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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Hi all....I know I haven't submitted anything in a while. Between remodeling & no computer (& many other things) I've been kinda busy. So...this may be a little rusty. There were 4 lines of this that sang in my head for months before I actually found lyrics to go with it, but I still feel like it needs something. It has a little attitude behind it. I'll post my melody (the one in my head anyway) when I get home this afternoon. I'm sneakin' a few minutes at work right now. Here goes...hit it hard ya'll ok...here is the link...it's on soundclick now, but you'll have to overlook the vocals...I have a cold! http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=624564Who Do You Think You Are © Feb. 2007 Bree Griffith Verse Do you think you might be my knight in shinin’ armor protectin’ me from anything that just might break my heart Do you think you might be my unsung hero savin’ me from broken dreams that could tear my world apart or have you even thought that far? Chorus Just who do you think you are? tellin’ me what I can do tearin’ down my dreams til’ I’ve got nothin’ left to lose & who do you think you’ll be when I’ve had as much as I can take and every breath I have in me is tellin’ me to walk away Who do you think you are? Bridge Do you think you might be the one to give me sight? Well I think you’re the one who needs to open your eyes it’s time to see the light Repeat Chorus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REVISED LYRICS: (I'm leavin' the old ones for comparison & I haven't updated soundclick with new lyrics...but the melody is still there to give ya an idea...NOW MY QUESTION IS.... do I switch the verses around??? ) Verse I don’t know what to say to make you understand me I can’t breathe if I don’t chase these dreams along this road Maybe you will never see this spirit has to be free you can’t put a fence around me and think that I won’t roam my will is just too strong Chorus Just who do you think you are? tellin’ me what I can do tearin’ down my dreams til’ I’ve got nothin’ left to lose & who do you think you’ll be when I’ve had as much as I can take and every breath I have in me is tellin’ me to walk away Who do you think you are? Verse 2 Do you think that you are some knight in shinin’ armor protectin’ me from anything that just might break my heart Do you think you might be some unsung hero savin’ me from broken dreams that could tear my world apart or have you even thought that far? Bridge Don’t ya know this hero bit is more than I can take I’m chasin’ my dreams That’s music you’ll just have to face So before I walk away Tell me … Just who do you think you are? tellin’ me what I can do tearin’ down my dreams til’ I’ve got nothin’ left to lose Who do you think you’ll be now that I’m over you as I turn to walk away are you feelin’ like the fool Who do you think you are
Last edited by Bree Griffith; 03/20/07 07:09 PM.
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Bree, I like the attitude in this one. This girl can hold her own  The last three lines of the bridge are reading a little awkward for me, but if you have a melody, then that is not a problem. Can't wait to hear it! Good luck with this one. Melissa 
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Hi Bree,
I think it needs another verse buy I will wait till I hear it to say anything else. After all, I may be a northerner but I'm still a gentleman.
Ma'am,
Rick
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Hi Bree
Shades of Shania's "That Don't Impress Me Much", only thing is that Shania gave specific reasons, while here you use only generalities.Maybe something like, You don't like my hair, my eyes are shadow laden, well hombre listen here, I''m nobody's fair maiden....who do you think you are, will you please not hover, it's better if you love me from afar, I don't need no stinking make-over...and such...
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Hi, Bree. I think you have a good start, but I have to agree with Rick that this needs another verse. I'm not sure having just one verse is going to fly.
After reading verse 1, I was thinking this was going in a totally different direction. My take was that she was ASKING him if he would be "her knight in shining armor" ... by the way, I used that same line in a song recently and got bombarded by a pro on it being way too cliche'. Anyway ... I get to the chorus and was confused then because I wasn't following your intention with verse 1. I think if it was worded "do you think of yourself as my knight in shining armor ... "it would make more sense to me.
The bridge isn't really working for me ... I don't think it's a good idea to start it off with the same two lines as verse 1. Also "the one to give me sight" doesn't sound right ... possibly "to help me see clearly" is what you actually mean ...?
Your chorus isn't bad ... but I think you need to have somewhere in your verses the different things that back-up what you say he's doing ... "tearing down your dreams" and "telling me what I can do" ... probably would be good to show those things in verse 2, methinks. Agree with Rittman about the "generalities" needing to be more specific.
Anyway, I see where you want this to go, and I think with some work, you can get it there! But these are just my thoughts, so take with a grain of salt. Good luck with your song!
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Hi Bree,
I like the idea of the knight in shinin' armor.
If it'd fit your melody..how 'bout
Do you think you might be my knight in shinin' armor
protecting me from dragons
my bold medieval charmer
just a thought to enhance the imagery a little.
BTW I like the way you drop the "g's" but do you realize it'd make your last name sound like a frog with a lisp.lol
"Hi y'all,I'm Bree Riffith,lad to meet you"
Sorry...can't help myself...just kidding sweetie pie
James
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Hi Lissa, Thanks for the look. It's up on soundclick now, but you'll have to excuse the vocals! & I do mean for this to have a lil' attitude...but I think I'm gonna have to do a lil' work on it, especially after reading the other sugs! I knew it needed some. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Dear Kind Sir: North...South...doesn't matter...gentlemanly manners will take you far!!! With that said...I think the consensus is that it needs another verse no matter what the melody does for it. & I tend to agree...I'm gonna see what I can come up with. As always...thanks for stoppin' by!!! Bree (aka Ms. Griffith)
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Mr. Blum...hmmm...like I told Rick...this is gonna take some gettin' used to...lol Ok...no more formality... Ritt, I happen to love your sugs on adding in lines & I am definitely gonna get another verse added in. Not sure if I'll use those sugs EXACTLY ....my thought pattern was/is more along the lines of this gal being discouraged all the time about chasing her dreams. Kind of like her man is afraid of losin' her...so he doesn't want her to succeed, kinda thing. But I DO think you have the beginnin' of a song there... "nobody's fair maiden"...hmmm...I'm gonna keep that in mind if'n it's ok by you. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Mary Lou, I couldn't agree more..it needs verse 2! I'm not sure if I like the fact that it twisted & went a different direction at the chorus than ya thought or not. Sometimes that's a good thing & other times it isn't... I'll give the cliche line some thought too...I did realize that as I was writin' it down...just didn't know what else to go with at the moment. You have some wonderful crits here & I will be taking them all to heart as I rework this. Thank you so much. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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James.... LMWO - that's laughin' my wranglers off, for those of you who were wonderin'...I thought it was more PG than usin' an "A" ...but on second thought...maybe not. anyway.... medieval charmer???? too funny. I can almost see the video for that one! Actually, you're right...I need to "enhance the imagery"...that's where verse 2 will be comin' into play. As for those missin' g's...well...I type like I talk somewhat. I reckon' it's a country gal thang. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hi Bree,
Nice to see you back and singing again. I think I've said this before and I'll say it again, I think you have an interesting voice (even thought you have a cold and so it sounded a bit deeper) but I would love to hear your melody w/some form of music, whether piano or guitar since sometimes I struggle alittle to perfectly hear the melody your trying to convey. I think the music would only embellish your voice and give your lyric something to hang onto. You have your own style of writing that's easy to like.
Best,
Lynn
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Hi Bree, I vote for another verse too! Also, for me, there is a big disconnect from verse 1 to the chorus. It seems like her knight went from trying to save her from broken dreams to tearing her dreams apart. I think that you're trying to convey that he is overprotecting her, and not letting her live her dreams? If so, this just doesn't come across clearly enough for me. Just a little tweaking here and there should do it! I'm looking forward to verse 2! Lisa
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Okay,I'm drummin' my fingers and pattin'my foot on the floor waitin' on verse 2.
lol pickin' on you ain't I.
Yep,I know about country gals....married one.
About those Wranglers...click on my link and have a listen to
"Somethin' in Her Genes"..it's a hoot....AND you'll notice lots of missing "g"s on the lyric sheet. lol
BTW ...I really like one of your other songs a lot..."Dancing With the Devil"
James
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Lynn, Lisa & James.... Lynn, Thank you for the words of encouragement. They are usually needed!!! & for the welcome back...it's good to be back. My muse was gettin' restless. Lisa, I have done my "rework"...I'd love to know if ya think it came around to be more clear. I tried to convey what I was thinkin' about the situation...not quite sure if I did or not...but as long as it makes sense to ya'll...I'm platinum. & (last but not least) James... you can quit drummin' those fingers....verse 2 is ready. Your opinion would be most welcomed. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hi Bree Just reading the rewrite and your question. i would say yes, your new verse seems like it should go first. Wondering though about the chasing dreams in both the bridge and verse. Keep going. jm
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Good Point JM! I was writing late last night...I'm sure ya know what I mean. I sometimes think that we all here are a bit addicted...it's in our blood I guess. So late nights are a given from time to time. I've even been known to wake up from a dream & stumble around the house to find a notebook or some type of paper to write a thought down on...knowing if I didn't...it'd be gone by mornin'. I'll rethink the double dream entry. Thanks for pointin' it out. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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G'Mornin' Mz Bree!
At first glance, I think V1 oughta lead with a QUESTION (Whoch the Chorus picks up on.)
So...
"Who do you think you are?" & "Who do you think you might be" for V1.
The "Just" in Chorus makes the Line Diffo Enough to get away with the Repetiton, IMO. Maybe "tearin' down ALL my dreams" is a bit More Dramatic. "'Til I(delete--'ve) got nothin' left to lose" sinigs smoother. "& every breath I FEEL in me" will eliminate one of the pair of "have"s in there. Sug "JUST who do you think you are" for Last Line, too...give this More Attitude/It's the More Common Way ya hear this Expression.
V2.."What should I know or say?"..."Why will you never see?"..will continue the Questioning bit here, if ya can make it scan right.
Maybe "This" insteada "That's music.." in da Bridge.
Perhaps "A fool" insteada "the fool", too...Last Chorus.
"KUDOS" on a nice Attitude-Breakup Song, & Good Luck with It!
Big Hug
Stan
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Ok Stan the man... I KNOW you have some great sugs here...but tis' just too late for me to process them. I'll read them again tomorrow when I can actually focus and comprehend AND process what I'm readin'. Until then.... Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Howdy Bree,
I'll be in better shape tomorrow to take another look...I'm an old burned out trucker and just got in from a rough run...waiting now for the rest of me to come draggin' in...then I'm checkin' my eyelids for pinholes.
Until manana,
James
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Hi Bree, I think you're going to have a nice song when it's done. Good to hear you singing more. ps....pretty vocals. Have a nice weekend. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi Bree,
I believe you should show his attempt to control her is actually a sign of his insecurity. I told my wife that her wedding band did not have a lot of chains attached, she was still her own person.
dennis h
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Howdy Bree,
I agree about switching the verses...also the line:thiS Spirit has to be free sings better to me as :my spirit has to be free...and seems to fit your melody okay.Otherwise, it's "S"ing...I think the tech term is "sillibate" ROTFLMAO..which is mighty close to how this guy's gonna be if he don't cut her some slack.
In your last line I think it'd give your title more punch if you sang it putting the emphasis on the words WHO do you THINK YOU are.
I hope that makes sense.
BTW I love your accent...especially the way you sing..TAYER and TAYERIN'...lol (tear and tearing)..of course here in Texas we speak the Kings' english... no not that one...the guy from Memphis
Have a good weekend (Crown and Coca Cola) will help the cold.
James
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Thank you Calvin... You are (as always) too kind! Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Dennis, That is a great idea...I just don't know how I'd accomplish that. Any sugs??? & by the way...great way to look at the weddin' band. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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James, Thanks for stoppin' back in once you were coherent enought to give sugs. Although...I think that "sillibate" may have been leftover from the half dazed, drivin' long distances effect. I'll see what I can do about the emphasis on the last line when I'm redoing this'en. And about my accent...thank ya kindly...I take it as a compliment. I know how that Texas accent goes. One of my very good friends was bor & raised there & actually still lives in the "great state of Texas"...of course I still don't understand why ya can't get sweet tea in restaurants down there. Ya don't get much further south than Texas. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Well it absolutely positively without question for doggone real shonuff was meant as a compliment...and your voice is sweeter than the morning dew on the honeysuckle vine... how's that for schmoozin'
ROTFL
Now you have two friends in Gods' Country...and you CAN get sweet tea here..just have to ask 'cause we've got too many sissyfied yankeefied city slickers in the cities now spillin' out into our LESS BIG (ain't nothin' small in Texas) towns...I just find a sweet pretty waitress and let her stir it with her finger. lol
You oughta see what happens when I want cream and sugar in my coffee ROTFLMAO
How come you don't get you a guitar or keyboard and accompany yourself,basic chords are easy to learn if you don't already play.
Have a goodun,
James
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You are quite the flatterer there James. I bet that has taken years of practice, huh? I think I'm gonna pass on askin' the waitresses to stir my tea with their fingers, though. That just ain't my...well...cup o' tea. LOL I'm workin' on learnin' the g-tar. It's slow goin' right now because we are also in the process of remodelin' our house and this little addiction I have here would have to suffer if I spent more time on the g-tar. I just don't know if I can handle jonesin' like that. But I WILL get there. Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Hey Bree, You've had some good advice already. I'm likin' some of Stan's sugs. The main reason I see for switching V1 & 2 is that "unsung hero" would lead nicely into your bridge and "don't ya know this hero bit . . ." You always remain conversational in your lyrics, which is a great quality. This chorus especially sings well and lends itself to the attitude this song needs. I don't have many sugs, but I'm thinking maybe you could build on all the things he thinks he is. You have knight in shining armor, hero . . . . what if you continued with other specific exampes . .. like "do you think you are ________ " Uhhh . . .trying to think of examples here Bree but I'm having a brain poof  I hope you understand what I'm suggesting without the specific examples cuz I just can't think right now. Either way, it's just a random thought and not necessary to complete your fine lyric Jody
J.K. Smith 
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glad to see you back postin'... keep the attitude with this one and you got it...I would love a little bit more info about her having done fine without him, gonna do fine without him, what made him think she needed him in the first place...keep the attitude...I kinda feel a lyrical parallel here to Toby's "How do You Like Me Now" ...I think the best way to get us to believe her storyline is to give us that evidence that she's done fine, gonna do fine, don't need him to do it...just my take...Moker
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Hiya Doo... You're right...I am definitely using some of Stan's sugs... I totally forgot to readdress that (SORRY STAN)... Thank you soo much for the kind words! You're too sweet. Besides, I have to write conversationally...I've never been too good at that proper stuff.  I'm gonna be changin' those verses around too. Sometimes it amazes me how much a lyric can transform before your eyes as you take in the sugs and crits. It's soo cool. Anyway...I did get what you were tryin' to say (don't I usually? lol...we kinda speak the same language) Thank you so much for takin' time & stoppin' by. I'll catch up with ya soon about that melody (I can't find were I stashed my few lines I recorded) Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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Thank ya, Moke!!! It's good to be back. Thanks for those sugs...I like that idea about gonna do fine w/o him. Will have to see what I can come up with! Bree
The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me www.soundclick.com/breeg
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me again Bree. Improved edit but wondering if you should not mention "dreams" again in bridge since their mentioned in every verse and chorus and typically (I do say typically) a bridge offers new material. Just alittle detail. Anxious for melody.
Best,
Lynn
Last edited by Lynn Orloff; 03/20/07 06:59 PM.
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