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floridasongs
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#442722 - 08/28/06 01:03 AM Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
In honor of our new member, UKE, I couldn't resist. Alt rock, rock, country or hymn.

Hellish-Heaven
COPYRIGHT AUGUST 27, 2006 Ben Burton

She took a shot in her guts
When she kicked me in the nutz
Then she threw her gold stiletto at my heart
Lucky I was bending over
It only caught me in the shoulder
That kick she gave still had me seeing stars

We live in a hellish-Heaven
Where the devil meets the Lord
Right here in this hellish-Heaven
Loving by the sword
Though life in hellish-Heaven, sometimes ain't too pleasant
You sure as hell won't ever find us bored

And we are street fighting lovers
Out to kill each other
Fight like maniacs from dawn 'til dark
But once the night sets in
Like dogs in heat making love again
You couldn't pry us loose with a wrought iron bar

We live in a hellish-Heaven
Where the devil meets the Lord
Right here in this hellish-Heaven
Loving by the sword
Though life in hellish-Heaven, sometimes ain't too pleasant
You sure as hell won't ever find us bored

I guess to each his own, when it comes to making a happy home
She tars and feathers me, it's seldom we agree
Who'd a thought a love like this could ever start
But sure as hell and Heaven, you can't tear us apart

We live in a hellish-Heaven
Where the devil meets the Lord
Right here in this hellish-Heaven
Loving by the sword
Though life in hellish-Heaven, sometimes ain't too pleasant
You sure as hell won't ever find us bored









[This message has been edited by Ben F (edited 08-28-2006).]


Field of Dreams
#442723 - 08/28/06 01:58 AM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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EaglesDreams2 Offline
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Ben
I don't find this one offence, risque yes, but not enough to insult the listeners,
great story line, good rhyming pattern,
i'd might want to find another word, im afraid the singer at that point being a male might moan thinking about it, it's a little scarry on the first line 2, but that maybe me, best of luck with it,
Hugs from Eagle


[URL=http://www.soundclick.com/jodydickey]

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#442724 - 08/28/06 08:09 AM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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California
Hi Ben,

That reminds me of Skip talking about finding the phrase "wicked good" to be bothersome.

"street fighting lovers"--nice image there.

The tone seems all over the map, to me--serious/dangerous:"And we are street fighting lovers/Out to kill each other/Fight like maniacs from dawn 'til dark" AND lighter though a bit sadistic--FUN:guts/nutz and "But you sure as hell won't ever find us bored"

but then, it IS a "hellish-heaven"--so I guess it has the right to be bipolar, tone wise. In fact, it's very cool when the THEME can infect the STYLE. So thumbs up for that, whether 'twas intentional or not.

I was hearing alt. country, like the "Bad Livers" or "the "Derailers"

Here's an interesting web page on more "oxymoronology":

http://wordways.com/oxymoron.htm

See ya,
Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#442725 - 08/28/06 09:47 AM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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This was a Fun One, Bro Benster!

Sug "You couldn't pry us loose with THE LONGEST Wrought Iron Bar"

This plays like Dark Humor VERY Well, so The Listener ISN'T turned-off by the Goings-On..(as in Somebody Else's Work we've already critiqued.)

Think ya oughta Expand your Chorus a scosh...lessee here...try this:

"We live in Hellish-Heaven
Where the Devil-Meets-The-Lord
Right Here in Hellish-Heaven
LOVIN'..By-the-Sword
Takin' Nothin' Much For-Granted,
& NOTHIN' Gets Ignored...
Hellish-Heaven Life Ain't Always Pleasant
But Sure-As-Hell..You'll NEVER Find Us Bored!"

(K-O-S)

"KUDOS" for a Closer Look at What Relationships SOMETIMES Really DO Feel Like, & it's refreshingly Diffo-Enough to be a Hit-Worthy Lyric, IMO.

Good Luck wit it, Amigo!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

#442726 - 08/28/06 11:32 AM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Joice Marie Offline
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Whew Ben

You just keep rolling them out there. Good writing. : ) jm


perfection is unattainable, excellence is totally within reach

http://www.youtube.com/joicemarie
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#442727 - 08/28/06 12:08 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Aug 2006
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relay Offline
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Ben, I like it and I really liked it eeeven a little more with Stans suggestions, irregardless I wanna be like you when I grow up, lol! Rick


God Bless and Thanks to you all!
If ya never give up what's in your heart then you never lose!
http://www.broadjam.com/relay
#442728 - 08/28/06 12:16 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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David Gill Offline
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David Gill  Offline
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Buffalo, NY
Good work, Ben! I'm with Stan on the chorus thing. But still in all a good lyric.

Dave


"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
#442729 - 08/28/06 12:26 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Jan 2009
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Douglas Murphy Offline
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Douglas Murphy  Offline
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Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Lyrically it works. There is enough of everything to keep it going.

I think it is way to wordy. Singing this might prove to be an issue.

Good Job though.

Douglas


"Is this a practice? They are all practices." John Denver

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Skype Contact: douglas.murphy8
#442730 - 08/28/06 12:36 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Hey, eag
So you pity the poor singer who has to attempt to utter those dreaded words, huh? [Linked Image]
Well, I'm sure glad this one didn't upset you like another one!
Thanks, babe.
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442731 - 08/28/06 12:40 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Hi Mike,
but then, it IS a "hellish-heaven"--so I guess it has the right to be bipolar, tone wise. In fact, it's very cool when the THEME can infect the STYLE. So thumbs up for that, whether 'twas intentional or not.

It was most assuredly intentional. [Linked Image]

That link you provided was interesting. Had some I hadn't thought about. Now, don't get upset, but based on a few things you've said, wouldn't closemike be an oxymoron, as well? [Linked Image]
Thanks for the feedback. If you just can't help yourself, you can put a tune to this. [Linked Image] [Linked Image]
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442732 - 08/28/06 12:43 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Jul 2005
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Hi StanLee,
Thanks for the boffo sugs. I extended the chorus; was thinking it might be a tad short, but most of my stuff is bordering on too long, so I tried to keep this one short.
The sword line is a definite caper...er..KEEPER! [Linked Image]
Much oblige, kind sir!
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442733 - 08/28/06 12:46 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Now, JM, you're gonna need to define "Whew" for me. Is that "whew" as in relief that you're done reading it? Or "whew" like you're getting close to the border of sanity? [Linked Image]
Thanks, JM.
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442734 - 08/28/06 12:48 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,279
Bill Cooper Offline
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Bill Cooper  Offline
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Trinity, Texas, USA
Hi Ben,

Sound like a great duet for Mr and Mrs Bobby Brown. [Linked Image]

They might just take a "crack" at it [Linked Image]

Regards
Bill


Drop by and listen to.. My Music ..when you have a chance.
#442735 - 08/28/06 12:54 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Jul 2005
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Relay,
That reminds me of a story. I was on the track team in 5th grade. I ran in the 85 pound weight division. My teammates were 2 eighth graders and a 7th grader. There were two big meets held at legendary Legion field.
In the 1st one (City Relays), I was in the 3rd spot. The first hand-off was mishandled, baton hit the ground, and we were disqualified.
At the next meet (Dixie Prep Relays), Mrs. Ayers (P.E. teacher), was worried about the hand-off, and since I was only 9 she put me in the anchor position (last), so I wouldn't be involved in but 1 handoff. This time the 2nd and 3rd guys dropped the baton! The only time I ever got to run was in PRACTICE!!! And it's YOUR fault relay!! [Linked Image]

Hey, be careful what you wish for, Rick! [Linked Image]
Thanks, man
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442736 - 08/28/06 12:57 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Hi Dogg, jr.
Well, seems like Stan's getting all the nods, and I did use some of his ideas, so I hope you like it more now. [Linked Image]
Thanks alot!
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442737 - 08/28/06 12:59 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Jul 2005
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Hey Doug,
Corect me if I'm wrong....didn't you think the chorus of, "Still Playing In My Mind" was too wordy? [Linked Image]
Well, unfortunately I don't have a definite tune for this, but I swear it doesn't READ "wordy".
Thanks for the input.
Ben
PS I'm gonna try to get that song to you in an MP3 later today.


Field of Dreams
#442738 - 08/28/06 01:01 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Lost,
That's FUNNIER than the song, man! [Linked Image] [Linked Image] (Okay, pc people, it's actually quite sad.....)
Thanks, Bill.
Ben


Field of Dreams
#442739 - 08/28/06 01:10 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 89
Unknown Entity Offline
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Unknown Entity  Offline
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owings mills, md, 21117
hey ben

looks like you showed me up here. i guess this did manage to be twisted, dark, and fun at the same time. i can get the first two.. its the third i have trouble with. i really enjoyed these lines: "But once the night sets in
Like dogs in heat making love again
You couldn't pry us loose with a wrought iron bar"

i liked the imagery there. this whole thing was pretty clever man.

#442740 - 08/28/06 02:00 PM Re: Hellish-Heaven  
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Ben Burton Offline
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Ben Burton  Offline
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Bessemer,Al US
Hi UK,
It wasn't an effort to "show you up", but (at the risk of sounding quite vain!) an attempt to show you how. It's quite possible to write an outlandish lyric, without scaring the bejoopers out of every lady (the ones I know, at least) at JPF. Inject some levity to remove the foul and bitter stain and sting......

I appreciate you not being huffy over this (wouldn't wanna tick-off a knife-weilding madman! [Linked Image]), and for the complimentary feedback.
I'm not sure what you didn't get about the bridge (last verse). Looks pretty straight-forward from here.
Thanks alot, Unknown.
Ben
PS You wouldn't happen to wear a brown paper sack over your head, would ya? [Linked Image] (Think "Gong Show", lest you be offended.)


Field of Dreams

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