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#116027 - 05/25/05 04:15 AM WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
BigAppleLyricist Offline
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BigAppleLyricist  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
Jackson Heights, NY
White Water Raftin' - Final
Words and Music by Amanda Stevenson
Copyright 2005, BMI.

Male Country Vocal.
Moderately fast trucker beat.

[Dedicated to Randy Smith of Bangor, Maine
who told me this about himself
on a Greyhound Bus between
Philly and Pittsburgh.]

White Water Raftin'

[Verse A-1]
I'm ridin' on a Greyhound
Goin' cross the country
Headin' for another year out west.
The snow in Maine has melted,
And I put away my skis,
So now I'm gonna do what I love best.

[Chorus]
I'm goin' white water raftin'
On the Colorado,
Where everything is beautiful and real.
My heart will be racin'
While I'm ridin' down the rapids,
For the most exciting thrill I'll ever feel!

[Verse A-2]
The wild beast inside me
Makes me long for freedom.
Won't go back until I'm satisfied!
My fears will all be conquered,
But I'll shout my silent prayers,
And if that river takes me, still I tried!

[Chorus]
I'm goin' white water raftin'
Down the Colorado,
Where everything is beautiful and real.
My heart will be racin'
While I'm ridin' down the rapids,
For the most exciting thrill I'll ever feel!

[Bridge]
Everybody warns me of the dangers,
But men like me don't listen to advice.
Countless fools have bragged they'll try anything once!
But I'm the guy who usually does it twice!

[Chorus]
I'm goin' white water raftin'
On the Colorado,
Where everything is beautiful and real.
My heart will be racin'
While I'm ridin' down the rapids,
For the most exciting thrill I'll ever feel!

[Coda]
For the most exciting thrill . . .
I'll ever feel!

[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 11-16-2005).]


I want to be commercial
#116028 - 05/25/05 04:46 AM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 541
Sharpe Lurker Offline
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Sharpe Lurker  Offline
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Posts: 541
Any City, U.S.A.
"Where everything is beautiful and real."

Amanda,
As always another strong write.. right up there with the best of them.

I've picked out my favorite line:

"Where everything is beautiful and real."

John Denver would have liked it also.

Makes me think of breathtaking views, unpolluted water, air so clean it clears the sinus cavities.. not at all about concrete and steel. [not thinking of the decaying rust belt either]

Good job and good luck, S.L.


"digging deep in the verbal sludge of society, for the gems of interest"
#116029 - 05/25/05 05:07 AM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
BigAppleLyricist Offline
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BigAppleLyricist  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
Jackson Heights, NY
Thank you very much, and those were Randy Smith's exact words. I said, "Why do you go there?" And he said, "Everything is beautiful and real."
About an hour later I read the song to him.
He was flabbergasted. He actually thanked me!
I met John Denver when he was performing in the village in the sixties. I swear I thought of John Denver as I wrote it.
[He flew his plane until it ran out of gas.]
By the way Randy Smith majored in Adventure Travel in college!

[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 05-25-2005).]


I want to be commercial
#116030 - 05/25/05 04:47 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415
kyrksongs Offline
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kyrksongs  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 415
Delaware, Ohio USA
BigAppleLyricist,
Excellent lyric, some very good visuals here.
Take care,
Lloyd


I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks. (Daniel Boone)
#116031 - 05/27/05 05:19 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 382
A Gun Called Maria Offline
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A Gun Called Maria  Offline
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UK
Now I want to go white water rafting....great scenery, my mind filled in the gaps.....great subject for a song...

[This message has been edited by A_Gun_Called_Maria (edited 05-27-2005).]

#116032 - 05/27/05 06:56 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 119
tna0708 Offline
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tna0708  Offline
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Posts: 119
Merrit Island, Fl
Great write BAL!! I start to feel bad about not having much to offer you beyond a good review!! Here vs. 2 seems a little rough--just an idea here-as usual, take what helps, dump what don't...Al in Florida

That primal side of me
makes me long for freedom
Won't come back 'til I'm satisfied
Fear & rapids to be conquered
Alone, I'll shout my silent prayers
If they should drown here, well, I tried


Memo from the Sports Desk:"When the going gets weird,the weird turn pro"--Raoul Duke(AKA H.S.T)
#116033 - 05/27/05 08:18 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,241
Sam Wilson Offline
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Sam Wilson  Offline
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Posts: 2,241
Nashville, TN USA
I have also experienced the thrill and the sadness of white water rafting, but one nit.....

You didn't put in any words about being dumped in the water!!!!

I was dumped at least twice, once or twice on the Nantahala, and once on some river in Penn.....

Otherwise, great write, and don't forget to wear the damn life jacket, OK?


Co-Write Friendly.....Look at my blog on My Space.

http://www.cherokee46x@yahoo.com
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#116034 - 05/28/05 05:57 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
BigAppleLyricist Offline
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BigAppleLyricist  Offline
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Posts: 43
Jackson Heights, NY
Hey Snake!
I went beyond just getting dumped in the water.

"And if that river takes me, still I tried!"

I more than covered the possibility that he may drown!

"Everybody warns me of the dangers
But men like me don't listen to advice.
Countless fools have bragged they'll try anything once!
But I'm the guy who usually does it twice!"

And just in case:

"My fears will all be conquered,
But I'll shout my silent prayers,"

So didn't I cover the subject of falling in - pretty thoroughly?


I want to be commercial
#116035 - 05/30/05 07:38 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique]  
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
BigAppleLyricist Offline
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BigAppleLyricist  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 43
Jackson Heights, NY
I restructured the song because the verses and the chorus had the identical structure.
Thanks Cowboy Slim.

[This message has been edited by BigAppleLyricist (edited 05-30-2005).]


I want to be commercial
#487155 - 03/28/07 06:06 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique] [Re: BigAppleLyricist]  
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,241
Sam Wilson Offline
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Sam Wilson  Offline
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,241
Nashville, TN USA
Yes, you did.....but that's not my point, what I'm trying to say is that I can't seem to experience the river and all of its fun without being unceremoniously dumped in the water.

Uhhh, is that supposed to be part of the fun? I guess might be funny when you're standing on the bank watchin', but not when the damn boat tips over....


Co-Write Friendly.....Look at my blog on My Space.

http://www.cherokee46x@yahoo.com
http://www.myspace.com/ronnievanzantfan
http://www.facebook.com/sambwilson

Ronnie Van Zant fan
#488162 - 03/31/07 10:05 AM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique] [Re: Sam Wilson]  
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 382
A Gun Called Maria Offline
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A Gun Called Maria  Offline
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UK
I loved this lyric. When I saw this post I thought Amanda was back. Anyone know her email address. She hasn't been on here for a while..

#488475 - 04/01/07 02:11 AM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique] [Re: A Gun Called Maria]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,504
Brian Austin Whitney Offline
Brian Austin Whitney  Offline


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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,504
Indianapolis, IN USA
She's a loon. After a long and mentally unstable tirade where she directly called half the female members here the C word.. she went away into the darkness that was her life. We gave her every possible chance to act like a human and treat others like humans but she was incapable. Hopefully she got the mental health assistance she clearly needed. Good riddance.

Brian


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
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jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]
#491528 - 04/10/07 08:50 AM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique] [Re: Brian Austin Whitney]  
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 382
A Gun Called Maria Offline
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A Gun Called Maria  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 382
UK
you don't keep her email address I guess...does anyone else have it?

#492827 - 04/14/07 04:13 PM Re: WHITE WATER RAFTIN' [Please Critique] [Re: A Gun Called Maria]  
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,574
Cal Offline
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Cal  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,574
Allen Park, MI
Brian/all-
I just read this thread.
I do see it was from 2005, and recently replied to.
Looks like Bal tried to re-establish herself on JPFs and left.

My opinion is:
Amanda writes some professional, and creative lyric.
She has presented herself in a courteous and professional manner here.

Brian-
I don't see any need in rehashing the past about someone,
who may be trying to do good, and overcome their weaknesses.
In fact, there are several members, who had no problem with her demeanor.
You yourself once me told me (in similar words regarding personal e-mails, that basically), if one has issues and contacts another member by e-mails, that is not a concern of JPF's, and you don't get involved.
You also told me, if you play with fire, you're going to get burned.
I feel there are always two sides of a story.

I do not approve of any improper behavior on an artistic site; nor do other pro sites.
Smut, so called "adult content" has always been allowed to be posted on JPF's lyric boards.
My opinion is; many of those types of lyric are offensive, immoral, and should not be allowed.
The freedom of speech; how far does it go?

I have not found any current posts from Amanda, and dont see any point hacking away at her; and feel it is inappropriate, when any member posts comments of another's emotional condition,
which could be considered debatable.

~C~

To be naughty, or not to be naughty; that is the question.
No big deal, but found this interesting.

I had previewed this post,and noticed my reference to a well known songwriting site, which I now abreviated [T smith ] was deleted, and a note replacing it stated: [naughty word removed].

My original commentwas:
"I do not approve of improper behavior on any artistic site; nor do other pro sites such as [naughty word removed]."








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