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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 465
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 465 |
Calvary Today ©2006 by Robert Gann
Verse 1 As we journey through this world And the mystery unfurls Roses come with thorns along the way And should darkness fill your sky Theres a safe place to abide Oh my friend, have you reached Calvary today
Chorus Have you reached Calvary today Have you been on your knees to pray Theres a light ahead to help you find your way When you bow before the cross You’ll receive the grace of God You’ll be fine when you reach Calvary today
Verse 2 We’ve all dealt with grief and pain We’ve all felt the pouring rain But we have a place, a shelter from the storm There's a better life my friend Maybe just around the bend Untill then, we have Calvary today
[This message has been edited by palidin (edited 01-30-2006).]
Robert
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Joined: Oct 2002
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Robert,
Good structural use of your hook in this peice--both a double mention in the chorus as well as the final line coming out of each verse.
Only tiny nit that I noticed was the use of the word "unfurl" in reference to a road. Generally I think that verb is reserved for a flag or banner. Might not be that big of a deal. See what other takes you get on it.
I can hear this one being sung by a soloist or a choir with a rousing gospel piano accompaniment for a worship service, or sacred concert.
Keep writing.
Skip
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Joined: Jan 2004
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Thank you Skip. I had a big pause before I used the word unfurl but after looking at my theasarus, IT related the words to; open out, open up, unfold,expand and develop; I decided to go ahead and use it for lack of a better word to describe a road of life with many unknown turns, valleys, hills, etc. But I am always open to suggestions. I also changed a couple of lines since you read it. Thanks for your imput. Rob
Robert
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