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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 890
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 890 |
Reconciliation (C)2006 Kevin Tinbergen
(V1) Years go by and anger fades Wisdom's gained from mistakes made I'd use you to better myself Is it selfish to improve upon one's self
(Rise) It took me decades to see There's a lot of you in me
(CH) I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. A conversation I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. Reconciliation
(V2) In your flaws found some answers To questions I've struggled with for years One phone call a few words said Was all it took to ease some fears
(Rise) It took me decades to see There's a lot of you in me
(CH) I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. A conversation I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. Reconciliation
(Bridge) Exhausted from expectation I'd settle for an explanation Or some kinds words thrown my way Of how you thought of me each day
(CH) I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. A conversation I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. Reconciliation
[This message has been edited by krtinberg (edited 06-04-2006).]
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186 |
HI There
This almost seems too personal. If I were in the audience, I'd be wondering where the relationship is at while the singer is singing.
Would you be able to write something from an objective position on this subject? Just my spin : ) jm
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 890
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 890 |
Hey, I could make the song seem less attached and about random people but I've always connected with songs that are personal in nature.. I find the added realism and emotion is what sets them apart from something written in a generalized way.. Thanks for having a look at this one Later, Kevin
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 984
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Mar 2005
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Kevin,
The rhyming and structure is great. However, I agree with Joyce, there's a lot of questions going thru my mind as I read it.
In V1, the first four lines are good. The last four seem to change the subject. How would you use the person. Do they have money? Or are you saying compare yourself to them and learn how to change yourself for the better?
In V2, "...ease my fears". What fears? Maybe a verse about what happened would clear things up in my mind.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 890
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 890 |
Hey Peaden,
The last four lines are meant to say he'd improve myself by using the other as an example hence the rise saying it took a while to see but I see a lot of you in me.. As for the fears part everyone who struggles with questions in there lives and come to find some answers have certain fears raised by those questions put to rest.. That's why I placed that line at the end signifying once he got that call and learned some of the answers he was seeking it quelled a lot of those fears that he had..
Hope that helps, Kevin
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,507
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2006
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Kevin, Like Joice said seems real personal. I'll offer up a couple line changes but wouldn't wanna tear apart your emotional thought process. Is it meant to be commercial? or just gettin' off your chest? All the best... Moker <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by krtinberg: Reconciliation (C)2006 Kevin Tinbergen
(V1) Years go by and anger fades Wisdom's gained from mistakes made I'VE used THE TIME to better myself STRUGGLED SOME TOO WITH MY LOVE UPON THE SHELF
(Rise) It took me SO LONG to see There's a lot of you in me
(CH) I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. A conversation I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. Reconciliation
(V2) In LIFE'S flaws found some answers To questions I've struggled with for years HOPING YOU WOULD call WITH KIND words said TWas all it'D take to ease aWAY my fears
(Rise) It took me SO LONG to see There's a lot of you in me
(CH) I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. A conversation I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. Reconciliation
(Bridge) Exhausted from expectation I'd settle for an explanation Or some kinds words thrown my way Of how you thought of me each day
(CH) I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. A conversation I'm open for.. I'm open for I'm open for.. Reconciliation </font> Just suggestions mind you,and I felt the pain in this one as I was just tryin' to help a little... When it's Real..We all can Feel... Good Luck with it...Moker
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Hi Kevin, Put together pretty tight. Like Rebecca, I have a little problem with the last 4 lines of V 1, in that "useing" someone, most always has a negative aspect to it. How are they going to better themselves? At the other persons expense? Some thoughts on that V-- (V1) Years go by and anger fades Wisdom's gained from mistakes (I've)made (Use your ways) to better (my own) Is it selfish to improve upon one's self
By using "I've" in line 4, thought you might get by without it in line 5. Could make it - "I'd use your ways" if you could stand the extra syl. Just thoughts anyway K O S Wy
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