JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum "If Today Was Tomorrow"

Wednesday,
Oct. 18, 2001

Hi All!
I'm back from a needed hiatus!
Thanks for all the encouraging letters!
Hope all is well with everyone!

Here is a new one for review and needed suggestions.

Thanks!
Ron


"If Today was Tomorrow"
Genre: Country
Artist: Male
(c) 2001 Ronald Boyte

v1
Yesterday began so well You had served me coffee in bed
What happened to my head? My eyes are throbbing red
Last night's disaster's real One wrong and my rights are killed
I'd brought up things from the past I must have bumped my head

v2
Moving out I'd packed too quick I'd forgot I lived for your dreams
Where are my favorite jeans? My nerves crave nicotine
Today cut's like a knife A two bladed wielding knife
I think of you home alone I just forgot my jeans

chorus
If today was tomorrow and tomorrow never came
If Tuesday's repeated I'd be in your arms again
If Heaven suddenly opened and allowed us both inside
I'd know that tomorrow had died

v3
Calling up I hugged the phone Wishing it were you in my hands
Where is my wedding band? Unsure I faint a stand
You answered with hello You said that you missed me so
I packed my things moving quick And found my wedding band

chorus
If today was tomorrow and tomorrow never came
If Tuesday's repeated I'd be in your arms again
If Heaven suddenly opened and allowed us both inside
I'd know that tomorrow had died


bridge
We're both back to our normal routine
Each day's now the same So it seems

chorus
If today was tomorrow and tomorrow never came
If Tuesday's repeated I'd be in your arms again
If Heaven suddenly opened and allowed us both inside
I'd know that tomorrow had died

add
Sometimes old tomorrows can lie


Written By: Ronald Boyte
835 County Road 2796
Mineola, Tx. 75773
Ph/Fax: (903) 569-8412
Email: RBoyte7293@aol.com
All Material CopyRight Protected
All Rights Reserved

Other lyrics and instrumentals can be heard
@ MP3 site of Ron Boyte

http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/249/ron_boyte.html

Hi Ron,
I have to say that I had some trouble following this lyric. The 3rd line of the 1st verse really has me confused. Maybe I am reading it wrong or just not getting it. I do like the chorus very much, the only problem with it that jumped out at me is that I immediatley thought of Garth Brook's song "If Tomorrow Never Comes". Not sure if that is a problem or not. I guess this isn't much help to you, hopefully others will be able to give you some helpful critiques.

Hi Ronald.
Have you got music for this one? I tried to sing it in some kind of country ballad style. Very simple chords and melody. But I couldn't get the rhyming pattern right. It felt like there was too many syllables on each line or something. MHO. Probably due to my poor singing technique. Maybe I used too simple chords?

But I really love the chorus! It opened up and was very singable to me.

Keep writing

Leif

Hi JMarie!
Thanks for taking a peek!

Yes, the reference to "One wrong and my rights are killed" is tricky. I took a chance thinking others would read it as intended. Maybe not! Ha! I'll certainly have to clarify it.

As far as any ties to Garth's hit, well thanks for the compliment! I think any country music fan would be so inclined to think of his if they hear the word "tomorrow". Ha!

Thanks!
Most appreciated!

Ron

Hi Leif!
Thanks for taking a stab at this one!

No, I did not have a melody for the verses. I do have one for the chorus though. You may be right about it's singability. I almost got the feeling in penning this one that it may work better as a rocker instead of as a country tune.

Thanks a lot!

Sincerely,
Ron

Sorry, just have to add:
"One wrong and my rights are killed"
You did something stupid and she threw you out? Or is there more to that, something that I can't see?

leif

Hi Leif!
I was at my computer when your response came in!

This is an example of what I like about these boards. It makes one stop and think "Now, will others know what I mean"?

That line;

"one wrong and my rights are killed"

means that he has done so many things right before. But, this time he made a mistake (bringing up problems from the past) that she can't forgive him for. And, yes he moved out and got drunk (what happened to my head?)

This was a fun one to write. Obviously, it needs more work. I'm good at working! Ha! I'll go back to work now!
Work! Work! Work!

Many thanks!
Ron

Hi Ron...I Really liked the chorus...flowed smooth...and I liked the wording.

I think I'd go back and smooth out the verses....
In a few spots....I felt it wasn't as conversational as the rest of the lyric..
(Unsure..I faint a stand)..that one I didn't care...for.

v3 line 3..i'd drop the that..if you can geT away with it.

Kaley

Hi Ron , this is really different! That could be good or bad depending on the music?? Not sure if I like the head, head band,band - jeans, jeans kind of thing. But it is unique and like I said sometimes music makes the world... Iddy

Hi, Ron! I've already told you this has put a new viewpoint on the old song even before Garth's day, That Tomorrow Never Comes. Gosh, Jim Nabhors sung that ad other artists from that era.
But anyway, I haven't taken the time to try a melody to it, but appreciated the fresh viewpoint. I think you know what has to be done to get it metered, stressed and melodized so no need for me to go into any big speel that I might feel, but I want you to encourage taking this song right on up to a melody, demo it and get it out there. Even if everybody wants to think Garths Brooks, maybe not all everybody else-cause I thought Jim Nabhors. Ha Dated myself didn't I? See ya' Best wishes.

Hey Ron, good to see ya here my friend! Well this is different but that's what I like about it! I also had a little trouble with the flow but think it would be well worth finding a melody for and tweaking. Cool tune!


David

Hi Kaley!
Gosh! I'm getting more responses than I thought I would on this one! Ha!

Thanks for the encouragement! It means a lot.

Yes, that line (faint a stand), as explained earlier was chancey. But, hey! No one ever accused me of not being original! Or did they? Ha! All forgotten though, well almost! Ha!

I did meter all the verses to v1. But being that I did not have a melody (for the verses), I may have gone over-board, no pun intended! Ha!

Thanks Kaley!
Good to hear from you again!

Ron

Hi Iddy!
Thanks for the read and kind comments.

Yes, I too thought this one was different. No one has yet picked up, or at least mentioned the format of the verses. I thought I would try for something totally different. I didn't plan it though. It just somehow happened. As you may remember from some of my past posts, whatever I do in v1 I mirror in subsequent verses.

I really appreciate it!

Sincerely!
Ron

Hi Sharon!
Whew! Finally made it to you! This is going a lot easier than I thought it would! Ha! Goes to show, sometimes things aren't what they seem! And, I am both glad and surprised!

Thank you for your comments. I don't recall Jim Nabors doing that particular song. But then, I was not for or against him during his day! Ha! And, what age? Ha!

I have a neat little melody for the chorus. The verses, well almost. I am sure that everyone is correct on some changes being needed in meter structure. We will see!

Take care, and Rest up for the big day!

Regards,
Ron

Hi David!
Good to be back! Thanks!

As I have mentioned earlier, I have a melody in my head for the chorus that imo is not too bad. The verses, well something but, not much! Ha! Seems what little talent I have is primarily in the writing. As you may recall, I do not play any instruments.

I really appreciate your time David!
I'll be back again! Ha!

Ron

Hi Ron,

Some interesting ideas in this one, but yes, like the others I did have just a bit of trouble following -- seems you tried some internal rhymes in there somewhere as well and it threw me from picking up the real end-of-line rhymes. And I do hear other genres besides Country m'self.

Good to see you back writing though.


------------------
Best Regards and Aloha,

Charlie
http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Wong_Songs/index-1.html

Hi Charlie!
Thanks for the read!

Yes, when I wrote this I thought the same thing that you stated, other genre!
But, I am a diehard cmf! Ha!

Also, I find that I tend to write better when I have a melody in my head. In this case, I did not except for the chorus. Speaking of that, the chorus has a nice melody for it. So, it was primarily a play on words and format in the verses. And, it did make a difference obviously.

Thanks once more!
Ron

[This message has been edited by Ronald (edited 10-20-2001).]