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#460329 - 01/03/07 03:44 PM I Break Mine  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA

I Break Mine
© Bree Griffith 2007

He whisper's soft
As a tear rolls down his cheek
Says please donít go
Wonít you stay Ďtil Iím asleep?
I sit down by his bed again
Sing a lullaby and tuck him in


And I know deep in my heart the reason whyÖ

I canít bring myself to walk away
Canít say the words I want to say
I just canít break his heart
So I break mineÖ
So I break mine.

I watch him sleep
And I think of years gone by
I close my eyes
drift off somewhere in time
To the days I always dreamt about
the way I thought life would turn out


and once again my heart remembers whyÖ

I canít bring myself to walk away
Canít say the words I long to say
I just canít break his heart
So I break mineÖ


He's the only one who ever knew
How to smile at me and break right through
How to help this aching soul to survive
He's the reason in my heart
the reason whyÖ

why I canít bring myself to walk away
Canít say the words I need to say
I just canít break his heart...
why I break mine...

I break mine.



Last edited by Bree; 01/03/07 11:35 PM.

The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460334 - 01/03/07 04:16 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
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Cindy Miller Offline
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Cindy Miller  Offline
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I'm feeling a little foggy today, so forgive me for my confusion. This is an absolute brilliant hook. I LOVE it! And I'm able to apply this to a small part of my own life, however, I'm not really sure I grasp the true meaning of the lyric. What is it you can't say? Is it "good-bye"? Is the singer supposed to be leaving his/her child and can't? Is it something to do with a divorce?

I'm sorry I don't totally get it, Bree. BUT, I really do love this, totally love it, even though it's not completely clear to me. The ambiguity is speaking to me somehow and it's really lovely. I can totally embrace the vibe and mood of this lyric. Don't feel obligated to reveal the meaning on my account. I'll like this one just fine with or without an explanation.

I'm not sure I've ever been as touched by a lyric without totally "getting it" before. That's good writing, Bree.

BTW, my son will leave for college in the fall. And he is the first person I ever met that I would not only die for, but would KILL for. Maybe that's why I'm feeling this one.

whew,
wink Tink


The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337
#460344 - 01/03/07 04:44 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Cindy Miller]  
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Jody K Smith Offline
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Bree -
Gotta agree that this is one heck of a hook!! My interpretation is the singer stays in a relationship with the child's father for the sake of the child -- A concept I never understood or agreed with when I WAS a child (and a child with divorced parents at that) BUT as a grown woman with a son, I TOTALLY understand. If I'm wrong on the interpretation . . .oops (happens a lot) . . . but like Tink said, the ambiguity is nice sometimes. Couple places in the bridge and tag that I think could be enhanced . . . but I'll have to think on that a bit.

Be back if I have sugs.
grin
Jody




J.K. Smith
#460350 - 01/03/07 04:53 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Cindy Miller]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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Missouri
Hi Bree,
I agree with Tink. This is "really' good. One of the best things I've seen on the board lately. I didn't go into the technicalites much but it flows good for me .
As to meaning , it seems she's needing to say goodbye and leave but can't bring herself to do it. The only thing that I didn't get is the lullaby and the tucking in. That makes it sound like it's a baby and I can't fathom her leaving a baby under "any" circumstances.
Nevertheless this is close to brilliant and needs to be done something with
JMO
Wy

#460355 - 01/03/07 05:01 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: May 2006
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Moker Jarrett Offline
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Moker Jarrett  Offline
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jacksonville, fl
Bree,
That is a jam up lyric, this shows me you are gettin' it, and two tiny little nits...scrap the word to in the last line of the first verse and also the second time it is used in the 3rd line of the bridge, other than that there's a good thing goin' on here, ya got music yet? all the best...Moker

#460357 - 01/03/07 05:06 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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Kaley Willow Offline
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PA
Bree...I agree with Tink...Wy...and Jody...this is excellent writing....and a bittersweet..Hook.. smile...

I'm taking this...the song is about a child..the singer can't
leave behind.....for even half time (partial custody)...so..the singer..puts her heart to the side... ... for her child.

Like the others...not sure..if it needs to be made clearer or not... I like it as it is...

beautiful writing Bree...
Kaley...

#460359 - 01/03/07 05:21 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Jan 2009
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Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hello Bree I second third and so on the motion. I too got something out of this even though the "hidden" meaning is in fact hidden. confused

You do have something here, proven IMO on how it has affected us all a little differently, and

I will be curious to see what becomes of it.

Take Care and Good Job!

Douglas

Last edited by dougdude; 01/03/07 05:22 PM.

"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

www.soundclick.com/dougmurphy

Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#460362 - 01/03/07 05:25 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: ]  
Joined: Jan 2002
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Bill Cooper Offline
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Bill Cooper  Offline
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Trinity, Texas, USA
Hi Bree,

I agree this is a totally great lyric.

I see it Mother/Father to child ???

Reason for going could be in trouble in the marriage ??? In the military ???? and so on, but I donít think you need to elaborate on that.

The only change IĒd make is.

Canít say the words I ďNEEDĒ to say

Good Luck
Bill


Drop by and listen to.. My Music ..when you have a chance.
#460374 - 01/03/07 06:01 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bill Cooper]  
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,192
bailey bridges Offline
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bailey bridges  Offline
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USA
Hi Bree,

I can't really offer you any suggestions. When I first read this it shook me up. So, I went on to other things. But, I got it immediately on an emotional level. I can also see where the saying goodbye could be misunderstood as being applied to the child rather than the spouse.

I took it that you were wanting to imply that the singer was forced to make a choice between her child's best interest and her own. That's a tough and universal topic. There's so much disagreement among the 'experts'. I've got credible, life experienced, educated authors' works on my shelf right now who all disagree. Each case is so unique that no one could or should begin to judge another.

Personally, I used to wish on a million stars that my Mom would leave my stepDad. She never did until we were all grown and married. I'm still in the process of forgiving her for the timing of that one.

Great song. Very well done. Best to you lady.

Vanessa

#460390 - 01/03/07 06:42 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bill Cooper]  
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 986
argo Offline
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argo  Offline
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boston,massachusetts
Hi Bree,
I'm sorry to have to be a breaker on this one but I'm not feeling it. This person is coming off as pathetic to me. They are saying 'I'm a martyr, look at what I'm doing for you.'
The verses are well crafted but the choruses are more like poetry. I think it needs more chorus, with a rhyming line for "I break mine".
I know I'm always harping on you for more info but I have to know why I should care about this person any more than all the other "victims" in todays society.
You have a great talent for evoking emotional responses with your songs. I hope I'm not offending when I offer a response that is negative. It just means that you are getting to me too, and making me think.
Rick

#460398 - 01/03/07 06:55 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: argo]  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,357
Corey Offline
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Corey  Offline
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Posts: 7,357
Brandon, MS
Great hook, and a great emotional atmosphere to this lyric. It's also well crafted. Have to agree with the "don't quite get it" bunch though. Depending upon your genre, it's either fine (if it's a singer-songwriter or folksy tune maybe) or it needs some clarification (for country or pop). Radio listeners (for the most part) don't like to think. smile I do though, and I enjoyed this.

Corey

#460401 - 01/03/07 07:03 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Corey]  
Joined: Aug 2006
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David Gill Offline
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David Gill  Offline
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Buffalo, NY
Excellent write here, Bree. Honestly. The hook. The flow. I like it all. Great work.

One nit... possibly drop the additional "So" in the second line of the first chorus... For me it seems to fit better, giving the singer a tiny break in between to emphasize the hook. IMHO.

Either way... really great job...

Dave




"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
#460408 - 01/03/07 07:29 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Wow, you're on world record pace here, gal! Eighty-leven crits in no time! wink I read this earlier and found I couldn't completely agree with the crits and I didn't want to be the first to bring rain. frown I like everything about it BUT the hook. It strikes me as way too self-serving. I think people tend to gravitate toward generosity and benevolence in people who don't pat themselves on the back about it.
Got an idea for ya...may not be do-able. If this were in the third person, it would remove that problem (IF it is one). I know one of my all time favorite poems(I could recite it right now and I'd tear up)is "Ballad of the Harpweaver". It is written through the eyes of the son of the selfless, sacrificing Mother, thereby removing any "tooting your own horn" aspect.
Aside from that, I think it's a lovely treatment. smile

Ben


Field of Dreams
#460419 - 01/03/07 08:06 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Ben Burton]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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Kaley Willow Offline
Kaley Willow  Offline

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PA
OOOOh..Bree....one thought.... go to the section...where it says...

why I canít bring myself to walk away
Canít say the words I LONG to say
Why I canít break your heart...
why I break mine...

could be wrong here...but it jumped out at me...as I looked at this some more.... IF the singer is singing about having to leave the child for whatever reason...whatever length of time...

wouldn't she/he be DREADING saying the words...? Let me go back and read this again....I might be not reading that right.....or is this referring to...the singer wishing she could say the words she longs to say to someone else....

I respect all previous posters...but...I think that is a killer hook...and a fresh feeling one at that.. and I think you've shown us how it should be done by repeating it twice...in such an emotion packed song....(jmho)

hugs...and best to you...
KEEP writing......!!!!!......
Kaley

#460426 - 01/03/07 08:16 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Jul 2005
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Better clarify, Bree. I didn't mean I dislike the hook PER SE. I meant, I think the context in which it's applied..."I don't want to break your heart, so I'll break mine". The very fact it's being directed to the...child?...leaves something to be desired, IMO.

Even if it said, "I just can't break HIS heart, so I'll break mine, it would be more palatable to these ears. (Take THAT, Ritt {inside joke ;)})
Ben


Field of Dreams
#460427 - 01/03/07 08:17 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Okay, now I see how these double posts happen. I went back to the main board after hitting submit, but it hadn't taken, so I came back, waited a bit, then hit submit again. Presto, 2 posts.....

Last edited by Ben F; 01/03/07 08:19 PM.

Field of Dreams
#460432 - 01/03/07 08:36 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Cindy Miller]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Tink...it means alot that you'd say that. I always hope that what I write will "speak" to someone. Judging from the responses...this one's been doin' a lot of talkin' today. smile

I did write it around a situation with my own son...only it's written about the past. A memory from a long time ago. I can only imagine how I'll handle it when he goes off to college. I've practically grown up WITH him. & I feel the same way as you...I'd do anything for him (both of them...I have 2 boys).

Thanks for the thumbs up. Means alot.

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460433 - 01/03/07 08:38 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Jody K Smith]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Jody,

You hit the nail on the head. It's a hard decision to make at times.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460435 - 01/03/07 08:41 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Wy,

You flatter me. Thank you for the kind words. You got the point pretty well...it is a small child she's singin' to & tuckin' in, but she doesn't want to leave the child in my version .... however ...I'm beginning to think leaving it open to interpretation may not be a bad idea.

Thanks sooo much for the compliment. Much appreciated.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460436 - 01/03/07 08:43 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Moker Jarrett]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Moke,

Thanks for the crit. I'm tryin' desperately to "get it" smile

I see your point with the first "to"...but I may be a bit confused as to the 2nd one. If I take that out somethin's missin'...unless I'm misunderstandin' which "to" you're talkin' about. None-the-less...thank you!!!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460439 - 01/03/07 08:46 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Kaley Willow]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Kaley,

You are right...she doesn't even want to leave the child part time...which is where the wanting & longing to say this comes in. She wants to tell his dad to take a long walk off a short pier...ya know. smile But....

So, yes, you are reading right on track

Thanks!!!
hugs to you!
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460440 - 01/03/07 08:47 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
I promise ya'll...Ill reply to all else soon. Just got back from the dentist...& I feel awful. smile

Thanks for all the response!!!

hugs to all!
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460469 - 01/03/07 10:34 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: ]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Douglas,

Thank you. I was once told that a great poem is one where each person gets something different from it...I wonder if that holds true for a great song too? lol...a gal can dream, right?

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460471 - 01/03/07 10:37 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bill Cooper]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Ya know, Bill....the military angle hadn't even crossed my mind (shame on me) & it should have since I grew up in a militarized zone grin (Eastern NC...5 bases I can think of off the top of my head within an hour or so). Thanks for the sug on the word change.

Happy New Year to ya down there in one of my favorite states!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460473 - 01/03/07 10:42 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: bailey bridges]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Vanessa,

I appreciate your input on this one. This is an emotional one all the way around, no matter which angle you choose to view it. Many times I see videos in my mind as I'm writing & this one was no exception...but now with all the input, I can see it from so many different aspects. Like you said...even all the experts can't agree on one side. smile

Thanks for the well wishes!
smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460475 - 01/03/07 10:47 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: argo]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Rick, Rick, Rick....

Never apologize for being different. My Mom always told me that my being different is what made me so special. grin

Seriously though...I appreciate your opinion and besides...somebody has to shake things up a bit & I'd be disappointed if you didn't chime in. You give a good arm twist to me most times & make me dig a little deeper into the arsenal...so no apologies are necessary. I see your point about the "martyr" and it is something to consider. So I will.

Nice to know I'm makin' ya think!
smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460479 - 01/03/07 10:52 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Corey]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Ok Corey....

You may have to give me a lil' more here...because as most here know, my pendulum tends to swing toward the country side. Are you suggestin' that I come right out and say who is leavin' & whom they are leavin' behind? (I think I have that grammatically correct...lol)

I am glad it made you think...I enjoy that myself from a song.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460480 - 01/03/07 10:53 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: David Gill]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Dave,

Good nit...

Thank ya for stoppin' in!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460485 - 01/03/07 11:03 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Ben Burton]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Alrighty Ben, my friend....

First off...I'm afraid to ask about the Ritt joke...lol...so I won't. Now...about those comments smile

As always...I truly appreciate and respect your opinion...which is why I tend to change things when you make sugs. Seems that your thought pattern here coincides with Rick's and I can definitely see where you two are coming from. & since I do so try to be on the PC edge (LMBO...yeah right) I like your sug about using HIS instead. It's a nice compromise. I shall use it...and not just because I like you either. grin

Thanks Ben!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460495 - 01/03/07 11:23 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
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Richard G Blum (D) Offline
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Richard G Blum (D)  Offline
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Posts: 10,690
Bronx, NY, United States
I'm twisting in the breeze here Bree, I like the hook and don't find it pretentious, 'cept what confuses me is the time line, shouldn't I tuck you in, come before I watch you sleep? The child saying please don't go till I'm asleep, doesn't seem very realistic, would a child really say that? I As far as just the thought of leaving a child, is a kind of turn off, calls up the word abandonement, while if it's a divorce setting, it's not a total leaving....see twisting...maybe something like and this just me rambling...I've seen the fright in your eyes, when you've watched us fight, watching you sleep, brings new meaning to the words sleep tight

#460508 - 01/03/07 11:32 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Richard G Blum (D)]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Ritt,

Ok...ya got me...the verses need to be reversed or is that re-versed? confused lol

I can change that around & have it make better sense, thanks. As for the abandonment issue...I think that's the question of the day...do I make that more clear that he/she is NOT leaving the child? or do I leave it open for interpretation? hmmm???

Nice lines there though. If I clarify I may try to work those in.


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460561 - 01/04/07 01:31 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Apr 2006
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Lynn Orloff Offline
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Lynn Orloff  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,788
PA of the great USA
Hi Bree,

Wow. There's some good things going on this Board this New Year and this is no exception. I think this is one where the listener might have to decide for themselves what it means and if the melody carries it, that will be enough. Maybe your best so far.

Best,
Lynn


My Music at Soundclick
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=788266

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

Always open to collaborations smile

God Bless Our Military!!!
#460570 - 01/04/07 02:19 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
Joined: Jan 2006
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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Lisa Gundling  Offline
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Hi Bree,

This is, indeed, very beautiful and tender.

I have a couple of suggestions in the first verse...

He whispers soft
As a tear rolls down his cheek
Says MOMMY donít go
PLEASE stay SO I CAN SLEEP

If my son were to say something like this, it seems like he'd say it more like this, because he'd be upset to think that I'd be leaving even AFTER he is asleep! But, my son's almost 4, so an older child (or a different child :)) might, indeed, say it the way you already have it. smile

Tugs at my heartstrings.

Lisa






#460588 - 01/04/07 03:39 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
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Shayne Vaughan Offline
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Shayne Vaughan  Offline
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Edmonton, KY USA
Hi Bree,
The only thing I think this needs is a bridge explaining why the father is absent.

#460596 - 01/04/07 04:08 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Shayne Vaughan]  
Joined: Jun 2001
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Dan Windowman Offline
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Dan Windowman  Offline
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Hughesville, Pa USA
Bree,

I'll chime in and say it's excellent writing also. Very "heartstringy" type stuff. I do think Corey has a point about spelling it out for country though. If you're thinking commercial radio play, the bridge ought to lay it all out and seal the deal. Us hicks is a little thick, so we need things "splained" to us. Just my opinion though. Heck, I'll admit the first few times I heard Blake Shelton's song "Austin" a few years back, I scratched my head and said "HUH"??? Did finally get it! Keep polishing, this'n needs very little. smile

Dano.

#460614 - 01/04/07 04:56 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Dan Windowman]  
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Aaron Authier Offline
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Aaron Authier  Offline
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Posts: 1,413
I'm not one to be cliched but I have to agree with everyone else
on one thing only though.. that its a hole in one (kachow!)
I don't agree on people suggesting you to be more informative
It can be related in many many different ways
it seems to be like it could be a hit with the right music.
I got a reba or dixie chick vibe when I read it
I say keep it like it is , more people can relate to your song when its not fixed on only one thing , I hope what I said made sense lol
Aaron

#460632 - 01/04/07 08:40 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Aaron Authier]  
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Judy Hollier Offline
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Judy Hollier  Offline
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Sydney, Australia
Hello Bree, just stopped in to add to the many great comments about this lyric. I wouldn't change a word of it. I guess us mothers with sons (Tink especially) really relate. I think it was Shayne suggested a bridge about the father - she's staying with the father for the son's sake, not sure how you'd word a bridge, have to think on that one. Anyway, congratulations on a very nice lyric. Cheers, Judy

#460675 - 01/04/07 12:43 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Lynn Orloff]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Lynn,

I don't have a melody, but I'm workin' on that.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460679 - 01/04/07 12:48 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Lisa,

I see what you mean about a smaller child. Actually, my lil'est one is now 9 & he still wants me to stay & sing until he's asleep. I do like the idea about adding the "mom" in there...of course, that would limit this to a female singer, but it seems more like it would come from that stand point anyway. I'll have to think on that.

Thanks for the sugs!

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460680 - 01/04/07 12:49 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Shayne Vaughan]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Shayne,

The thing is...the father isn't absent. He may not be in the room, but he's lingerin' around somewhere. smile

Thanks for stoppin' in.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460681 - 01/04/07 12:51 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Dan Windowman]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Dano,

I know what ya mean about "Austin"...I love that song. Of course, I'm one of those who likes somethin' that makes ya think as well (like Corey). So...I'll just have to see how this'en pans out. Thanks for the vote. smile

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460682 - 01/04/07 12:52 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Aaron Authier]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Thanks Aaron!!!

Much appreciated!

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460685 - 01/04/07 12:55 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Judy Hollier]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Judy,

Thank ya ever so much. Tis' true...Mom's will definitely "get" this quicker than others...especially if they have been through anything similar in their own hearts.

Thanks for checkin' it out.

G'day! (I love the Australian's accent by the way)
smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460718 - 01/04/07 02:36 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 489
Melissa Evans Offline
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Melissa Evans  Offline
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Mississippi
Bree,
For what it's worth, I really liked it. I agree with some of the sugs, but overall it is well written. I let a friend of mine read this, and she said that she totally understood because of the mother part. Great hook!

Good job
Melissa smile

#460740 - 01/04/07 04:06 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Melissa Evans]  
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Melissa,

Thanks to you AND to your friend! smile

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460954 - 01/05/07 01:52 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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N. Carolina gal in VA
Ok all you JPFers....now...the question is...does anyone have any ideas on a melody (collab)??? Cause I'm a bit stumped on that part.

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#460970 - 01/05/07 02:20 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Bree Griffith]  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,600
Two Singers Offline
Two Singers  Offline

Top 20 Poster

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 9,600
Northern Alabama
Bree,

This will have to my last post/reply of the evening for a little while. But, couldn't let this one go by without first commenting. I think it is WONDERFUL writing! I am not one who needs lots of explanation for this type of lyric. It is true that, as a general rule, MOST folks who listen to country music do like a little more explanation. Although I listen to country a fair amount (played lead guitar in a country band for 40 yrs), I am okay with the bit of ambiguity you leave here

I think regardless of what you decide to do in a rewrite, give more explanation or not, this is one heck of a lyric that can't help but pull at the heartstrings of many of the listerners/readers. And, pulled heartstrings sell a lot of CDs! Please stay with this until YOU are happy with it. this is much too good to put on the shelf...much too good!

Alan

#460973 - 01/05/07 02:26 AM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Two Singers]  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,438
Sofa King Bixby Offline
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Sofa King Bixby  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,438
home and loving it
bree,


as always, a fan of your work... i have my recorder now so if you want to put some tracks down let me know. i can work this for you if you want. but you'll have do it in person... let me know... (by the way... leaving for Iraq in FEB so you would have to wait a really long time for this if you put it off.

-steve


"sing along little hotties in those wet t-shirts" -Tricia "angel" Baker


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=718667
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/stephenbixby
#461047 - 01/05/07 12:03 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Sofa King Bixby]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Steve,

As I have said before, you rock! I would love to get some tracks down before you leave & I HATE that you are having to head over there...but I know that's your job & know that you & your family WILL be in my prayers. I'll catch up with ya soon.

smile
Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
#461049 - 01/05/07 12:04 PM Re: I Break Mine [Re: Two Singers]  
Joined: Oct 2006
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Bree Griffith Offline
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Bree Griffith  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,040
N. Carolina gal in VA
Alan,

You are such an encouragement. Thank you! I'll make sure I do SOMETHING with this one...& not put it on a shelf. I think Steve may be gonna help me with that. grin (yeahhh)

Bree


The ideal poet has a genius for making the things we see every day seem new. ~ Samuel Johnson

I write because I breathe, I breathe because I write. ~ Me

http://www.soundclick.com/breeg
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