, CSNY - I will never be able to fit my head thru a doorway again.

The electric btw is a 35 year old acoustic with electric strings. I got it for $100 bucks at a pawn shop and it's my favorite guitar ever. thanks again.

Hey Rick, worked on the vocals last weekend but didn't get them done. I asked Tom for a lyric change this morning which I think will help a bunch. Thanks for the listen and comment.

Hey Dan, thanks. I think it's a quirky parable.

Hey Dale, long time no see indeed. How are things going, you famous yet? You should be. One of your cowriters posted Shirley here and I went to you soundclick site and listened to a bunch of your tunes. You are really getting good.

Tom's made a couple of small changes to the lyrics and I will be redoing the song soon. Hope you get to hear that version.

Dan...Cool song....love the music and vocals....I think you could do well with this vocally your close...I think the vocal should come up front a tad more....Bob