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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104 |
(v) Evenin' sun is going down Once more, your memories come around My tears start to fall Like the leaves on a tree Since I lost you
(v) Sittin' in my room I pray You'll come back to me someday You were the answer to all my dreams Like a fairytale come true
(c) And all I want, is you forever All I need, is your love more everyday Cause, once you kept my heart from breakin' When you gave your love to me You're all I ever need, please tell me you will stay And give me, just one more day
(v) Layin' here in my bed today I realized you were the answer when I prayed That I would find someone And then baby, you know, I found you
(pre-chorus) As the day begins to fade away I know I need to find the words to say
(repeat chorus)
(tag) Your all I ever need, please tell me you will stay And just give me, one more day Tell me you will stay And just give me, one more day
------------------ michael
michael
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,657
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,657 |
HI, MIchael, Nice lyric...I have one little comment: "Your all I ever need, please tell me you will stay" should read " YOU'RE all I ever need..." if you are trying to say "you are" with "your." Emily ------------------ http://emilysanders.net
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104 |
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Emily Sanders: HI, MIchael,
Nice lyric...I have one little comment:
"Your all I ever need, please tell me you will stay" should read " YOU'RE all I ever need..." if you are trying to say "you are" with "your."
Emily you are so right...that is how it should have been written. I drive truck and after driving and writing...with only 4 hrs of sleep....hard to make sure. Thanks for pointing that out.
</font> ------------------ michael
michael
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 29,275 |
G'Mornin' Michael!
There's the Essence of a Good'n' here. It's ALMOST Different-Enuf from All the Other "Give me One More Day" lyrics out there to make it.
Things that kinda bugged me:
1) I dunno if "leaves on a tree" is the IDEAL tears-a-fallin' Image. (But THANKS for not comparin' 'em to Raindrops!)
2) "All I need is your love more everyday"...the "more" felt padded-on somehow, not exactly Conversational.
3) "LYIN' here in my bed today" is the proper Verb to use. WISH more writers'd do so, since English is SUCH a Beautiful Language.
If this has Beautiful Music behind it & the Right Singer, ya might just have a Hit on your hands. Not 'cuz it's So Different, but definitely 'cuz so many people feel Just This Lonely.
Well-Done, & Good Luck with it, Amigo! Big Guy-Hug, (& Get Some Sleep!) Stan
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: May 2004
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That's what I am looking for...I am just a lyric writer. I can't sing or play....if you happen to know anyone that might want to go 50/50 on a co-write with me on this one and some of the others I have posted...let them know they can reach me at AmrEmt6@msn.com or they can call me on my cell at (254) 733-7743. thanks, Michael
michael
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 104 |
someone is really here....and like I said...I am willing to go 50/50 on the co-write and have a collabrator's agreement that I can e-mail to you.
------------------ michael
michael
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