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#448518 10/06/06 08:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 346
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This one's a work in progress folks... I'll try my best to finish it soon... any help would be greatly perrrciated. P.S. I'm on some meds that say "may cause drowsiness" and they don't lie, so if this is completely stupid, sorry in advance...


Just Go Back
(c) Copyright 2006/2007 Nick Holbrook (BMI)


CHORUS:

All I said was it wasn't me
Turned around and I walked away
I left her cryin' outside the door
Hadn't ever done that before
I could've told her I loved her too
But that would've just killed my mood
Instead I let her go and hurt like that
God I wish I could just go back

VERSE 1:

Girl you know that I love you so
I never, ever wanna let you go
I know I hurt you in our recent past
But, I never really meant all that
I just wanna spend my life with you
Doin' things that I'd probably never do
You make me act all crazy girl
Yeah, you know you are my world

CHORUS:

All I said was it wasn't me
Turned around and I walked away
I left her cryin' outside the door
Hadn't ever done that before
I could've told her I loved her too
But that would've just killed my mood
Instead I let her go and hurt like that
God I wish I could just go back

VERSE 2:

Never thought I'd see my life
Start flashin' right before my eyes
But I saw it on that lonely day
When I told her to just go away
I didn't mean a single word I said
Don't know what was goin' thru my head
I see it all real clearly right now
Just don't have a rhyme or reason how

CHORUS:

All I said was it wasn't me
Turned around and I walked away
I left her cryin' outside the door
Hadn't ever done that before
I could've told her I loved her too
But that would've just killed my mood
Instead I let her go and hurt like that
God I wish I could just go back

ADD:

Could've told her that I love her too
But that would've just killed my mood
Insead I let her go and hurt like that
Man, I wish I could just go back

VERSE 3:

I wasn't in the right state of mind
When I put my truck into drive
Left her standin' in a cloud of dust
Without a chance of us ever being us
I wish i could just go right back
Fix the dreams that I used to have
Leave her with some better memories
Maybe more like the real me

CHORUS:

All I said was it wasn't me
Turned around and I walked away
I left her cryin' outside the door
Hadn't ever done that before
I could've told her I loved her too
But that would've just killed my mood
Instead I let her go and hurt like that
God I wish I could just go back

[This message has been edited by NHolbrook (edited 10-06-2006).]

[This message has been edited by NHolbrook (edited 10-06-2006).]

#448519 10/07/06 01:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2005
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Well, NH, was gonna welcome you in, but you been around longer than me.
You changed persons from the 1st and second verse. Start out talking to her, then switch.
I think you need more description. The verses and the chorus all say about the same thing, one way or another, plus the bridge is simply a repetition of the chorus.
Ben

#448520 10/07/06 01:24 AM
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Ben,

Thanks for the read, and welcome! I may have been around longer, but you've got me in the post numbers... I do appreciate the nit, i'm still working on this, and i really don't wanna touch it while i'm on these meds.. Thanks Bunches.

See ya when I get there,
Nick

#448521 10/07/06 01:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,177
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Yes, it would be better to keep the point of view consistent, and there is too much repetition of the same thoughts, as Ben pointed out.

I'm not sure I would start out with the Chorus, as we don't know "why" he said "it wasn't me".

Think of your lyric as having a beginning, middle, and end.

A general guideline for this format would be:

Verse 1: Beginning; why it happened

Chorus: The result of "that's why I say"

Verse 2: The middle, explaining "and then what happened", more why it happened.

Chorus: The result of "that's why I say"

Verse 3: The end, "and then what happened", explaining the end of the story.

Chorus: The result of "that's why I say"

------------------
http://www.cdbaby.com/shaynev

[This message has been edited by shayneman (edited 10-07-2006).]


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