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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,463
Top 20 Poster
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OP
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,463 |
For any Robert Burns fans Here is a piece of MY poetry in his "Ode to a Haggis" style it does contain some explicit references to body functions and mild swearing. SO BE WARNED. Translations are available for the non Scots.
Ring of fire BY JIM MERRILEES
What wis that upon my plate. What wis that that I just ate. Comin hame wi ma wee pal Rab he said “I could fair go a large kebab”. Said I to him after a good night oot “I really fancy a carry oot”.
But I was drunk and hadnae a worry that’s when I ordered a vindaloo curry. I must admit it looked quite nice volcanic lava wi a pile o rice. I ate it up like it was jelly this huge big plate of Delhi belly.
I thought that I had nothing to fear then Rab saw smoke come oot my ear. Came a terrible rumble fae doon below and suddenly I had to let one go. Whit a noise whit a smell by Christ it reeks. I hope I havenae [naughty word removed] my breeks.
Up jumps rab he couldnae move any faster, “What a thing to dae ye dirty bastar” I sat there in shock and a state of fright “Oh my god I need a shite”. My stomach feels like its gonna burst. But sadly I haven’t seen the worst.
My face then turns a beetroot red and scary thoughts run through my head. Off to the toilet I have to run. The burning pain is no much fun. Thank God I make it to the loo before the curry comes gushing through.
Here I sit troosers at my knees Feert tae cough and feert tae sneeze. I clench my cheeks to avoid the pain but all my clenching is in vain. Oot it comes this thin brown paste its no the smell its the awful taste.
It feels like a bonfire in my bum. Ive been here that long my legs are numb. With all this carry on I begin to tire Sod johnny cash and his “ring of fire”. No more currys just before bed. I’ll have a large doner kebab instead.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574
JPF Mentor
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JPF Mentor
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 8,574 |
Robert Burns. So does Big Jim. Funny work.
I dinna kae I'd do ye better.
You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way. -Johnny Cash It's only music. -niteshift Mike Dunbar Music
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 170
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 170 |
Got a big laugh out of this one, Jim, and hope you're flushed with success from writing it because it is indeed funny, and I thought this line was the funniest of all: "Here I sit troosers at my knees Feert tae cough and feert tae sneeze."
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