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#505668 - 05/22/07 04:18 AM I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II)  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
I got Fruity Loops and got a little (ok a lot) fruity with it. To make a long story short no real instruments were harmed in the making of this song. Everything was done electronically. Well except my voice which I'm not happy with. I've tried several harmonies but have settled on the 'sailing part'. Any suggestions would be most welcome.

It's on my Myspace page. http://www.myspace.com/danstravelingband
The words (for those of you who like to sing along)

I'm sailing on a Frozen Sea
by Dan Monk

The sea is throwing daggers at my face and at my knees
the sky looks down so solemn, so grim and then it speaks
It tells its tale of winter, I dream of Mozambique
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

My daddy longed to sail away but he never left the dock.
My momma sings a sad song it echos from the rocks.
The sea is looking hard now I think I could have walked
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

Still life water color waves
paint a picture so cold.
Salt spray in my hair
I think it's frozen there
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

I see a stranger smiling in the mirror beside my boat
reflection of my destiny strangely it gives me hope.
My section of eterenity where I'll forever float
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

#505901 - 05/22/07 09:58 PM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318
Tricia Baker Offline
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Tricia Baker  Offline
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Posts: 8,318
Greenwood, LA USA
One nit, Dan:

ICICLES HANGING there
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.


"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
#505975 - 05/23/07 12:50 AM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Tricia Baker]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 453
Jeff Epstein Offline
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Jeff Epstein  Offline
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Manchester, NH
Icicles? I don't see any of Tricia's icicles, but I'm kind of vague on the lyrics anyway. Sorry, Dan, I know you are trying to say something, but other than being cold, or maybe escaping to freedom?....er...don't get it.

-Jeff

#506011 - 05/23/07 04:45 AM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Tricia Baker]  
Joined: Nov 2003
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Posts: 140
Originally Posted by Tricia Baker
One nit, Dan:

ICICLES HANGING there
I'm sailing on a frozen sea.

nice line Tricia, I like that, thanks. [Linked Image]

#506012 - 05/23/07 04:49 AM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Jeff Epstein]  
Joined: Nov 2003
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Dan Monk Offline
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Dan Monk  Offline
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Posts: 140
Originally Posted by Jeff Epstein
Icicles? I don't see any of Tricia's icicles, but I'm kind of vague on the lyrics anyway. Sorry, Dan, I know you are trying to say something, but other than being cold, or maybe escaping to freedom?....er...don't get it.

-Jeff

Hey Jeff, what are you sorry about, the fact that you don't understand the lyrics or I didn't make them clear enough for you?

#506052 - 05/23/07 10:26 AM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Dan Monk]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 453
Jeff Epstein Offline
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Jeff Epstein  Offline
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Posts: 453
Manchester, NH
Well, lyrics aren't always supposed to be crystal clear. Especially when you seem to be working through a metaphor. I just meant that although I didn't understand your picture ... somebody else might.

Last edited by Jeff Epstein; 05/23/07 10:30 AM.
#508088 - 05/30/07 12:46 AM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Jeff Epstein]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,608
Linda Sings Offline
Linda Sings  Offline

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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,608
Scorpio
I can't pick apart the differences between this one and version #1, but my gut instinct says this one is working better.

I kinda like the strings in there. Might turn down the percussion a little bit? Seems a little forward... but I'm listening from laptop speakers, so don't give that too much weight!

I like the metaphor, and it carries all the way through. Whether it's understandable to everyone or not doesn't matter so much as that it's consistent, which it is now.

Good work!

Linda

#508382 - 05/30/07 09:19 PM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Linda Sings]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Dan Monk Offline
Serious Contributor
Dan Monk  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Originally Posted by Linda P. Adams
I can't pick apart the differences between this one and version #1, but my gut instinct says this one is working better.

I kinda like the strings in there. Might turn down the percussion a little bit? Seems a little forward... but I'm listening from laptop speakers, so don't give that too much weight!

I like the metaphor, and it carries all the way through. Whether it's understandable to everyone or not doesn't matter so much as that it's consistent, which it is now.

Good work!

Linda

thanks Linda, I appreciate it. I'll listen a little closer to the bongos, they may be too loud. Thanks again. [Linked Image]

#508383 - 05/30/07 09:20 PM Re: I'm Sailing on a Frozen Sea (take II) [Re: Jeff Epstein]  
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Dan Monk Offline
Serious Contributor
Dan Monk  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 140
Originally Posted by Jeff Epstein
Well, lyrics aren't always supposed to be crystal clear. Especially when you seem to be working through a metaphor. I just meant that although I didn't understand your picture ... somebody else might.

Hey Jeff, sorry for not getting back to you sooner, appreciate your reply. That helped clarify things for me. Thanks. [Linked Image]


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