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Joined: Jul 2005
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In honor of our new member, UKE, I couldn't resist. Alt rock, rock, country or hymn.
Hellish-Heaven COPYRIGHT AUGUST 27, 2006 Ben Burton
She took a shot in her guts When she kicked me in the nutz Then she threw her gold stiletto at my heart Lucky I was bending over It only caught me in the shoulder That kick she gave still had me seeing stars We live in a hellish-Heaven Where the devil meets the Lord Right here in this hellish-Heaven Loving by the sword Though life in hellish-Heaven, sometimes ain't too pleasant You sure as hell won't ever find us bored And we are street fighting lovers Out to kill each other Fight like maniacs from dawn 'til dark But once the night sets in Like dogs in heat making love again You couldn't pry us loose with a wrought iron bar
We live in a hellish-Heaven Where the devil meets the Lord Right here in this hellish-Heaven Loving by the sword Though life in hellish-Heaven, sometimes ain't too pleasant You sure as hell won't ever find us bored
I guess to each his own, when it comes to making a happy home She tars and feathers me, it's seldom we agree Who'd a thought a love like this could ever start But sure as hell and Heaven, you can't tear us apart We live in a hellish-Heaven Where the devil meets the Lord Right here in this hellish-Heaven Loving by the sword Though life in hellish-Heaven, sometimes ain't too pleasant You sure as hell won't ever find us bored
[This message has been edited by Ben F (edited 08-28-2006).]
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Joined: May 2006
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Ben I don't find this one offence, risque yes, but not enough to insult the listeners, great story line, good rhyming pattern, i'd might want to find another word, im afraid the singer at that point being a male might moan thinking about it, it's a little scarry on the first line 2, but that maybe me, best of luck with it, Hugs from Eagle
[URL=http://www.soundclick.com/jodydickey]
http:www.myspace.com/jodydickey
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Hi Ben, That reminds me of Skip talking about finding the phrase "wicked good" to be bothersome. "street fighting lovers"--nice image there. The tone seems all over the map, to me--serious/dangerous:"And we are street fighting lovers/Out to kill each other/Fight like maniacs from dawn 'til dark" AND lighter though a bit sadistic--FUN:guts/nutz and "But you sure as hell won't ever find us bored" but then, it IS a "hellish-heaven"--so I guess it has the right to be bipolar, tone wise. In fact, it's very cool when the THEME can infect the STYLE. So thumbs up for that, whether 'twas intentional or not. I was hearing alt. country, like the "Bad Livers" or "the "Derailers" Here's an interesting web page on more "oxymoronology": http://wordways.com/oxymoron.htm See ya, Mike
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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This was a Fun One, Bro Benster!
Sug "You couldn't pry us loose with THE LONGEST Wrought Iron Bar"
This plays like Dark Humor VERY Well, so The Listener ISN'T turned-off by the Goings-On..(as in Somebody Else's Work we've already critiqued.)
Think ya oughta Expand your Chorus a scosh...lessee here...try this:
"We live in Hellish-Heaven Where the Devil-Meets-The-Lord Right Here in Hellish-Heaven LOVIN'..By-the-Sword Takin' Nothin' Much For-Granted, & NOTHIN' Gets Ignored... Hellish-Heaven Life Ain't Always Pleasant But Sure-As-Hell..You'll NEVER Find Us Bored!"
(K-O-S)
"KUDOS" for a Closer Look at What Relationships SOMETIMES Really DO Feel Like, & it's refreshingly Diffo-Enough to be a Hit-Worthy Lyric, IMO.
Good Luck wit it, Amigo! Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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Whew Ben
You just keep rolling them out there. Good writing. : ) jm
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Ben, I like it and I really liked it eeeven a little more with Stans suggestions, irregardless I wanna be like you when I grow up, lol! Rick
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Good work, Ben! I'm with Stan on the chorus thing. But still in all a good lyric.
Dave
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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Lyrically it works. There is enough of everything to keep it going.
I think it is way to wordy. Singing this might prove to be an issue.
Good Job though.
Douglas
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Hey, eag So you pity the poor singer who has to attempt to utter those dreaded words, huh? Well, I'm sure glad this one didn't upset you like another one! Thanks, babe. Ben
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Hi Mike, but then, it IS a "hellish-heaven"--so I guess it has the right to be bipolar, tone wise. In fact, it's very cool when the THEME can infect the STYLE. So thumbs up for that, whether 'twas intentional or not. It was most assuredly intentional. That link you provided was interesting. Had some I hadn't thought about. Now, don't get upset, but based on a few things you've said, wouldn't closemike be an oxymoron, as well? Thanks for the feedback. If you just can't help yourself, you can put a tune to this. Ben
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Hi StanLee, Thanks for the boffo sugs. I extended the chorus; was thinking it might be a tad short, but most of my stuff is bordering on too long, so I tried to keep this one short. The sword line is a definite caper...er..KEEPER! Much oblige, kind sir! Ben
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Now, JM, you're gonna need to define "Whew" for me. Is that "whew" as in relief that you're done reading it? Or "whew" like you're getting close to the border of sanity? Thanks, JM. Ben
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Hi Ben, Sound like a great duet for Mr and Mrs Bobby Brown. They might just take a "crack" at it Regards Bill
Drop by and listen to.. My Music ..when you have a chance.
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Relay, That reminds me of a story. I was on the track team in 5th grade. I ran in the 85 pound weight division. My teammates were 2 eighth graders and a 7th grader. There were two big meets held at legendary Legion field. In the 1st one (City Relays), I was in the 3rd spot. The first hand-off was mishandled, baton hit the ground, and we were disqualified. At the next meet (Dixie Prep Relays), Mrs. Ayers (P.E. teacher), was worried about the hand-off, and since I was only 9 she put me in the anchor position (last), so I wouldn't be involved in but 1 handoff. This time the 2nd and 3rd guys dropped the baton! The only time I ever got to run was in PRACTICE!!! And it's YOUR fault relay!! Hey, be careful what you wish for, Rick! Thanks, man Ben
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Hi Dogg, jr. Well, seems like Stan's getting all the nods, and I did use some of his ideas, so I hope you like it more now. Thanks alot! Ben
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Hey Doug, Corect me if I'm wrong....didn't you think the chorus of, "Still Playing In My Mind" was too wordy? Well, unfortunately I don't have a definite tune for this, but I swear it doesn't READ "wordy". Thanks for the input. Ben PS I'm gonna try to get that song to you in an MP3 later today.
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Lost, That's FUNNIER than the song, man! (Okay, pc people, it's actually quite sad.....) Thanks, Bill. Ben
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hey ben
looks like you showed me up here. i guess this did manage to be twisted, dark, and fun at the same time. i can get the first two.. its the third i have trouble with. i really enjoyed these lines: "But once the night sets in Like dogs in heat making love again You couldn't pry us loose with a wrought iron bar"
i liked the imagery there. this whole thing was pretty clever man.
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Hi UK, It wasn't an effort to "show you up", but (at the risk of sounding quite vain!) an attempt to show you how. It's quite possible to write an outlandish lyric, without scaring the bejoopers out of every lady (the ones I know, at least) at JPF. Inject some levity to remove the foul and bitter stain and sting...... I appreciate you not being huffy over this (wouldn't wanna tick-off a knife-weilding madman! ), and for the complimentary feedback. I'm not sure what you didn't get about the bridge (last verse). Looks pretty straight-forward from here. Thanks alot, Unknown. Ben PS You wouldn't happen to wear a brown paper sack over your head, would ya? (Think "Gong Show", lest you be offended.)
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