JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Hickory, Dickory, Dock

As another year is notched on my belt, I thought of something from my first year at the University, the exact quote was:
"Time is a gimmick used by the manufacturer's of clocks" (STAN? )

Hickory, Dickory, Dock
© Ben Burton January 11, 2007

VI
I saw it on a bathroom stall in college
Simple words made perfect sense to me
Time is man's invention to sell watches
My youth could be preserved eternally
CH1
I aged a year today
I couldn't stop the clock
That teen-age boy is growing older
Hickory, dickory, dock
V2
My twenties seemed to validate my feelings
I was getting better over time
Proper seasoning made me more appealing
Essentially the same as concord wine
CH2
I aged a year today
I couldn't stop the clock
The young man's watch is still quite slow
Hickory, dickory, dock
V3
Thirties seemed to move a little faster
Years removed from that once endless well
The fantasies I carved from alabaster
Were rudely chipping in my fairytale
CH3
I aged a year today
I couldn't stop the clock
Rentlentless ticks toward growing old
Hickory, dickory, dock
BRIDGE
My forties had a rapid run
Like shadows jogging in the sun
A cloud rolled in they disappeared
Casting doubt that they were ever here

When fifty came to call
I thought back to that bathroom stall
Through older eyes, I realized
That time cannot be bought

FINAL CHORUS
I aged a year today
I couldn't stop the clock
Eternity lies in the soul
Hickory, dickory, dock

Ben,

I really like this. Verse 3 is a gem, and my favorite part. It reminds me of a line in Gary Allan's latest song..."When I started pushing 30, it started pushing back". Nice write Ben.

Dano.

Hi Dan,
First off, I gotta ask, are you involved in any Gettysburg re-inactments ? If not, you dang well should be, though I'd hate seeing you shooting for the wrong team! GREAT look.
Now, just so we know I didn't steal....I've never even heard of Gary Allan, which probably goes a long way toward validating this lyric!!!! Remember being shocked that my daddy never heard of Jim Morrison and the Doors!
Thank you for the kind words, but I gotta tell you, THAT particular verse is the one I expected to get the grief from; you know, too poetic, yada....
'preciate it. Book it, Dano.
Ben

Would take me forever to pick out a favorite line here Ben . . .

so I'll just say,




Reads smooth . . . no nits so far . . . but I'm determined to find somethin'

Hi Ben

Happy Birthday, hope you are having a good one. Not a bad idea to write a bday song on your day! Like a good movie, play or book the second half is the best part. The first half of our lives in figuring out the plot. Good write! jm

First Off Happy Birthday..:) and Doodle...what a beautiful
Greeting..... That's got to be one of the prettiest Birthday Greetings....

Great Lyric Ben.... One line..I..stumbled on.....but couldn't come up with any suggestion to smooth.... and then., I read it with a slight pause...and the stumble was gone..

this one...
Leaving doubt.... that they were here

best....w/hugs
Kaley

Is it ME, or does it seem that some of the most intelligent thoughts are written on bathroom walls? LOL!!

Anywho, great write here, Ben. I truly enjoyed this one.
Happy birthday!!

Dave

Nice tune Ben.


Hickory Dickory Dock
Ben unplugged the clock
Put a rock inside his sock
Started beatin' on the clock
Then he kicked it like a field goal
48 yards away
Super star of the birthday bowl
A rockem sockem Day

Happy Birthday Ben



Calvin

Nice time piece Ben. (No pun intended )

You have created a very well written lyric here. The chorus is right on.

Douglas

Jumpin' jehosafat, Doo!
That's beautiful! What a lovely.....thoughtful.....grim...
reminder.. of another year [size:17pt]SHOT[/size] DOWN IN FLAMES!!!
Thank you, babe. Lemme know when you uncover the mega nit, possibly turning it into a mega hit, that's bound to be lurking within!!
Ben

Thanks, JM
Well, all kidding aside, the second part truly is the b..the be...the bes...
you SURE about that, gal???
Ben

Hi Kaley,
That quick pause you mention is just what I had in mind! Thanks much for the B'day wishes and the compliment.
Ben

Hey Djr,
You know, in that same bathroom (Bidgood Hall, where all business adminstration courses were), some guy had a serial thing going that was great. We knew it was original, as it incorporated things that were current, even on campus! Never did learn who it was...weird.
Thanks for that, buddy. I appreciate it.
Ben

Hi Cal,
Actually, I was a wide-out, but I'll galdly be a kicker for a winner! Cute rhyme.
Thanks, man.
Ben

Hi Doug,
Wow, the clever bug is on the loose today, huh?
Thank you, my friend.
Ben

HiDee Bro Ben!

Hmmm..Don't recollect makin' that Homily ya credited me with, but I'm Famous for Forgettin'..heh! (Sounds like one Ben Franklin woulda thought up, methinks!)

Your Lyric's Painful Fun..heh-heh!

V1 seems to yearn for an "If"...Line 3?

V2, sug usin' "Quite" insteada "Essentially".

V3, try "Got Rudely chipped" in my fairytale.

Cool Bridge, Amigo! "KUDOS!"

Having Cusped the "60's" already, I find it's an even-faster Rush-Towards-The-Inevitable. Be sure Sense of Humor is Engaged~!
(If only to Leave 'Em Laughing--)

There's a New Theory of Time wafting its way around...that it may not be exactly "linear"...& that our Lives, for instance, may eternally be floating around Start-to-Finish, like some Newsreel of the Cosmos, & we only perceive of One Frame a Day.

Anyhews, "Happy Birthday"..(If I may assume you've very-recently done that Notching )..and Many More Re-Runs, Amigo~!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi Ben,

A good review can't be bought either! Good one!!

In verse three, should it be...chipping AT my fairytale?

Hey -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

Lisa

P.S. I was away from the forum for several days, and was quickly scanning a couple of your others...and got confused. You call me "Lis" AND you call Melissa "Lis." Now, isn't "Missy" short for Melissa?? I was doing double takes, looking to see what I had said to you!

Couplea PS's came to mind, so Herewegooo...

To Put This B'day in-Perspective for ya, Amigo:
1) Been Tole ya "Sound a Lot Like Elvis"...
2) CONGRATS! You've Outlived Him!

Couple more Thoughts About Time:
1) "24 HOURS of a DAY" were invented about a Thousand Years Ago, I'd been told. (It's a Number picked because it's Divisible by So Many OTHER Numbers.) (MAY have been invented Far Earlier, too...think The Romans had Sun Dials w/ 1-12 on 'em?)
2) Clock Dials had 6..12..& 24 Hours on 'Em 'til Around 1700 Europe decided to settle on "12" Hour Dials.
3) The Japanese took longer--they had Days of VARYING LENGTHS (just like the Sunlight DOES Seasonally) & measured time via a sorta curved "Graph" behind a "Constant" Slow-Falling Weight. Also, because several "Hours" were Sacred, their Counting Mechanism hadda Omit those Hours being Struck.
4) No Such THING as "Perfect Time"..our Earth's had several "Leap Seconds" added in recent times to make Earth Time Co-Ordinate with "Years" being a Lap Around The Sun.
5) Just think..Our Grandparents had NO Internet..NO I-pods..or TV. Rudimentary Cars & trucks..practically NO "Easy Credit"..Minimum Wage was under a Buck..Most married around 16..worked The Family Farm..or got shipped off to WW1. Paved Roads? Just in The Big Cities. NO Interstates..Surfboards..Skateboards..(DID have In-line Rollerskates allaways back to 1880's..but those died out when the 2-Front, 2-Rear Wheel Skates took over & skaters could BRAKE.)
6) No Polio Vaccine..don't think Sulfa Drugs & Pennicyllin had yet made Their Arrival on the Scene, either. Eggs DAILY for Breakfast was The Norm, LOTS of Cholesterol to go around...Plenty of Black Lung, too, with all the Mining Jobs for kids back then.

Bottom Line: Be GLAD you've lived thru THESE Last 50 years...Our Grandparents had it LOTS Worse than We. (JMO, Natch!)

'Nuther Birthday Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hey Ben, Happy Birthday.
This is well-written.

Hidee, StanLee,
Knew it could'na been you; just thought it might have led you into the time industry!
Only problem with that "if" is it becomes part of the quote, even though I, too, considered that...
Whoa, talk about a meter change...from 4 syllables to 1! :o Gotta remember, Stan, this is a high-fallutin' college boy.
I've had about a dozen prepositions & verbs amongst those coupla lines. Yours is a good sug.
I considered going light as the first verse would seem to be heading, but was so danged ticked off about where those years got off to, I finished somber (though I did work the hopefulness of the eternal soul in there!)
Thanks for a fine crit, bro.
Ben

Unbelievable, Lis
TWO things....

1) I had AT originally and honestly thoguth of YOU as I tossed preps aroound (knowing of your affinity for such matters ) , before settling TEMPORARILY On...whatever's there now, since I can't see it!

2) I thought of you when I addressed Melissa as "Lis", as well! Considered "Lissa" for her, but decided you would have to become phonetic, since your "Lis" is pronounced "Lease" (in my head, anyhoo! )

So, a good response can't be bought, ya know!

Thanks, Leese!
Ben

Thanks for the compliment & b'day wishes, Shayne!

Stan,
Bed beckons, but thanks for the history of time lesson, some of which I knew, alot of which I'd forgotten. Interesting stuff, in any event.
Yeah, soon as I passed Elvis age, it felt odd. But better odd than the alternative, I reckon!
Thanks.
Ben

I like the overall idea lot - I thought v1 was the only weak link in the song

heres an alt for v1 came up with you can have it
(or throw it back in the bin lol)
done with a heavy dose of reverb distorted from the rest of the vox in the song ~ clock gong in the background

Hickory Dickory and then theres Dock
Couldnt tell time so they bought a clock
Now the clock hangs on the wall
But the boys still cant make sense of it all

Steve,
Thanks for the visit and your impressions.
I wondering why they bought a clock if they couldn't tell time, and apparently didn't get anyone to teach them...

Problem with re-doing that verse is...it sets up the whole lyric.

Ben